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To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

(283 Posts)
Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:24:39

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

RosamundDarnley Thu 18-Apr-19 22:08:16

@Miscella did you read the OP? Where he pushed the food around to find a bit of tomato-less tomato sauce (like a child may do in a fit of ultra-fussiness) and whined that it wasn't passata? He then decided he wasn't hungry after all.

I guess he then put his toys away and had his bath then bed. If he's good he might go to the park with Granny tomorrow . Oh sorry, I forgot. He's meant to be an adult. hmm

Meandwinealone Thu 18-Apr-19 22:11:16

@Miscella
He didn’t say he didn’t like it. He sulked like a baby. And sulked off
Therein lies the problem

winepls Thu 18-Apr-19 22:12:38

@Namechange66 Pleeeeease show him this thread & point him towards the frozen meal aisle in Tesco. Or a cookbook. Dick.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Thu 18-Apr-19 22:12:59

@Miscella As with so many things, the actual issue is not that he didn't like the food. It was the disrespectful, childish way he decided to behave towards his DW in order to really make sure she understood he thought it was shit and wasn't how he wanted it. It was the complaining he's starving then saying he's not hungry. It's the ridiculousness of saying OP is being petty. None of that is a nice way to be treated by the person who's meant to be your partner in life.

Justaboy Thu 18-Apr-19 22:14:00

Jeesus! what a spoilt child if he don't like it tell him to cook it himself i have to pay someone to cook here!

ChipSandwich Thu 18-Apr-19 22:14:52

After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!)

I can't imagine it taking two hours to make something that involves a tomato sauce. It would take me twenty minutes. And if dh came home and said that he didn't fancy that. No prob.. Do what I do. I make my own dinner when I get home and I make enough for the two of us.
If he doesn't fancy what I've made he can make his own.
If he doesn't eat it I fridge it and eat it myself the next day.
Fortunately, my husband is no stranger to the production of a delicious meal. We necessarily keep very different hours, are up at different times and go to bed a couple of hours apart, him being an early bird and me being a night owl. (Unavoidable)

If OPs husband is so hungry when he gets home that he cannot wait a nanosecond, then he needs to prepare a meal that he can perhaps microwave. Or prepare something that OP can pop in the oven immediately she gets home and which will be thoroughly heated through on his arrival. It's not rocket science. I think it's a fairly good bet that OP would be more than happy to eat anything her husband could produce in a slow cooker, or something he had prepared the night before.

My MiL was scandalised to hear that, not only do my husband and myself not always eat at the same time, we often don't eat the same food. "That must make things very difficult!" She said, visibly shocked.
But no. What would make life difficult is being forced to eat a meal when you're not hungry, or being made to wait when you are starving hungry!!
Whilst I'm not actually vegetarian for any ethical reasons, I don't really like meat so could easily be a veggie. Husband is a raging carnivore and craves chicken liver and that pork crackling stuff, and bacon, and he puts that horrible processed chorizo stuff into almost everything he cooks. If my husband knows he is going to need to eat the second he gets home, then he shares in the preparation for that.

Both my BiL and my own brother really hate lumpy tomatoes also.
It's not unusual.

LillithsFamiliar Thu 18-Apr-19 22:16:19

I'd have pointed him in the direction of the blender if his sauce was too lumpy hmm He's like blooming Goldilocks.
Don't cook for him every night and if he's so grumpy and can't wait for food then he should eat more at lunch or grab a snack on the way home. His whole bloody attitude would annoy me.

derxa Thu 18-Apr-19 22:19:23

I think you're a poor cook OP

gamerchick Thu 18-Apr-19 22:22:28

I think you're a poor cook OP

Taste shit through a screen can you? hmm

Inertia Thu 18-Apr-19 22:27:19

It wasn't the tomato sauce that took two hours to cook, it was the lamb.

OP, I would be sorely tempted to do as a PP suggested and give your husband pureed dinner tomorrow while you have something chewy and delicious.

Bringbackthestripes Thu 18-Apr-19 22:28:47

Your op said you had spent 2 hours cooking but then you said DH complained about lumpy tomatoes, my tinned tomatoes are mush after Only 20- 30 mins of cooking a spag Bol/ chilli/ base for lasagne/ added to a curry so maybe you need to change brands.

Re chopped tomatoes, I use them all the time and he’s never complained before. I did raise that point during our little argument after dinner and he said they are not usually lumpy and perhaps I hadn’t cooked the food for long enough.... after moaning that the food takes too long!!

Not going to lie, there are times I get in and I am starving and am really annoyed that my house husband is still 40 mins away from dishing up, especially as I pre make loads of food and there is very little actual cooking that needs doing.

I’m thinking the two of you need to come up with a weekly menu, no tomato based pasta should take 2 hours and still be lumpy, either pre cook /batch cook and freeze loads of meals or invest in a slow cooker so that when you get in it is all ready to serve and so is less hassle for the both of you.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 18-Apr-19 22:29:09

Well he was clearly lying when he said he was 'starving'. 'Starving' means you wolf down whatever comes within range of your fork. 'Starving' does not push food around the plate, it shovels it down.

Fuck that shit.

He can make himself a sandwich for the rest of the month at least.

cstaff Thu 18-Apr-19 22:29:10

@miscellaneous It's not the fact that he didn't like it. It was the way he carried on like a child. My mam is a brilliant cook and I have always loved her food. One day she tried something new that I didn't like and instead of carrying on like the OP's husband I just apologised to my mam and said I couldn't eat what she had made. The difference is that I felt bad and didn't want to hurt her feelings unlike the Ops dh. He has just been acting like a spoilt brat.

Bringbackthestripes Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:36

Why after being in work all day would YOU want t9 spend 2 hours cooking? Bonkers!

cstaff Thu 18-Apr-19 22:32:08

@ miscella above not miscellaneousgrin

YesQueen Thu 18-Apr-19 22:32:20

I live on my own. If someone made me toast I would probably marry them grin
In fact I liked being in hospital because I got two brews at a time, and they came with cake blush
Cheeky git

WhoKnewBeefStew Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:22

I’d have to be monumentally petty about this in your shoes now OP!

I’d cook his absolute favourite dinner. Serve up mine and this kids. Then take his, right in front of him, out it in a blender, liquidise it, poor it into a glass and put it in from of him, then tell him ‘there you go darling, I’ve made it just the way you like it, there’s no fucking lumps in it now’ then sit down and eat my own dinner

Skittlesandbeer Thu 18-Apr-19 22:34:20

To everyone sneering about the 2 hours cooking time, take heart that it’s actually much longer. The planning, the buying, lugging it home and prepping.

I’d call this kind of thinking and hard-work a kindness for your partner rather than stupidity.

OP, you really do need to change your game for the next week. It’s not a ‘tit for tat’ or punishment. He truly needs to feel the discomfort of doing his own (preferably yours too) planning and cooking. Natural empathy and manners escape him, so hard work is the only way for him to learn. You’re actually doing him a favour.

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:34:37

@WhoKnewBeefStew I’m chuckling at the thought!

FeckTheMagicDragon Thu 18-Apr-19 22:35:52

I used to do fry ups and Sunday lunch. DH complained about the choice of meat one Sunday lunch. So I only did fry ups. Then he complained about not having chopped tomatoes. I only do fry ups when I fancy one now. smile

keepforgettingmyusername Thu 18-Apr-19 22:37:29

My DH before we had kids used to expect this kind of Jamie Oliver style cooking and was fussy about ingredients and so on. These days he'd be delighted to come home to egg and chips. Use this as an opportunity to start lowering expectations OP, make freezer food or let him just pick up a takeaway every night on the way home, he'll be begging for for lumpy tomato lamb before too long.

ChipSandwich Thu 18-Apr-19 22:37:37

It wasn't the tomato sauce that took two hours to cook, it was the lamb

Well that's a fair enough observation. But that would be a proper special dinner. Not a weekday tea (dinner/supper, depending on where you live)

Anyway, not judging. Just saying, I'd have him making his own if he pissed about with my food like that. He'd be making his own. As indeed, my husband does, mostly. Which usually involves him slapping several rashers of nitrate filled bacon on the grill, to top off the lovely cheese and vegetable bake I didn't actually need to slave over.

WhoKnewBeefStew Thu 18-Apr-19 22:38:27

Seriously I would OP... he’s beyond rude and ungrateful and massively disrespectful.

Cherrysoup Thu 18-Apr-19 22:41:01

I do wish people would read the whole thread recipe 2 hours to braised lamb, fair enough, IMO.

So when he next gets in from work, have nothing ready and tell him he’s making tea. Whatever my dh makes, I’m incredibly grateful that I didn’t have to make it, even if I’m not mad keen. No way would I leave food that had been made for me unless it was truly inedible.

AWishForWingsThatWork Thu 18-Apr-19 22:41:10

In 2001 dh complained that his clothes that I had washed for him had one of my (then very long) hairs on it.

In 2017 I started washing his clothes again.

My hero. Seriously. OP, tell him you'll cook for him again in about 15 years or so...

ineedaholidaynow Thu 18-Apr-19 22:44:36

Why do people keep mentioning pasta sauce?

I am assuming it was the lamb that needed to cook for 2 hours.

Anyway, aren't sauces like bolognese meant to simmer for much longer than 40 minutes to get the full flavour?

smidgesmum11 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:45:52

I don't cook anything or iron anything because of similar situations. However it's a symptom I feel of an unpleasant person.

Atthebottomofthegarden Thu 18-Apr-19 22:47:48

Are you sure he didn’t sneak a snack and therefore wasn’t hungry when the meal arrived? (Also v rude though...)

ChipSandwich Thu 18-Apr-19 22:51:01

It must have taken me so long to type my post that I completely missed that it was braised lamb that took 2 hours.

I couldn't be arsed with that on a weeknight.

And if I did, and somebody pushed it round their plate instead of eating it, I'd never do it again. I'd buy a couple of co-op cheese and red onion sandwiches, toast them, and do a job lot of oven chips to go with it. And possibly a tomato for health reasons.

It took me all of 20 minutes. Melty cheese is better than any meat.

LillithsFamiliar Thu 18-Apr-19 22:57:51

smidges yy I don't iron for that reason too.

threecee Thu 18-Apr-19 22:58:28

Didn't you read the post ? it was a Jamie Oliver recipe of Braised lamb with couscous,and tomato sauce.Not a pasta dish she could make in 20 minutes !

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah Thu 18-Apr-19 23:00:33

If I'm cooking Dp might ask how long it's going to be. If it's a while and he's starving he gets himself a snack and if it's imminent and he's not hungry he plates it up and keeps it warm in the oven for later. No need ever to make a meal out of a meal.

Meandwinealone Thu 18-Apr-19 23:01:01

Some people like cooking nice food
Some people are interested and find joy in cooking

How has this thread become about the op being a dick for cooking a nice dinner on a week night

Unbelievable, and so typically mumsnet.

Not everyone feels ground down by cooking!!

DameDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 23:09:41

I'd have blended his head.

thedragonwithblueeyes Thu 18-Apr-19 23:10:01

Got to Asda, buy a few jars of spaghetti Bolognese (the Heinz baby food version) along with a couple of tinned chilli and some fray bentos pies and that's his tea sorted for next week 👍🏼

thedragonwithblueeyes Thu 18-Apr-19 23:13:11

It's worth adding that my H went out Sunday and got drunk and gipped into the Sunday dinner I'd made when he got home. He hasn't had food made for him all week so far.

Bowerbird5 Thu 18-Apr-19 23:16:07

I’m tired. I didn’t read register it properly the first time. I thought it was a child you were talking about!

Bowerbird5 Thu 18-Apr-19 23:17:16

Can you arrange to meet friends, relatives next week. Make him cook his own.

XXcstatic Thu 18-Apr-19 23:17:47

Your DH is a childish twunt. Having said that, my DH works from home and often insists on cooking elaborate meals - which sounds great in theory but, when I come back from work absolutely starving, often without having had time to eat lunch, I would so much prefer a quick bowl of pasta in 15 minutes than a beautiful meal that takes an hour and a half. I actually find it quite controlling to have to wait while he faffs around.

Bowerbird5 Thu 18-Apr-19 23:18:20

? Sorry too much vino.

spottycap Thu 18-Apr-19 23:25:47

My god. What a petulant man child. Stop cooking immediately. Remind yourself you can always go back to cooking for him if you want but right now give yourself some space and time and enjoy it while you have a break.

Cook and eat your own dinner and when he finally breaks from actual starvation you can decide how you’d like to move forward with the situation. Don’t say anything just stop cooking. Maybe go for a stroll the minute your dh walks in. Without you he may have to call and disturb your work to find out where you store food. This situations sounds that bad wink

Ohyesiam Thu 18-Apr-19 23:29:18

He thinks you’re being petty? He can cook for himself.

Fiveredbricks Thu 18-Apr-19 23:31:40

Stop cooking for him. Tbh I'd divorce a cunt who acted like that over anything.

FrozenMargarita17 Thu 18-Apr-19 23:32:21

He sounds like an absolute fucking baby.

HoppingPavlova Thu 18-Apr-19 23:33:03

You lost me with the two hour dinner but the guy is a complete dick. Cook for yourself and let him sort himself out no matter how late he gets home, beans on toast doesn’t take long.

Skybooks Thu 18-Apr-19 23:33:50

My DH wouldn't have eaten it even if he was starving as he dorsnt like chopped tomato. - how has this never come up?

Don't spend 2 hours cooking dinner unless you have the time.

CalmDownPacino Thu 18-Apr-19 23:36:26

God it's really fucking sad that there are people on here who are trying to Off we cooking tips, or criticism to the OP. Telling her how to improve her cooking so that entitled cunt can enjoy his hard earned meal. PLEASE go to a forum, dominated by men, and find a similar thread. You won't. WAKE UP.

FoxSquadKitten Thu 18-Apr-19 23:37:02

But apart from that, if you know he's starving after work, then why wait 2 hours for tea? Maybe he was hangry??

If he was 'hangry' then he would've bloody eaten it 🤬

Ooh he sounds such a catch, OP, has he got a brother? 🙄

mummmy2017 Thu 18-Apr-19 23:38:58

You ungrateful bastard .. is what I would have said.
However now you just tell him he can cook from now on

CalmDownPacino Thu 18-Apr-19 23:43:21

Fucking "hangry"!! Tell you what, when I got home tonight I was raging hungry. I earn more than him, I work more hours than him and yet weirdly I have a cunt. This may sound crazy but wait, I had a bag of monster munch whilst waiting for tea. I know, I know, it's radical! Next week he's on lates and I'm doing tea. Fuck me, eh?

NCforthis2019 Thu 18-Apr-19 23:45:23

He’s an idiot. Make him cook his own dinner tomorrow and thereafter. What a baffling man-child!

TheOnlyWayToEatSandwiches Thu 18-Apr-19 23:45:39

LTB

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Thu 18-Apr-19 23:46:48

My DD's teenage boyfriend is way more considerate than this guy.

croprotationinthe13thcentury Thu 18-Apr-19 23:58:05

I’d be the one LTB-ing if I had to wait 2 HOURS for dinner.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Fri 19-Apr-19 00:07:08

I'd definitely leave anyone who whinged about how they had to wait for dinner but expected me to do all the cooking. Want to eat on your own terms then you cook your own.

tinnitusqueen Fri 19-Apr-19 00:09:06

I might have put the meal in a colander, washed off the sauce in tap water and put it back on his plate grin ooh or put the whole meal in the blender. Ta-dahhh! Smoooooth!

Purpleartichoke Fri 19-Apr-19 00:13:31

I rarely cook for DH anymore. I’ll make him the occasional steak and he knows if he wants that to continue he will keep his mouth shut if it isn’t perfect. I used to cook every night, but too many nights of him picking at the food, making “helpfull” suggestions about how to make it better next time, or asking me why it was slightly different than last time (ever so slightly thicker, thinner, saltier, creamier, any tiny variation got mentioned). Stopping cooking for him saved our marriage.

Singlewhiteguineapig Fri 19-Apr-19 00:17:00

He is a cunt

Weenurse Fri 19-Apr-19 00:17:56

I am another one for he can organise his own meals.
First time husband did the washing after we were married, he mixed whites with darks as he lived with his parents prior to marriage and had never done washing.
When we saw the results, he looked at me and said “you will never let me do the washing again”. My response “you need more practice, you can do it from now on “.
Your DH needs more practice!

timeisnotaline Fri 19-Apr-19 00:19:16

The petty comment is what would have really tipped me over the edge. Before that it was blow up and make him cook territory, after that it is nuclear. Pot noodles and tinned pasta alternated for a week then on the weekend whoknewbeefstew’s suggestion, minus the swearing in front of the kids. Then I’d tell him he’s cooking for the week after.

Orangeballon Fri 19-Apr-19 00:21:00

Tell him to make himself a sandwich and that the cook has been dismissed!

Hearhere Fri 19-Apr-19 00:21:05

he's a gas-lighting pos

AwdBovril Fri 19-Apr-19 00:23:24

Tell him the cook has gone on strike for better conditions. He needs to stock up on instant noodles.

64sNewName Fri 19-Apr-19 00:33:53

Ltb

LittleChristmasMouse Fri 19-Apr-19 00:43:31

Why don't you each take it in turns to cook dinner and choose it? Then he can have quick food or the food that he enjoys on his night and you can have more elaborate food on your nights?

Weenurse Fri 19-Apr-19 00:49:57

Have a cook up on the days you are off together so that you can each pick something you like out of the freezer during your working week and no one has to wait

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Fri 19-Apr-19 00:54:25

My guess is he expects her to do all the cooking because she finishes work earlier.

Crafting1Queen Fri 19-Apr-19 01:04:04

He. Is. An. Arse.

As he only likes smooth tomato sauce, a week of serving him up a tin of Heinz tomato soup, with Bib on the side, as soon as he steps one foot in the door, or actually just heating up the fucking jar or carton of said fucking passata sauce, again with Bib on the side. Do not say a word if he gives you the WTF is this comments/looks, whilst you just calmly look at him/calmly sit down and tuck into whatever delicious freshly homecooked meal you have made for yourself (having made sure there's not enough for 2 servings) until he finishes throwing his adult baby temper tantrum and stamping his adult baby feet, and at some point ask sweetly if he needs burped and his nappy changed whilst feeding, just be sure to ask …..

Act like a petulant child, treat like a petulant child …..

Crafting1Queen Fri 19-Apr-19 01:06:11

Oh and you hope he is able to move onto solids soon …..

NoSquirrels Fri 19-Apr-19 01:10:24

How has this thread become about the op being a dick for cooking a nice dinner on a week night

Her DH was the dick on this occasion, definitely.

But - and I speak from the position of someone who enjoys cooking and finds pottering in the kitchen relaxing, so have been guilty of this on occasion- you do need to think of who you’re cooking for. My DH would vastly prefer to eat before 8pm and would rather have what I’d consider a quick, shit meal at 7pm than a 2-hour lamb stew at 9pm. If I indulge in the 2-hour cookathon, it wouldn’t be for my DH’s benefit - it would be a bit of a selfish move on my part because I’m in charge...

So saying save the slow-braises fir the weekend isn’t excusing his bad behaviour, but it might be worth checking first that there’s not an underlying issue of just-in-from-work-and-hangry that could be coming into play.

I would be outsourcing him his own dinner some night, though.

HBStowe Fri 19-Apr-19 01:19:38

God what an exhausting twat.

The things the women of MN tolerate!!!

Ihatehashtags Fri 19-Apr-19 01:47:25

I would tell him to fuck right off and that from now on he cooks. Then I’d moan about every meal he cooked for a week or so. That might sort him out.

justilou1 Fri 19-Apr-19 02:22:17

I can't believe you tolerated his whingeing while you were cooking.... He would have been asked to hand over his phone and been handed back google maps with directions to the nearest McDonald's. (And then called something unmentionably rude.)

If he had sat down to something I had lovingly prepared and spoken in that way, I would have stood up, picked up his plate, tipped it into the bin, pointed to the door and returned to my meal. I would not tolerate that shit from anyone.

JeezOhGeeWhizz Fri 19-Apr-19 02:50:50

Stop cooking for him. Let him sort his own dinner.

TheSerenDipitY Fri 19-Apr-19 02:54:06

so you worked then came home and made dinner and he acted like a cunt over the tomato in the sauce???
that would be the last dinner i made him, he can start cooking his own from now on, does he do his share of the house work? if not start him on half the jobs too

GirlRaisedInTheSouth Fri 19-Apr-19 02:56:44

Why did it take 2 hours? What time did he get home and what time did you dish up?

madcatladyforever Fri 19-Apr-19 02:56:54

He'a lucky you cook, I've never cooked for any of my husbands.

notangelinajolie Fri 19-Apr-19 02:58:00

I think I'd be taking a lot longer to get home in the evening. Can you not drive slower or get a later bus? Perhaps call at the shops for a bit of retail therapy. Anything that would mean he gets home before you. See how he gets on with cooking dinner shock

notangelinajolie Fri 19-Apr-19 03:08:57

Posted to soon. Here is the rest of my post.

Yes, he is being a dick. But …..

I am the one that always cooks dinner in our house. Mainly because I like it, prefer to know exactly what ingredients have gone into my meal and dislike people other than me in my kitchen.

And if DH did moan about my food which he does on occasion and tbh he's probably telling the truth because although my cooking is better than his it isn't all that amazing I wouldn't get all offended and jump on my high horse. I'd shrug it off and tell him to make himself some cheese on toast.

PregnantSea Fri 19-Apr-19 03:26:53

Stop cooking for him

ilikebeckerinmyoldage Fri 19-Apr-19 03:44:31

He should be cooking half the time. Who cares if he gets in an hour later? He's still capable of a quick meal. I'd be going to the gym or the pub or shopping after work, not coming home to serve his lordship.

JenniferJareau Fri 19-Apr-19 03:46:19

He clearly wasn't 'starving' then was he!

He is an ungrateful twat.

llewellyn25 Fri 19-Apr-19 03:57:04

Wow he's being incredibly immature. I think I'd stop cooking for him for a while! He really seems to be talking your cooking for granted.

ShinyShoe Fri 19-Apr-19 04:06:05

Cheese on toast for him from now on then. Stop wasting 2 hours on meal prep!

Longdistance Fri 19-Apr-19 04:19:08

My dh once moaned that Fred’s wife from his office made his sandwiches for his lunches. I made him lunch, he hated it, never made him it since 12 years ago. I don’t do my dhs washing, because he’s ruined my white bras in the past, and he has sports kit, I’m not washing that when I already do the majority of cooking and cleaning.

Dh has never moaned about my cooking, because he’s worried he’d end up with nothing.

Btw, that recipe looks lush, but I think you’re mad for cooking that on the day after work, that’s a Saturday night dinner. Don’t cook for him tomorrow grin

Petalflowers Fri 19-Apr-19 04:46:25

Are you married to my husband?

differentnameforthis Fri 19-Apr-19 05:07:21

My dh used to eat everything and anything I cooked. 2 yrs ago he gave up smoking and now everything tastes "bland" even though it does not.

I make two meals, one for dd2 who has huge sensory issues with food, and one for the rest of us (me, dd1, dh). Dh has repeatedly moaned about what I cook, so now I no longer cook for him. I plan a meal, if she doesn't eat it, he is welcome to cook something else.

I'm not a cook, and I refuse to start making three meals because a grown man suddenly objects after almost 30yrs of my cooking.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda Fri 19-Apr-19 05:33:27

I think everyone’s forgetting that it’s a bank holiday weekend and not an ordinary weeknight. So if the OP wanted to spend 2 hours making a dish then l don’t see the issue.

OP, he sounds like a man child. If he was that starving, why didn’t have a snack....

I couldn’t tolerate that shit. To make a point to him, I would make dinner for myself as soon as l got in and eat it before he gets home. When the man child moans etc about being hungry etc, I’d point him to the kitchern and tell him he had better start cooking himself something then.

However, l do like the idea of serving him the following:

Pot noodle
A microwave burger
A frozen meal

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda Fri 19-Apr-19 05:34:08

Why didn’t he!

MidniteScribbler Fri 19-Apr-19 05:50:41

I can sympathise with him, because I just can't stand whole or chopped tomatoes. (The day I went to a wedding and was served a whole tomato, cut into slices, sprinkled with oil and black pepper was just about enough to make me cry.)

But I do all the cooking in this house, so I just don't serve them. If someone made me a meal with them in it, I'd just quietly push them to the side of the plate and eat around them.

SpeckledyHen Fri 19-Apr-19 06:13:45

What a twat . You could have mashed it down on the plate for him as you might do for a toddler . As he is a child he couldn’t possibly have done it for himself ....

strawberrisc Fri 19-Apr-19 06:34:20

Why is there always somebody ready to fall over themselves to diagnose “gaslighting?” Usually incorrectly.

Never cook for him again.

blueshoes Fri 19-Apr-19 06:45:20

OP, he behaved liked an arse and does not deserve to have a meal cooked for him after work.

That said, both dh and I cook and I would agree with NoSquirrels:

But - and I speak from the position of someone who enjoys cooking and finds pottering in the kitchen relaxing, so have been guilty of this on occasion- you do need to think of who you’re cooking for. My DH would vastly prefer to eat before 8pm and would rather have what I’d consider a quick, shit meal at 7pm than a 2-hour lamb stew at 9pm. If I indulge in the 2-hour cookathon, it wouldn’t be for my DH’s benefit - it would be a bit of a selfish move on my part because I’m in charge...

Cooking is a process as much as an end product. It does not only need to be tasty, but also served up together and on time. There is a logistical issue that needs to be addressed if you agree in your generosity to continue to cook for the both of you, or you can let dh sort his own cooking out.

BeanBag7 Fri 19-Apr-19 07:47:06

Well if its braised or roast lamb, you didn't really spend 2 hours on meal prep. It was 15 minutes on meal prep and then 2 hours of letting it slowly cook in the oven.

This would wind me up but I think implying that you spent 2 hours slaving over a hot stove makes it sound worse than it really was

justarandomtricycle Fri 19-Apr-19 07:51:38

Do you have a Google calendar?

When DH did this I started a conversation with him about eating healthily, let him pontificate for a bit until he decided takeaways were evil, then added "Mr Tricycle cooks evening meal (no takeaways!)" to the Google calendar for every Wednesday from then to eternity.

avocadochocolate Fri 19-Apr-19 08:10:36

My DP is like your DH, except he used to go the extra step and 'improve' whatever I made for him. So, he would put it back in a pan and add some more ingredients. He would then leave me his washing up.

I said to him one day that he obviously did not like my cooking and would leave him to cook his own food from now on. We have been doing that for last 10-12 years. Very occasionally we cook a meal together. It sounds horrible and I didn't like doing this but it actually works fine. Probably means our food bill is higher though.

Heatherjayne1972 Fri 19-Apr-19 08:15:27

So rude. Basic manners say you eat what’s in front of you if someone has cooked you something

I’m with everyone else who thinks he needs to start doing some cooking

WhoKnewBeefStew Fri 19-Apr-19 09:25:00

I don’t think this has got amything to do with what was cooked, when it was served or how long it took to cook. The fact remains that the op cooked her dh a meal and he acted like a petulant child because it had something in it that he didn’t like. I’ve cooked plenty of meals my dh or kids weren’t keen on. But rather than acting like a spoilt 6yr old, my dh thanked me for taking the time to cook but said he might prefer it don’t differently, or wasn’t keen on an ingredient, but would still eat what he could. The OP dh was bloody rude

LittleChristmasMouse Fri 19-Apr-19 10:12:30

The OP clearly enjoys cooking.

I do wonder if she won't let her husband cook because it won't be as good as hers? Agree to share the cooking but accept that his meals may not be as elaborate as yours.

Would you eat it gratefully and without complaint if he cooked fish fingers on his turn?

Jux Fri 19-Apr-19 11:37:26

I used to really enjoy cooking but many years of adjusting things so dh liked them have led to my not enjoying cooking any more.

Don't ket him suck the joy out of it for you. Cook when you like, what you like and using only ingredients you like.

He's being a brat, don't enable him.

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