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To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

(283 Posts)
Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:24:39

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

WhoKnewBeefStew Thu 18-Apr-19 20:38:24

Is he 6??!!!

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:38:37

Some of these responses have cheered me up a little....might stop cooking and stock up on some jars of baby food for din dins grin

Tistheseason17 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:38:44

I'd feed it to him again tomorrow, same as I would my toddlers

Alwaysgrey Thu 18-Apr-19 20:39:05

I used to cook for my dh until he just didn’t bother eating it. It wasn’t like it was awful food he “just didn’t fancy it”. My mum frequently says I should be cooking for him as a sham but we have two disabled children and frankly he gets in at 6pm so could share the cooking. He doesn’t moan so I’d be very angry with your dh.

Runkle Thu 18-Apr-19 20:39:59

Why on earth are you spending two hours cooking on a weeknight? Fuck that.
You both need to batch cook, use a slow cooker etc. Pop it on quickly, bra off, wine poured, enjoy the evening.

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:41:06

In response to those asking how the meet took two hours, it wasn’t a pasta dish. It was Jamie Oliver recipe - lamb in a tomato based sauce, served with cous cous.

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:41:21

*meal not meet!

bridgetreilly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:42:20

Yeah, I wouldn't be making food like that when I get home from work. I need something on the plate within 30-40 minutes.

But he's still incredibly rude.

EmilyBishopmyconfession Thu 18-Apr-19 20:44:09

I want a man I can share all the ups and downs of love and life with.

Not an 6ft toddler who sulks because his tomatoes are too lumpy (wtf?!)

Bet you just wanted to rip his clothes off right there and then, huh? confused

brizzlemint Thu 18-Apr-19 20:44:19

He's being very unreasonable but I do think I'd be grumpy waiting two hours for dinner, especially if my blood sugar was low. Have you thought about cooking ahead at the weekend and freezing meals or getting a slow cooker?

MsVestibule Thu 18-Apr-19 20:45:15

* lamb in a tomato based sauce, served with cous cous*

OP, I'll marry you if you promise to make dinners like that for me every night grin.

lostelephant Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:08

Would it really have been that hard to crush the tomatoes with the back of his fork and get on with it? I'd start going 50/50 with who cooks the evening meals and then watch him complain.

Nofilter101 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:18

Omg the idea of serving puree food from pp - please do it. What an ungrateful man child

Quartz2208 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:32

But you were not actually cooking then for 2 hours as a lot of that would be letting it simmer. It is an odd choice for a quick evening meal - has he eaten it before?

LisaSimpsonsbff Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:52

He's being very unreasonable but I do think I'd be grumpy waiting two hours for dinner, especially if my blood sugar was low. Have you thought about cooking ahead at the weekend and freezing meals or getting a slow cooker?

If he thinks dinner is too late has he thought about cooking ahead at the weekend or getting a slow cooker?

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:47:48

To be fair, most of the meals don’t usually take quite so long! DH comes home about an hour after me, so even worse case scenario he has an hour to wait

Hassled Thu 18-Apr-19 20:48:55

I admire your fortitude in spending 2 hours cooking lamb after a day at work. And in fairness to your manchild DH, 2 hours is a long time to wait when you're hungry. I think maybe you need to lower your culinary standards, at least during the week.

But yes, he was incredibly rude and ungrateful and maybe tomorrow you should point out that beans on toast is very quick to make.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Thu 18-Apr-19 20:49:24

What a gaslighting cunt! The moaning and 'when will the food be ready' would have meant he'd be getting his own dinner long before he pulled this stunt and yet you 'might' stop cooking for this ungrateful twat? Give yourself a shake here. 'You want to see petty and lunatic? I'm fucking FED UP of your behaviour, moaning like a toddler that you're starving and when's it ready like you're in a fucking restaurant! Now you come off lodging complaints and criticising? That was the LAST time I cook you dinner. So you put that in your pipe and smoke it! You're rude, whingy and gaslighting and I won't put up with it.'

Then walk the walk.

I wouldn't put up with that behaviour from my kids, much less a grown man.

Catch yourself on and stop enabling this git.

LisaSimpsonsbff Thu 18-Apr-19 20:49:26

People are also acting like OP is serving dinner at midnight. Given that she posted at 8.25 and it was obviously all done and dusted, including argument, by then, she clearly isn't. An adult can wait until 7 or 8 for their dinner - and if they can't they can:
a) get themselves a snack earlier OR
b) cook their own bloody dinner!

cantwait2bfree Thu 18-Apr-19 20:50:19

That will be me DONE cooking for him

Frouby Thu 18-Apr-19 20:50:33

He's been a fussy fucker OP.

Fussy Fuckers in our house get to make their own dinner. Dd (14) is a Fussy Fucker. Vegetarian Fussy Fucker at that so she makes her own meals unless I am doing oven food for 5 year old ds in which case I will lob in which ever veggie alternative she fanices along with whichever carb is acceptable that day.

DH also has random periods of Fussy Fucker. So gets asked on a sunday if he has any suggestions for the week ahead. If he doesn't he eats whatever I fancy. I never deliberately cook things I know he genuinely doesn't like.

But it might not be his preferred food.

He claimed a while ago he doesn't like spag bol. Pointed out he doesn't not like it, it's just not a favourite. So unless he wants to cook something different on the odd occasion me and ds want spag bol, he can have spag bol. Ditto any pasta with a tomato sauce. I do if I remember pick up a tub of cheesy pasta sauce but if not he can have tomato sauce like the rest of us.

He's being a massive knob. Tell him to cook tomorrow.

My dh cooks on a Saturday night. It's such a luxury to sit down on a Saturday teatime and know someone else is in charge of feeding me and him. Dh will retire 10 years before me and I can't fucking wait to walk through the door and know I am going to be fed.

Forget cleaning, I like cleaning. And I actually like cooking but day in, day out run of the mill meals drive me fucking insane.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 18-Apr-19 20:53:23

I'm sure there is a way he can cook something despite coming in later? I wouldn't be happy with the current arrangement.

I wouldn't be happy with spending 2 hours on a weeknight meal of pasta. What were you making?

Iggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:53:35

Has he moaned about your cooking before?

To be honest I don’t like tinned tomatoes unless blended but I will cook most of the time.

Preggosaurus9 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:53:41

He is BU for not eating it and for complaining (surely he could just have a snack?!)

You are BU for cooking a 2h meal on a weeknight. Life is too bloody short!

woolduvet Thu 18-Apr-19 20:57:17

Yep, microwave dinners from now on.
If my food is criticised then I make food I love, if you don't like then great I've got a meal for lunch/tomorrow/freezer. But he needs to be on the cooking roster.
Go to the gym/do the food shop etc so you come home at the same time.

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