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To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

(283 Posts)
Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:24:39

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

Devon1987 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:26:13

He is a man child. What an ungrateful lump he is. Tell he can do his own dinner for a next week. What a twat.

Merryoldgoat Thu 18-Apr-19 20:27:55

Stop cooking for him.

Chickychoccyegg Thu 18-Apr-19 20:28:17

I would be pissed off at that too, he was extremely rude and ungrateful for the effort you had made

Drum2018 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:28:47

If I were you I'd eat dinner at lunchtime for the next while and not cook in the evenings at all. Let him bloody starve or learn to cook.

Still18atheart Thu 18-Apr-19 20:29:14

Yanbu he is being a child. Get him to cook tea instead so it’s just the way he likes it

Readoui Thu 18-Apr-19 20:29:50

I'd have emptied the plate into his lap.

kaitlinktm Thu 18-Apr-19 20:29:56

DH says I’m being ridiculously petty

Sorry - who's that being ridiculously petty now? hmm

churchthecat Thu 18-Apr-19 20:30:05

Give him a pot noodle every night for a week, see if he changes his tune. Prick.

ComedicCat Thu 18-Apr-19 20:30:22

Let him make his own dinner.

ElloBrian Thu 18-Apr-19 20:30:37

Well he can cook for himself from now on. And wash his stuff up too.

Quartz2208 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:31:19

Agree with all the above - but what on earth were you cooking for 2 hours that was pasta?

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:31:36

Thank you! It’s good to know I’m not BU. He’s reacting as if I’m a total lunatic for being offended.

Bringbackbertha Thu 18-Apr-19 20:32:19

I would have taken a blender to it while he was sat there so it splattered all over his face

Floralhousecoat Thu 18-Apr-19 20:33:12

Let him cook his own meals. It's the only way to get him to appreciate the effort that goes into preparing each meal. People who have it too easy never appreciate the effort others make for them.

Leeds2 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:34:17

My own view is that if he was starving, he would've eaten it.

I would allocate him two or three nights a week when he can cook. Saturday and Sunday if that gives him more time.

Constance1234 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:34:58

Stop cooking him dinner for a few day, or just serve him puréed food if that’s what he seems to be asking for. Figures as he is being a massive toddler here.

Iggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:35:21

Why are you slaving for two hours for an ungrateful man?

Although sometimes I get pissed off if dh makes me a meal when I’ve told him so so many times I don’t like it a certain way!

Expressedways Thu 18-Apr-19 20:35:26

I wouldn’t be happy if my toddler behaved like that, let alone my DH. Agree with PP suggesting that you stop cooking for the ungrateful man child.

wigglypiggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:35:38

How old is he 12? Tell him to eat a proper lunch so the poor wee soul doesnt starve to death waiting to have his evening meal cooked and served to him. Toddler tantrum.

Pomegranatemolasses Thu 18-Apr-19 20:35:46

Stop cooking for him!

As an aside, two hours is an incredibly long time to spend on what sounds like a fairly standard pasta dish - how can you bear to spend all this time cooking during the working week?

AdaColeman Thu 18-Apr-19 20:35:57

Put his meal through the blender, and make him cottage pie with it for tomorrow night.
Meanwhile, you can have a steak, and if he query it, say you thought a steak would be too lumpy for him.

DisplayPurposesOnly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:37:03

DH says I’m being ridiculously petty

What planet is he on??!

So long as the meal has ingredients I like and is edible, then the only thing I would ever say is "thank you" to someone who has cooked for me.

MsVestibule Thu 18-Apr-19 20:37:13

1. When did you marry my 10yo son?
2. How does it take 2 hours to make a dinner?

poglets Thu 18-Apr-19 20:37:52

He takes it for granted. What's the reason you always cook the evening meal and eat together? Do you have children - why don't you just cook your own meals some evenings? Less dependency.

WhoKnewBeefStew Thu 18-Apr-19 20:38:24

Is he 6??!!!

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:38:37

Some of these responses have cheered me up a little....might stop cooking and stock up on some jars of baby food for din dins grin

Tistheseason17 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:38:44

I'd feed it to him again tomorrow, same as I would my toddlers

Alwaysgrey Thu 18-Apr-19 20:39:05

I used to cook for my dh until he just didn’t bother eating it. It wasn’t like it was awful food he “just didn’t fancy it”. My mum frequently says I should be cooking for him as a sham but we have two disabled children and frankly he gets in at 6pm so could share the cooking. He doesn’t moan so I’d be very angry with your dh.

Runkle Thu 18-Apr-19 20:39:59

Why on earth are you spending two hours cooking on a weeknight? Fuck that.
You both need to batch cook, use a slow cooker etc. Pop it on quickly, bra off, wine poured, enjoy the evening.

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:41:06

In response to those asking how the meet took two hours, it wasn’t a pasta dish. It was Jamie Oliver recipe - lamb in a tomato based sauce, served with cous cous.

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:41:21

*meal not meet!

bridgetreilly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:42:20

Yeah, I wouldn't be making food like that when I get home from work. I need something on the plate within 30-40 minutes.

But he's still incredibly rude.

EmilyBishopmyconfession Thu 18-Apr-19 20:44:09

I want a man I can share all the ups and downs of love and life with.

Not an 6ft toddler who sulks because his tomatoes are too lumpy (wtf?!)

Bet you just wanted to rip his clothes off right there and then, huh? confused

brizzlemint Thu 18-Apr-19 20:44:19

He's being very unreasonable but I do think I'd be grumpy waiting two hours for dinner, especially if my blood sugar was low. Have you thought about cooking ahead at the weekend and freezing meals or getting a slow cooker?

MsVestibule Thu 18-Apr-19 20:45:15

* lamb in a tomato based sauce, served with cous cous*

OP, I'll marry you if you promise to make dinners like that for me every night grin.

lostelephant Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:08

Would it really have been that hard to crush the tomatoes with the back of his fork and get on with it? I'd start going 50/50 with who cooks the evening meals and then watch him complain.

Nofilter101 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:18

Omg the idea of serving puree food from pp - please do it. What an ungrateful man child

Quartz2208 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:32

But you were not actually cooking then for 2 hours as a lot of that would be letting it simmer. It is an odd choice for a quick evening meal - has he eaten it before?

LisaSimpsonsbff Thu 18-Apr-19 20:46:52

He's being very unreasonable but I do think I'd be grumpy waiting two hours for dinner, especially if my blood sugar was low. Have you thought about cooking ahead at the weekend and freezing meals or getting a slow cooker?

If he thinks dinner is too late has he thought about cooking ahead at the weekend or getting a slow cooker?

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:47:48

To be fair, most of the meals don’t usually take quite so long! DH comes home about an hour after me, so even worse case scenario he has an hour to wait

Hassled Thu 18-Apr-19 20:48:55

I admire your fortitude in spending 2 hours cooking lamb after a day at work. And in fairness to your manchild DH, 2 hours is a long time to wait when you're hungry. I think maybe you need to lower your culinary standards, at least during the week.

But yes, he was incredibly rude and ungrateful and maybe tomorrow you should point out that beans on toast is very quick to make.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Thu 18-Apr-19 20:49:24

What a gaslighting cunt! The moaning and 'when will the food be ready' would have meant he'd be getting his own dinner long before he pulled this stunt and yet you 'might' stop cooking for this ungrateful twat? Give yourself a shake here. 'You want to see petty and lunatic? I'm fucking FED UP of your behaviour, moaning like a toddler that you're starving and when's it ready like you're in a fucking restaurant! Now you come off lodging complaints and criticising? That was the LAST time I cook you dinner. So you put that in your pipe and smoke it! You're rude, whingy and gaslighting and I won't put up with it.'

Then walk the walk.

I wouldn't put up with that behaviour from my kids, much less a grown man.

Catch yourself on and stop enabling this git.

LisaSimpsonsbff Thu 18-Apr-19 20:49:26

People are also acting like OP is serving dinner at midnight. Given that she posted at 8.25 and it was obviously all done and dusted, including argument, by then, she clearly isn't. An adult can wait until 7 or 8 for their dinner - and if they can't they can:
a) get themselves a snack earlier OR
b) cook their own bloody dinner!

cantwait2bfree Thu 18-Apr-19 20:50:19

That will be me DONE cooking for him

Frouby Thu 18-Apr-19 20:50:33

He's been a fussy fucker OP.

Fussy Fuckers in our house get to make their own dinner. Dd (14) is a Fussy Fucker. Vegetarian Fussy Fucker at that so she makes her own meals unless I am doing oven food for 5 year old ds in which case I will lob in which ever veggie alternative she fanices along with whichever carb is acceptable that day.

DH also has random periods of Fussy Fucker. So gets asked on a sunday if he has any suggestions for the week ahead. If he doesn't he eats whatever I fancy. I never deliberately cook things I know he genuinely doesn't like.

But it might not be his preferred food.

He claimed a while ago he doesn't like spag bol. Pointed out he doesn't not like it, it's just not a favourite. So unless he wants to cook something different on the odd occasion me and ds want spag bol, he can have spag bol. Ditto any pasta with a tomato sauce. I do if I remember pick up a tub of cheesy pasta sauce but if not he can have tomato sauce like the rest of us.

He's being a massive knob. Tell him to cook tomorrow.

My dh cooks on a Saturday night. It's such a luxury to sit down on a Saturday teatime and know someone else is in charge of feeding me and him. Dh will retire 10 years before me and I can't fucking wait to walk through the door and know I am going to be fed.

Forget cleaning, I like cleaning. And I actually like cooking but day in, day out run of the mill meals drive me fucking insane.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 18-Apr-19 20:53:23

I'm sure there is a way he can cook something despite coming in later? I wouldn't be happy with the current arrangement.

I wouldn't be happy with spending 2 hours on a weeknight meal of pasta. What were you making?

Iggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:53:35

Has he moaned about your cooking before?

To be honest I don’t like tinned tomatoes unless blended but I will cook most of the time.

Preggosaurus9 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:53:41

He is BU for not eating it and for complaining (surely he could just have a snack?!)

You are BU for cooking a 2h meal on a weeknight. Life is too bloody short!

woolduvet Thu 18-Apr-19 20:57:17

Yep, microwave dinners from now on.
If my food is criticised then I make food I love, if you don't like then great I've got a meal for lunch/tomorrow/freezer. But he needs to be on the cooking roster.
Go to the gym/do the food shop etc so you come home at the same time.

gamerchick Thu 18-Apr-19 20:57:46

Well I know what I would do but what are you going to do OP? Because there's no way I'll be slaving for him for a while until he got the message.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 18-Apr-19 20:57:56

In 2001 dh complained that his clothes that I had washed for him had one of my (then very long) hairs on it.

In 2017 I started washing his clothes again.

EL8888 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:58:02

I think he's the petty one. Plus if the texture is such a massive issue to him, then why has he never mentioned it to you before? He needs to do more cooking and be more grateful

Langrish Thu 18-Apr-19 20:59:38

Two hours to make a tomato sauce, using tinned? That’s a very long time.

Bookworm4 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:01:03

Tomorrow evening bring yourself in a takeaway and let the baby feed himself.

Langrish Thu 18-Apr-19 21:01:18

Sorry, just read your update. Blimey, ambitious for a working person on a Thursday.
Send him to the chippie tomorrow.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Thu 18-Apr-19 21:02:12

Tell him m he was a tit. Forget it.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin Thu 18-Apr-19 21:05:34

I'd serve dinner and start eating it just before he comes in. Then when he asks where his is you can point to an empty plate.

Bittern11 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:09:04

after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner

Two hours to make a tinned tomato sauce???? What were you doing?

Has he eaten this sauce before? Did he enjoy it? Is he generally a baby??

If any member of my family had treated a dish I'd cooked for them like that I'd have taken it away from them. Man child.

But apart from that, if you know he's starving after work, then why wait 2 hours for tea? Maybe he was hangry??

And does he take his turn at cooking at the weekends? Is he a cooking god, if he's so keen to moan at your cooking?

luckylavender Thu 18-Apr-19 21:09:24

Did you know he doesn't like chopped tomatoes? Because if you did & ignored it then I can see his point.

Erythronium Thu 18-Apr-19 21:10:35

He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato.

Did you not want to laugh when he did this OP? It sounds hilarious, a grown man behaving like a fussy six year old. Agree with everyone else, stop cooking for him until he can find his manners.

ReanimatedSGB Thu 18-Apr-19 21:14:10

Well, he's behaving like a prick, but whether it's worth trying to fix it depends on what things are like, generally.
Whose idea was it, initially, for you to do all the cooking? Could it be that he would actually prefer a takeaway or a ready meal, but you feel obliged to cook something elaborate and time-consuming to demonstrate that you are a proper woman really? Or did he imply, or say, that as you get home first (and your little lady-job is less important than his penis job) cooking is your responsiblity, and he is your master who you must please?
Who does the bulk of the other domestic work such as laundry, cleaning, gardening?

Lastly, has he always been nice, fair and appreciateive of your cooking in the past, so this bout of complaining came out of the blue?

HavelockVetinari Thu 18-Apr-19 21:14:16

How the fuck did my 21 month old DS sneak off and get married without me knowing?? shock

Seriously, he sounds like a man-child. Treat him exactly like DH and I treat DS - this is what's for dinner, you don't have to eat it but that's all there is.

CalmDownPacino Thu 18-Apr-19 21:14:29

Meanwhile over on Pistonheads (Or other male dominated chat forum).....He eats the tea you've cooked and says thanks, or he microwaves a ginsters and shuts the fuck up. That's how it rolls here.

NoSquirrels Thu 18-Apr-19 21:14:51

How long have you been married? Did you not know he doesn’t like lumpy tinned tomatoes or is this a new thing?

I think he was rude, and he generally sounds annoying, moaning about “how long” etc but on the other hand some things just are not what you fancy, and maybe you should scale back midweek meals to quick and easy plainer stuff?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:16:49

Mummyoftwoyoungkids, why did you cave in? grin

Harebel Thu 18-Apr-19 21:23:05

What a tool. I honestly don't know how some of you can be arsed to cook for ungrateful partners.

In your case OP if I could muster the inclination to cook for him ever again, it would simply be a lukewarm bowl of passata. And some baby cutlery.

Boysey45 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:24:36

Get this bell end to make his own tea from now on and yours as well. So what that he gets in later, you've been doing it for years.Time to change and make yourself a snack and wait for him coming in to get started. I wouldn't be doing anymore meals for him no chance. Hes a prick.

cstaff Thu 18-Apr-19 21:27:54

Ungrateful little shit. Get him to start making dinner. We'll see how he feels about having to cook for the two of you every evening.

ChipSandwich Thu 18-Apr-19 21:28:00

How on earth can you spend two whole hours cooking on a weekday!!?? That's an hour and a half too long.

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:28:02

Re chopped tomatoes, I use them all the time and he’s never complained before. I did raise that point during our little argument after dinner and he said they are not usually lumpy and perhaps I hadn’t cooked the food for long enough.... after moaning that the food takes too long!!

longtimelurkerhelen Thu 18-Apr-19 21:29:01

The phrase "cook your own fucking dinner then" was very useful to me on the one occasion that there was a complaint. Funnily enough I never heard another.

Feel free to deploy phase whenever necessary.

YemenRoadYemen Thu 18-Apr-19 21:29:20


Every day Mumsnet reminds me that I am nowhere near grateful enough for my lovely, kind DH. Who always says how nice my cooking is, and thanks me for it, no matter how rushed or uninspired it might be from time to time.

Fucking hell.

thankswine for you OP.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Thu 18-Apr-19 21:29:36

Some people enjoy cooking and find it relaxing, even during the week. And it's not the point, the point is a whingy, stroppy, gaslighting, ungrateful person.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Thu 18-Apr-19 21:31:36

Little Lord Fauntleroy was being passive aggressive because his ickle dinner wasn't served up quickly enough, that's where the chopped tom comment came. It's the punish you for not meeting his exacting standards.

recklessgran Thu 18-Apr-19 21:31:52

Buy some cooked chicken, preprepared salad and coleslaw for tomorrow OP. Chuck on plate - there's his dinner. Jesus! He's enough to drive a girl to drink.

Jazzmin Thu 18-Apr-19 21:32:34

Please cook this again next week. Then serve him a bowl of spaghetti hoops as you tuck into your grown up, delicious meal!

TFBundy Thu 18-Apr-19 21:33:00

My next recipe would call for tinned tomatoes. Shoved sideways up his arse. With a side helping of eviscerated testicles.


SabineUndine Thu 18-Apr-19 21:34:40

If he was as starving as he said he was he would have eaten it anyway. He's attention seeking about something, I would say. I'd tell him to grow up, myself.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Thu 18-Apr-19 21:36:21

My BIL is apparently like this, he can detect a piece of carrot that's not been cut up in the way he likes a mile off. Only does it for my sister though, if my DM cooks a big family meal he never has a single complaint...

...Your DH sounds massively ungrateful. Stop cooking for him entirely and when he asks what's for dinner say you thought he wanted to cook for himself now because otherwise you'd 'get it wrong'. 🙄

Or do what a PP said and hand him a pot noodle every night from now on grin

Samoture Thu 18-Apr-19 21:37:07

Tomorrow evening serve him a dish of pom bears and cutted up pear. Sounds about his level.

DeaflySilence Thu 18-Apr-19 21:37:38

"He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food."

As he didn't eat the food tonight, does that mean you have enough left-overs to give you a full meal tomorrow night, @Namechange66?

If so, can you have the same meal agsin for your dinner tomorrow? It would save you cooking grin of course your DH would have to make himself a sandwich or something, but tough shit !!!

TheGrapefulDread Thu 18-Apr-19 21:40:39

Buy him a present of a slow cooker and recipe book.

YemenRoadYemen Thu 18-Apr-19 21:42:42

* Buy some cooked chicken, preprepared salad and coleslaw for tomorrow OP. Chuck on plate - there's his dinner.*

Yeah, go out and get him some nice, nutritious food and serve it up to him.

That'll teach him. confusedhmm

SofaSurfer20 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:45:38

Youre the one being ridiculously petty?!?!

Is he taking the piss?

Stiffasaboard Thu 18-Apr-19 21:47:40

You spent two hours cooking a tomato based sauce?

He’s being ungrateful and rude.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor Thu 18-Apr-19 21:48:29

What a massive twat.

I'd make sure I ate before he got home in future. I certainly wouldn't be cooking for him until a huge massive apology came my way.

Please show him this thread so he knows we all think he's a bellend smile

LunafortJest Thu 18-Apr-19 21:49:51

He sounds like an absolute pig! He is petty and immature, and should be grateful you are cooking him dinner, and it sounds like you go to a lot of trouble. You should show him this thread. Might wake him out of his petty immaturity and give him a reality check. Also, I would suggest to him that he cooks his own dinner from now on, and you cook yours. See how long he lasts before he comes back grovelling at your feet with an apology.

gingerbeers Thu 18-Apr-19 21:50:26

What an absolute knob! He wouldn't EVER get another meal cooked by me!

hettie Thu 18-Apr-19 21:50:43

The very idea that you cook every night because you're home first stopped me in my tracks....ehh?

Meandwinealone Thu 18-Apr-19 21:50:52

She spent 2 hours cooking lamb. Ffs.
It wasn’t just a fucking tomato sauce

Here is the recipe. I presume

If someone gave me this I would think they were fucking amazing

Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:52:05

@Meandwinealone yes that’s the one! grin

AppleCiderVinegar Thu 18-Apr-19 21:52:57

That dinner sounds amazing OP.

Your DH can fuck right off.

Honeyroar Thu 18-Apr-19 21:53:50

The correct reply was "tomorrow you are cooking".

Meandwinealone Thu 18-Apr-19 21:54:08

And I understand why you cook if you get home first! If you cook things like this you clearly enjoy it,
Nothing wrong with that.

But he sounds pretty horrid op. He could get a snack if he was starving.

Don’t end up being his mother.

I really do think you need to sit down and talk to him, perhaps he just didn’t like it.

Meandwinealone Thu 18-Apr-19 21:55:42

Sorry pressed too soon
Maybe he didn’t like it and isn’t mature enough to communicate, in which case he needs to work on that.

But I am erring on him being ungrateful and spoilt and entitled

Grumpelstilskin Thu 18-Apr-19 21:57:33

I would not cook for my DH again if he pulled that sort of stunt, unless he grovelled for days. I had an abusive ex, it was part of his emotional abuse to moan about my cooking to undermine me.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 18-Apr-19 21:59:12

I agree that you should save his for tomorrow night (for you) and he gets nothing. Dry toast or baby food maybe.

Miscella Thu 18-Apr-19 21:59:25

I must live in a parallel universe. This scenario wouldn’t bother me - it’s not me going hungry so why would it? If he didn’t like it he didn’t like it, I don’t get the big deal. i do most of the cooking in our house and sometimes dh doesn’t like/fancy what I’ve cooked, it’s no big deal it just means he will get himself some toast/oven chips/whatever.

derxa Thu 18-Apr-19 22:04:25

Microwave dinners.

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