AIBU to ask what happened to you in your life that you never thought would?(417 Posts)
Divorced thought I’d be married til death never imagined being alone it was just a given as a young girl I’d eventually be married and in love which seems unlikely to happen now
Always dreamed of a big family had 2 then as a single mum had to stop when I didn’t want to
Didn’t expect to be trapped in a dead end low paid job that depresses me just to keep my mortgage going
Yet.. Didn’t expect to handle it all as well as I am or be as strong which I never would have found out if that stuff hadn’t happened
Sounds depressing but I’m happy with my life in general
Never having children.
Sorry depressing but it’s true. I just thought I would be normal like everyone else.
I was always a city girl; never expected I'd end up living in a village.
Never thought I would fall in love, but I did.
Depression and cancer are the worst things to happen to me that I never saw coming.
But loads of good things that I never saw coming, like my amazing children.
Bad: Lost a sibling.
Good: Had children. Didn’t have the urge for them for a long time
I never expected to go from having a proper career (client portfolio, travel, swishy hair and a briefcase) to becoming an unwilling SAHM (circumstances, not a real choice) on Prozac, followed by the dead end not-much-above NMW job I'm doing now.
However, I'm very happily married, mentally & physically healthy, have two lovely children, and, thanks to my previous career, financially secure, so it's not all bad.
Ended up being unemployed for a very long time despite having postgraduate level qualifications and an insane work ethic. Turns out that qualifications are irrelevant if you’re socially awkward. You can have a dozen degrees but employers don’t want to hire you if you’re introverted, quiet and not a people person. I’ve lost count of the amount of interviewers who’ve said I’m too shy, not inquisitive enough, won’t fit in to the office, or simply that I make them feel uncomfortable. Wish I knew that before I wasted several years and £££££ on my education.
At one point having one baby seemed impossible.... we were so so lucky that ivf worked
Never thought I'd get pregnant. Took seven years and a fucktonne of IVF
I always thought I would be married until death do us part - just never expected to be widowed at 41 with four dc. Sounds scary written down but we are coping...
I always thought I would live by the sea all my life, I have actually spent half of my life living as far inland as possible!
Never thought I wouldn’t fall in love, but I didn’t.
Baby daughter died from an infection.
My sister who was my best friend cut us all including her ten year old son (went to live with his dad) when she got together with a very abusive man. She knows the door is always open for her but she's choosing no contact at the moment and I miss her.
Married my best friend who I've known since I was 7 and we have a lovely family together.
I never thought I'd be in a happy, stable relationship. I'd had so many terrible boyfriends so I'd assumed I'd never meet a decent guy.
I assumed I'd be well off but I'm not! I thought I'd marry a high flying guy with a well paid job. But I wouldn't change my partner for the world.
Divorce for me too - never thought I'd end up alone in my 60s.
Having a child diagnosed with cancer at 16 months old
Having a child with autism and learning difficulties
On a positive note it’s made me tougher and thicker skinned.
Divorced. Never imagined myself ticking the divorced box on various forms. However no-one else seemed very surprised when he waltzed off with his secretary and subsequently voiced their true opinions of him. I just wish someone had spoken up BEFORE we got married! 🙄😂
Having my first child at 19.
Losing my Dad to suicide when I was 23.
After always, always wanting to be a nurse, going to back to Uni at 41 and graduating as...a teacher .
My mum dying when I was young and not getting to see her lovely grandchildren.
Suffering from depression.
Falling in love with and marrying my first real boyfriend after years of being single and still being happily married now.
Bad: Having 3 children with 3 different men (not that it'd a terrible crime, I just didn't ever thing my judgment could be so bad) and getting a divorce (always thought I would be married for life).
Good: Being genuinely floored by the amount of love I feel for my DH (I honestly didn't think this type of massive movie style love was real). And having 3 gorgeous but very different sons who I adore.
Bad - Brother had a very serious accident at work and now has a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and lives in a care home
Me - Skin Cancer, had 2 lots of surgery so far
Good- 2 beautiful daughters just as I always imagined I'd have
Having a child - I wasn't maternal, couldn't see myself having a baby. Life changed at 39 and we had our son when I was 40.
Never thought I'd be a good parent as my upbringing was so bad. I though parenting was a learned behaviour and with my first I felt I was thrown in the deep end without knowing how to swim.
Turns out I'm a good mother after all, or so my DC tell me.
Never thought I’d get married, then didn’t see the divorce coming. Didn’t think I’d still be living in the shithole town/region/country I grew up in. Didn’t think I’d have kids.
Speaking honestly my life hasn’t turned out at all as I envisioned however I’m reconciled to that. Disappointed in myself and recognise that my own short comings and lack of confidence are the reasons I am stuck in a hole. The thing that irks most is that most people think I’m self assured, confident and wouldn’t believe how insecure and pathetic I am.
Struggling to think of good stuff but that my personality xx
Having decided not to have children, married a man with a DS. As a result, a wonderful DIL, two adorable DGS who call me Nana : and so do their 3 cousins! Didn't see that coming ....
I really never envisaged that I’d be one of life’s ‘failures’.
The happy marriage and kids; I warned DH nine years in, a few months before the wedding that if he married me, it was unlikely I’d want kids. 10 months after the wedding, we had DS1 (on purpose-not accidentally).
I never expected to be happily married. We were happy together, finally “getting around” to getting married after nine years. Now, 26 years in, I am amazed to be happily married.
On the less positive, I never expected to be so mediocre career-wise and academically. At school, O was told I was clever because I was a big fish in a little pond. Once out of that pond, well, I didn’t really progress. I finally am progressing, way into my 40’s, for all the right reasons (belief in what I am doing) in my own little way.
I never thought I’d have two dc with disabilities. One very severely disabled. As much as I love them the youngest has ruined my life and how I thought I’d live my life will never now happen.
Having a stroke in my 20s.
Having a child when I was nearly 40 (unintentionally - was adamant that I wanted to be sterilised when I was 16) - I utterly utterly adore him. 😍
I never expected to meet anyone who'd find me attractive, let alone marry me. Children were something I assumed would only happen if I adopted them. I'm very grateful for all three things happening!
I never expected my omnipresent, claustrophobic mother to die when I was still relatively young. The prospect of living half my life without her is half exhilarating, half daunting.
Being able to marry a woman, have kids with her and live openly. Not in a million years did I think that would be possible when I was a teenager terrified of being ‘found out’ as gay.
Having my first baby at 40. I figured I'd be in my late twenties by the time I had my first child
Never thought I'd end up disabled with s rare neurological syndrome, but there you go.
Never thought anyone would want to marry me but I have a wonderful dh (25 years this year) and 3 fantastic kids.
Breast cancer at 36.
Meeting the love of my life at 18 and having three wonderful children.
Have a DS with a genetic condition and ADHD.
Bad - friend died of leukaemia when we were 9
Another friend died of a heart attack when I was 22 (he was 29, we played tabletop games together)
groomed and sexually assaulted multiple times by best friends older brother between the ages of 13 and 15
Failed all my exams spectacularly despite on paper being very academically able
Nasty bout of depression as a teen/young adult and seriously considered suicide
Notable I think that most of the bad was post assault.
Good - met now dp at 17, who helped me to heal. Now trained as a chef (which I love), have ds (who I adore) and with a bit of hard work and a lot of luck we will be mortgage free and under 30 and 35 respectively in the next six months.
Life is looking up right now
My beautiful Mum passing away.
She was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away four weeks later.
Obviously I always knew she was going to pass away eventually, but not like that, she was only 68. We absolutely adored her and her loss is massive. I hate cancer, the fucker.
On the positive - never though I'd marry my best friend. Like, my actual best friend. I always find it really strange that we were friends so long, through all different boyfriends and girlfriends then we ended up together.
For the negative, I never in a million years thought my Gran would cut me out her life. Still don't know the reason but its been about 15 months since I last seen her and about a year since we last spoke on the phone. She lives a 5 minute drive from my house aswell. All happened when I fell pregnant, very strange, very hurtful and very confusing.
Never though I would be married at 20 and have 2 kids by 29.
Definitely never thought my husband of 10 years would start abusing me and then rape me.
Didnt expect to be a single parent in my 30s, in a small terraced house instead of our lovely night family home. But I am happier than ever.
Certainly didnt expect my best friends brother, who I had never met, to move back into the area and end up with him. She hadnt seen him for years. We met and have pretty much been together ever since.
Didnt expect to have a relationship again, at all, Especially one that's had no drama and is just easy.
I never thought DH would have an affair. I thought he was a good one. I think he did too..
Within a couple of years my mum had a mental breakdown and was diagnosed as bi-polar and my dad died suddenly. They were both in their 40s.
Best - I graduated, enjoy my job and have great friends.
(I’m also very happily married, although mumsnet has taught me not to take that for granted!)
I never thought I would be childless, but it looks like I am going to be, for various reasons.
I never thought I would be living the life I am but I am.
Loads. Getting a chronic health condition is up there. As is being single at my age, thought I would be married by now. Same with falling out and no longer seeing most of my family.
My life has been a real disappointment so far. I hope it changes as I can't stand the thought of more sadness and disappointments.
Never thought I’d be renting in my thirties. I thought EVERYONE owns a house in their adult years. Still not even close.
Bad: Being someone who doesn’t speak to my dad, I hate that I’m one of those people but it’s the only way to stay sane.
Good: owing a bridal shop.
never expected to have children, was always adamant that I was too selfish or just wanted to be the "cool auntie"
I now have 6 beautiful DCs and another on the way
Never thought my brother would die in his sleeep aged 24
Never thought I’d develop bipolar disorder aged 34, having no history of mental illness. It’s a fucking destructive and sometimes torturous condition.
That it would take me almost 3 years and fertility treatment to have my first baby.
For that baby to be born with a Urology condition that we knew nothing about and to nearly die from complications from it including sepsis, a stroke, infective endocarditis and Mitral valve regurge. By 5 weeks old he'd had 2 open heart surgeries with a 50% chance of him surviving it and it being successful.
I now have a happy healthy 16m old who won't know anything about it but it is etched in my memory and will be forever. It's changed me as a person.
Getting held up in an armed robbery.
Having children with learning difficulties.
When I was younger, I never imagined that I would become religious in my late 30s.
I never thought I’d earn a six-figure salary. I didn’t think I was ambitious enough or confident enough to do the sort of role I do. Evidently I was wrong.
I did expect to be married though. DP and I have been together for 17 years, but aren’t married. It probably isn’t in my interest nowadays (I earn significantly more than he does, and have a lot of assets in my name), and I’m not as bothered about it as I expected to be.
My brilliant, talented, strong mum died of cancer, aged 60.
Bad: being raped at 14 and having a baby which I concealed and then gave up for adoption.
Good: finding my husband and having two gorgeous children even though said rape damaged me not only mentally but physically .
I never thought I’d be happy and have my little family given how damaged I felt but now I do and life is amazing.
Widowed at 29-Dh died of leukaemia, thought my life was over
Never thought I'd marry again or have my 3 darling children
Did not think I would end up having kids in a deeply unequal relationship with a misogynist arse. I really tried not to as well and thought he was lovely at first.
Never thought I would be lucky enough to have the career I have in a very competitive field. Not that highly paid but my (and many people's) dream job and I actually pulled it off.
Being the only one in my family to stay in our hometown. My parents, siblings, cousins etc have all moved away to big cities. I was the one everyone said would move away and I'm the only one whose stayed in our lovely little town
I never thought I'd have just one child. Struggling to concieve and husband being on anti depressants just ruled out adoption. I'm from a big family and always saw myself with a big family. I am devestated for my DS who will be forced to be an only child.
Flippant compared to most of these posts, but I never, ever thought I would have a cat. I was always a dog person (and still am) until I met DP. I love her so much I can’t imagine her not being here. (The cat, I mean - DP is a bloke, and I love him very much too!)
Having a child with a disability. Never dreamed it would happen to us.
Finding my way to motherhood through step parenting and adoption. I always assumed I’d make a big family myself. And loving them totally.
Never imagined I would struggle for money. I was in 'good at' school in the sense that you can be skilled in something. I understood how to learn and enjoyed it. Downhill from there. I work full time but have struggled nearly all my adult life to earn enough to have a decent standard of living. Owning a house is very unlikely to happen.
When I was younger I wondered if I would have the marriage and children I was so desperate for
horrible abusive childhood
Never thought dh would break my heart but he has.
Worried I wouldn't be able to mother a daughter. Turns out I'm a fucking awesome mum (compared to my shitty mother).
Getting Hodgkin's lymphoma at 34.
Being widowed at 39. It's truly shit.
Never ever thought that my bright, vibrant, fun and vivacious mum would die at the age of 57. She was so full of life I honestly thought she would be here forever.
Converted to Christianity and got baptised in my 30s never looked back!
Good: finding recovery - 5 years now
Arrested, charged and prosecuted after being a victim of DV. After reporting ex 7 times to the police & them doing nothing.
I also thought there would never be light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought I would get over it. But I have & now help other women in similar situations fight for their rights and get the justice & protection they deserve.
Never thought I'd be the one who got redundancy and esp compared to all my school peers the one who strived and seemed to work the hardest at the expense of my social life. #majorlifelessonmuchn
Didn’t think I would become disabled at 32.
I ended up in an entirely different career than I’d planned, and fortunately it’s working out extremely well.
Never expected to be the main bread winner. Was brought up by my misogynistic family to think a man would look after me. Married a wealthy “provider” who subsequently mismanaged all our money, went bankrupt, we lost our house, had to take the DC out of their private schools.
I got a job, worked like a dog, bought our house back and put the kids back in school
Tame compared to most of these. I never thought I would end up with a career in the subject I was worst at when I was at school. And I never thought I would end up repeating my mother's relationship mistakes.
Minted. Always thought I'd marry a teacher/ plumber and have camping holidays rather than fly business. Married since we were mid 30's. Not complaining.
Oh god, loads of stuff.
Never thought I'd be pregnant aged 19.
After that happened - never thought I'd move abroad (but always wanted to).
Never thought - if I did move abroad - that I'd stay for longer than a couple of years.
Never thought I'd drop out of uni. (Not related to pregnancy)/not have any kind of job/educational achievements by the age of 30. That's a bit of a sad one.
Never thought I'd marry the weird funny kid from school - that's a good one.
Never thought I'd have kids with a 10 year age gap. Or that I'd want to stop at two. (This one might be undone).
Never thought I'd be diagnosed with ADHD. Just surprising, neither good nor bad.
Weird one - never thought I'd struggle with parenting. I have no idea why. I just expected to be ace at it. I do mostly find it great but there are definitely aspects which have taken me to very dark places.
This is a weird one that sounds really superficial & vain..
I never thought I'd lose my looks... I was really attractive for a large portion of my early life and it's all just kind of... gone. I'm fat, my skin is in shit condition and tumour all over my body have left me lumpy (literally) and with chunks of muscle missing. I've truly lost my good looks and it's a bit sad.
On the other hand I never thought I'd be lucky enough to land on my feet financially. Met DH who was very financially stable and he really opened up my life. I own a house now after being in council housing and have a healthy pot of savings and can afford another baby.
Swings n roundabouts I guess.
I never thought I would have 4 kids but love them all dearly. Feel so lucky to have a great dh. Have had bad things happen lost my mum relatively young in tragic citcumstances and had a lot of horrible events happen career wise but have managed to change career at the age of 50.
I never thought I wouldn’t have found a strong bunch of friends.
that the guy I fell in love with at 18 and I would finally be ready for a real relationship with me when I was 51.
Expected to have a big family, 2 mc losing 3 babies and a very medically fraught pregnancy and birth with dd during which we both almost died followed by me being told another pregnancy & birth would be a risk to my life put paid to that.
Becoming disabled - couldn't predict being rammed by a dick on his phone!
Becoming mentally ill - objectively given my personal history somewhat predictable but I still didn't expect it.
Divorce - I don't think anyone marries expecting to divorce and his having an affair was so out of character I still get comments of bewilderment from people who've known him almost all his life.
Having a child with a disability. Even though it's genetic the relatives that likely passed the gene on have much milder forms. What seems to have happened is there are people on both mine and her fathers side with the milder forms and genetics being little gits sometimes it's like she's been hit by a double whammy.
It's invisible, but very painful and not well understood even by Nhs staff and so it's been incredibly difficult to get a DX and since DX to get the ramifications understood, acknowledged and treated by anyone not a specialist in the field it comes under. Seeing dd dealing with people's ignorance and lack of compassion is heartbreaking and frustrating.
Have lost several loved ones, friends and colleagues far younger than would be normally expected. Accidents are one thing, though of course by their nature unexpected, but suicide and seemingly healthy fit people dying of undx heart issues etc is very shocking.
Following the 2nd mc at that point I felt becoming a mum was out of my reach.
Living overseas again as an adult - wasn't planned and was an amazing experience
Getting my second degree - didn't expect to get accepted as my qualifications weren't great, (first degree completely unrelated subject and didn't have high entry requirements) then I found I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience and I wasn't as stupid as i feared.
Finding I could survive a divorce - beforehand I would have said I wasn't strong enough. I survived all the lies and bullshit, being left penniless, almost homeless with dd barely a toddler.
Finding my first "best friend" as an adult. Never had one at school as I'm an army brat and moved around a lot so was always a 3rd wheel. So I never expected to have that experience. May seem silly but it's meant a great deal to me.
to all who've lost loved ones.
At fifty I was going through a divorce. Never had the chance for children, I had been desperate for them. Faced a lonely future with a mountain of debt. (His, not mine)
Within two years, I had met the true love of my life, moved to another country, his two adult children called me Mum. I thought my life was complete. I was incredibly happy. Then the Grandchildren came along. I am fulfilled as a Mother and a Wife.
We are financially sound, travel a lot and have a wonderful loving family. The first 50 yrs of my life were miserable. But, for, the last 15yrs I have been on cloud 9.
Miracles do happen. Don’t give up on your dreams.
Never thought I would be married twice.
Never thought I would have a third child at 42.
Never thought I would struggle with depression
Never thought I would continue to be abused by my abusive husband through the Courts in Ireland even though we're divorced years! Never thought I would nearly die from a haemorrhage. Plus I now have a lifelong condition which I inherited from my dad. He and I got the worst presentation of it but he was in his 60's and I was 46 and a single working mother. I had unsuccessful surgery to try and cure this condition and face another surgery for it. My beautiful dd1 has a condition inherited from the other side of the family. She was in grave danger 2 weeks ago but now faces surgery to remove her thyroid when her levels get back to 'normal' in about 6 months. I work in a completely different field to what I trained in. In one way I am lucky that I'm in an office job now as my health is so bad I couldn't have continued in the other field! Plus I wouldn't have as good sick leave and sick pay in the other field either.
to so many people above and huge hugs and best wishes too Xxxx Never really expected to have kids (have 4) never expected to lose a child (miscarriage), never expected mental health issues on a big scale in my family and depression with me, never expected my dad to die, never expected us to be able to manage without him. Never expected body to be crocked by 38, never expected to go paragliding, learn to swim, never expected kids to be my whole world and love them being my whole world!!
Never thought I would be able to move through my baggage after growing up with an abusive parent. There might be a few bits remaining but I feel really proud of the work I've done.
Being able to have two gorgeous little girls. Sorry for being soppy but I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 14 and had probably one period a year. I just always assumed I’d never be able to have children and had more or less come to terms with it. DH and I went for one fertility consultation to see what an expert would say. He gave us Clomid at that first appointment and 15 months later I had my first baby.
Hmmm. I had quite a chaotic childhood really, and my only focus when young was getting away from it. But what I didn’t realise was that my tendencies to be impulsive and sometime irresponsible would lead to me repeating the pattern as an adult. The plan was - Uni at 18, maybe married early 20’s but instead it went:
Car accident causing long term problems at 14
Homeless at 16
A Mum at 17
Domestic abuse survivor and Mum of 4 by 22
PSTD sufferer and drug user st 23
Involuntary Mental health inpatient at 25
Degree at 27
Married again at 31 to another abusive man
A stillborn baby at 32
A mum of 7 by 33
Someone who has lost both parents by 36
Divorced at 37
Back to the mental health people at 38
And now, finally - a nurse, a person with a lot of wisdom and 7 older or grown up children, with a cat, and finally, no man in sight to fuck it up for me
If you’d had asked me years ago, I’d have predicted a quiet life, 1 or 2 kids, stability and a LTR with someone who loved me. I have accepted now I will never have a proper ‘loving relationship’ with anyone, my childhood was too toxic for that to ever happen. I didn’t expect that. But with my amazing DC’s and my lovely cat I have all the love I need 😊
Other good things: I never expected to be able to travel to some of the places I have - Maldives, Seychelles, Singapore, Malaysia, Canada - lots of places.
Drug addiction. And then getting clean when I had almost accepted that was how I would die.
My daughter, after 10 miscarriages, I'd given up. She was a surprise!
Never thought my first love would cheat on me ( was such a blessing now looking back)
Never thought I would travel the world in my 20s!!!!
That my brother would die very young
That I would graduate top of my year from oxbridge
Go on to have the most amazing career
End up in a fcking abusive relationship and almost die because of the rat
End up living by the ocean on w huge farm
My family are so so happy now
Been tough though we made it
Divorce, having my ex husband’s baby alone, being a single parent for years and years...
On the plus side, I can do anything! Life threw me a massive curve ball and I got up and I carried on.
My father writing me out of his will.
Never thoight id go to university- have degree and PhD.
Never thought id have two children 1 at 19 the 2nd at 35.
Never thought anxiety would ruin my life. Nor did i expect to be diagnosed with a personality disorder.
I thought I'd get married
Never expected to have a decent man stand by me for over half my life, he did, he just never married me.
Never expected to be a home owner.
Having a chronic illness and feeling so shite whilst Drs pushing you back and forth with treatment.
I don't think anything has ever worked out like I thought it would, whether big things, good things or bad things. I've come to consider that as normal. Isn't it? I mean, we live in a world with lots of other people. Stands to reason that any plans you make generally can't factor in their actions. Plus you can only control stuff like your own health to a certain degree. It would be more weird if life did pan out as you thought it would. Then you'd be Doris Stokes or Uri Geller or something.
Bloody twins on the 2nd pregnancy.
By god I love all my kids but 3 has been a financial drain on us and has affected my ability to earn.
Never thought I'd lose my mum so young and lose contact with mum dad.
Husband of many years treated me so badly I had to kick him out, still not got to the bottom of the reason why.
Now bringing up two children with no support network. So hard but I'd be so lost without them. They're amazing 🙂
That the way I saw "normal life" would be so dramatically challenged and turned on its head.
I now realise they way I view things is very very different to other people.
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