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Mum keeps saying I won't be able to cope

(115 Posts)
mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 19:46:37

Being induced next week and whenever I say that I'm excited and I can't wait for him to be here, my mum always responds with things such as "you won't be saying that next week" and "I don't know how you're going to cope".

Obviously I know that labour is going to be painful and I'm not going into it being naive thinking it won't be. Our body's were created to do this and millions of babies have been born since the beginning of time and we have managed!

She's really putting me off and is being quite annoying about it - she hasn't even experienced a vaginal birth anyway as had 2 ELCS.

WIBU to tell her to stop with the comments and start being more supportive instead?

Inadvertentlybrilliant Thu 18-Apr-19 19:52:33

Don't bother. Just prove her wrong when the baby comes.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 18-Apr-19 19:53:35

Tell her she can either be supportive or she can keep her mouth shut. What a bitch, quite honestly. You will be absolutely fine. I certainly hope she will not be present at the birth, because that would be a HUGE mistake.

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 19:53:55

@Inadvertentlybrilliant that's what I intend to do! DP also thinks I'm shit with pain but at least he's not making comments every time we bloody talk about it angry

AlletrixLeStrange Thu 18-Apr-19 19:54:01

I would've told her to f**k off by now. How degrading and to your own daughter. What is with all these parents that like to make their children miserable when they should be showing love and support.
You'll be spectacular, op. Motherhood is hard for everybody and anybody but you'll find your way as I assume she did.
Don't listen to her and please try not to let it bother you.

Squeegle Thu 18-Apr-19 19:54:38

You will be fine - her comments are not helpful wink

Bambamber Thu 18-Apr-19 19:55:13

I was totally with you until you said 'she hasn't even had a vaginal birth anyway'.

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 19:55:37

I don't know how she can comment because she doesn't even know what actual childbirth feels like. And even if she did, she still doesn't know how I will cope with the pain!

ZippyBungleandGeorge Thu 18-Apr-19 19:56:02

I'm shit with pain and it was incredibly painful, induction early because my waters went and back to back, my advice have all the drugs and don't be a hero. You'll be fine

Stroller15 Thu 18-Apr-19 19:56:31

What @Bambamber said

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 19:56:33

@ZippyBungleandGeorge already planning on having an epidural at the same time as the hormone drip grin

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 19:58:04

Mum also thinks c-sections are worse than a VB. totally understand that the aftermath may hurt but surely they can't be worse?

karigan Thu 18-Apr-19 19:58:20

My husband and some of my family were like this. I think they thought making light of the whole thing would make it a less scary thing but honestly it just pissed me off. As it was I had 2 paracetamol for 13 hours of labour and DH got a lot of sideeye during my labour.

AnnieMay100 Thu 18-Apr-19 19:58:54

Ignore her you can and you will do it. Prove her wrong and be proud. She’s being rude and disrespectful. Just because she maybe couldn’t handle it and had cs doesn’t mean the same will happen to you.
My mum made horrible comments when I was expecting my first I proved her wrong and showed her I could do it and rather proud to admit I’m a better mother than she was to me. Her comments stopped when she wasn’t able to think of any.
Best of luck and don’t let her stress you out

mabelsgarden Thu 18-Apr-19 19:59:08

She may not mean anything, but that is a bit harsh.

I got this kind of crap when I was pregnant (for the first time.) Ranging from 'you won't know what's hit you,' to 'say goodbye to your life,' to 'you won't have a lie in for 10 years!' to 'mine are grown now - youngest is 16 and I am glad to have my life back,' to 'ha ha can't wait to see YOOOOOOU with a baby!'

From relatives to work colleagues (mine and DH's) to mine and my parents neighbours. Weirdly not my mom though! She still fucking criticised everything I did with the baby though for the first YEAR like I didn't know what I was doing.

Ignore your mom. And good luck with the birth!! You have a wonderful experience ahead of you - raising a child. grin

PurpleDaisies Thu 18-Apr-19 19:59:10

Her comments aren’t helpful and I’d ask her to stop.

It’s all very well saying that women's bodies were built for birth etc but sometimes women need to have a caesarean because it’s safer for them and the baby. I’d try not to judge women who haven’t “even had a vaginal birth”.

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 19:59:50

@karigan Brilliant! grin

mbosnz Thu 18-Apr-19 20:00:02

You are going into it with a good attitude. You're absolutely right, we've been doing this for millennia, and our bodies are made to cope with it, as are our minds.

And as you say - she wouldn't have a bloody clue. (I suspect she's feeling possibly a little bit inadequate as a result).

PurpleDaisies Thu 18-Apr-19 20:00:04

I don't know how she can comment because she doesn't even know what actual childbirth feels like.

Did she not give birth to her child? confused

Iggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:00:30

Your mum has done a right number hasn’t she!!! Putting you off. How awful of her.

My mum talked positively about childbirth even though she actually had some shockers (she had 6 babies). As a result I felt positive about it as well even though I knew things could go wrong. She basically taught me to listen to my body and go from there.

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 20:01:03

@PurpleDaisies I'm not judging her for needing to have a CS. My point was she doesn't know how contractions feel so she can't really make comments about how she thinks I'll deal with them

Iggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:01:20

Isn’t it obvious @PurpleDaisies what the OP means? Her mum had two ELCS. Very different to going through labour etc

bridgetreilly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:02:00

You will cope! Millions of women cope every single day. OP, I hope it all goes smoothly and that you and the baby are both well. And if that also happens to result in being able to say 'I told you so' to your mother, well, that's just a little bonus.

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 20:02:22

@PurpleDaisies Please don't misconstrue what I've said. I meant a natural delivery

mcjx Thu 18-Apr-19 20:02:58

Thanks @bridgetreilly! 💪🏻❤️

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