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Total pube shame and mortification.

(121 Posts)
DameDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 11:39:59

I have made a new friend who popped round this morning to borrow my steam mop. Yes, that's how I roll. Was putting on the kettle which is a cream colour - this is relevant as cream shows everything - when I noticed a very long pube stuck on the enamelled bit. I tried to brush it off nonchalantly but it would not budge. Do you think she saw and where the fook did it come from? How do pubes get on a kettle? Well, one pube anyways.

intensiveeveline Thu 18-Apr-19 13:01:49

All she has to do is style it out

Agreed!

I was not attempting levity <po-face>

<Sniggers childishly>

DameDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 13:04:52

" I am quite pretentious" you have to be totally upfront about these things . So many posts of pure shite and utter wankdom have spilled from these unnamechanging lips over the years Oblomov19 . I am just owning it and admitting I can be a bit/lot of a tool. I have only ever had one slight run in on MN when I was slightly out of order. I pm'd to apologise.
I am never cruel or horrible but I am a tit - a pubey one at that.

Strugglingtodomybest Thu 18-Apr-19 13:10:52

To whoever asked, smeg is shirt for smema which is:
a sebaceous secretion in the folds of the skin, especially under a man's foreskin.

OP, you should have asked her to admire your newly pubed kettle and enquired as to when she thought she'd be joining the trend.

Strugglingtodomybest Thu 18-Apr-19 13:11:15

* short, not skirt

Strugglingtodomybest Thu 18-Apr-19 13:11:57

*smegma, not smema

I'll get my coat...

QueenKubauOfKish Thu 18-Apr-19 13:13:08

Love the look on that cat’s face. It’s a look that totally says “NO PUBE JOKES OK” grin

intensiveeveline Thu 18-Apr-19 13:14:14

.

intensiveeveline Thu 18-Apr-19 13:17:17

Love the look on that cat’s face. It’s a look that totally says “NO PUBE JOKES OK”

Totally - I for one wouldn't dare cross that cat!

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord Thu 18-Apr-19 13:18:03

@intensiveeveline - gorgeous cat pic!!!! What an amazing face!

@DameDoom - luckily you're very funny, so you've made a load of new friends on this thread (incl me.... Now officially your No 1 fan) BUT your friend absolutely saw. Is absolutely telling everyone she knows (including the school and probably SS) AND has further embellished by suggesting that you and your DH have some fetishised, kinky sex life involving expensive kitchen/electrical equipment.
Sorry.

Moving won't help you.... Rumour and gossip will follow wherever you go. You'll have to have completely new identities (every member of your family), extensive plastic surgery/facial reconstruction and never go on social media ever again.

DanglyTassles Thu 18-Apr-19 13:25:13

Over in Thighland we are currently engaged in a plan to launch a range of 'luxury pubes' for your perusal.

We feel there is a strong market for these and this thread only serves to remind us of the shame that folks feel when their pubes are of the 'average' 'bog standard' variety.

Get thee to Thighland OP and all who are interested in and could add to our pubic japes:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3560494-Do-you-have-problems-Would-you-like-a-solution?watched=1&msgid=86417835#86417835

DameDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 13:30:20

Strugglingtodomybest would you like to borrow my Silvercrest Steam mop?
MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord I am going to hand myself in anyway. I am a bleedin' liability. I can cope with her thinking I am a sex-dungeon pervert but now she knows I am wall to wall Lidl with the odd frippery for show. One stray pube and my carefully curated idyll has come tumbling down - a veritable house of cards. At this rate, people are going to KNOW I have a plastic, corrugated carport attached to my regal abode.

VirginiaWolfHall Thu 18-Apr-19 13:36:07

😂 funny thread!
Op if it makes you feel any better I once handed in an essay to my gorgeous lecturer - who I had fancied for about a year - and it had a fucking stray pube stuck within the clear poly pocket. I cannot describe the mortification as we both looked down and saw it staring back up 🤦‍♀️. Thankfully it was about twenty years ago so I’ve had time to recover (just).

Mumsymumphy Thu 18-Apr-19 13:36:15

'Pube-riddled kettle'

'Brian Blessed's bum crack hairs'

God I love this thread. Just need a good belly laugh today. gringrin

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord Thu 18-Apr-19 13:36:33

At this rate, people are going to KNOW I have a plastic, corrugated carport attached to my regal abode
<Shudders>.
<Reports previous post to MNHQ requesting immediate and permanent deletion and eye bleach for any poster who may have read it and thought I liked you>.
<Leaves thread, disgusted>.

<Slams door behind self>

PigletJohn Thu 18-Apr-19 13:46:04

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeg_(appliances)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Red_Dwarf_concepts#Smeg

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smegma

Rockmysocks Thu 18-Apr-19 13:47:54

I think you have angry pubes that wanted to show you up. There's a word, 'resistentialism' that describes the ability of inanimate objects to have hostility towards humans. I think that must explain kettle pubes.

DameDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 13:50:51

VirginiaWolfHall He will have thought scatty intellectual and laughed while wearing tweed sexily. In reality though, he won't: you will be forever poly-pocket pube girl. We need to form a support group.
Pube friend texted me to go for lunch next week -she is lovely though so either saw and laughed or will be chortling when I tell her.

DameDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 13:55:58

Rockmysocks Kettle pubes with bulbs no less.
I love how I use my Easter hols so productively. Sometimes I inspire myself.

CabbageHippy Thu 18-Apr-19 14:02:19

We've managed to frame a picture in our house (large, A3 kind of size) and on hanging it has a big pube right in the middle of it - it's a dark picture but is known affectionately as the pube picture & has been hanging happily for about 9 years

BaronessBomburst Thu 18-Apr-19 14:08:18

Can you blame the mushrooms? Mushrooms come with pube-y hairs attached. Start telling her about the fabulous mushroom arinccini/ quinoa pilaf/ insert name of any dish which spell check doesn't recognise here, and ask if she'd like the recipe for her next dinner party.

DancingWithWillard Thu 18-Apr-19 14:11:56

I had a cat just like that intensiveevelyn except he was ginger. His name was Henry. <pointless post>

intensiveeveline Thu 18-Apr-19 14:15:40

I had a cat just like that intensiveevelyn except he was ginger. His name was Henry. <pointless post>

Posts about cats are NEVER pointless!!!

Ginger cats are amazing. I've had a couple. Real characters and totally gave me the run-around (all cats do, but these were extra...)

DancingWithWillard Thu 18-Apr-19 14:22:10

I had 2 very briefly. First one died of FIP at less than 2, and my second was knocked over at 18 months (despite being an indoor cat). So I felt for the good of cat kind I had to give up my ginger obsession and got an aged silver tabby instead.

Purplecatshopaholic Thu 18-Apr-19 14:22:25

I reckon most of us who love cats could weave a cat post into most threads, lol. None of mine have fur like pubes though...

DancingWithWillard Thu 18-Apr-19 14:24:14

<re-rails thread>
Op I have often wondered when using the scrubber/sponge for cleaning the surfaces, where the chuff all the tiny black pube hairs come from. It matters not which room I am cleaning. My son is 8, no pubes on him, and I am generally closely clipped. Is there a pube fairy?
Only plausible explanation is the birds nesting one above.

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