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To wonder why I’m being sent “sissy” pics of a guy I went out with ten years ago?!

(54 Posts)
dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 08:24:15

On Saturday I got a fb message request from someone I didn’t know. I had a look at the picture and it was a guy wearing lingerie (I think it’s part of the sissy kink). I thought it was spam at first but when the person said “this is x” I realised it was a guy I went on a date with when I was at uni ten years ago.

I was a bit confused but let it go. I was thinking at first it was a scam but since then I’ve received ten more pictures from different people, all looking like him (I mean he’d have aged 10 years so I guess it’s him?) in different lingerie/wigs, all telling me to humiliate him because he’s a sissy.

I have no contact with him but tried to find him on fb to see what was going on. It was so long ago that I can’t even remember his last name but I couldn’t see him through mutual friends. He has a non-English name that I’ve not heard anywhere else which is why I’m fairly sure these pictures are of him and have been sent to me on purpose.

Has this happened to anyone else? I’m blocking as the pictures are sent but I’m wondering if it’s a weird scam and it’s just a coincidence it looks like/has the same name as the guy from uni and it isn’t actually him..? I don’t know how they’ve connected me with him as we aren’t fb friends, the only thing I can think of is there’s one picture of us together.

I have absolutely no problem with the sissy kink but I’m genuinely worried he could be in trouble and I don’t know how to get in touch with him. Also wondering if anyone has experience with it (I had a friend who did it and told me about it so I knew what was going on when I opened the message) and is this part of it? I’m just very confused and don’t particularly want explicit pictures messaged to me every day!!!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 09:43:46

If this man genuinely was into enforced feminisation / sissy humiliation / whatever you call it he would not be sending photos to people he hardly knows.

Oh, he really would. That’s part of the kink. Never heard of sexual “blackmail”? Some people really get off on it.

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:45:21

further reading

alittleprivacy Thu 18-Apr-19 09:53:07

I'd respond to one of the messages. I wouldn't get angry but I'd point out that the messages constitute online harassment and you are only responding this once to let them know that if you receive one more you will be contacting the police immediately. Then if you do receive one more, contact the police.

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:53:37

Oh, he really would. That’s part of the kink. Never heard of sexual “blackmail”? Some people really get off on it

You are talking about "financial domination" a type of fetish where men get off on being humiliated and blackmailed

I know more about this kind of thing that most women trust me

I have met women who work as financial dominatrixes

I also know much more about online scams and blackmail than most people, it is a subject I have researched for a long time

Just as there is a huge difference between 2 consenting adults role playing and non-consensual violence there is a huge difference between people playing at blackmail and people actually being blackmailed

The fact is that none of us know 100% what is going on here but it is either sexual harassment or blackmail

either way the police are the best people to deal with it

WhatTheWatersShowedMe Thu 18-Apr-19 10:02:11

I think hoodathunkit has the measure of this.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 10:05:31

Hello, just reading through but 100% not involved in the kink and not interested in it in any way. Reading about it has really opened my eyes, I immediately worried he was in trouble but actually realise he’s probably encouraging it and loving it. I feel a bit gross tbh as I have no interest in being involved. I told my boyfriend this morning and he wants me to contact the police as it’s hrassment and also possibly revenge porn

PotatoesDieInHotCars Thu 18-Apr-19 10:09:09

Just message back that you have reported this to Facebook and are going to report it to the police for sexual harrassment. It will probably stop then.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 10:11:23

I just wish he hadn’t involved me in this - I’m a very anxious, people pleasing person by nature and I’m trying to see this from all sides but it just makes me feel awful. I’m worried he’s in trouble, I’m worried he’s involving me in some weird sexual game, I’m worried I’m being exposed to scammers/blackmailers and I don’t even remember his surname and can’t find it anywhere. I’ve found a profile using a different variation of his name but no picture so can’t even see if it’s him. I’ve receieved more pictures from a different account now. None of them are nudes, the first one was him wearing a ball gag and heels and the others have been school girl pictures etc. So not porn but also very much what I would consider to be private and potentially embarsssing pictures. I just don’t know what to do or what to think but I’m reading up on sissy stuff and it’s just making me feel awful to be a part of it without my consent.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 18-Apr-19 10:13:44

weird, I'd just not respond and block

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 10:21:28


call 101 and ask for advice

Try not to take it personally

You are probably one of hundred of people who have received these photos

I would NOT respond to any messages

if it is blackmailers this may give them your contact details

If it is a blackmailing network you do not want to have anything to do with them and responding may compromise your email / phone

if it is a man with a fetish getting off on sending unsolicited pics (which I doubt) responding will only excite him more

Contact the police ASAP

if it is blackmail the man's life could be at risk. Not just him, blackmail networks target thousands of young men and women

You could save lives by reporting this, so please make a difference and report to the cops asap

ArabellaDoreenFig Thu 18-Apr-19 10:22:32


The sissy part is imagining themselves as a woman (hence the clothes, wigs, make-up). Classic APG behaviour.

It’s misogyny at its finest.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 10:38:25

I’ve blocked everyone so hopefully I won’t recieve any messages. The pictures are very obviously posed so now I analyse it a bit more carefully I do think I’ve been chosen as a target on purpose. I have no problem with kinks but involving other people like this is disgusting.

Februaryblooms Thu 18-Apr-19 10:49:35

I'd be inclined to assume it's him sending the photos. I've known of somebody who 'gets off' on humiliation/feeling humiliated and there's also a bloke in a Facebook group I'm in who keeps posting embarrassing pictures of himself and asking other members to abuse him.

(The Facebook group is about bargains of all things so he keeps getting removed!)

Illberidingshotgun Thu 18-Apr-19 11:04:59

Yes, definitely report this to the police. It's definitely harassment (and I suspect it's him doing it) and there is the possibility he's being blackmailed as well. Either way, it's upsetting for you, and not appropriate.

Lavellan Thu 18-Apr-19 11:07:10

@dontmessagemethat sorry you were made to feel this way. That's the sexual harassment part of it, they've put you in a situation you didn't ask for. Just horrible. Unfortunately with it being sent from random anonymous accounts, there's unlikely to be anything the police can do.

Maybe write down any important information like the username and time you were contacted, just in case they try to do this again. But probably you were just unfortunate to end up on the receiving end of this and it won't happen again.xx

ReanimatedSGB Thu 18-Apr-19 11:10:16

It's possibly blackmail, possibly him trying to get his jollies. I would suggest sending ONE reply along the lines of: I don't know why you are sending me this stuff, don't send any more or I will report you to the authorities.'

ReanimatedSGB Thu 18-Apr-19 11:12:35

And stop thinking about it and reading about it - if it's not your kink then why give it any headspace? Just treat it the same way as you would any other unwanted spam (I get mainly lonely American generals who want to marry me...)

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 11:30:49

I think the reason I’m thinking about it so much is that it’s not just an anonymous person so I keep wondering what’s going on. It’s hard to contact the police as I can’t remember this full guy’s full name and he could be living anywhere in the U.K. so it’s a bit of a non starter. I do have a police officer neighbour who I know well so will have a chat with them this morning asking advice. I’ve taken screenshots of everything and blocked sonhopefully that’s the end of it. Thanks for the advice everyone!!

Richmond1972 Thu 18-Apr-19 11:31:04

his name doesnt begin with a D does it?

i dated a guy 6 years ago who seemed normal. a few months in the subject of sex began to appear. turns out he liked to be humiliated. he liked to dress like a woman and then be laughed at, called names and hit.

he wanted me to use a sex toy on him, slap him and insult his tiny penis (it wasnt tiny from what i could tell). he also said he did not like to ejaculate at any time as he "didnt deserve to" and if he accidentally did it he liked to be punished and laughed at.

he asked me to film him and demand he barked like a dog on all fours while i laughed at him and called him names. he then wanted me to keep the video and anytime he wouldnt do what i said, i was to threaten to send it to his mum. needless to say i didnt engage in anything and ran a mile.

sounds like this guy just wants your insults so he can get off on it. ignore him. or send nice things like you like his underwear!!

HamCheeseHamnCheese Thu 18-Apr-19 11:51:17

I've never heard of anything like this.. what is 'sissy kink'??

Have I been living under a rock?!

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 12:07:22

No, not a d. Does sound v similar although I never actually did anything more than a kiss with this guy which is why it’s so bizarre he’s chosen me!

It’s basically men dressing in stereotypical female lingerie and being mocked by women and “emasculated” I guess. Focus on humiliation. I only know about it because a friend told me about it a while ago.

ChinkChink Thu 18-Apr-19 12:20:03

Message back saying he looks really masculine and dominating. That should shut the fucker up.

CurtainsOpen Thu 18-Apr-19 13:09:49

Thanks for sharing, fella

motherheroic Thu 18-Apr-19 13:25:40

'Sissy's' usually send their pictures to people in the hopes that they will be verbally humiliated.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 13:30:45

He’s definitely picked the wrong person, I’m way too nice to humiliate!

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