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To wonder why I’m being sent “sissy” pics of a guy I went out with ten years ago?!

(54 Posts)
dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 08:24:15

On Saturday I got a fb message request from someone I didn’t know. I had a look at the picture and it was a guy wearing lingerie (I think it’s part of the sissy kink). I thought it was spam at first but when the person said “this is x” I realised it was a guy I went on a date with when I was at uni ten years ago.

I was a bit confused but let it go. I was thinking at first it was a scam but since then I’ve received ten more pictures from different people, all looking like him (I mean he’d have aged 10 years so I guess it’s him?) in different lingerie/wigs, all telling me to humiliate him because he’s a sissy.

I have no contact with him but tried to find him on fb to see what was going on. It was so long ago that I can’t even remember his last name but I couldn’t see him through mutual friends. He has a non-English name that I’ve not heard anywhere else which is why I’m fairly sure these pictures are of him and have been sent to me on purpose.

Has this happened to anyone else? I’m blocking as the pictures are sent but I’m wondering if it’s a weird scam and it’s just a coincidence it looks like/has the same name as the guy from uni and it isn’t actually him..? I don’t know how they’ve connected me with him as we aren’t fb friends, the only thing I can think of is there’s one picture of us together.

I have absolutely no problem with the sissy kink but I’m genuinely worried he could be in trouble and I don’t know how to get in touch with him. Also wondering if anyone has experience with it (I had a friend who did it and told me about it so I knew what was going on when I opened the message) and is this part of it? I’m just very confused and don’t particularly want explicit pictures messaged to me every day!!!

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 08:24:45

Sorry in the first line I meant “I had a look at the picture they’d sent me” not ther profile pic

happinessischocolate Thu 18-Apr-19 08:26:57

My guess would be that it's him that messaging you.

I'd reply telling the sender to get lost and then block.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Thu 18-Apr-19 08:27:21

Surely the messages are going to your filtered inbox rather than your main one from those you are actually friends with? Just delete without opening if you aren't friends with them. I'd assume if it's lots of different profiles then it's not actually the guy from your past.

Whodafeck Thu 18-Apr-19 08:29:24

Just delete them.

I had a friend’s ex do this (sent pics of him dressed as a woman) I just deleted them, blocked the fake Facebook person and rang him to let him know (which was a very awkward conversation).

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 08:34:29

They are going into filtered but I sell stuff on fb sites and there’s no subject matter so I need to open them to see what it’s about, it’s like Russian roulette..

I haven’t responded and they can’t see I’ve opened it before I blocked them but it’s happening so much I’m actually concerned about him.

The pictures are definitely of him (or at least the same person) as you can see his face every time. It looks exactly like him and has the same distinguishing features, it’s just so odd. It’s happening so much now that I’m just so curious as to what the heck is going on?! How did they find me and what’s in it for them?

VanillaCoconutDove Thu 18-Apr-19 08:38:43

I’ve heard of men who enjoy sexual humiliation who have online domme figures, who would threaten to send compromising pictures to friends/family/ex’s if they don’t receive financial incentives.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 08:40:24

Ah I was wondering if it was something like that and he gave them my name as a low risk person?! Currently comparing the only photo I have of him with all the new ones to see if it is him, like a modern Sherlock Holmes..

SwimmingKaren Thu 18-Apr-19 08:41:17

Could he be sending them himself and be getting off on it somehow? Why would anyone else close to him even know who you are after all this time has passed? It sounds like some kind of kink thing to me.

Whodafeck Thu 18-Apr-19 08:41:23

In my case, thinking about it, I’d say I was an acquaintance rather than a close friend, does that make sense?

Halfrek Thu 18-Apr-19 08:48:07

I think it is him and he is doing it for kicks. He gets the double thrill of humilating himself and (attempting to) intimidate you at the same time.

Obviously a different situation to the ome you are in but you can see these behaviours described over and over from the partners of crossdressing men.

Tingface Thu 18-Apr-19 08:52:11

I think he’s pissed someone off and they’re trying to embarrass him.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 18-Apr-19 09:22:46

Just block and ignore, dont - as suggested - respond.

Lavellan Thu 18-Apr-19 09:25:07

It's him sending it to you, he gets off on people humiliating him. Delete, block, do not engage.

Unless you're into it I suppose lol.

InfiniteSheldon Thu 18-Apr-19 09:27:20

This is bordering on harassment it's funny ish now but I wouldn't like it

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:28:39

He has refused to pay a blackmailer

He has been silly and engaged with someone who is not who they appear to be online, has sent them compromising photos at their request, has then refused to pay however much they asked for, so they sent the photos to everyone on his email list

I think this is the most likely scenario

Unfortunately people kill themselves over these kinds of scam

I would report to the police if I was you, it might save his life if he is being blackmailed

WildFlower2019 Thu 18-Apr-19 09:29:06

I'd respond and say

"this is getting really boring now, I'm not interested."

OldAndWornOut Thu 18-Apr-19 09:30:13

Men pay good money to women who are prepared to humiliate them.
He is probably wanting you to respond by having a go at him for free.

ArabellaDoreenFig Thu 18-Apr-19 09:31:46

Sounds like a pervert to me.

This is exactly why I have NO problem with ‘kink’ shaming because it seems to me the rise of social media has led people think it’s perfectly acceptable to air all of their sexual lives out in public. It isn’t.

Furthermore the normalisation of ‘kink’ is a dangerous road to go down, particularly for woman and children, as it inevitably leads to the erosion of boundaries.

And OP you have no problem with this guy getting off on the idea that women should be submissive and need to be humiliated and dominated ? Think about what that says about how he views women.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 09:33:00

It sounds very much like a kink arrangement he has entered into. He’s a sissy and gets off on the humiliation, so most likely he’s got an online domme sending these pics as a way for him to get off.

It would be highly unlikely this was something he wasn’t consenting to. It’s very popular in that side of the kink scene.

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:33:07

It is also entirely possible that this kind of humiliating photo is not something he is into, but something that a criminal blackmailing network will try to trick people into.

He engages with someone he thinks is an attractive young woman (or man depending on his preference), the attractive young woman says I"I would really like it if you sent me photos of you wearing xxxx", the moment he sends the photo, he gets another request for something even more compromising, it goes on until he refuses at which point the demand for money and the threats appear.

This is an absolutely horrible crime

I would report it to the police, definitely

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:34:31

If he is not being blackmailed, and I think blackmail is the most likely scenario, he is harassing you

Either way report to the police

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 09:34:36

And OP you have no problem with this guy getting off on the idea that women should be submissive and need to be humiliated and dominated

ArabellaDoreenFig He’s a sissy; he thinks exactly the opposite. It’s him that wants a woman to humiliate and dominate him.

NottonightJosepheen Thu 18-Apr-19 09:38:24

Dons deerstalker cap, Edinburgh cloak and puffs on a calabash pipe...

'The messages were from him, OP. And you, OP are him or share his kink and are experiencing vicarious sexual pleasure in eliciting responses about your kink. Elementary, my dear Watson.'

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:39:03

The reason I think it is most likely to be blackmail is that these images have been sent to you and you hardly know the man.

Blackmailers will punish their victims by sending photos to all their contacts on email and social media.

If this man genuinely was into enforced feminisation / sissy humiliation / whatever you call it he would not be sending photos to people he hardly knows.

There is a thriving "scene" where he can meet like minded people if this is what he is into

This absolutely screams blackmail and sexploitation to me

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 09:43:46

If this man genuinely was into enforced feminisation / sissy humiliation / whatever you call it he would not be sending photos to people he hardly knows.

Oh, he really would. That’s part of the kink. Never heard of sexual “blackmail”? Some people really get off on it.

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:45:21

further reading

alittleprivacy Thu 18-Apr-19 09:53:07

I'd respond to one of the messages. I wouldn't get angry but I'd point out that the messages constitute online harassment and you are only responding this once to let them know that if you receive one more you will be contacting the police immediately. Then if you do receive one more, contact the police.

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 09:53:37

Oh, he really would. That’s part of the kink. Never heard of sexual “blackmail”? Some people really get off on it

You are talking about "financial domination" a type of fetish where men get off on being humiliated and blackmailed

I know more about this kind of thing that most women trust me

I have met women who work as financial dominatrixes

I also know much more about online scams and blackmail than most people, it is a subject I have researched for a long time

Just as there is a huge difference between 2 consenting adults role playing and non-consensual violence there is a huge difference between people playing at blackmail and people actually being blackmailed

The fact is that none of us know 100% what is going on here but it is either sexual harassment or blackmail

either way the police are the best people to deal with it

WhatTheWatersShowedMe Thu 18-Apr-19 10:02:11

I think hoodathunkit has the measure of this.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 10:05:31

Hello, just reading through but 100% not involved in the kink and not interested in it in any way. Reading about it has really opened my eyes, I immediately worried he was in trouble but actually realise he’s probably encouraging it and loving it. I feel a bit gross tbh as I have no interest in being involved. I told my boyfriend this morning and he wants me to contact the police as it’s hrassment and also possibly revenge porn

PotatoesDieInHotCars Thu 18-Apr-19 10:09:09

Just message back that you have reported this to Facebook and are going to report it to the police for sexual harrassment. It will probably stop then.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 10:11:23

I just wish he hadn’t involved me in this - I’m a very anxious, people pleasing person by nature and I’m trying to see this from all sides but it just makes me feel awful. I’m worried he’s in trouble, I’m worried he’s involving me in some weird sexual game, I’m worried I’m being exposed to scammers/blackmailers and I don’t even remember his surname and can’t find it anywhere. I’ve found a profile using a different variation of his name but no picture so can’t even see if it’s him. I’ve receieved more pictures from a different account now. None of them are nudes, the first one was him wearing a ball gag and heels and the others have been school girl pictures etc. So not porn but also very much what I would consider to be private and potentially embarsssing pictures. I just don’t know what to do or what to think but I’m reading up on sissy stuff and it’s just making me feel awful to be a part of it without my consent.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 18-Apr-19 10:13:44

weird, I'd just not respond and block

hoodathunkit Thu 18-Apr-19 10:21:28


call 101 and ask for advice

Try not to take it personally

You are probably one of hundred of people who have received these photos

I would NOT respond to any messages

if it is blackmailers this may give them your contact details

If it is a blackmailing network you do not want to have anything to do with them and responding may compromise your email / phone

if it is a man with a fetish getting off on sending unsolicited pics (which I doubt) responding will only excite him more

Contact the police ASAP

if it is blackmail the man's life could be at risk. Not just him, blackmail networks target thousands of young men and women

You could save lives by reporting this, so please make a difference and report to the cops asap

ArabellaDoreenFig Thu 18-Apr-19 10:22:32


The sissy part is imagining themselves as a woman (hence the clothes, wigs, make-up). Classic APG behaviour.

It’s misogyny at its finest.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 10:38:25

I’ve blocked everyone so hopefully I won’t recieve any messages. The pictures are very obviously posed so now I analyse it a bit more carefully I do think I’ve been chosen as a target on purpose. I have no problem with kinks but involving other people like this is disgusting.

Februaryblooms Thu 18-Apr-19 10:49:35

I'd be inclined to assume it's him sending the photos. I've known of somebody who 'gets off' on humiliation/feeling humiliated and there's also a bloke in a Facebook group I'm in who keeps posting embarrassing pictures of himself and asking other members to abuse him.

(The Facebook group is about bargains of all things so he keeps getting removed!)

Illberidingshotgun Thu 18-Apr-19 11:04:59

Yes, definitely report this to the police. It's definitely harassment (and I suspect it's him doing it) and there is the possibility he's being blackmailed as well. Either way, it's upsetting for you, and not appropriate.

Lavellan Thu 18-Apr-19 11:07:10

@dontmessagemethat sorry you were made to feel this way. That's the sexual harassment part of it, they've put you in a situation you didn't ask for. Just horrible. Unfortunately with it being sent from random anonymous accounts, there's unlikely to be anything the police can do.

Maybe write down any important information like the username and time you were contacted, just in case they try to do this again. But probably you were just unfortunate to end up on the receiving end of this and it won't happen again.xx

ReanimatedSGB Thu 18-Apr-19 11:10:16

It's possibly blackmail, possibly him trying to get his jollies. I would suggest sending ONE reply along the lines of: I don't know why you are sending me this stuff, don't send any more or I will report you to the authorities.'

ReanimatedSGB Thu 18-Apr-19 11:12:35

And stop thinking about it and reading about it - if it's not your kink then why give it any headspace? Just treat it the same way as you would any other unwanted spam (I get mainly lonely American generals who want to marry me...)

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 11:30:49

I think the reason I’m thinking about it so much is that it’s not just an anonymous person so I keep wondering what’s going on. It’s hard to contact the police as I can’t remember this full guy’s full name and he could be living anywhere in the U.K. so it’s a bit of a non starter. I do have a police officer neighbour who I know well so will have a chat with them this morning asking advice. I’ve taken screenshots of everything and blocked sonhopefully that’s the end of it. Thanks for the advice everyone!!

Richmond1972 Thu 18-Apr-19 11:31:04

his name doesnt begin with a D does it?

i dated a guy 6 years ago who seemed normal. a few months in the subject of sex began to appear. turns out he liked to be humiliated. he liked to dress like a woman and then be laughed at, called names and hit.

he wanted me to use a sex toy on him, slap him and insult his tiny penis (it wasnt tiny from what i could tell). he also said he did not like to ejaculate at any time as he "didnt deserve to" and if he accidentally did it he liked to be punished and laughed at.

he asked me to film him and demand he barked like a dog on all fours while i laughed at him and called him names. he then wanted me to keep the video and anytime he wouldnt do what i said, i was to threaten to send it to his mum. needless to say i didnt engage in anything and ran a mile.

sounds like this guy just wants your insults so he can get off on it. ignore him. or send nice things like you like his underwear!!

HamCheeseHamnCheese Thu 18-Apr-19 11:51:17

I've never heard of anything like this.. what is 'sissy kink'??

Have I been living under a rock?!

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 12:07:22

No, not a d. Does sound v similar although I never actually did anything more than a kiss with this guy which is why it’s so bizarre he’s chosen me!

It’s basically men dressing in stereotypical female lingerie and being mocked by women and “emasculated” I guess. Focus on humiliation. I only know about it because a friend told me about it a while ago.

ChinkChink Thu 18-Apr-19 12:20:03

Message back saying he looks really masculine and dominating. That should shut the fucker up.

CurtainsOpen Thu 18-Apr-19 13:09:49

Thanks for sharing, fella

motherheroic Thu 18-Apr-19 13:25:40

'Sissy's' usually send their pictures to people in the hopes that they will be verbally humiliated.

dontmessagemethat Thu 18-Apr-19 13:30:45

He’s definitely picked the wrong person, I’m way too nice to humiliate!

ReanimatedSGB Tue 23-Apr-19 13:38:31

Look, honestly, you are giving this too much time and mental energy. Just block and delete. You're not friends with this man and he is not your problem.

puckingfixies Tue 23-Apr-19 14:00:11

Contact the police, if he is sending the photos he is making the OP an unwilling participant in his sexual fetish, if he's not sending them he may be in trouble.

dontmessagemethat Tue 23-Apr-19 16:52:31

They’ve stopped sending the photos now thankfully, I said I would contact the police about harassment if they continued. Can’t do much to help the guy - I’ve tried looking for him online but can’t find him and I can’t remember his full name/don’t know where he lives so doubt the police would be able to do much. Think the accounts are fake as well because they’ve clearly only just been set up.

handbag4444 Tue 16-Jul-19 10:42:54

I have to be honest I have heard of this happening before and I really wouldn't be to worried, he sounds like he might be a submissive and serving a mistress who has maybe done some consensual blackmail with him, he has maybe been out of order and sent her your details so that she can expose him to you for his own humiliation, as normally a mistress will ask for a name of someone he had has a crush on!

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