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Neighbour let himself in our garden and started knocking on our patio door

(116 Posts)
Dontcomeinmygarden Wed 17-Apr-19 17:29:41

So. DH is in the shower. I’m upstairs. Ds is up and down. He comes and finds me and says ‘mummy, I think there is a man in our garden!’. I was thinking WTF and followed him downstairs to the garden door where indeed there was a man- my dopey neighbour standing staring in to our living room door. He had let himself in to our garden by putting his hand over the fence to unlock the gate, and decided to knock on our back door instead of going round the front and pressing the doorbell. I was really pissed off that he did that, I was walking round the house in my pjs and ds was panicked when he saw someone out there.

Turned out he just wanted to ask if we minded if he had a look at the guttering in case there was a blockage and needed to come our side a bit.

AIBU to be annoyed? My view of this might be a bit coloured by various other crap including them installing a set of drums in the kids bedroom, nicking a bit of our garden when they put the fence up, being offish and also him winking suggestively at me once just after I met him!

Nicknacky Wed 17-Apr-19 17:34:15

I would just tell him in future to use the front door.

DisplayPurposesOnly Wed 17-Apr-19 17:34:28

"Please come to the front door in future."

And a padlock on the back gate wink

Aquamarine1029 Wed 17-Apr-19 17:34:39

Why don't you just tell him to never let himself in your garden again? Who cares if he doesn't like it.

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 17-Apr-19 17:37:24

YANBU to be annoyed.
I would have asked him WTF he thought he was doing entering your back garden without permission. I would have really lost my temper with him.

I'd also find a decent handyman fairly sharpish to put a better side gate with better locking mechanism so that he can't do that again.

Farmerswifey12 Wed 17-Apr-19 17:38:37

One of mine did something similar twice after being asked not to, I advised him not to as we have a dog and he wouldn't like a strange man coming into his space

Though in reality he'd probably have rolled onto his back for a tummy rub if he'd been out in the garden

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 17-Apr-19 17:38:46

Also stop being such a pushover when it comes to this man. Stand your ground. Tell him that he needs to fix the fence so that you get your land back.

Inadvertentlybrilliant Wed 17-Apr-19 17:41:20

I'd probably have been so shocked that I would have gone ballistic at him. Definitely a padlock on the gate anyway but also insist that he rings the doorbell in future. Tell him it isn't on and that you or DH (or both wink) may have been in a state of undress.

peachgreen Wed 17-Apr-19 17:44:03

These threads are always full of MN warriors telling you to stand up for yourself, no is a complete sentence etc etc, but they're not the ones who have to then continue living next door to the person! For the sake of neighbourly relations I'd let it slide but if he does it again just say "could I ask you to use the front in future? It gives DS a bit of a fright to see someone in the garden unexpectedly."

RosamundDarnley Wed 17-Apr-19 17:46:31

Good job you're not Oscar Pistorius, eh! He wouldn't have been able to do that twice. I mean, around here no one thinks anything of just appearing at someone's back door when popping in, but we live in a teeny tiny village and everyone knows everyone else's business. Nice sometimes but sometimes a bit stifling.

You've really got to assert your boundaries with the neighbour.

flumpybear Wed 17-Apr-19 17:46:47

Just tell him nicely to use the front door as you're quite private people and don't want to have worries that somebody may able to see the family through the private windows ... as my DD Would day perhaps end it or start it with 'no offence ' wink

TheSecondMrsAshwell Wed 17-Apr-19 17:47:27

"could I ask you to use the front in future? It gives DS a bit of a fright to see someone in the garden unexpectedly."

This. Going bananas is not the way forward here - he probably didn't even think.

If he does it again, however, he leaves with a rake inserted into him.

Honeyroar Wed 17-Apr-19 18:06:52

Could you put a bolt lower down where he can't reach, or do you need to come in through that side?

MaybeitsMaybelline Wed 17-Apr-19 18:08:34

I would have said “bloody hell Fred, you nearly caught me naked and that wouldn’t have been good for either of us, ring the front bell in future will you.”

CircleofWillis Wed 17-Apr-19 18:10:49

Did you get your bit of garden back?

Monkeyssplit Wed 17-Apr-19 18:19:34

I don't get what he did wrong. It's like another world on here. He knocked on your back door and you freaked out? And responses indicate they too think this unacceptable. Back door knocking is commonplace where I live, especially from neighbours.

sonjadog Wed 17-Apr-19 18:20:42

My neighbour did this until I asked him not to. No need to lose your temper. Just say you don't want him doing that.

DishingOutDone Wed 17-Apr-19 18:37:25

My neighbour did this when he had dementia. Unless your neighbour needs extra patience due to a neurological condition I'd definitely be telling him where to go!

What did you say OP?

TheGrey1houndSpeaks Wed 17-Apr-19 18:47:48

Did you let him leave the fence over your boundary?!

Flyingaddict Wed 17-Apr-19 19:02:03

So what did he say when you told him not to do it again? Nothing probably because you didn’t tell him .

yorkshirecountrylass Wed 17-Apr-19 19:07:26

Wow. I'm actually amazed. And bl**dy glad to have a relationship with our next door neighbour in which it is perfectly acceptable for us to jump over each other's fence/retrieve an errant four legged friend/two legged child without worrying about infuriating each other! I'm only in my thirties so not quite from the days of everyone leaving their doors unlocked while they went on holiday but still!

CherryPlum Wed 17-Apr-19 19:07:55

That's incredibly rude, no way he should be doing that!

Do you have a bolt lower down on the gate? If not I'd get one put in anyway for home security reasons because you don't want people to be able to access the garden like that.

Chouetted Wed 17-Apr-19 19:08:52

I wouldn't think twice about this! Why is there a gate in the fence if you don't expect people to come through it? Completely and utterly normal.

It used to be that the front door was never used except for funerals and so on...

Just say it gave you a bit of a start and ask him not to do it again. problem solved.

Heidi82 Wed 17-Apr-19 19:12:38

YANBU at all! I'm afraid we've had issues like this with neighbours who have no boundaries and I've instantly addressed it without hesitation.

goodwinter Wed 17-Apr-19 19:12:45

Why is there a gate in the fence if you don't expect people to come through it?

Why have a front door if you're not willing to let people walk into your house whenever they want?

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