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To think the rich girlfriend could contribute something?

(497 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Funkyfox123 Tue 16-Apr-19 01:13:59

Fully prepared to be told IABU as many others have I am just at my wits end with her

Ex and I separated a couple of years ago leaving me with a primary school age DS. He pays maintenance through CMS and has DS a couple of days a week. I asked him to increase maintenance or pay extra towards uniforms etc but he has declined as the rest of his salary goes towards his own rent and bills

He has a new, younger girlfriend who is a high earner, forever jetting off abroad etc etc. As she can afford to take my ex with her to Australia, I didn’t think it was much trouble to ask if she could contribute towards uniform or even help exp with bills so he can increase his payments

She has outright refused and quite rudely stated that my son is not her responsibility and her finances are none of my business, her DP pays the legal requirement and she will not be increasing that.

AIBU to expect her to contribute towards her step son?

DailyMailFuckRightOff Tue 16-Apr-19 01:17:19

Yes you are. Your child is not her child. She has no responsibility towards him. If she were poor or you didn’t know her financial affairs would you expect her to pay?

Sorry things are difficult.

Fjfs Tue 16-Apr-19 01:17:42


bsc Tue 16-Apr-19 01:17:50

Yes, YABU. Why on earth would she?
His dad pays maintenance?

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin Tue 16-Apr-19 01:18:01

I can sympathise with you for financially struggling, especially since you can see your ex enjoying a much better standard of living, but yes, YABU.

MooseBeTimeForSnow Tue 16-Apr-19 01:19:04

They’re not married. He isn’t her step son. She’s not legally obligated.

Even if they were married, she’s still not legally obligated.

Greeborising Tue 16-Apr-19 01:20:12

I’m afraid you are being unreasonable to expect her to contribute towards your son.
I can see why you feel frustrated but she’s right to say that her finances are none of your business

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord Tue 16-Apr-19 01:20:27

If they're not married/otherwise totally committed to each other then I'm sorry, but I agree with her.

Your ex is a shit. She's bonkers for nailing her colours to his mast.

But from your post, I don't see why she should be responsible for his/your child.

However, I feel very sorry for you and the situation you're in, and even more sorry for your DS with his pathetic excuse for a dad who has a not-especially-nice girlfriend.

BreastSideStory Tue 16-Apr-19 01:20:27


She’s right. He’s not her responsibility. He’s also not her stepson, he’s her boyfriend’s child. Also her finances or how much she earns are absolutely nothing to do with you.

It’s shocking you think otherwise.

mimibunz Tue 16-Apr-19 01:20:30

Lol! She’s not the one who’s rude.

Flightywoman Tue 16-Apr-19 01:21:36

Sorry, YABU. Your son is not her responsibility, regardless of her salary...

I'm sorry it's so hard for you at the moment.

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord Tue 16-Apr-19 01:21:47

arrrgh! X posted with half of MN!

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord Tue 16-Apr-19 01:22:12

but I said it nicer than most of them!

LordWheresMyShoes Tue 16-Apr-19 01:22:39

Of course YABU. I'm not quite sure why you don't realise that from her pointing out that he's not her responsibility. He's not. confused

BreastSideStory Tue 16-Apr-19 01:22:51

Also even if they were married then what she earns is STILL nothing to do with you or your child.
It’s up to you and his dad to provide for your son.
If (and it’s a massive if) your ex’s new partner decides to treat your son or contribute financially to his upbringing in any way then she would be doing it out of kindness, not obligation

BreastSideStory Tue 16-Apr-19 01:24:57

Your ex is a shit
How exactly? He’s paying maintenance... just because the OP isn’t happy with the amount doesn’t make him a shit confused

EL8888 Tue 16-Apr-19 01:25:45

Why is your child and your finances her responsibility or problem? She is well within her rights to tell you to get lost and has done so. I would do the same. Maybe your solution is to earn a better salary or work more hours rather than your ex’s girlfriend

MarthasGinYard Tue 16-Apr-19 01:28:02

Why should tour ex's girlfriend pay for your DS?confused

You ex sounds like he certainly doesn't mind taking from her....

She'll probably get sick of that.

Someoneonlyyouknow Tue 16-Apr-19 01:30:12


Lol! She’s not the one who’s rude.


Are you struggling? How would you feel if your ex started to question how you are spending your money? How much is school uniform for a primary aged child? There would (rightfully) be condemnation if exDH was paying less than CMS but why should he pay more?

RustyShackleford Tue 16-Apr-19 01:31:53

Yeah, you are so 100 percent in the wrong it's hilarious.

And fwiw, new girlfriend does not equal sm.

Alicewond Tue 16-Apr-19 01:32:42

I’m on the fence here, yes it’s wrong to expect girlfriend to contribute financially. However as a girlfriend to a child’s dad who earned more than boyfriend I did help out. It want because I was asked or forced however, it was in small ways like school uniform or fun exciting stationary for going back to school time. Many years ago now as she is fully grown. I would have been annoyed if it was forced or expected, however I did it simply because I loved the child. Unfortunately on the other hand mother of the child only expected more and stated on one occasion (the last) I should have given her the money instead. So like I say, on the fence on whether it’s good to help or not

Saracen Tue 16-Apr-19 01:33:08

YABU. I can't believe you asked her for money.

S1naidSucks Tue 16-Apr-19 01:33:37


BreastSideStory Tue 16-Apr-19 01:38:18

A couple of these comments are completely out of order imo.

Saying “he certainly doesn't mind taking from her” is inherently sexist and ridiculous!

His gf is a high earner and takes him on holiday with her... so fucking what?

I earn more than my DP so often pay for our holidays, doesn’t make him a “taker” or a scrounger of any sort. If a higher earning man books a holiday for him and his partner no one would bat an eyelid.

Also to @MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord why are you saying you feel sorry for DS with his pathetic excuse for a dad who has a not-especially-nice girlfriend
WTAF?! His dad pays the correct maintenance and has regular contact (a couple of nights a week) what exactly is he doing wrong? Or the gf for that matter?

If my DSDs mum asked for my money to contribute to her maintenance I would have replied the same as the gf in this situation. It’s a joke she even asked!

SpaceCadet4000 Tue 16-Apr-19 01:39:26

YABVU, She's not exactly being rude if you were being a cheeky fucker in the first place!

Why the hell should she pay for your child?! It's not her stepchild if they aren't married. Even if they were married you go to your ex for this stuff.

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