Is it ever justified for a parent to do this?

[ChateauneufDuTwat]

Apologies in advance for frustrating vagueness as I just want a subjective answer to the question rather than a full analysis of the situation.

Q. Is it ever ok for a divorced parent to actively encourage/allow their children to call their new spouse (not their DC's parent) 'Mum/Dad' when said parent of DC is still 100% on the scene and involved in DCs lives?

DC are 10 and 8. Step-parent has been in their lives for 5 years.

It's not Daddy for actual parent and DaddyFred for step-parent btw but Dad for both. Or Mum.

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Never been in the situation so I suppose I may not be totally able to comment, but I would say no it's never ok. Especially if the parent in question is still involved. I think this would be very hurtful for the parent.

[Confusedbeetle]

For me its not ok

[DizzyPhillips]

No I don’t think so.

[Ohfuhfoxsake]

No.

It’s potentially confusing for the child, complicates family matters and it’s unnecessary.

It could cause huge ructions and isn’t fair on the parent.

[marypoppins10]

No it's not ok, if my children were calling their dads partner mum I would be furious, that's my title.

[Dontsweatthelittlestuff]

No I cannot see under any circumstances where that would be acceptable.

[NaturatintGoldenChestnut]

Not okay at all.

[queenrollo]

No. My husband is called by his first name and my son does the same for his stepmother.

[DramaAlpaca]

I've not been in that situation but it sounds all sorts of wrong to me.

[Tavannach]

No, it's daft. How would a teacher or someone know who was being referred to?
One title per person.

[ShabbyAbby]

There are words for them
"Step-mum" or "Step-Dad"
Or "Kate" and "Fred" or whatever

I think sometimes it can get confusing if they have half siblings or don't have a relationship with the biological parent, but in that case it should be the child's choice never pushed on them.

I have met a couple of women who encouraged their kids to call their boyfriend of days/weeks/months "Daddy" but the man never stuck around and the kids ended up confused. One of the reasons those women are no longer my "friends"

[Samind]

It's not ok. I wouldn't like it if my partner and I split up for lo to call his new partner mummy xyz.

[picklemepopcorn]

I'm going to break the mould and disagree. Children generally know who is who. If there are other children in the family calling the person Dad, then the child will feel different calling them Fred.
Children shouldn't be told what to call someone, and equally shouldn't be told not to.
They get to choose.

[BetsyBigNose]

Never. I'd be really upset and angry about this and would expect the exH or exW to put a stop to it immediately. I would also advise the child that they should refer to the Step-Parent as "Bob" or "Julie", rather than anything more familial.

[Turquoisetamborine]

My mam left my dad when I was newborn. No abuse or anything but they weren’t suited. I always had weekly contact with him (still do).
There was possibly a cross over with my stepdad coming into my life but I always remember living with him and I’ve never lived with my real dad. When they had my brother when I was four obviously he called him dad so I did too.
He was quite honestly the most amazing man though (still is) and I’m proud to have two dads in my life and I think my real dad should feel glad I have him in my life.
He’s gone above and beyond what you would even expect a real parent to do.
He and my Mam separated when I was 9 but they shared joint custody of both me and my brother (still seeing real dad at weekends). He is still a massive part of my life 30 years on even though he never had any obligation to be. He deserves to be called Dad.

[Xyzzzzz]

No

[ChateauneufDuTwat]

There are no shared DC between divorced parent and spouse so no confusion over some DC using "Mum/Dad' and others 'Kate/Fred'.

[OddBoots]

There is a difference between encouraging and allowing.

[ChateauneufDuTwat]

Turquoise He sounds absolutely wonderful but that it is an entirely different scenario to the one I have described.

[JacquesHammer]

I wouldn’t actively encourage because I feel the children should choose themselves.

I wouldn’t have an issue if DD wanted to call her step-mum “mum”.

[hipposarerad]

This happened to me. I got sat down and my stepdad said "me and your mum thought you might like to call me dad now we're married." My mum didn't say anything, but I'm such a pathetic people pleaser I agreed because I felt I kind of had to.

I felt like such a betrayer to my poor dad. And my stepdad still left my mum years later because she had the audacity to age and put on weight. Oh and she found out he was fucking anything with a pulse.

All in all it wasn't a great experience.

[IncrediblySadToo]

Hmmm.

If the child is resident with one parent and there’s a good relationship with the step parent and the child wants to, then, I think it’s up to the child. Especially if there are (step) siblings too.

I think if the other parent IS genuinely very involved the child probably won’t want to call the step parent Mum or Dad, but if they’re fulfilling that role & the child wants to, then...

IF, however, it’s coming from the adults, it’s not acceptable.

[JaneEyre07]

No. Not remotely OK in my book.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

My step son had a speech delay and for awhile Every one got called ' mummy ' - however I would still correct him gently and say oh I'm not mummy I'm Brolly!
I would never encourage that as a step parent, it's not right. ( unless bio parent wasn't in the picture at all )

[ChateauneufDuTwat]

It's encouraged by parent. They refer to step-parent as 'mum/dad' with the DC and posts on social media reflect this.

When parent is pissed off with other parent these social media posts referring to step-parent as mum/dad increase significantly.