To feel a bit disappointed?(14 Posts)
Context: dh is usually amazing, more than pulls his weight around the house, e. g. does all the cooking these days.
Over the last decade I have started one career, developed MH problems (severe anxiety and depression), lost that career, very slowly recovered while doing a series of low paid jobs for which I was overqualified, retrained (paid for with inheritance money) and this week found out I am now qualified in my new role and have a permanent job and career in the new thing.
Last night I bought a bottle of champagne for us. Dh didn't fancy having any (he's never had a problem with it before), and watched a rugby match on the telly. I said something along the lines of "I thought we might celebrate a bit" and he said "but I told you last week I was going to watch this. Its an important game". So I drank myself to sleep on the champagne while he watched the rugby. I hate rugby. And now I can't stop thinking that that sodding rugby game is more important to dh than my recovery from MH problems and start of a new career. (rugby game decided which of two teams went to the bottom of the league, btw. Dh is not a particularly passionate fan, plays a bit but doesn't usually attend games)
I've worked really hard this year, it's not always been straightforward.
When dh got a new job I got him a card and took him out for dinner.
Am I being a spoilt brat?
You're not being a brat at all. Your DH could have had a glass of champagne with you first if he knew that it would make you happy. It wouldn't prevent him watching rugby afterwards.
Dont underestimated how hard it is to live with someone with MH conditions. I say that as someone who has had to help my DH through depression which I believe then led to me being diagnosed with depression myself. Yes he maybe should have been more accommodating in helping you celebrate but in the nicest way possible remember it's not all about you, I'm sure there have been times he would have liked you to do something with him and you haven't, maybe due to your MH but like I say MH can be really tough on the family not just the individual.
Thanks for the replies/perspective. Have decided not to bring it up. Glad I checked here first
It's a bit twattish that he couldn't force one glass of champagne down his throat to celebrate his wife's new job.
I can see why you’re disappointed, maybe it would have been better to say to him that you’d like to celebrate and what night would suit him better?
Congratulations on the job!
Is he actually worried that starting the new job will worsen your MH issues?
I’d talk to him gently and just check that his reluctance to celebrate wasn’t down to concern.
You have done brilliantly to study and recover but don’t underestimate the effect it will have had on him too supporting you through it.
Why couldn't you have celebrated after the rugby?
OP congratulations on your new job and making positive steps in your life.
It sounds like your OH was being a little insensitive however for some people sporting features are important, and he did tell you this was a game he wanted to watch- you said he had mentioned it a week ago.
If I wanted to celebrate a little I would check with my OH for an appropriate window of time- he is often on call or works odd hours from home - as do I.
Springing an ad hoc celebration on my OH wouldn't work, but if I approached him in plain language " I would like us to celebrate my new job - how about Saturday tea time? or whwnever- I have bought some champagne"
My OH would be there with bells on- if that was a good time for him.
You are not being a spoiled brat, just not organised enough.
YANBU, he has been really selfish. Maybe he had been planning to watch that game, but it clearly wasn’t so important that he couldn’t have put it aside for the sake of celebrating a really impressive achievement of yours.
My ex would subtly ruin any happy moment for me doing something along those lines.
Nothing too overt, like when I won third place in a writing competition he said "oh, well, shame it wasn't first place. You can't really celebrate coming third, can you?"
Just little put downs that made me feel like shit or sucked the joy out of my successes.
For me...and I might be the only one, but I would hope to be more important than a rugby match. My now DH wouldn't hesitate to celebrate, whatever his plans. So I'd be upset too.
Well done OP on turning your life around and working so hard to recover from MH
Well done on turning your situation around OP!
Couldn’t you have opened the Champagne together, poured your glasses, had a toast and still watch Rugby?
We often share wine whilst oh is watching tv and I’m on my tablet.
Speak to him. Tell him you're disappointed and celebrate tonight.
There myriad potential reasons why;
Some people do see these stupid sports games as super important.
He’s absolutely shattered from work/cooking/housework AND supporting a spouse with MH issues which is draining and so, so tough.
He’s worried about the pressure of a new job.
He’s worried because you’re on medication and shouldn’t drink?
He’s a twat who doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself.
He doesn’t sound like the last one from what you’ve said about him, but you know him. We don’t.
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