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Ex in laws

(38 Posts)
youmakemyheartsing Fri 12-Apr-19 23:56:53

Not really an aibu but posting for traffic, how often do your ex in-laws see your children?
Going through a horrible break up and all's ex mother in law can say to me Is " when can she see dgc? It's been2 weeks ( because I need space to find else where to live etc ) but you'd think the world had ended and I've been accused of stopping her seeing dd!
FWIW we've split because of ex mil I couldn't deal with her nasty comments and ex p not doing anything about it tia xx

QueenofallIsee Fri 12-Apr-19 23:59:09

My ex in laws see the children every day....that they are with their father! It’s not your job to sort out now OP, enjoy being free of the obligation! Firmly send her to her son for arrangements during HIS contact time

Chocmallows Sat 13-Apr-19 00:01:11

Yes, they see MIL from hell regularly ... when with their dad. Not my problem to arrange anymore!

youmakemyheartsing Sat 13-Apr-19 00:01:30

Thing Is we still live together until the house is sold, I don't trust her not to give dd something she can't have ( she has intolerance and an allergy ) he never stood up to them when they spoke badly to me so I don't trust him fully to say no when it comes to dd if he needs to xx

youmakemyheartsing Sat 13-Apr-19 00:03:22

How often do your kids see their dads too? When I move ex wants to come round daily 🙄

sweeneytoddsrazor Sat 13-Apr-19 00:03:26

Has she given your DD something she has an allergy to?

youmakemyheartsing Sat 13-Apr-19 00:04:52

No but constantly says can she have this or that knowing full well she can't, I got the impression she did it to wind me up because I won't let her have dd on her own which I have good enough reason not too xx

maddening Sat 13-Apr-19 00:05:03

Fuck off speak to your son you are fuck all to do with me now that I have ended my relationship to escape from you.

That should cover it

Mummymummums Sat 13-Apr-19 00:05:33

Does she know you broke up because of her?
This isn't your problem - she's only hot herself to blame and frankly as you're not with her son now I'd give it to her with both barrels and let her know you don't trust her regarding food issues.
As pp have said, she can see then when they're with her son in future. They won't be harmed by not seeing her for a while.

youmakemyheartsing Sat 13-Apr-19 00:06:17

Maddening that made me chuckle Thankyou I needed that Tonight, if only I had the guts to say it 🙈😂 xx

Chocmallows Sat 13-Apr-19 00:18:49

My DC have EOW and two O/N in the week for my weekend week. Once a month in term-time months he has an additional day. Holidays are around 60:40 to me.

He initially said he would do more, but did little and often, which was really irritating and involved me running about lots. He took me to court to say he thought I was too much in control (DD went through a stage of not wanting to visit due to medical issue). Court agreed with me and I have better blocked time. He picks up and returns mainly through school.

Little and often is really disruptive for everyone!

SandyY2K Sat 13-Apr-19 00:20:14

Can you block her or does she ask in person?

Tell her once you've settled down, you'll let her know.

youmakemyheartsing Sat 13-Apr-19 00:24:16

I could block her but I'm a bit of a weasel 🙈 it's very what mil wants mil gets, Hence the split, she has already rang ex up crying saying I won't let her see dd, it's only been 2 weeks, from my point of view because of their nastiness and ex not standing up to them I've got to leave the house I thought was a home, move dd out of the only home she's known my worlds turned upside down and all's she can think about is herself ahhhh xx

youmakemyheartsing Sat 13-Apr-19 00:49:23

And how often do you have contact with your exes? I think mine is expecting to speak daily 😱

Brandnewshit Sat 13-Apr-19 01:03:21

Not only is my ex out of my life, his horrible family are too
It's his issue to facilitate contact with them,
You are free of her now

Happynow001 Sat 13-Apr-19 01:57:53

@youmakemyheartsing

How often do your kids see their dads too? When I move ex wants to come round daily
Hi OP. Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. However, if you're unable to find the strength to build some strong boundaries on both your behalf and that of your child(ren) the only thing which will change for you all is location.

Chocmallows has given you a guide (eg every other weekend etc) - make sure your Ex doesn't keep messing you and the DC about contact days - you will need to stand your ground on their behalf as often as possible (taking into account emergencies which may come up).

Do not feel you have to let him into your new home at any time, let alone daily. This is your new sanctuary with them, and neither he nor your MIL have any entitlement to enter your new home. He can meet the DC on the doorstep when he collects.

As for your MIL seeing the children she can see them in your STBXH's contact time and not yours. Maybe consider blocking her from being able to contact you as she doesn't sound as if she's cooperative and is likely to make things more difficult.

If you and your STBX can communicate civilly by phone (though doesn't sound it from his side) that's great, otherwise communication by text or email only. That would also give you a "paper trail" if things get nasty and you need proof of his actions during/after the split.

You may want to check these websites also for help regarding benefits/finances.
https://www.entitledto.co.ukk_

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenancee_

and don't forget to claim your single person discount in your Council Tax - it all helps!

Good luck. 🌹

FauxJoMalaux Sat 13-Apr-19 07:51:48

You have my sympathy OP!

Watching this with interest - I have demanding and completely unreasonable in laws who also were the main reason for my marriage break down.

CanuckBC Sat 13-Apr-19 08:05:38

How old are your children?

Everyday! Hell no! If you wanted everyday you would have stayed with him😆 Set up a routine of contact that you want to stick with. If it’s every other weekend and one evening during the week he doesn’t get them on the weekend, perfect. Depending on the age of your child you can the set up a bedtime phone call/slow/FaceTime without you to say goodnight. Done. Text or email for all contact as there is no reason for phone calls. Better documentation that way.

Ex-mil can have contact through ex. She can pound sand. And 2 weeks! That’s barely anything! Especially as you are just dealing with the break up! She is a nasty one isn’t she. Wait until the reality sets in!

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 13-Apr-19 08:05:53

I don't understand. Why isn't Mil talking to her son about seeing her grandchild?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Sat 13-Apr-19 09:03:20

we've split because of ex mil

I’d tell her to call her precious son and arrange it with him.,,

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Sat 13-Apr-19 09:25:22

OP now is the time to be honest with MIL...tell her calmly that she is a major contributing factor to your marriage breakdown and for you and your family being in the situation you find yourselves in...and also tell her whilst this upheavel is ongoing she is way way down on your list of priorities and you will get back to her when you and her grandchildren are settled....what have you got to loose by being honest? She will be nothing to you nor should she be very soon ...

JagerPlease Sat 13-Apr-19 09:35:14

There is no standard in terms of contact, I have 50/50 so EOW and 2/3 days per week depending on whose weekend it was. Ex and I text most days as DS is too young to pass on information himself and we're aiming to be consistent about bedtime routine, potty training etc, and we general share photos etc. But neither of us get involved with our exILs unless it's my mum who lives down the road and sometimes does a bit of childcare for us

PregnantSea Sat 13-Apr-19 09:40:41

Can you reply to her texts and just say "ex and I aren't together anymore so you'd be better off contacting him to arrange things from now on".

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 13-Apr-19 10:43:20

"She will be nothing to you nor should she be very soon ..."

Except her child's grandmother who will be in her life forever by the sounds of it. What is to be gained from making this divorce so adversarial? They haven't actually split up because of the inlaws - if anything they have split because the op doesn't like the relationship her dp has with his family. Who knows what has gone on but we've only been given the barest bones here.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:50:09

Yeah just tell her that in view of the fact that you are about to separate she needs to discuss these matters with her son, now, and going forward into the future.

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