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MIL disagreeing with our parenting decisions.

(67 Posts)
amelee Fri 12-Apr-19 19:32:07

My DS is almost 7 months old now and I’ve been back at work about a month. Myself and OH are pescatarian and have discussed at length and agreed that we would not give our DS meat. I plan all of his meals, cook them fresh at the weekend and freeze them. My MIL looks after DS while we are at work and we pay her to do so. I pack his food everyday so she does not have to cook for him. Anyway, she has said that she does not agree with us and thinks that we should feed him meat (disclaimer I don’t care if other people eat meat, that’s their decision). What I’m annoyed about is that she’s getting involved in the parenting decisions that we have made when she has no right to. I really like her and we get on well so I don’t want this to be an issue but I think if I found out that she has been feeding him meat etc I’d have to rethink childcare arrangements because I wouldn’t trust her to respect our decisions regarding our son.

formerbabe Fri 12-Apr-19 19:34:20

You need to pay for professional childcare where your decisions will be respected.

Yanbu by the way

Didntwanttochangemyname Fri 12-Apr-19 19:35:26

Do you trust her to follow your instructions?

ScreamScreamIceCream Fri 12-Apr-19 19:36:04

Then you need to pay for another childcare provider.

Tunnockswafer Fri 12-Apr-19 19:36:34

You won’t find out though will you. So if you can’t trust her, you need to find alternate care.

Rosehip345 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:37:43

She’ll go against you and you won’t find out until he’s older and can ‘report’ back. Get proper childcare

GregoryPeckingDuck Fri 12-Apr-19 19:39:34

This is less a parenting decision and more forcing your personal beliefs on your child. Nothing wrong with it per se, it’s similat to raising your child a Christian. But it’s not parenting to choose to restrict you child’s diet in one way or another for any non-health related reason.

IncrediblySadToo Fri 12-Apr-19 19:43:00

But it’s not parenting to choose to restrict you child’s diet in one way or another for any non-health related reason

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Of course what your child eats is a parenting decision.

Goady nonsense.


You’re in for a world of drama having her look after DS.

You’re already paying, choose to pay someone who will respect your choices for your child.

SpinningSister Fri 12-Apr-19 19:43:27

Lots of things are personal beliefs - like using cloth nappies over disposable- Someone will be unhappy about the environmental effects and choose cloth.
That’s enforcing a personal belief on a child

I don’t see why vegetarianism is any different ?
Ps I eat meat

malmi Fri 12-Apr-19 19:44:10

Gregory, so Jews and Muslims can't parent then?

Aquamarine1029 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:46:17

She is going to go behind your back and feed him meat, I guarantee it. She's telling you loud and clear she thinks she knows better than you do. You need to find another childcare set-up. Could you afford a nanny?

Sparklybanana Fri 12-Apr-19 19:47:11

It’s very hard to get enough protein into young kids and they do need it to develop properly. I can understand where you come from as I don’t eat meat personally but I do let my kids eat it with the caveat that it’s actaully meat as opposed to the crap you get mascarading as meat. My daughter doesn’t like the veggie alternatives but my son does. You could actually get the best of both worlds as your mil could sort out the meat so he does eat some, but you don’t have to prepare it. I decided to let them eat it partly because I think it’s a good form of protein but also because it is their choice. If they want to become veggie in future then great, but if they pick meat up now then that’s their choice.
Yes it is your decision but there’s nothing wrong in having an opinion as long as she respects your choice.

ReleaseTheBats Fri 12-Apr-19 19:47:17

GregoryPeckingDuck do you think being a vegan, vegetarian or pescatarian is a personal belief but being an omnivore isn't?

Or that wanting your child to eat a vegan, vegetarian or pescatarian diet is forcing your personal beliefs on them but the same for an omnivore diet isn't?

Tunnockswafer Fri 12-Apr-19 19:47:44

Though my pil talked like this too and yet actually went out of their way to find veggie food for us so the disagreement doesn’t necessarily lead to action.

Drum2018 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:49:29

Ask her straight out if she has given him meat. You'll probably know by her reaction - e.g. red face, stutter, brushing it off quickly if she's guilty. If she has then you need to decide whether you can trust her not to do it again and find another childminder if necessary. If you feel she hasn't given him meat then just tell her that your decision is final and imply that if she goes against your decision she won't be minding him.

fecketyfeck21 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:52:09

i don't think i'd trust her tbh but then i'm vegan, you need respecting of your ideas child care. she might kick off and whinge and possibly grizzle but that's her problem not yours.

coral13 Fri 12-Apr-19 20:00:53

@releasethebats I couldn't agree more!!!

If you are choosing to give your child meat, you are still making the choice for them, the same way if you giving them vegetarian food.

We eat predominantly vegan at home (I'm vegan and my husband is pescatarian). At home our child will probably be mainly vegan with added fish. I don't think eating meat, especially red meat is healthy in the slightest and therefore won't be cooking it for my child.

My MIL eats meat but is completely chilled about our choices. It's obvious me and her son are the fit, but healthy sports people of the family and clearly have no issues so she has no reason to be concerned about our child.

She wouldn't dream of feeding our child meat behind our backs! If I thought there was a chance then she wouldn't be given the chance to try. If I don't think we can trust you, then you won't be looking after our child alone.

BruceAndNosh Fri 12-Apr-19 20:04:58

It’s very hard to get enough protein into young kids and they do need it to develop properly
Doesn't fish contain protein?

apmlee Fri 12-Apr-19 20:05:59

We’ve researched this a lot and it is not a decision that we have taken lightly at all. Meals are made to ensure that he gets protein and he eats a variety of beans, pluses, fish, eggs and dairy. So we are not worried about deficiencies.

clairethewitch70 Fri 12-Apr-19 20:06:09

Tell her someone gave him meat and he was violently ill as his stomach wasn't used to it.

snowdrop6 Fri 12-Apr-19 20:06:11

We are vegan .we had the same issues.she never got left alone with them till they knew what they were eating.and could say so..I’d be looking for proper childcare

MadeForThis Fri 12-Apr-19 20:06:50

You need to make it clear to her that it's fine if she has an opinion, everyone does,but she doesn't get an input into parenting decisions.

She needs to respect that you both do things differently.

I would be extremely clear that if she goes against your wishes then she will not be left alone with your dc.

Yabbers Fri 12-Apr-19 20:08:25


You know what? I’ve always disliked parents deciding their children are going to be veggie or vegan or whatever and I’ve always made the argument that the child shouldn’t be forced to follow their parents.

But with your very simple argument, you’ve changed my mind. You are absolutely correct. It’s no different!

Joebloggswazere Fri 12-Apr-19 20:10:02

Is fish not meat?

apmlee Fri 12-Apr-19 20:10:35

Agreed however worried about talking to her about this as I don’t want to cause any tension between us.. hopefully it goes well!

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