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Long distance friendship

(12 Posts)
1Pandapop1 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:05:35

My friend moved 4 hours away last year I was 3 months pregnant at the time a month later she had a house warming down there and said she was going out drinking all night so I didn’t go. My baby is now 4 months old and I still haven’t been down (she has come to see me twice) I would love to go and see her but doing so would make me struggle for money. My partner works 6 days a week so we spend sundays together as we hardly see each other during the week. I don’t drive so if I went I would have to pay £100 for a train plus £200+ for a hotel (there are no cheap ones near her) I would also have to bring travel cot, steriliser etc. She is now annoyed that I haven’t travelled down with my 4 month old to see her. Should I have made more of an effort to go and see her?

StereophonicallyChallenged Fri 12-Apr-19 19:07:12

I usually stay with friends I'm visiting, even when DC were small! Maybe I'm cheeky, but is that an option?

1Pandapop1 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:11:32

She has said there isn’t any room for both of us 😔

palahvah Sat 13-Apr-19 07:53:46

Has she been to visit you and your new baby?

1Pandapop1 Sat 13-Apr-19 09:51:14

She has however she only came because she was going on holiday the next day so stayed at mine so she was closer to the airport

InABigCountry Sat 13-Apr-19 10:02:04

I take it she doesn't have any children of her own? If so, she won't understand the practicalities of a small baby. She can't expect you to pay over 200 pounds for a hotel, she didn't do it when she was going on holiday, she stayed at yours!!
If she wants you to stay, why can't you sleep in her bed and she can sleep on the couch? Also the baby is very young so would need a travel cot to sleep in for safety reasons.
Or could you meet up somewhere halfway for the day.
When I had my first baby, family who didn't have children just expected me to turn up at restaurants etc, I ended up just not going to places as it was too stressful.

Lifeisabeach09 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:04:41

You need to make clear the costs and logistics of going to visit her. She doesn't seem very understanding.
Also point out the main reason for her visiting you was her trip the next day and free accommodation.

ForalltheSaints Sat 13-Apr-19 10:05:09

Is it practical to go for the day, saving on a hotel bill?

TraceyLP Sat 13-Apr-19 10:22:05

She has said there isn't any room for the two of you but when she wanted to save on a hotel stayed at yours! If she wanted to help you to be able to visit she would let you sleep in the living room etc.

I'm guessing your friend might have moved to Devon / Cornwall or London? If so you could plan your own holiday nearby (with your partner and baby) perhaps using Sun hols, camping, travel lodge or premier inn and spend a day or evening with her during the hol.

To be honest even if she has been a lovely friend it isn't going to be practical to keep the friendship going if it relies on you booking hotels and trains regularly. You might need to be telephone friends for a while or let her go if she demands more than you can give.

desparate4sleep Sat 13-Apr-19 10:32:20

No YANBU. I would tell her exactly how much it would cost you like you have done here and tell her you will go when baby is older and you can stay with her. TBH even of I had the money I wouldn't be making this trip with a 4 month old.

OwlinaTree Sat 13-Apr-19 10:33:56

Tell her you will come to visit when the baby is old enough to be left overnight with your DP, and sleep on the couch. Until then, you will have to meet half way or her come to you.

PregnantSea Sat 13-Apr-19 10:37:34

Hm, sounds a bit one sided... Is it possible that she's just acting like she's annoyed that you haven't visited because she feels guilty for not having been to see you?

I think if you've got a baby it should be obvious to her that it's more difficult for you to get about. That doesn't mean that she's obliged to visit you but it does mean that she isn't justified in giving you a hard time for not taking the baby to visit her. It's hypocritical and unfair.

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