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Another MIL one!

(9 Posts)
Dera1234 Fri 12-Apr-19 13:28:59

So, I have a fab relationship with (almost) MIL (will use MIL as easier). She comes and stays when DP is away, I go to hers with DS. It's all very lovely and I feel very lucky to have such a lovely woman as a Mil.

However, DP has been married before, to DSS DM. Not an issue. She left when DSS was young. Was vile to DP and stopped contact etc etc. Fwiw DP is hands down the most genuinely lovely, level headed guy you'd ever meet. Never raises his voice, never angry, selfish etc etc. Anyhow, DSS Mum and I get on, things are great between the our of us and DP and DP ex co parenting is awesome. Have no issues with any of it etc.

But to the point, mil constantly goes on about DP ex. They live close by which is great as she sees DSS lots. Whilst we live an hour away so don't see her as much. It's always about poor DP ex, oh I was with DP ex for such and such, oh I spoke to DP ex, DP ex is going back to work already after a baby. All that malarkey.

I'm thrilled she has a good relationship with DP Ex for DSS sake. It's great that they're able to be involved after co tact was stopped etc and things were horrid for so long. But I just can't stand this constant going on about her. I know it's just for conversation's sake. My DP had a word with her a while back without me knowing and she seems to have started again only it's worse this time.

She made s comment the other day that was making a swipe at us for not letting us know plans sooner as she'd heard from DP ex what was happening (mother's day related so wanted to surprise her). But she referred to her as ex DIL. It really hurt me. It seemed like it was said to hurt me. DP assured me it wasn't and I can understand it to a point. But argh I'm just so fed up of hearing all about it.

AIBU, and if not, should DP have a word as he doesn't like hearing about her all the time either.

Amongstthetallgrass Fri 12-Apr-19 13:37:14

The second she starts talking about her disengage. Go and make a cup of tea, see if the post has been, change the conversation. Dont say anything to prolong it.

She might not be doing it on purpose she may see you and in her mind it connects her to ex dil.

My father has a really bad habit of speaking to to and switching the conversation to My step sister. She isn’t even his.

Dad - ‘hi amongst, seem you went out the other night. Did you know SS was friends with a Cheshire house wives star, yeah she goes to her house all the time’

Me - errr, ok. hmm

Every single time. I avoid him now

pepsirolla Fri 12-Apr-19 13:44:02

I totally get it must be irritating. You say you have a great relationship with her so next time she mentions the ex just say like you did above " I'm so glad you get on well with her as it's brilliant for DSs I know you coming from a caring place but I'm uncomfortable hearing about her. If it concerns DSs let us know otherwise would prefer not to discuss her. " Best to do when DP there too so you have united front. Be polite and calm and if she does again just gently remind and change subject. A great mil is worth keeping on side. Good luck flowers

Dera1234 Fri 12-Apr-19 18:13:48

Thank you for your advice, and the reassurance I'm not being totally unreasonable.

I think speaking to her is the best way and just explaining as you've put.

I just feel a bit immature for being upset over the comments although DP finds them annoying too

ConkerGame Fri 12-Apr-19 18:59:22

Omg that would drive me crackers! Your DH should def speak up the next time she says something in front of you both. He can just say “Mum, it’s disrespectful to keep talking about my ex in front of my new fiancee. We’re obviously happy to hear all about what you get up to with DSS but please stop bringing up ex when we are here”.

Squirrelblanket Fri 12-Apr-19 19:35:50

My husband has gone no contact with his brother and family. Whenever I speak to his mother she will tell me at length about what their holiday plans are, what SIL has been up to, every single thing their kids did and said the last time they visited. I just nod and smile and then try change the subject as soon as possible. I don't know why she thinks I'll be interested!

Dera1234 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:45:16

It does drive me crackers! Him too I think.

I'm so relieved I'm not a crazy, spiteful, unreasonable cow!

That would also drive me crazy @squirrelblanket.

I don't think DP would be so direct tbh. But he's happy to have a word, it's me saying no because I don't want to sound pathetic to her. Or upset her.

pepsirolla Fri 12-Apr-19 20:08:11

You are not being immature but she is a bit by not realising howi appropriate her comments are. Good luck with talking to her try to be as positive as possible and hopefully she will understand. It's better that than just trying to ignore it but quietly seething until you blow your topgrin

Dera1234 Sat 13-Apr-19 05:57:07

That's very true @pepsirolla!

We're seeing her tomorrow so will see how she is!

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