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AIBU To Work On Childs Birthday

(21 Posts)
HoolaCoola Fri 12-Apr-19 08:19:37

WWYD? Child has a special birthday this month and I have been given chance of a 1 off days work (lunch time to bedtime) on that very same day. I am a single mum with no family and child has no friends so the only remote chance I have is a sibling taking a days holiday from work to take them out somewhere. We would have time for presents and a breakfast out before I had to go and our original birthday plans would be done either the day before or the day after. We are also going away the following weekend so lots of treats in store. I desperately need the money as the whole benefit top up system for working mums just does not work. Should I accept the job or is it just too damned cruel on the child?

LostInShoebiz Fri 12-Apr-19 08:22:59

In what world is it cruel to have presents cards and attention on your birthday just in the morning and not the afternoon? Unless you regularly treat the child like a tiny god, they’re unlikely to notice any different, whereas you will.

DisplayPurposesOnly Fri 12-Apr-19 08:24:45

Sounds fine to me.

In what way is it a special birthday? Sounds as though child is either too young to know any different, or old enough to have the situation explained to them.

Amongstthetallgrass Fri 12-Apr-19 08:25:48

I would take the job!

Sure he is going to have a blast when he goes out with your sibling.

User457990033gYpovd7 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:26:35

You desperately need the money so go to work. As you say, you will have time for breakfast and present opening before you go. You will be teaching your child a good work ethos too.

Falafel19 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:28:37

I would've thought most people have to work on the children's birthdays unless it happens to fall on their day off? My line parent mum always had to, can't say I ever expected any different. If that's "cruel" it's a first world problem kind of cruel.

Falafel19 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:29:00

*lone parent

LL83 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:29:42

I have worked my child's birthday when I could have easily had it off. But we were celebrating at the weekend, sibling would be at school and I wanted Annual Leave for other things.

You have far better reasons than me. Dont feel guilty about it. Certainly not cruel.

HoolaCoola Fri 12-Apr-19 08:30:38

LostInShoebiz - cruel in the fact we have already arranged a day out to celebrate their birthday and now I am going off to work and potentially leaving them alone for the majority of the day. No I do not treat them like a tiny God. They spend alot of time home alone whilst I work so they know the score.
DisplayPurposesOnly - Yes. They would accept it. They are a teenager this year so I wanted it to be a bit special.

Guyliner Fri 12-Apr-19 08:32:40

How old is the child can you ask them what they think and get a sensible answer?

It does appear you really need to work, but I can understand how in your circumstances with the child having no friends you want to be home with them.

HoolaCoola Fri 12-Apr-19 08:33:18

And yes. It is a Sunday when I would be working. This is a one off job in addition to my normal work so it has only just cropped up after discussing our plans.

Guyliner Fri 12-Apr-19 08:34:12

A teenager should understand, just talk to them. Sorry you're in this situation. flowers

clairemcnam Fri 12-Apr-19 08:35:19

When you say special birthday are you talking about a 16 year old?
Of course it is fine. You are going to celebrate at the weekend as well. Just tell them you would rather be with them, but you now have to work.
Most of us have to work on kids birthdays, it is normal.

MyOtherProfile Fri 12-Apr-19 08:35:21

Sounds fine to me. Not like you're ignoring the birthday. Do they really have no friends though? Is there just 1 person they could meet up with in the afternoon?

LL83 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:35:22

If you make the plans on the Saturday, so early rather than delayed then a thoughtful gesture on the Sunday (favourite dinner or something) I am sure teenager will be fine.

LostInShoebiz Fri 12-Apr-19 08:42:15

OP they’re pretty big drip-feeds!

If you’ve made plans then generally you ought to stick to them, especially if the plan might not go ahead of you drop out. However, this is a teenager who ought to understand that family finances have to come first.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Fri 12-Apr-19 08:43:05

I think it's fine, go to work. DM used to "move" my birthday present time to the weekend before if it was on a school day from about 8 upwards. I had an exam time birthday! I'd still get cards, cake and a present on the day, but big treats were planned around the schedule- I promise I wasn't traumatised. If you've got birthday plans that already aren't on the day, sounds like it won't affect much.

Also- they'll be a teen. Tell them that part of being a teenager is accepting these things - it's the start of the path to adulthood.

BottleOfJameson Fri 12-Apr-19 08:45:10

I think you should take the job Hoola make a real fuss of them in the morning then do your special day out the next day. Arrange for your sibling to spend the day with them if you can but if not I think it's fine and will still be special if you do presents and card in the morning and a nice day out soon after the actual day.

Trills Fri 12-Apr-19 08:55:22

My initial response was that people are either
a - not old enough to understand a calendar
b - old enough to understand that you might do a small thing on your actual birthday and have a party/treat on a nearby convenient day

It is, though, pretty significant that you already made plans and would be cancelling.

Can you TALK to your child about this, since it's a teenager and not a 6 year old?

HaventGotAllDay Fri 12-Apr-19 08:58:56

It's what most people do. Especially with older kids.
Just do the thing a different day.
Are you helping him/her to try and make friends? At 13 I'd be more concerned that they "have no friends" than moving a day out tbh.

TheWernethWife Fri 12-Apr-19 22:19:40

I was a single parent and always had to work on my children's birthdays. Now they've grown up they have said that I did my best and kept a roof over their heads and food in the cupboards.

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