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Aibu to think sexting another man has improved my marriage?

(47 Posts)
Lioness22 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:13:01

Hear me out..i met a man two years ago that I had a terrible crush on, my husband used to tease me about it. I used to have the most vivid sexual dreams, Orgasm in my sleep but it was all fantasy. 6 months ago, this mans toddler had his phone and accidentally messaged me. The messages were flirty (him) and I did end up flirting back. I said I was flattered but happily married. I spent a few days feeling sick with guilt. A few months later he messaged saying he saw me how he thought I was beautiful etc etc. We exchanged more flirty texts, which really flattered me but again I cut him off when he went to far. Then, this week he messaged saying he had seen a picture of me on Instagram and it drive him insane. I don’t know what the fuck happened but we engaged in the filthiest message exchange, it was the most sexual, erotic thing I have ever read. He is extremely attractive and every time I think about him it’s like a bolt of electricity straight to my vag. I’ll be at work and the image of us together will stop me in my tracks. I have insisted to him this is fantasy only, but I literally feel like I’ve takes some sort of drug. I feel more confident, and in a permanent state of arousal blush
For a bit of background, husband works away, and is back for a month every two months. We have had a pretty bumpy few years, but we are getting through it, been together for 17, four children. I have never been unfaithful in my life. But since this happened, it has improved things massively with my husband. I totally appreciate what I’ve got and our sex life has gone off the charts. On the flip side, I will catch myself looking at him and our children and wanting to vomit as I know I’ve crossed a line and if this was reversed I would be devastated.
I know he will message me again, and I know how wrong it is. But the feeling of being wanted like this is such a raw and sexual way is hard to resist.
This is my first post, I haven’t told a soul so go easy on me.

Lioness22 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:14:07

Just to be clear, it wasn’t his toddler messaging me confused

Gruzinkerbell1 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:11

Sexting another man could destroy your marriage if your husband ever found out, to be blunt.

If you’re willing to give all that up then crack on lass. You’re on very thin ice.

LostInShoebiz Fri 12-Apr-19 08:19:31

If you want people to go easy, you’ve come to the wrong place to discuss your affair...

iano Fri 12-Apr-19 08:21:00

Ok biscuit

LL83 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:21:07

Sounds exciting. But you know you are betraying someone you love, and they would be upset if they knew. Block his number.

Lioness22 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:23:14

Thanks. That is all I needed to hear.

VikingVolva Fri 12-Apr-19 08:23:42

School holidays really does bring out all sorts of stuff doesn't it.

OP: just think how much better it all would have been if al, the filthy texts had been with your DH (D= despised n this case)

You're behaving like a shit.

Get over it or get out.

Lioness22 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:26:40

I’ve blocked him. Thanks for your responses.

Pinkarsedfly Fri 12-Apr-19 08:27:09

I don’t believe for a second that the first message he sent you was accidental because his toddler had his phone. What a crock of shit.

He used his toddler as an ‘in’ to get you sexting.

That alone would cause my vag to hermetically seal itself, while the Windows shutdown theme floated up from my pants.

Yuk.

Dyrne Fri 12-Apr-19 08:27:14

You can’t post “i’m a despicable human being, but please don’t be mean to be by telling me that”.

TheVanguardSix Fri 12-Apr-19 08:28:42

Your DC depend on your stability for theirs, OP.

What you're doing is totally destabilising.

And where on earth is the part about this actually helping your marriage?
Elaborate.
How is this HELPING? I've missed that bit in your post.

Dyrne Fri 12-Apr-19 08:28:42

Are you going to bother telling your husband that you’ve betrayed him or just keep him in the dark?

IM0GEN Fri 12-Apr-19 08:29:09

I’m glad that this has been such a fun and positive experience for you and your friend and that it has improved your marriage.

Given that it’s been so great , you need to share this with your husband so he can join in too. Or perhaps find a sexting pal for himself. It wouldn’t be fair for your husband to miss out - the only thing better than one person improving their marriage is you both doing it.

AngeloMysterioso Fri 12-Apr-19 08:29:35

it’s like a bolt of electricity straight to my vag.

What a delightful thing to read at 8 in the morning.

FallenSky Fri 12-Apr-19 08:31:35

All it took was a few replies on mumsnet for you to block him? You seriously had to ask if it was OK for you to do?

Gruzinkerbell1 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:36:33

Your husband might not have noticed how secretive you’ve become with your phone because he’s away a lot, but I bet your “friend’s” wife has. She’ll be waiting for her chance to grab his phone and have a look. Hope she’s not the type to get in touch with your husband to share the facts...

That’ll extinguish that electricity bolting around your vag pretty quickly.

Lizzie48 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:41:07

You can’t post “i’m a despicable human being, but please don’t be mean to be by telling me that”.

^^This. But so many OPs say this, but surely they know that Mumsnet AIBU is not the place to go to if you don't want to be told uncomfortable home truths?

LostInShoebiz Fri 12-Apr-19 08:42:43

I wonder what else a toddler could be an excuse for. Maybe Article 50 could be reversed and John Bercow can just shrug “Sorry, it was a visiting toddler that got hold of the statute book. What larks.”

Defo going to use the old “toddler got my phone” trick next time a large Net a Porter box is queried by my husband.

Langrish Fri 12-Apr-19 08:49:39

Nope, sorry, won’t go easy on you because what you’re doing stinks. If you’re unhappy with one partner, leave them first and stop f***ing about with other people’s lives. Do you think this object of your fantasies wants to leave his family for you? No? Didn’t think so. So not only are you behaving badly, which you know, but you’re being used and probably laughed at as well.
Knowing you’d be devastated if roles were reversed should be enough to make you do the right thing: stop or leave.
My husband has worked away for much of our 30 years, we trust each other implicitly and without that you may as well throw in the towel. I’m not usually so forthright about things, quite laid back about most, actually, but infidelity (and that’s what this is) is the lowest of the low. Sort yourself out.

Elloduckie Fri 12-Apr-19 08:55:45

And delete all messages as well as blocking him. Don't keep that reminder lurking.

PregnantSea Fri 12-Apr-19 08:59:46

Haha I'm glad you clarified it wasn't the toddler sending the messages, I did get confused for a moment.

This is cheating. If I found out that my husband was doing this I would be heartbroken. You've damaged your marriage and betrayed your husband for the sake of some sexy texts with a men who you don't even know very well.

Sorry to be blunt but I think it's necessary. Cut contact now before you make this even worse.

NameChangeNugget Fri 12-Apr-19 09:03:26

Mills & Boon by numbers 2/10 biscuit

Langrish Fri 12-Apr-19 09:05:55

And for your husband/children’s sake, really hope his wife doesn’t put it all up on line.
Honestly, after years of horror stories (putting morality aside for a moment) I’m astonished that people are so willing to put themselves in danger of public humiliation so readily.

MumofTinies Fri 12-Apr-19 09:09:03

Imagine suddenly seeing a massive improvement in your sexual relationship with your spouse, feeling attactive and loved, then finding out that it was all a result of your spouse sexting another person. How would you feel? Personally I would feel massively used and humiliated.

What you describe is an affair, you have had an affair with this man knowing that you have a family and presumably he too has a family with small children.

You're husband has the right to know who he is living with, time to come clean.

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