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To ask how old you were?

(587 Posts)
HarrysOwl Fri 12-Apr-19 07:35:33

When you got married? (If you're married!)

I was reading a BBC article about a woman talking about the judgement and negativity she encountered when she announced her engagement aged 22.

I was 32 when I married DH. We were together for 3 years, got engaged then lived together for another 4 years before having our wedding. I wanted to be as sure as I could be and felt no rush.

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young? Are they doomed to divorce?

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn Fri 12-Apr-19 08:51:50

Met at 27 and started living together after five months, married six months after that at 28. Our 28th wedding anniversary is this month.

DaphneduM Fri 12-Apr-19 08:52:56

First marriage - 29 and divorced at 39. Second marriage 42 and still going on happily 20 odd years later.

Silversun83 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:53:04

Met DH at 25, engaged at 27 and married at 29.

OddBoots Fri 12-Apr-19 08:53:06

I was 20 and we are still happily married over 20 years later. Most of my friends have married over the past 10 years if they have married at all though.

coffeeaddiction Fri 12-Apr-19 08:53:26

Met at 21 and married at 24

ChipsAreLife Fri 12-Apr-19 08:53:38

Met at 22 married at 28. Am now 34.

I do wish I had met him a little later as it feels quite young but I still went travelling on my own and did all that stuff so didn't miss out. I'm happy with him so wouldn't change it

Aragog Fri 12-Apr-19 08:53:42

Met at 16y
Engaged at 23y
Married at 25y
Child at 29y

Been married 20 years now.

amusedbush Fri 12-Apr-19 08:53:49

Met DH at 21, moved in together at 23, engaged at 24 and married three weeks before my 26th birthday.

I was the first of all my friends to get married.

amusedbush Fri 12-Apr-19 08:54:16

(We'll both turn 29 shortly)

thebabessavedme Fri 12-Apr-19 08:54:31

Harry, I think it has a lot to do with changing attitudes, even in the early 80s in many circles it was seen as scandalous to live together without marriage and to have children was seen as dreadful, I think many couples got married just to avoid censure. I believe that contraception has been the game changer for women, it has given women time to do so much more.

barryfromclareisfit Fri 12-Apr-19 08:55:10

20. Split just before my 28th birthday. We weren’t too young. He was a dick and I was mentally fucked over by my upbringing.

SerenDippitty Fri 12-Apr-19 08:55:31

29. Been together, but not lived together, 18 months when we got married. Married 29 years.

Shockers Fri 12-Apr-19 08:55:37

Married at 22, with a one year old child. Divorced at 24.

Married again (to someone else!) at 32 - still together 21 years later.

fluorescentorange Fri 12-Apr-19 08:56:33

22 been married for 30 years

sauvignonblancplz Fri 12-Apr-19 08:58:21

Met when I was 15, he was 18. Married when I was 27 .
Marriage is tough I think having children is tougher .

Burlea Fri 12-Apr-19 08:58:25

Met when 17, married at 19, first child when 22 still together and celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary this year.

jcq17 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:58:54

I was 27 and had been together 12 years.

wendywoopywoo222 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:59:41

I got married at 40. Had been together 14 years. Was divorced 6 years later

picklemepopcorn Fri 12-Apr-19 09:00:09

We were 23. Been married 25 years now. Had first child at 26, second at 30.

Itsagrandoldteam Fri 12-Apr-19 09:00:27

I was 26 when we met, I was 30 when we got married - I wanted to make sure he was the right one. Been married for 19 years, although he drives me nuts sometimes, I know we will never get divorced.

I know people who married young and divorced quickly, but I also know lots of people who married young and are still together. I don't think age has got too much to do with it, it depends on how mature you are.

Babdoc Fri 12-Apr-19 09:00:52

Met at 19, he was 20. Moved in together 3 days later. Had to get married at 24, as we needed the tax rebate to replace our car, written off in an accident. (Very anti marriage, as a 1970’s feminist!)
Blissfully married until his death at 32. Still miss him 27 years later. Never remarried. Soulmates are irreplaceable.

mrsjg Fri 12-Apr-19 09:01:19

I was 25 when I got married.

Bringbackthestripes Fri 12-Apr-19 09:01:33

Met at 22 married at 25.

DowntonCrabby Fri 12-Apr-19 09:02:02

Got married at 26 after 8 years together.

fussychica Fri 12-Apr-19 09:02:31

22. Been married 40 years next month. Totally the norm at the time.

Purplecatshopaholic Fri 12-Apr-19 09:03:58

Met him at 26, married at 27 - far too young in my opinion when I look back! He cheated last year so we are currently getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Never again!

Megan2018 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:04:33

I got married at 36, met just before I was 35. We were engaged 4 months after we met and married a year later.

Everyone I know well that married young (teens or early 20’s) is divorced apart from 2 couples. I generally don’t have any thoughts on other people’s marriages though tbh. Some people meet the right person younger, some older. Sometimes you know straight away, others take years.

One of the young marriages though was a inevitable car crash and I think everyone around could see the writing on the wall, but it was their choice (they were together at 12, engaged at 16, married at 21 as parents wanted them to wait, separated by 23/4).

Sunandseaside Fri 12-Apr-19 09:04:51

Met at 15, together at 19 and married at 25. First child at 26. I feel lucky we met young because I always wanted to be a younger mother and I knew that early on- I didn’t want to start married life well into my mid 30’s. We didn’t get any negatively but I guess 25 isn’t that young and we had been together a while/ travelled and got our house etc. so didn’t feel we were missing out on anything.

JaneEyre07 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:04:54

Engaged aged 20; married aged 22 with a 6 month old baby.

Still together having celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last year - now have 3 DCs, and 4 grandchildren.

SoyDora Fri 12-Apr-19 09:04:58

27, which was fairly young for my social circle. We’ve been married 7 years now and have 3 children.

Skyejuly Fri 12-Apr-19 09:05:28

I was 30 x

FairfaxAikman Fri 12-Apr-19 09:05:40

29. We've been together since I was 22.

DanielRicciardosSmile Fri 12-Apr-19 09:06:30

27, we were 23 when we met.

Peabody25 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:06:36

30. Met at 23, engaged at 29, married at 30, had DS at 33. Been together nearly 15 years.

Chickoletta Fri 12-Apr-19 09:06:49

Got together at 17, married at 23, babies at 30 and 33, now nearly 40 and considering baby no3.

We couldn’t be happier and I’m grateful every day for my happy marriage. I believe that only the couple know when it’s the right time for them.

DearTeddyRobinson Fri 12-Apr-19 09:07:16

36. I was the last of my 'gang' to get married, average was about 34 I'd say.

AprilBaby29 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:08:59

Got together when I was 20, married at 28 last year, he is wonderful grin

restingbitchfarce Fri 12-Apr-19 09:09:23

DD is getting married later this year. They are both 19

MordredsOrrery Fri 12-Apr-19 09:09:25

Met at 23, engaged at 27, married at 28, DC at 37 and 39.

Elphame Fri 12-Apr-19 09:10:16

Married at 22 - about to celebrate 35th wedding anniversary this year

winbinin Fri 12-Apr-19 09:10:48

Met when we were 24, married 15 months later. That was over 30 years ago and we are happily married still. but in hindsight I’d say we were too young. Sometimes it was just sheer stubbornness that kept us together. My D.C. are similar ages now and I would be horrified if any of them got married so quickly.

RiddleyW Fri 12-Apr-19 09:11:31

I can't find UK numbers but US stats show that getting married between 28-32 give you the best statistical shot at not getting divorced.

I met DH at 19, we got married at 29 and had DS at 36. About to have our ten year wedding anniversary.

Sunandseaside Fri 12-Apr-19 09:12:02

*Marriage is tough I think having children is tougher*

Having kids is way more difficult than being married! A far bigger commitment in my opinion. We never argued for 10 years, got married and nothing changed. Had a baby and all of a sudden we’re bickering constantly! Total shock to the system. It has got better after 9 months thankfully but it takes a lot of compromise and understanding from both of you.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer Fri 12-Apr-19 09:12:34

It was my 21st birthday

It will be 29 years this year

icannotremember Fri 12-Apr-19 09:12:47

I was 24. We'd been together 19 months. We had ds1 9 months later. We'd moved in together 6 weeks into our relationship!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer Fri 12-Apr-19 09:13:32

Oh sorry

17 when we met, we were engaged 6 weeks later

mindutopia Fri 12-Apr-19 09:16:40

I was 30, just about to turn 31. I don’t think it’s a feminist thing (nothing about being married means you can’t have an independent life and achieve just as much as a single person). But it’s probably just pretty dumb. Most (but not all) people are unlikely to stay with a partner they met when they were in their late teens/early 20s. You change too much as you grow.

That said, my dh was 21 when we met (I’m 6 years older) and we’ve had a perfectly happy marriage. But I think it helped that I was older. My dh certainly grew and changed, but I was already pretty much who I am now, so he knew what he was getting which I think made it easier and why we’ve had such a good relationship.

Definitely glad I didn’t marry the wankers I dated at 21 though!

AngelsWithSilverWings Fri 12-Apr-19 09:16:41

Met at 23 and married at 26. Most of our close friends had married a year or two earlier than us so it wasn't at all usual to get married that young.

We've been married for 23 years and are very happy.

ilovecherries Fri 12-Apr-19 09:18:29

I was just turned 23. Have been married 38 years this summer.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Fri 12-Apr-19 09:22:09

I'm 52 and have never been married. I'm gonna push up the average age if I ever do. I think it unlikely, though grin

MatchSetPoint Fri 12-Apr-19 09:22:23

I was only 25 , still going strong two children later! I didn’t feel young at the time but looking back I was and should of waited untill I was 30 or so.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou Fri 12-Apr-19 09:22:33

Married at 22 (together since 18) been married for 28 years.

Glitterblue Fri 12-Apr-19 09:23:31

Met at 25, engaged at 27, married at 29. Still happily married 14 years later.

Micsam89 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:23:42

Engaged at 19, married at 20 and will be married 10 years this September. I had a lot of negativity, mainly from friends, at getting married so young. But we're happy and still going strong smile

TessaL23 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:24:37

Met at 24. Engaged at 28 and married at 29. He's 4 yrs older than me.

TheSecondMrsAshwell Fri 12-Apr-19 09:25:22

I read that article and it was interesting.

When I was her age, I was seeing someone and I would have married him if he'd asked. He sent me a photo of the two of us the other day. He was so gorgeous then (still is).

Yes, i'd have dived headlong into marriage with him. And it would have been a bloody disaster because I would have been playing at it. We'd have killed each other. I was too immature for marriage and he DEFINITELY was.

But that was just us.

Youngandfree Fri 12-Apr-19 09:25:46

Met at 20
Married at 27
7 years married now

floribunda18 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:27:18

28, I met DH when I was 23 so we didn't rush into it.

RRoonilWazlib Fri 12-Apr-19 09:29:00

Me and DH grew up on the same street so have known each other since since primary school. We got together at 17, engaged at 19 and married at 21. We turn 29 and 30 this year and have been married for 8 years. It sounds like we were lucky because we didn't have any negativity from anyone!

Fillybuster Fri 12-Apr-19 09:29:11

@researchandbiscuitfan flowers So sorry for your loss, that sounds heartbreaking

Met 25 (me), 23 (him)
Married 27, 25
18 years and 3 dcs on, he’s still my favourite person to spend time with!

But I do look back and think “gosh, we were so young!”

ginghamtablecloths Fri 12-Apr-19 09:29:23

I was 25, DH was 26 and we'd known each other for less than a year which wasn't long - but you just know, don't you, when you've found the one?

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo Fri 12-Apr-19 09:29:46

23 (dh was 25), after being together nearly 3 years. We were still students, and pretty much the first of our circle of friends to marry.
It'll be 19 years this year, Still very happy.

A couple of people did think it a bit young, but I only had open negativity from two people who felt marriage to be terribly limiting and bourgeois.

Damntheman Fri 12-Apr-19 09:30:39

Met at 22 and married at 25. Still happily married ten years later. So long as both parties are old enough to consent I really don't think there's a too old or too young, people are different and some marriages will work or won't.

Ihatehashtags Fri 12-Apr-19 09:31:07

27

angieloumc Fri 12-Apr-19 09:31:34

Marriage number 1, I was 18 and he was 22. I had my DC from that marriage at 19 and 20.
Marriage number 2, I was 26, he was 42, DC from that marriage at 28 and 35.
Happily divorced again now. I don't think there is a right age really but I myself was definitely too young for the first one. I was just playing house and it was really hard. Unfortunately my ex found it hard too and he's not seen his sons since 1994,however my 2nd husband was an amazing dad to them.

Gillian1980 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:31:44

34, DH was 38.

My parents married at 20 & 22.... I don’t know anyone from my friendship group who got married that young.

ILikeyourHairyHands Fri 12-Apr-19 09:32:01

25 the first time, I was too young tbh, lasted 5 years. I then met DH, we've been married 10 years this year and together for 15. Much better the second time round!

cushioncovers Fri 12-Apr-19 09:33:14

20 when we met
24 when we married
40 when we divorced

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 12-Apr-19 09:33:40

18 - should have divorced him far quicker than 3 years.

27 - married 26 years.

The lesson I learned - my mother was indeed always right

mrssunshinexxx Fri 12-Apr-19 09:34:55

25 had been together for 4 years

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Fri 12-Apr-19 09:35:02

1st time 24,final time 36

Handofglory Fri 12-Apr-19 09:37:54

23 having met at 18. It seems young now and we have both changed quite a lot in the past 20 years. I can see why waiting until you’re ‘properly grown up’ would work for some people but this works for us.

TokyoSushi Fri 12-Apr-19 09:38:15

Met at 20, married at 30, happily married 9 years so far

MollyYouInDangerGirl Fri 12-Apr-19 09:38:23

Got together age 15, moved in together age 22, engaged 24, get married this year at 26.

By the time we get married in a few months we will have celebrated our 11 year anniversary.

I found that by the time I got engaged when I was 24 I'd already been nagged by a few family members asking when we were "finally" going to get married

thefinn Fri 12-Apr-19 09:38:29

20 when met 23 when married 34 now. It's so easy to comment and judge. No one was openly negative towards us, maybe bit surprised although it isn't that young.

NancyPickford Fri 12-Apr-19 09:38:58

I was 42, he was 34. Met in April, married in October - 23 years ago.

bebeboeuf Fri 12-Apr-19 09:39:39

26 married to childhood sweetheart, divorced 2 years later.

33 married for the second time

HoldMyGirl Fri 12-Apr-19 09:39:56

Wow, you were all so young.

I was 30, DH was 33.

That would be typical of our circle, probably even a little on the younger side.

MadisonAvenue Fri 12-Apr-19 09:40:43

Met at 15, living together at 21, first child at 27, married at 28.

Been married 20 years.

ukgift2016 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:40:45

I was 22 when I married and had a baby with my sbeh.

It didn't work out. I am now 29.

I would advice my daughter against getting married in your early 20s.

BadPennyNoBiscuit Fri 12-Apr-19 09:40:48

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young?

Not as far as I'm aware, unless the girl is a child.

GrouchyKiwi Fri 12-Apr-19 09:41:22

25. DH was 23. Been married nearly 11 years now. Our relationship has only grown stronger.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER Fri 12-Apr-19 09:41:50

Engaged at 23, married at 24, divorced at 31.

With hindsight, I was too young. I didn’t feel it at the time but 24 is just a baby. I had so much I wanted to do, that I thought we would do together, but it turned out we didn’t want the same things.

jamiecooks Fri 12-Apr-19 09:42:07

Getting married this year. I’m 40 and won’t be far off 41 then. Only met my OH at 36, got engaged at 38 (almost 39) and we put off wedding to have a baby given my age.

hellotoyellow Fri 12-Apr-19 09:42:18

26. Got engaged after a year, married a year later. Now 32 and first baby due soon. We both really wanted to be married, and it felt right, and also legally to protect us both when buying a house. My parents thought I was too young but we have always been very happy with our decision (plus we had a much more low key and chilled wedding than our friends seem to be having now!).

My husband is one of the best feminists I know.

Lulu1919 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:42:29

I was 21 and we’ve been married for nearly 30 years
My husband was 24

Dagnabit Fri 12-Apr-19 09:44:29

Married at 39 - although we had been together 11 years by that point with two children. Married for almost 4 years now.

BenjiB Fri 12-Apr-19 09:45:37

I was 31, we got engaged after 3 weeks and married 9 years later. 24 years together now, 3 children.

Shutuptodd Fri 12-Apr-19 09:46:11

I haven't been married but my mum got married at 16 to my dad 28 while pregnant with me. That raised a few eyebrows. They were together for 20yrs until he died. She is now in her early 50s and remarried.

Scoose Fri 12-Apr-19 09:46:56

We met when I was 22 and got married when I was 27. We have been together for 15 years and it's our ten year wedding anniversary this year

notacooldad Fri 12-Apr-19 09:47:29

I was 31 and had been with Dp for 6 years and ds1 was 3 months old.

Khara Fri 12-Apr-19 09:47:43

Met aged 20 (nearly 21), married at 24. 25th anniversary later this year.

AryaStarkWolf Fri 12-Apr-19 09:48:17

Met my Dh when I was 24, married at 28 and we've been married 12 years now

Halfling Fri 12-Apr-19 09:49:42

Met DH at 24y, got married at 29. Twelve years in and 2DCs, we are still doing alright. Rough patches now and then but we always try hard to work things out.

OneDayillSleep Fri 12-Apr-19 09:49:56

We met at 21, although I knew of him since I was little (same schools). Married at 32. I could have married a couple of years earlier, I was ready to, we are very happily married with 2 children though.

Presh12345 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:52:38

Married at 33, widowed at 34. Very happily married again at 38. Now 40.

alittlequinnie Fri 12-Apr-19 09:54:25

I married my first husband when I was 16 - my Mum and Dad had to sign the papers to give "permission".

I had only known him for 6 months, was already 4 months pregnant and he was 28 and divorced!

I left him when I was 27.

I look back on it now and I can't believe I did it - or that my Mum and Dad let me!

I met my second husband when I was 27, moved in with him a year later and married him when I was 37. I'm 48 now and very very happily married.

I wouldn't recommend getting married at 16 - not least because you are not old enough to drink a toast at your own wedding!

WildFlower2019 Fri 12-Apr-19 09:55:05

I was 32. We'd been together nearly 9 years at the time.

Coming up to our first anniversary now & 10 years together.

Billoddiesbeard Fri 12-Apr-19 09:56:46

First got together when we were 14.
Engaged at 21
Moved in together at 22
Married at 31 - we have been married 22 years this year.

icecreamsun Fri 12-Apr-19 09:57:04

We got together at 16, engaged at 19, we married at 26 and we're now 29. There was some judgement around our ages when we got engaged, no one really took us seriously or thought we'd ever actually get married but I made it clear when we did I didn't want to get married straight away but I did want at some of course. I'm quite glad we waited and didn't rush into things

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