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To ask how old you were?

(587 Posts)
HarrysOwl Fri 12-Apr-19 07:35:33

When you got married? (If you're married!)

I was reading a BBC article about a woman talking about the judgement and negativity she encountered when she announced her engagement aged 22.

I was 32 when I married DH. We were together for 3 years, got engaged then lived together for another 4 years before having our wedding. I wanted to be as sure as I could be and felt no rush.

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young? Are they doomed to divorce?

bigbluebus Fri 12-Apr-19 07:37:08

I was 24. Been married for 30 years.

pontiouspilates Fri 12-Apr-19 07:37:25

We met when I was 24 and got married when I was 29.

ChristinaMarlowe Fri 12-Apr-19 07:38:01

Got married at 36

hidinginthenightgarden Fri 12-Apr-19 07:38:23

I was 24. We already had a child together so no judgement here. Been married 5 years now.

Bluntness100 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:38:41

We met when I was twenty, got married at 25, will have been married 25 years in the summer. He is three years older. I had my daughter when I was 28.

yogafailure Fri 12-Apr-19 07:39:19

22 Now 49..still very happily married.

Milly90 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:39:31

I have been married 6 years this year
Engaged at 21 and married at 23
And I had alot of negative pushback from family members who just couldn't understand why as I was do young doomed to divorce HAHAHA not yet anyway DH and i are extremely happy and in love and have been through some extremely tough times and are stronger than ever!
This year is 11 years together too

ZippyBungleandGeorge Fri 12-Apr-19 07:41:45

34, been with DH from 25. Didn't see the rush to get married we wanted to travel, establish careers, buy a house before paying for a wedding, or was important to us to be able to appropriately accommodate our guests (unlike the CF stories you hear on here a lot, 'oh come to our wedding, bring a gift but you can't bring your long term partner and you'll have to leave whole we have our meal then come back for the evening'). I did want to be married before we had children that was the only timeline really. Most of my social circle are 30ish (give or take) when they get married other than a couple I know from uni, very religious, no sex before marriage etc. They got married the year after we graduated. 22 is fairly young to marry these days but I wouldn't judge someone for it

Treaclepie19 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:44:05

Got together at 16, married at 23, still together now at almost 29.

HopeAndJoy16 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:44:10

I got married at 25. I met my DH when i was 21, but no way was i emotionally ready for marriage at that point. In fact we broke up for a couple of years, berore getting back together. Been married 5 years this year.

nespressowoo Fri 12-Apr-19 07:45:19

26. Had Ben together for 6 years and pretty much lived together all that time too. 32 now and one DC

megrichardson Fri 12-Apr-19 07:45:39

Marriage no1 = i was 19
marriage no2 = i was 56

Now happily divorced.

I don't think there's a right or wrong age to get married.

Isth Fri 12-Apr-19 07:45:42

I’ll be 25, he’ll be 26, we’re marrying in July. We’ve had a couple of ‘oh but you’re so young!’ comments, which surprised me to be honest. Around here, I’d say we’re rather average!

insancerre Fri 12-Apr-19 07:45:54

20
Been together for a whole year by the time we got married
Been married for 32 years

CookieSwirlC Fri 12-Apr-19 07:46:28

Met when I was 18, moved in together at 23, married at 25.

morefoolyou Fri 12-Apr-19 07:46:28

Met at 21, engaged 24, married at 27. That was 10 years ago 🥰
My little sister got married at 25 and my sil at 24. They got a few negative comments, but nothing major

longwayoff Fri 12-Apr-19 07:46:54

18 and stupid with it.

Figgygal Fri 12-Apr-19 07:47:01

Met at 22
Married 26

Now 38

YouBumder Fri 12-Apr-19 07:47:22

Nearly 30. Been together 6 years

implantsandaDyson Fri 12-Apr-19 07:47:23

I got engaged at 22 and married just after my 24th birthday. We've been married for 20 years. We had our kids in our 30s.

AssassinatedBeauty Fri 12-Apr-19 07:47:22

Why do you think the negative reactions have a feminist overtone? I wouldn't have thought that at all.

I think people are generally cynical of marriage these days, given the lowering uptake and the rising divorce rates. Combine that with being young, and people are probably simply cynical of the relationship lasting. Many relationships that people have in their early twenties are not the long term life relationship.

Ragwort Fri 12-Apr-19 07:48:06

I consider I did get married too young (for me), my first marriage was when I was aged 23 and we were married less than two years. No acrimony, but very different attitudesand approaches to life, I married my second husband aged 30 & have been married 30 years. I know everyone is different etc etc but I do consider early 20s very young to commit yourself to marriage.

Dontstepinthecowpat Fri 12-Apr-19 07:49:14

Met when I was 18, married at 22. Four kids and 13 years later still happily married.

isabellerossignol Fri 12-Apr-19 07:49:47

I got married at 23 and have been married for 20 years. People were a bit negative about it but we had already been together for six years by the time we got married and had always been happy together - no dramas or splitting up and getting back together or anything. We didn't see any point in waiting another five years just to satisfy other people. I don't think it was an un-feminist choice, but I accept that it could have gone wrong, as any marriage can.

JoeMaplin Fri 12-Apr-19 07:50:37

23. Been together since I was 18. (21 years this year)

BobbinThreadbare123 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:51:06

I was 23 the first time round and 33 the second time. No particular judgement either way from anyone, either time. XH same age as me and DH ~5 years older. I did know a few people who married while we were all at uni together ie at 20/21 years old. We thought it a bit odd but sometimes it was for religious reasons.

HippyChickMama Fri 12-Apr-19 07:52:02

Met when I was 19, engaged at 21, married at 25. He's 2.5 years older than me and we've been married 15 years this year. Looking back I guess it does seem young but we'd been living together for 5 years before we got married and didn't have first dc until 3 years after marriage.

JuniorAsparagus Fri 12-Apr-19 07:52:21

Married at 22, still together 45 years later. A lot of people seemed to get married straight after College/University at that time and no one batted an eyelid.
DSis got married at 18, still together 44 years later.

NotMyUsualTopBilling Fri 12-Apr-19 07:54:36

I was 27. Been married 5 years now.

Together 13 years beforehand.

Idontmeanto Fri 12-Apr-19 07:55:24

I married at 25. Eldest daughter tells me she can’t imagine it as she “won’t be done with life!” We’re still married but it’s not the healthiest of relationships and I wish I’d grown up a bit more first.

echt Fri 12-Apr-19 07:57:30

39. I would view 22 as young but then everyone I know well was at university during those years, so guess that's part of it.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Fri 12-Apr-19 07:59:14

Met at 19 married at 25

elliejjtiny Fri 12-Apr-19 08:00:07

Met when I was 19, married at 22. Happily married for nearly 15 years.

LorelaiRoryEmily Fri 12-Apr-19 08:00:42

Met at 26, engaged at 30, married at 33. We were supposed to get married a year earlier but got pregnant and postponed

Cwtches123 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:01:26

I was 19 and we were married for 16 years. Age was not a factor in the marriage failing, that was more due to the pressures of infertility.

Yellowcar2 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:04:14

Met at 22 engaged 24 married 26. Now married 8 years with 3 DC.
My parents married at 16 and 18 all DD family were negative about it. They are still married 50 years later and the only sibling from DD family who have not divorced. Although DM always said she would be happy if we married that young.
I'm sure lots of couples that didn't marry young still get divorced.
I guess it's about the individual people and not the age.

JaretsGirlfren Fri 12-Apr-19 08:05:33

I was 19, he was abusive, now happily divorced

MirandaWest Fri 12-Apr-19 08:06:19

Got married at 23. Split up after 11 years married.

Got married for a second time at 40.

mrsed1987 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:06:52

Met at 25, married at 30

MeanMrMustardSeed Fri 12-Apr-19 08:08:36

Met at 25 and married at 25! Was a bit of a whirlwind I suppose, but it just felt right and we’ve got one of the best marriages I know - 15 years later.

Bibijayne Fri 12-Apr-19 08:08:49

Met at 22..totally failed to go out with each other until 30. Married at 32. Baby at 34.

Janleverton Fri 12-Apr-19 08:10:15

Met when 16. Friends. Became a couple when I was 22. Married at 28. Dc at 29, 32 and 36. Married for 17 years now.

PregnantSea Fri 12-Apr-19 08:10:28

23 when we met, 26 when we married (but only a couple of weeks off 27).

No regrets, very happy still.

Everyone is different, some people are ready to marry at 22, some aren't. I think some people think of how they were when they were that age and assume that everyone else was the same but it's not an accurate measure.

nonetcurtains Fri 12-Apr-19 08:10:44

Married at 20, (he was 22), celebrated Ruby anniversary in 2017.

scarbados Fri 12-Apr-19 08:11:14

26 first time round.

61 second time. Second marriage has already lasted 3 times as long as first.

SecondTimeCharm Fri 12-Apr-19 08:12:36

We got together aged 18 and got married at 29 a year after our first child was born, because I decided that although I was against marriage for a lot of reasons, no way was I going to give up work for years to be a sahm and not have any security!

Though it was for practical reasons, we ended up having a great time grin it was almost our 11th anniversary to the day

CostanzaG Fri 12-Apr-19 08:12:46

First marriage -23. We'd been together 5 years. Big white wedding etc.

Second marriage - 32. We'd been together 6 months and we eloped and didn't tell anyone. 6 years later we're happier than ever.

bakebakebake Fri 12-Apr-19 08:13:05

We got together when i was 15 and he was 17.

We married when i was 22.

We had two children by then, but have a third now.

TapasForTwo Fri 12-Apr-19 08:13:41

Met OH when I was 20, married at 22. Still happily married nearly 38 years later. OH is 7 years older than me.

ASnowballsChance Fri 12-Apr-19 08:13:43

Met when I was 16, married when I was 19 and first baby when I was 23. Been married 14yrs this year. He is 4.5 years older.

I wouldn't recommend getting married to your first boyfriend, or getting married so young. I have/do struggle with not having any other experience of other people or life. I literally left the family home and loved straight into the marital home. He is lovely though and very attentive but we just feel like good friends.

weebarra Fri 12-Apr-19 08:14:21

18 when we met, 25 when we got married, now both 41 and still together!

Catren Fri 12-Apr-19 08:14:29

Met at 23, married at 29. I wanted to be married by 30 (to my dh obvs, not just anyone!) to start a family as i was worried about infertility due to my mother's struggles. Baby 1 at 32, baby 2 due in October and I'll be 36. So we've been together 13 years this year, married for 7. Happy despite some rocky patches! Between 28-30 was the age most of our friends got married.

Camomila Fri 12-Apr-19 08:14:57

Met at 20, engaged at 25 and married at 26. Everyone was happy for us.

In both our uni and home friends there were lots of weddings and first babies between 25-30.

Pippa12 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:15:22

Met at 17, married at 25, 9 year wedding anniversary this year and still going strong

Rainbowcolours1 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:16:50

22 and he was 23, still together 32 years later. Our son got married last year aged 23, we were delighted. Yes you change, you grow, it's not always easy, but you do it together.

Harvey3 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:17:08

Met at 21, married at 25. Think that's pretty average age where I live.

heartshapedknob Fri 12-Apr-19 08:17:19

Met at 21, married at 25 because children were being planned - I’d have been happy to wait but he is older.
In hindsight, even though it’s worked out okay, I was too young and wish we’d waited ten years so I could have established a career and not been a SAHM.

WhoKnewBeefStew Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:07

24
34
45
blush

Alfiemoon1 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:11

Met when I was 17 he is 8 years older got married when I was 23 been married 19 years this year

researchandbiscuitfan Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:19

Met at 25, married day after I turned 28 (he was 27), had our children at 30 and 32, DH diagnosed with cancer at 33, died aged 37.

Everyone said we were perfect together. We didn’t have anywhere near long enough 😭

Mummyme87 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:30

I was 26 and OH was 35 when we met, had first baby at 27, engaged at 30, 2nd baby the day before I turned 31 and we are getting married in April 2020 and I will be 33.
I would say, in the present day 22 is young to get married in the U.K but not wrong

HoumiLoomi Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:30

Met at 18, had DS1 at 19 married at 20 had DS2 at 23. People judged but years on we still have one of the strongest relationships I know. We’ve grown up together.

kb1992 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:18:46

Met at 15, married at 25, been married almost 7 months now

haverhill Fri 12-Apr-19 08:20:13

Met at 26, married at 34. Had had several fairly serious relationships before.

DinosApple Fri 12-Apr-19 08:20:32

Who grin
Engaged at 21.
Engaged again (someone else) at 24.
Married 25.

Catren Fri 12-Apr-19 08:21:43

research 💐

Snowdropheaven Fri 12-Apr-19 08:23:29

I think if you're lucky enough to meet 'the one' at that age then it's lovely. The guy I was with when I was 22, who I thought was the one, is really a bit of an arse. I didn't meet my fiancée to be until I was 30 (I'm now 33). We are getting married next year and had a baby in February.

BlackPatch Fri 12-Apr-19 08:25:25

Families had known each other for years, started dating at 18 (he was 23), engaged just over a year later and married when I was 20. Been married 8 years now and very happy with our two cats!

AuntieCJ Fri 12-Apr-19 08:27:00

Met at 17
Engaged at 19
Married at 24
Still married 40+ years later.

Pinkarsedfly Fri 12-Apr-19 08:28:52

First time I was 23. Got divorced after 15 horrible years.

Just about to take the plunge again on my 45th birthday.

larry5 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:30:26

I met dh when I was 18 and got married at 19 (day before my 20th birthday) and we are still together 47 years later. I had children at 22, 26 and 40 and I wouldn't be without dh.

He had prostate cancer a few years ago and I was devastated at the thought of losing him. He is ok now.

MintyCedric Fri 12-Apr-19 08:31:04

We met and got engaged when I was 21 and he was 27, married when I was 27 and separated when I was 40, now divorced.

Quite honestly if my DD told me she was getting engaged/married at 21, I'd be absolutely horrified.

Turquoisetamborine Fri 12-Apr-19 08:31:09

I got married at 26 (just!). I deliberately booked it just after my birthday as it sounded more respectable than getting married at 25.
We’d been together three years at that point. Happily married now 13 years on with two lovely children and a happy home.

facedowninthedirt Fri 12-Apr-19 08:31:15

I got married when I was 19. He was a dickhead. I was divorced by 23.

Had we not been married, I would have left much earlier but something about that bloody piece of paper made me think it had to be more than just a shit relationship.

I don’t think I’ll remarry. The person I discovered when I told ex-H I was leaving him, made me realise you can absolutely never believe anyone is who they say they are!

aprilshowers12 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:32:17

Met at 16. Married at 24. Divorced at 36

KnifeAngel Fri 12-Apr-19 08:33:10

Together 5 months when we got engaged I was 19. Married at 22. Been together 23 years now.

alittlesnow Fri 12-Apr-19 08:34:52

We got married at 27, Married over a quarter century now.

I do think it's a class thing. Middle and upper-class people/university educated people, don't usually get engaged at 18-19, and have a baby by 19-20. It just doesn't happen - not usually. And they certainly wouldn't be married whilst still in their teens (or just out of them.)

As a pp said, many people will want to complete their degree, go travelling, establish their career, buy a house, be able to go off for a weekend away at the drop of a hat, and generally enjoy their youth/20s... Why get engaged at 17, and married/have a baby at 18-20? There is so much more you can do with your life...

I do think 22 is too young to be married. If my daughter had said she was getting married at 22, I would have supported her, and wished her happiness, but wouldn't have hesitated to tell her that she is too young.

bloodywhitecat Fri 12-Apr-19 08:35:07

Married at 25, left him when I was 53.

Pascha Fri 12-Apr-19 08:35:55

Got together at 20
Moved in/first mortgage at 24
Married at 28

MTBMummy Fri 12-Apr-19 08:36:07

Met at 17, married at 22, divorced at 23.

Second time round, Met at 24, engaged at 32, hoping to be married at 42 grin

80sMum Fri 12-Apr-19 08:36:27

I was 20 when I married DH over 40 years ago. At the time, it wasn't at all unusual to be married at that age. Lots of my friends and family were married in their late teens and early 20s.

fermezlabouchee Fri 12-Apr-19 08:36:37

just gone 24, we've been married seven years. We'd been together three years and known each other since we were 16.

I definitely got a lot of judgement for getting married quite young, however it made no difference to my life plans, we've just spent a longer time married, had our first child last year.

JaceLancs Fri 12-Apr-19 08:38:08

25

SparklyShoesandTutus Fri 12-Apr-19 08:38:27

Married at 28, met when I was 24

Pashola Fri 12-Apr-19 08:38:59

I was 17 when we met and 21 when we got married, so have been together 18yrs and married for 15yrs this year if we last that long, but that's a story for another day

florentina1 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:39:29

We met when I was 16 and he was 18. Married at 20 and 22 which was very common in the 60s. We have just celebrated our golden Wedding.

ThisIsNotARealAvo Fri 12-Apr-19 08:40:36

32 when we got married, met DH when I was 29. We've been married for 8 years.

cookiemonster3 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:42:03

First marriage at 19. Abusive and controlling. Cheated the whole was through. Found out after the oldest was born I was the other woman but had no idea. Mil knew and accommodated his cheating with me so it should have been no surprise she accommodated him heating ON me.

Second at 30. 4 years this year. Had more than our fair share of trials and tribulations with money issues, bereavements, family drama, depression and struggles to ttc but honestly couldn't be happier.

Duchessgummybuns Fri 12-Apr-19 08:43:16

22, now happily divorced at 32 grin

IckleWicklePumperNickle Fri 12-Apr-19 08:43:28

23 when we got married. Celebrating our 13th anniversary this year.

Stopyourhavering64 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:45:25

Met at Uni, aged 18
Engaged 21
Married 23
3 Dcs, when aged 29, 32,35
Married 32 yrs in September

BlessedBeTheFruitCake Fri 12-Apr-19 08:46:02

Met at 19, married at 23. Been married 14 years.

5BlueHydrangea Fri 12-Apr-19 08:46:38

Nearly got married at 23 but he bailed a few weeks before so we cancelled everything and split up. Later found out he was already seeing someone else whilst I was happily organising the wedding! In hindsight however it would never have lasted long term so he did me a favour really.
I do think 23 Is pretty young though, in part of course due to my experience but I'm quite pleased dd1 didn't do that. Now she's a few years older and I would feel happy but she is quite happily single!

Actually got married at 36 after 6 years together and so far, so good it's been 10 years albeit with ups and down a long the way but mostly fine.

HarrysOwl Fri 12-Apr-19 08:46:46

The results of Bridebook.co.uk's study found that the average age of a single woman getting married is now 30.8 years old, up just over eight years from 1971, when the average was 22.6 years.

So in the 70s getting married in your early 20s was the norm, but now it's much more likely to be in your early 30s. That's quite an ideological shift. My feminism overtone thinking was linked to wondering if this change is be something to with the fact women are more empowered now, and have the opportunity to progress in their own lives (career, education etc) without the sociological pressure/expectation of marriage and kids.

thebabessavedme Fri 12-Apr-19 08:47:10

I think it depends on the person, I was 20 first time, was totally immature, not ready and should never have done it, it could have ruined my life and that of my xh who is a good man.

2nd time 26, what a bloody mess!

3rd time a charm! I was 36 grin 20 years and counting

When dd announced that she was getting married at 20 I knew it was a different kettle of fish, she is by far more mature and sensible than I have ever been, she is still married (to a wonderful guy) small child, running their own business and generally taking life by the balls.

Lalliella Fri 12-Apr-19 08:49:37

My auntie met her DH when they were 15 and married at 19. Golden wedding coming up. They’re absolute soul mates. There’s no such thing as too young it’s nonsense. People should myob.

gubbsywubbsy Fri 12-Apr-19 08:49:47

25.. been married 19 years ..

polarpig Fri 12-Apr-19 08:50:03

It used to be the norm to get married much younger, buy a house and settle down - just like your parents. Times have changed.

Montsti Fri 12-Apr-19 08:51:45

Married at 31...
Met at 28, engaged at 30, married at 31, 1st child at 33...4th child at 41...

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