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AIBU re husband's shopping

(78 Posts)
ElinorRigby Thu 11-Apr-19 13:52:04

Working at home today, so asked spouse to do shopping. Made him a list including two specific types of cheese - Red Leicester and Stilton. He went off to do the shops but also went to pick up supplies in the city centre. Saw him return but didn't wander out as I was working.

Emerged at lunchtime to find he'd left most of stuff out when he returned from shops, rather than putting it away - meaning if I wanted to make lunch I'd have to do all the putting away first.. Rather than buying the cheese on the list, he'd bought goats cheese - although some old goats cheese has been languishing uneaten the fridge for a while -and white stilton with apricots (which I disliked) and left it out on the table in the sunshine.

When I queried why he hadn't put stuff away he said
a) he thought I'd like to see what he'd bought. He referred to this as the 'kill'
and
b) he didn't know where half the things went but I would know where to put them
and
c) he'd been out for over an hour and a half, so hadn't he done enough

My husband has been retired for several years and cooks regularly. I was underwhelmed.

At some point in the ensuing discussion I used the word 'patriarchy' and he said he was 'gutted' that I would describe his behaviour as having been influenced by patriarchal attitudes.

Just another day....

Error

VelocityViewServlet : Error processing a template for path '/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3556949-AIBU-re-husbands-shopping'

Invocation of method 'isVoting' in class com.mumsnet.talk.models.TalkThread threw exception java.util.ConcurrentModificationException at talk/message_block.html[line 175, column 96]
java.util.ConcurrentModificationException
	at java.util.HashMap$HashIterator.nextNode(HashMap.java:1429)
	at java.util.HashMap$KeyIterator.next(HashMap.java:1453)
	at com.mumsnet.talk.models.AibuVotingThread.pruneCacheIfNeeded(AibuVotingThread.java:51)
	at com.mumsnet.talk.models.AibuVotingThread.isItAibuVotingThread(AibuVotingThread.java:34)
	at com.mumsnet.talk.models.TalkThread.isVoting(TalkThread.java:1209)
	at sun.reflect.GeneratedMethodAccessor248.invoke(Unknown Source)
	at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43)
	at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.PropertyExecutor.execute(PropertyExecutor.java:142)
	at org.apache.velocity.util.introspection.UberspectImpl$VelGetterImpl.invoke(UberspectImpl.java:533)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTIdentifier.execute(ASTIdentifier.java:198)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTReference.execute(ASTReference.java:262)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTReference.evaluate(ASTReference.java:470)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTAndNode.evaluate(ASTAndNode.java:106)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTExpression.evaluate(ASTExpression.java:62)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTIfStatement.render(ASTIfStatement.java:85)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTBlock.render(ASTBlock.java:72)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTIfStatement.render(ASTIfStatement.java:87)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.SimpleNode.render(SimpleNode.java:336)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.directive.Parse.render(Parse.java:260)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTDirective.render(ASTDirective.java:175)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTBlock.render(ASTBlock.java:72)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.SimpleNode.render(SimpleNode.java:336)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTIfStatement.render(ASTIfStatement.java:106)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTBlock.render(ASTBlock.java:72)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.directive.Foreach.render(Foreach.java:366)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTDirective.render(ASTDirective.java:175)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTBlock.render(ASTBlock.java:72)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.SimpleNode.render(SimpleNode.java:336)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTIfStatement.render(ASTIfStatement.java:106)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.SimpleNode.render(SimpleNode.java:336)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.directive.Parse.render(Parse.java:260)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.ASTDirective.render(ASTDirective.java:175)
	at org.apache.velocity.runtime.parser.node.SimpleNode.render(SimpleNode.java:336)
	at org.apache.velocity.Template.merge(Template.java:328)
	at org.apache.velocity.Template.merge(Template.java:235)
	at org.apache.velocity.tools.view.servlet.VelocityViewServlet.performMerge(VelocityViewServlet.java:805)
	at com.mumsnet.baseservlets.CommonBaseServlet.performMerge(CommonBaseServlet.java:486)
	at org.apache.velocity.tools.view.servlet.VelocityViewServlet.mergeTemplate(VelocityViewServlet.java:762)
	at org.apache.velocity.tools.view.servlet.VelocityViewServlet.doRequest(VelocityViewServlet.java:555)
	at org.apache.velocity.tools.view.servlet.VelocityViewServlet.doGet(VelocityViewServlet.java:509)
	at javax.servlet.http.HttpServlet.service(HttpServlet.java:624)
	at javax.servlet.http.HttpServlet.service(HttpServlet.java:731)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:303)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at org.apache.tomcat.websocket.server.WsFilter.doFilter(WsFilter.java:52)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.XSSFilter.doFilter(XSSFilter.java:29)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.CSRFFilter.doFilter(CSRFFilter.java:31)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.SessionNotifierInitialisationFilter.doFilter(SessionNotifierInitialisationFilter.java:28)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.AdvertisingFilter.doFilter(AdvertisingFilter.java:161)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.ReferralTrackingFilter.doFilter(ReferralTrackingFilter.java:147)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.FirstSeenCookieFilter.doFilter(FirstSeenCookieFilter.java:32)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.AuthenticationFilter.doFilter(AuthenticationFilter.java:38)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at com.mumsnet.filters.RequestFilter.doFilter(RequestFilter.java:120)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:241)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:208)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardWrapperValve.invoke(StandardWrapperValve.java:220)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContextValve.invoke(StandardContextValve.java:122)
	at de.javakaffee.web.msm.RequestTrackingContextValve.invoke(RequestTrackingContextValve.java:99)
	at org.apache.catalina.authenticator.AuthenticatorBase.invoke(AuthenticatorBase.java:505)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardHostValve.invoke(StandardHostValve.java:169)
	at de.javakaffee.web.msm.RequestTrackingHostValve.invoke(RequestTrackingHostValve.java:170)
	at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorReportValve.invoke(ErrorReportValve.java:103)
	at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngineValve.invoke(StandardEngineValve.java:116)
	at org.apache.catalina.valves.RemoteIpValve.invoke(RemoteIpValve.java:683)
	at org.apache.catalina.connector.CoyoteAdapter.service(CoyoteAdapter.java:436)
	at org.apache.coyote.http11.AbstractHttp11Processor.process(AbstractHttp11Processor.java:1078)
	at org.apache.coyote.AbstractProtocol$AbstractConnectionHandler.process(AbstractProtocol.java:625)
	at org.apache.tomcat.util.net.JIoEndpoint$SocketProcessor.run(JIoEndpoint.java:316)
	at java.util.concurrent.ThreadPoolExecutor.runWorker(ThreadPoolExecutor.java:1142)
	at java.util.concurrent.ThreadPoolExecutor$Worker.run(ThreadPoolExecutor.java:617)
	at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.TaskThread$WrappingRunnable.run(TaskThread.java:61)
	at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:745)