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Never been this upset before

(80 Posts)
heislost Thu 11-Apr-19 12:31:06

I left my ex recently. He was abusive emotionally and financially. I'm working with women's aid. I was heard at MARAC this week and general advice is to not have any contact with him.

Long story short. We have a small baby. He was taken to hospital via ambulance a month or so ago. He had a follow up heart scan recently and the appointment to discuss the results was meant to be today.

Ex has called and cancelled it. He's lied and told them a family member has been rushed to hospital. I've had confirmation from a close family member that this is a lie. He rebooked the appointment for 3 months time, and didn't tell me. Then there's me, stood there like a lemon because the appointment has been cancelled and he hasn't told me. He's playing games but the fact that he had cancelled his son's cardiac appointment to get at me is beyond madness. I am so upset.

How do I report this? And who to? Women's Aid?

I'm so, so angry. I have never done anything bad to him. All I did was leave and he hates it. He claims he had our son's best interests at heart... I'm sure if there was something serious wrong they would have got me in sooner but still, it's so important he's seen as soon as possible.

He rebooked the appointment for 3 months time because that's when he's on leave! He wasn't even meant to be at the appointment today.

Sorry. This is all jumbled but I'm shaking with anger.

heislost Thu 11-Apr-19 12:32:18

My app is playing up. Turned my phone on aeroplane mode to stop it posting in AIBU and posted in 30 days only instead. It's posted here too somehow! Oh well. At least I'll probably get some cathartic reading on AIBU.

PinkiOcelot Thu 11-Apr-19 12:34:03

What a wanker!! Definitely got his son’s best interest at heart cancelling his appointment!
I would mention it to women aid and to your solicitor if you have one. X

Porridgeprincess Thu 11-Apr-19 12:34:06

I would ask Women's Aid how best to deal with this. That is actually deplorable.

Cherrysoup Thu 11-Apr-19 12:34:09

So contact the cardiology department, re+book for asap and tell them not to accept any changes until you go in person. It’s really shitty that he cancelled an important appointment.

LynnTheseAreSexPeople Thu 11-Apr-19 12:34:15

You need professional advice. You poor poor thing definitely contact woman's aid there might be some way to have separate appointments. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take courage that if the results required urgent action the hospital would contact you ASAP and wouldn't allow you to wait.

CCC1 Thu 11-Apr-19 12:37:52

I think you need to report to the police so they will have a log of ongoing harassing behaviour. I’d also report it to safeguarding at your county/city council on behalf of your son. Also to women’s aid. Can you add it to MARAC too? Much love sweetheart. It’s hard to stay focussed and methodically report these things when you’re turned upside down with emotion but that’s what you need to do. x

Goldenhedgehogs Thu 11-Apr-19 12:40:45

If your case has been heard at MARAC then children's social services will have been there and participated. Phone up your local authority children's services and inform them what has happened. Delaying a child's medical treatment is neglect and not in the best interests of the child and they should be very interested in this. Ask children's social services to liaise with hospital and get another earlier appointment. Also inform women's aid.

Dotty1970 Thu 11-Apr-19 12:42:03

If your with maraca to the police, any harassing behaviour or any little thing he does report it, it all counts

Dotty1970 Thu 11-Apr-19 12:42:52

*if your with MARAC report to the police, have you got a dv support worker

optimisticpessimist01 Thu 11-Apr-19 12:51:44

Do you have involvement with social services? If you contact the hospital and tell them under no circumstances at all the let your ex make any decisions regarding your sons appointment- your social worker should be able to help with this. Have you had involvement with the police too? If so, is there a particular officer you have dealt with who you could inform them about this? Your ex isn't breaking any laws as such, so a general complaint won't go far, but with the context of your case they may be able to do something about this- maybe negligence?

Ring Womens Aid and ask their advice too. But do all you can to get your DS appointment re-booked at the earliest possible date.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this OP

Readytogogogo Thu 11-Apr-19 12:56:03

Are you still at hospital? If so, I would explain your situation to staff and ask to be seen at the end of clinic. I would absolutely see you in those circumstances.

heislost Thu 11-Apr-19 13:00:08

Thank you. I'm contacting all these people now. I'm so so upset. I haven't contacted my ex about it and won't be as I don't want him to know he's got to me.

Apoiads Thu 11-Apr-19 13:01:54

This is more than harassment in my view. This is child neglect at best.

notacooldad Thu 11-Apr-19 13:03:01

I hope you get support. What he has done is especially cruel. I can't understand how his brain works!

Eliza9919 Thu 11-Apr-19 13:03:44

I wonder if he could be charged with interfering with medical treatment or something. Surely there must be something that can be trumped up to charge him, this is seriously out of order.

Sarahjconnor Thu 11-Apr-19 13:13:49

My BF had this happen with psychology appointments for her DC. She went to court and his parental responsibility was removed, as was his visitation rights until he had completed several parenting courses and had therapy.

cooldarkroom Thu 11-Apr-19 13:15:15

You are the primary carer, you are separated from the father, , he doesn't even have to know about the appointment
Do not tell him when it is next scheduled

billybagpuss Thu 11-Apr-19 13:15:19

That’s awful absolutely horrendous. I also don’t think it’s in your baby’s best interests to wait that long for the dr appointment rebook at a time to suit you 💐

JaneEyre07 Thu 11-Apr-19 13:25:55

That goes so far beyond abusive, there are no words.

What sort of man plays games like that angry.

IHateUncleJamie Thu 11-Apr-19 13:26:46

So contact the cardiology department, rebook for asap and tell them not to accept any changes until you go in person.

^^This. I can’t believe your Ex did that. Outrageous. And trying to tell you it’s in your baby’s best interests! 😱

Stay strong, be assertive with the hospital and yes, contact ALL the people advised. flowers

onalongsabbatical Thu 11-Apr-19 13:31:00

Jesus that's unbelievably vindictive. Tell everyone who's relevant, and impress on them that on no account do that do anything on his say so. What a bastard. Breathe, you can sort this. He's surely just scuppered any chance of anyone ever taking him seriously as a concerned and responsible parent. Honestly that's so shocking. Good luck.

Whocansay Thu 11-Apr-19 13:34:51

Can you explain to the hospital and get the appointment reinstated? Put your ex on an information diet immediately. Tell him nothing.

If you were ever in any doubt whether or not leaving was the right thing to do, this must confirm that you did the right thing and all contact between him and your baby should be supervised. Your ex is so much of of a bastard, he is wiling to put his own child at risk to get one over on you.

I hope this gets sorted very quickly and your baby is OK flowers

Leeds2 Thu 11-Apr-19 13:35:23

As others have said, phone the cardiology dept, tell them what has happened and see if you can rebook asap. If you can, tell them that you can be on a "always available" list so that they can call you at short notice if another patient cancels, and you may be able to go (my parents' hospital offers this - you aren't obliged to accept the appointment, but it can mean you get an earlier one than you would do otherwise). And do not tell Ex when the new appointment is. I also wouldn't tell him that the appointment he has booked has been cancelled - let him turn up and wait!
Also see if they can mark it on DS's file that any appointments made, or cancelled, can only be done with you.

MidsomerBurgers Thu 11-Apr-19 13:37:15

If you are still at the hospital, ask if you can see someone from the safeguarding team?

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