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DH and flowers - am I being ungrateful?

(71 Posts)
MilkTrayLimeBarrel Thu 11-Apr-19 12:07:01

DH is very kind and buys me flowers for special occasions and sometimes just ad hoc, which is lovely! However, I have told him on many occasions that I hate lilies - the smell, the look of them, the mess the pollen makes - I never say anything when the flowers have just been delivered so as not to upset him, but wait and raise it randomly!

The most recent special occasion was a couple of weeks ago and he sent me flowers, but it was lilies again! How can I get it across to him that I don't like them without sounding ungrateful?

maras2 Fri 12-Apr-19 08:40:04

I find 'HOW MANY MORE TIMES? STOP BUYING ME FUCKING LILLIES (YOU TOTAL EEJIT)' optional works quite well. smile

MilkTrayLimeBarrel Fri 12-Apr-19 08:27:43

An update for you! This morning, DH came in from walking the dog and said 'What's that funny smell - is it the flowers?'!! Gave me the perfect opportunity to remind him that I don't like lilies. He said he had forgotten and the man in the florist had asked him what flowers he wanted and he said he didn't know!! Hopefully that will sort it. At least he got the colour right - white!

PregnantSea Thu 11-Apr-19 23:00:54

Just tell him you don't like lillies.

My DH is an absolute sweetheart but never used to buy me flowers. Once I told him that I wanted him to buy me flowers occasionally and it started happening. I think he just appreciated being pointed in the right direction.

whitehalleve Thu 11-Apr-19 22:48:28

Feign a lily allergy

Desmondo2016 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:45:00

I've told dh repeatedly over the last 10 years that I don't like any chocolate other than dairy milk and yet he still buys me Lindt for 'special occasions' . Ffs. Just buy me a freddo and be done with it.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine Thu 11-Apr-19 22:42:33

I love lillies, but the smell of them trigger my migraines sad

My DH often buys me chrysanthemums. I'm not a fan of them. 'But they're your favourite' he retorts - erm nope, my favourites are gerberas! I feel ungrateful every time I mention it, but he never takes the hint.

KaliforniaDreamz Thu 11-Apr-19 22:30:31

Black not half as much as daffodils!!

MissPolly my cat is supercat then!

BlackPrism Thu 11-Apr-19 20:19:56

Although Tbf, with DP I'd just say 'thank you very much darling, I love that you got me flowers, but because we're about clear communication can I please hear you understand and accept that I fucking hate lilies? Thank you dear'

BlackPrism Thu 11-Apr-19 20:17:13

Lily's smell like piss

countrygirl99 Thu 11-Apr-19 20:01:29

Maybe he's like my MIL who kept buying DS1 licorice allsorts because she connected them with him but kept forgetting it was because he hated them. She just thought G@2 I remember something about licorice, must be because he likes them. We cured her by repeatedly telling her how much he liked jelly babies until that was the association.

LadyRannaldini Thu 11-Apr-19 19:53:20

Sounds like my OH, I pointed out a book that I didn't want for Christmas. Come 25th December, there it was. When I asked why he'd bought it after what I'd said hos reply was, Oh, I recall you mentioning it. They don't always take things in properly.

DontCallMeShitley Thu 11-Apr-19 19:21:27

*JaneEyre07 Thu 11-Apr-19 19:04:53
As the lilies open, pull off the pollen while it's still hard and easy to do so. No mess and no risk to pets.

My Mum is a florist.*

Wrong - All parts of a lily are poisonous to pets, not just the pollen, it is just that pollen is more likely to be absorbed into the body due to being brushed against and licked off the fur.

If you have a pet of any kind, bin the lilies.

I had a friend who would send me flowers for birthdays, I hate the smell of lilies, sickly, overpowering, and remind me of death. I was lucky in that he would request no lilies when ordering so all was fine.

However, I managed to marry someone with no memory. I have repeatedly asked for no lilies, but I get the same bouquet sent to me every time, it is a standard one and is sent routinely to clients etc. of the business, and it always contains some kind of lilies.

Not only do I hate them but the carelessness of it makes the gesture a non-gesture. Instead of dismantling the display and binning the lilies I now leave the entire thing out of reach of pets and let it die because requests to either not send any lilies or not send any flowers at all are just ignored.

Rach000 Thu 11-Apr-19 19:12:35

I have the same problem with my husband and lillies! He seems to like to buy them but I am not keen. I mentioned it nicely quite a few times and told him I liked other flowers such as the ones we had at our wedding. He then just gets lillies again....
I know he will have completely forgotten what I have said and just sees them as a safe option. He has got better to be fair not had them for a while. So he has either remembered or just getting a cheaper bunch from the supermarket. Which is fine for me! Haha.
Just think it's a man thing. Just try telling him again. Or say they are lovely but get a different flower next time as they are too messy.

JaneEyre07 Thu 11-Apr-19 19:04:53

As the lilies open, pull off the pollen while it's still hard and easy to do so. No mess and no risk to pets.

My Mum is a florist. They're also one of my favourites, especially longhi lilies.

Dieu Thu 11-Apr-19 18:56:53

I don't like lilies either. In fact, I wouldn't like regular flower gifts, unless he did the faff of putting them in a vase. Now there's a lack of gratitude grin
besides I'm a fattie who'd rather get chocolates

lablablab Thu 11-Apr-19 18:53:53

"DH, thank you for the lovely flowers but I've just found out that lilies can be dangerous for dogs! Can you believe it?! Wow, better not get lilies again or it could cost us a fortune at the vets! My favourite flowers are (insert name) anyway, so that's just as well really..."

LemonTT Thu 11-Apr-19 18:26:22

Shortly into our relationship I decided to confess my dislike after receiving a series of bunches. Unfortunately I did it from the kitchen whilst DP was in the living room. I say

“Darling I have to tell you I don’t really like lillies, it the smell”

He misheard and thought I said “willies”. He walked into the kitchen 😱

Still even after that he occasionally buys a bunch.

MissPollyHadADolly19 Thu 11-Apr-19 18:12:09

@KaliforniaDreamz it's all cats. sad
Of these dangerous lilies, keep in mind that all parts of the plant are highly toxic to cats! Even small ingestions (such as 2-3 petals or leaves) – even the pollen or water from the vase – can result in severe, acute kidney failure. Clinical signs from the Lilium or Hemerocallis type include: ... Kidney failure.

- from the pet health network

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 11-Apr-19 17:15:12

I love lilies, probably my favourite flower (definitely in a minority here though). If he always uses the same shop get in touch with them and ask for no more lilies.

MothersGrimm Thu 11-Apr-19 17:10:56

Thank you so much for the flowers, I appreciate the gesture and thoughts behind them. But I really don't like lillies, I associate them with funerals and find the smell really nauseating which is a shame when I want to enjoy your flowers but cant. Sorry darling, I've tried to mention it nicer than this but it doesn't seem to have worked so I just needed to let you know that every time you get me a bunch of flowers, and forget that I don't like lillies, they remind me of your forgetfulness not your thoughtfulness. I hope you dont mind me being honest with you.

Or

Wait until he comes round, greet him warmly, in your underwear, lead him to the vase and then pick up the flowers,and beat him over the head with them, Basil Faulty style till they are shredded. Then laugh maniacally. He'll never buy you flowers again wine

DontCallMeCharlotte Thu 11-Apr-19 16:59:55

Nanny0gg

Calla Lilies mean "beauty" (and they're not actually lilies apparently)
They just look really sinister to me!

Stargazer lilies mean "sympathy"

BoobiesToTheRescue Thu 11-Apr-19 16:10:46

I strongly hinted for years to DH that I didn't like lilies. I even once put them outside the front door because the smell was so strong.

Then one day I just said it out right in conversation (no where near a time I'd received them) and he was like

"What?! You love lillies?!"

Ffs. Facepalm.

No I HATE THEM!
I haven't had them since.

hazell42 Thu 11-Apr-19 15:45:18

My dad used to buy my mum Black Magic chocolates. They were married over 40 years, and at least a dozen times a year she would get them.

Everyone in the family, except my dad, knew that she hated Black Magic. She tried to tell him. She pointed out the chocolates she liked more. She told him her tastes had changed. She told him the recipe had changed. She tried flat out telling him they were horrible.

Didn't matter. Every time my father, who loved my mum to bits, decided to express his feelings, he bought a box of Black Magic. He still buys them now, in memory of her, and gives them to us kids because he doesn't like them.

And none of us like them, either.

I think you might just have to suck this one up.

KaliforniaDreamz Thu 11-Apr-19 15:26:08

PrincessToadstoolOfToadlandia my cat loves to drink the vase water, do you think they are harmful to all cats or just some?
I will never have them again just in case.

BigBooBoo Thu 11-Apr-19 15:06:52

Does he know what a lilly is? Maybe he doesn't understand the type of flower that you don't like.

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