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DH and flowers - am I being ungrateful?

(71 Posts)
MilkTrayLimeBarrel Thu 11-Apr-19 12:07:01

DH is very kind and buys me flowers for special occasions and sometimes just ad hoc, which is lovely! However, I have told him on many occasions that I hate lilies - the smell, the look of them, the mess the pollen makes - I never say anything when the flowers have just been delivered so as not to upset him, but wait and raise it randomly!

The most recent special occasion was a couple of weeks ago and he sent me flowers, but it was lilies again! How can I get it across to him that I don't like them without sounding ungrateful?

Kokeshi123 Thu 11-Apr-19 13:23:08

I would phrase it in terms of, the pollen makes me sneeze or is causing a rash on my skin.

I wish all the lily haters would send me their lilies! I love lilies--and never get flowers of any kind....

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 11-Apr-19 13:25:18

You need to tell him when he sends the flowers so that he remembers. When you just mention it at some random time later he doesn’t associate it with the lilies he gives you, for that he has all the thanks you give him when you receive them. I don’t think there’s really a way to break that association without causing him to realise he’s been getting it wrong all these times.

LondonJax Thu 11-Apr-19 13:26:20

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel Well, the Dogs Trust does say that the lily is also harmful to dogs if eaten in quantity. And, of course, you wouldn't want to chance it if your dog took a fancy to a nibble on a lily or two would you (and neither would he). So, because you can't control a dog's ability to work out how much 'a quantity' is, it's probably best not to have them in the house...just in case...don't you think?

JosephineHass Thu 11-Apr-19 13:29:09

Do you think he actually knows which ones lilies are? Does he realise he's buying them or are they all just flowers to him?

Bringbackthestripes Thu 11-Apr-19 13:29:19

Does he always order them from the same place? Maybe you could contact them and ask if they are delivery flowers to you to please note on the account you don’t like lilies.

I hate them, they stink, even if you cut the stamens out, I had a huge bunch bought for me recently. Even DH was complaining about the smell. I felt guilty throwing them out after 5 days.

LumpyPillow Thu 11-Apr-19 13:32:44

Honeyroar, my partner did that too, those bright almost illuminous dyed ones that make you feel like youre in the 90s on acid. They are errr, funky... 😂 Still pretty i suppose and prefer them over lilies - but I would never ever choose them. He's got much better after a gentle flower chat.

I think you have to remind them, youre buying me what you think I would like, not what you like. Some otherwise fantastically functioning men can become 5 year old boys when picking flowers!

Nesssie Thu 11-Apr-19 13:40:04

Yes, you are being ungrateful.

I never say anything when the flowers have just been delivered so as not to upset him, but wait and raise it randomly! - Randomly putting it in a conversation isn't going to help - when you receive them, state that you love him sending flowers, but you don't like the smell of lilies so can he order any other flower instead.

letsdolunch321 Thu 11-Apr-19 13:51:22

OP I feel your pain, my dp got me flowers last week - a mixed bouquet including lilies (which give me a headache from the smell)

Clearly when buying he was having a senior moment as I have told him previously the smell from lilies give me a tension kind of headache.

On this occasion to spare his feelings I didn't complain, took all the lilies out and binned them leaving the other beautiful flowers to flourish.

DontCallMeCharlotte Thu 11-Apr-19 13:52:10

So they are delivered rather than him going and choosing them himself, yes?

Well there's your problem possibly: I would say must bouquets ordered online look like they come with lilies. They're big [space fillers] and dramatic. And if he's ordering online, it will be very difficult to tweak a standard bouquet. If he's ordering them from a local florist then address it with him when you're thanking him for it.

Personally, I can't bear them because of their association with death , the smell and the effect of the pollen on cats (and soft furnishings wink).

Shoxfordian Thu 11-Apr-19 13:54:18

Tell him what your favourites are so it's positive not negative

Chippychipsforme Thu 11-Apr-19 13:56:36

Does he know what they are? My OH can only name roses and tulips!

KaliforniaDreamz Thu 11-Apr-19 14:10:45

I didn't know they were lethal to cats.
We often have them (my DH buys then too even though i have actually called them funeral flowers) and my cat is still alive. I shall henceforth use this nugget of info.

GillianUsedToLiveHere Thu 11-Apr-19 14:20:32

I will wait until the weekend and then discreetly get rid of them.

The fact that you keep them isn't sending the right message.

I have been given and sent lilies in the past by people who don't know me well, they give me headaches. I can't even have them in the house, I hate the smell.

I have passed them on or had to bin them sad

You need to tell him/show him which flowers you like. I love white roses. Just beautiful or yellow ones for a lovely splash of colour.

OhSoBored2 Thu 11-Apr-19 14:22:03

Yea, it's a difficult one, my husband rarely gives me flowers, but when he does, it's roses. I like roses, but the commercial ones don't smell and wilt after a day or two. I told him many times which other flowers I like (show him in stores), but for now, it's still roses. And because it's rare, I don't dare complaining. Some men are just clueless...One day, I'll just buy myself a bucket I like!

Bagpuss5 Thu 11-Apr-19 14:27:15

Dial florists number, order50quids worth, give delivery address, give all my love,X on card, expect simpering happywife full of gratitude for your love and generosity- ffuck that! Hand him the dishcloth ....

TheGrapefulDread Thu 11-Apr-19 14:28:30

If they arrive from the same florists shop go in there and ask them nicely do they pick lilies or does he? Then arrange to have your preferences delivered instead.

magicstar1 Thu 11-Apr-19 14:29:45

It's not that difficult to remember, and you're not being unreasonable. My mother hates white lillies as they remind her of funerals, so none of us ever get them for her. Tell your DH you don't like them,

Nanny0gg Thu 11-Apr-19 14:33:45

It was traditionally the Calla Lily for funerals not the ones you get in bouquets as a rule.

They still stink tough...

PrincessToadstoolOfToadlandia Thu 11-Apr-19 14:59:59

If you give someone something and they say they like it, but then later after the fact, when you aren't really thinking about it too hard, then say ooh not too keen on lilies btw you're not necessarily going to take it on as important information.

I think it's less likely to stick then if you say it at the time. He'll just think Milktray said flowers were lovely last time. Which you did.

greenpop21 Thu 11-Apr-19 15:00:17

Could be worse, could be Chrysanthemums!

PrincessToadstoolOfToadlandia Thu 11-Apr-19 15:02:08

@KaliforniaDreamz if they sniff the flowerrs the pollen gets all on their face and then they lick it off. So it's pretty easy for them to get really sick/die from them.

BigBooBoo Thu 11-Apr-19 15:06:52

Does he know what a lilly is? Maybe he doesn't understand the type of flower that you don't like.

KaliforniaDreamz Thu 11-Apr-19 15:26:08

PrincessToadstoolOfToadlandia my cat loves to drink the vase water, do you think they are harmful to all cats or just some?
I will never have them again just in case.

hazell42 Thu 11-Apr-19 15:45:18

My dad used to buy my mum Black Magic chocolates. They were married over 40 years, and at least a dozen times a year she would get them.

Everyone in the family, except my dad, knew that she hated Black Magic. She tried to tell him. She pointed out the chocolates she liked more. She told him her tastes had changed. She told him the recipe had changed. She tried flat out telling him they were horrible.

Didn't matter. Every time my father, who loved my mum to bits, decided to express his feelings, he bought a box of Black Magic. He still buys them now, in memory of her, and gives them to us kids because he doesn't like them.

And none of us like them, either.

I think you might just have to suck this one up.

BoobiesToTheRescue Thu 11-Apr-19 16:10:46

I strongly hinted for years to DH that I didn't like lilies. I even once put them outside the front door because the smell was so strong.

Then one day I just said it out right in conversation (no where near a time I'd received them) and he was like

"What?! You love lillies?!"

Ffs. Facepalm.

I haven't had them since.

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