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WIBU to ask DH to get the snip?

(84 Posts)
Sweetbabycheezits Thu 11-Apr-19 10:05:06

So, just the basic background: DH and I married 14 years, we are a solid, loving partnership with 2 lovely Dcs now 11 and 13. I'm now in my late 40's, and my current coil expires in a few months.

Every time DH and discuss birth control going forward, we seem to skirt around the snip conversation. I really want him to have it...I've been the one either on the pill or with the coil for the total of our relationship, plus the pregnancies and births of two children. I think he assumes that it's easier and less invasive for me to carry on with the coil, but I'm not sure that's true...from everything I've read, it's a quick procedure and very quick recovery.

I don't want to tell him what to do with his body, but at the same time, it doesn't feel all that unreasonable to ask him to do it, since I've taken the responsibility all these years.

What are your experiences with this? Is it unreasonable to ask him to do it?

dronesdroppingzopiclone Fri 12-Apr-19 10:43:37

One other option is getting yourself sterilised. I had this done in my mid 40s, one of the best decisions I made. Day surgery, quick recovery, no more worries about contraception

NHS funding for female sterilisation is very limited and in some trusts, non existent. And it is not a quick recovery for a good many patients, in fact, they show up on this board shocked at how much pain they're in when they were sold a 'day surgery, quick recovery' bill of goods.

And as for '1 in 10 men have complications from vasectomy', female sterilisation comes with a pretty nasty complication potential for ectopic pregnancy that can lead to, oh, major surgery and/or death.

It's actually a fairly common side effect of the Mirena to lose libido, OP.

AmICrazyorWhat2 Fri 12-Apr-19 14:38:39

Someone mentioned that the OP might not go through menopause for another 10 years. That's true, but the average age is 51 and the chances of getting pregnant with your own eggs after 50 are TINY - something like 1%.

I'm guessing the OP is about 48 so even now, the chances are v. slim - perhaps another coil would be the most logical solution as sterilisation for either of you seems unnecessary at this point.?

One of my friends had her third DC at 47, but that's v. rare!

gamerchick Fri 12-Apr-19 14:42:58

So just stick with hormones 'just in case'? Never feel what the natural libido feels like after years of hormonal contraception? That's fair is it?

Just so the poor men doesn't have to get the snip?

Christ.

AmICrazyorWhat2 Fri 12-Apr-19 14:52:56

@gamerchick

My DH has had the snip so I'm in favour of it generally - but is it worth it for literally a couple of years?

Tbh, in the OP's shoes I'd probably get the old coil removed, see how regular my cycle really is (I'm 45 and although regular, mine have got shorter so I know my fertility's on the wane) and risk unprotected sex.
The likelihood of her getting pregnant is so small.

But, she thinks she needs some form of contraception so a short-term coil (perhaps copper?) could be a solution. Or condoms, but she said they hate them so no point saying use them. hmm

gamerchick Fri 12-Apr-19 15:00:49

A couple of years of good sex? Course it's worth it.

Again you're saying a couple, nobody knows when menopause will hit. You can have a rough guide looking at your mother maybe. But why should woman have to take hormones that can surpress libido right up until menopause? Any decent bloke would take one for the team imo.

Autumn101 Fri 12-Apr-19 15:10:21

Not unreasonable to ask at all! Contraception is a joint responsibility in a relationship and all options should be able to be discussed openly.

My DH has the snip last year, our DC are 9 and 10. After DS2 I found hormonal contraceptives didn’t suit me at all so we used condoms. Neither of us really liked them so we talked through the options and he was happy to get a vasectomy.

Back to normal within a week and like a PP it’s done wonders for our sex life!!! No risk of pregnancy or remembering to take pills, just enjoyment. DH said it’s the best thing he’s ever done

Windowsareforcheaters Fri 12-Apr-19 15:23:57

A couple of years of good sex? Course it's worth it.

100% this.

It depends how important sex is to you. Post vasectomy sex has massively improved the quality and quantity of sex we have which has had a positive impact on our relationship.

dronesdroppingzopiclone Fri 12-Apr-19 19:57:10

Post vasectomy sex has definitely been brilliant! I'm 48 now, and although still regular, I, too, have short periods with a lot of sweating and flushes right before coming on, so definitely on the wane, but it's wonderful to not have to worry!

It is an issue if sex is important to them and the Mirena has lowered her libido. This IS a known and fairly common side effect.

I'd personally not have a replacement and use condoms until you can see how your cycle is behaving at this age.

BagelDog Fri 12-Apr-19 20:06:55

Just want to pipe up as quite a few people seem to think that if late forties and irregular periods then you can not be too worried about a pregnancy.... the bit of the perimenopause where you are having short or irregular cycles is also the bit when your fsh surges can be massive. Pregnancy is less likely but far far from impossible, multiples become far more likely, pregnancies get more complex. So yes it is less likely but no way to the extent you can stop worrying about contraception, esp as irregular cycles mean pregnancy is sometimes spotted later. Very bright friend who is a doctor in a relevant specialty just had baby four aged 53 and only spotted it at about 14 weeks... no you can’t demans he have a vasectomy, but you can have a frank discussion about contraception and which options are unacceptable to you, so you can decide as a couple what to do next. Vasectomy side effects and complication rates are widely available, as are those for female sterilisation. You each have to weigh up the probability of those side effects against the impact they would have on you. Marie Stopes have quite a good leaflet on each on the website I think. Condoms properly used can be good. But it needs to be a discussion.

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