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House Problems and In Laws

(259 Posts)
Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername Thu 11-Apr-19 08:34:34

Sorry about any grammar issues I am not great at writing. I will also try not to drip feed and be really accurate...

Myself and partner saved for a mortgage about 10 years ago and planned to buy a small house, PIL had come into inheritance and sold a business so advised they would buy us a family house outright and we could pay them back, avoiding a mortgage and having to start small. We were so happy and had no reason to distrust them so we chose a house, moved in, spent the mortgage deposit on furniture and refurbs ect. And started monthly payments to PIL. (I was stupid to not be more involved, I felt awkward as was such a large amount to loan, I didn't talk to my partner about paperwork becuase once again I am a idiot, he went round his parents so many times to go through things and I stupidly assumed this was him sorting the house being ours and a formal payment plan).

Anyway 10 yearsish later we are at the pub discussing that we are getting a smart meter to save money and they said we can't as it might affect their next tenants or renting in future!

I was a bit bemused but carried on and when we got home discussed it and agreed partner would chat with his dad as we thought we were paying off the house to own, not renting.

In the conversation his dad said the house wasn't ours, that because partner will get everything in his inheritance it doesn't matter anyway and we should trust that they will give it us without paperwork, that we are renting and not paying off the house cost.

My partner loves his parents and doesn't seem to mind that we moved in under false pretences but I am so upset.

If anything happened to them health wise we don't own the house so it would need to be sold for their care and in all honesty people live til 90-100 now adays and I don't want to base my financial independence on dead in-laws. Finally if we are renting and they do live to 100 healthily we will pay off the house twice if not more!

Now we are saving for a mortgage on a small house as my partner agrees we can't wait for them to die to get on the housing ladder. Its hard to save with children and while paying rent and needing to downsize and Im just slightly begrudging that we would have half owned our original house by now if they hadn't put us in this position.

I honestly feel hurt by it all. I feel tricked into moving into a home and renting. I feel angry at my partner as I am cutting back so much so we can move out and get our own home as soon as possible and I'm upset at my in-laws as if they told us they were buying a house for us to rent I would have declined!

Let me know if I am being unreasonable as writing this I feel like I sound like a ungrateful brat BUT of my in-laws get sick and need to sell their houses, me and my family will be stuck and I just wish someone would have told me that was the position I was in!

Furthermore when MIL wants to come round I now feel like I don't have a choice. All the times she commented on the messy house she was obviously looking at her investment and I just feel like I can't even paint without their permission now!

Thehop Thu 11-Apr-19 08:46:28

YANBU it’s shit, but you’ve learned your lesson. Get saving and get out. Good luck

Sexnotgender Thu 11-Apr-19 08:49:17

Oh that’s really shit!

GregoryPeckingDuck Thu 11-Apr-19 08:51:47

If you don’t have a rental agreement you are not renting. The money you have put in would suggest that you have an equitable interest in the property or that they hold that money on resulting trust for you. The law in this area is a bit uncertain at the moment but it’s very clear on that you can’t be a tennant without a rdbtal contract. Furthermore, if they haven’t put money into a deposit holdingschene or done the necessary licensing and safety certificates they will be in big trouble also. They are being complete arses. I wouldn’t move out if I were you. If they try to make you leave threaten to sue them.

GregoryPeckingDuck Thu 11-Apr-19 08:52:40

Oh, not to mention I bet they aren’t declaring the ‘rental income’ for tax purposes!

ThanosSavedMe Thu 11-Apr-19 08:53:58

I would be furious with your il and dp.

Have you spoken to them and said this is not what was agreed and discussed originally and that it does make a difference.

You definitely need to move out and I’m. It sure I could have the same relationship with them ever again.

idontknowwhattosay Thu 11-Apr-19 08:54:11

What happened to the money you had saved in the first place?

mummmy2017 Thu 11-Apr-19 08:56:11

Do you have any paperwork , letters ect.

SaveKevin Thu 11-Apr-19 08:57:59

Oh love as a fellow renter (not that you knew you were!) flowers I’m so sorry. That must have been utterly shit to discover. You plan stuff, children, gardens, decorating, schools etc around your home and where you live.
I hope your able to sort it and get your own place soon and it’s not like my area where we have been utterly priced out. I’d be inconsolable if it is.

Undervaluedandsad Thu 11-Apr-19 08:58:29

They knew you were saving for a mortgage and thought it would be OK for you to rent instead? It’s hard to believe there hasn’t been a conversation over the past 10 years that hasn’t brought this misunderstanding to light. Also, why do your in-laws think you will be moving out and they will be getting tenants?

Definitely get some legal advice.

Pumpkintopf Thu 11-Apr-19 08:59:03

Based on what Gregory said above I'd be consulting a solicitor.

jackstini Thu 11-Apr-19 08:59:52

Agree with others that you need to check if there is any paperwork. If not, you are not renting.
Equally though, a loan agreement should have been in place.
Your DP needs to clarify exactly what his parents think the deal is, challenge them and then probably I think you need to see a solicitor.

What a horrible situation you are in, completely understand you must feel sick :-(

Bluntness100 Thu 11-Apr-19 09:01:57

How did your husband not know this?

HotpotLawyer Thu 11-Apr-19 09:04:36

Bloody hell!

It’s all very well for your partner to say it makes no difference because he will inherit anyway, but where does that leave you?


Your DP has had you paying rental towards his parents house, believing you were investing in your own equity, for 10 years?

I would be apoplectic and unforgiving. He lied to you. He did not think about your security or provision.

I am not quite sure how you can have been so negligent in looking after your own interests as to think you could have taken ownership of a house and liability for a loan, even a private one, without signing anything, but you will never be so naive again.

My guess is that his parents baulked at putting the house in your joint names.

Do you actually trust your DP and his parents?

If you buy now take independent legal advice. Look very carefully into whether you buy as tenants in common or joint. Protect your share of everything.

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 11-Apr-19 09:05:04

You've been done over like a kipper!!

I'd be saving like you are planning a move. I think you may have a legal case as you have no tenancy agreement and it sounds like you have managed the house as a rental property. However, any action you take will harm your son's relationship with his parents so he's unlikely to want to do that. I'd be bloody furious too, as you say if they live a long time you have no security and will have overpaid for the house too.

HotpotLawyer Thu 11-Apr-19 09:06:04

Are you married? I am assuming not as you say partner, not DP.

mando12345 Thu 11-Apr-19 09:06:07

That's shit, I'm sorry.
However your partner is partly to blame surely he should have been clarifying this when discussing this with his parents originally.
What does he say was discussed initially, what did he say to you when you asked him about it when he returned from discussing with his parents?

Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername Thu 11-Apr-19 09:07:04

We didn't live together before so spent the money on furniture, got all new floors and painted and I even treated our bedroom to expensive wallpaper, I feel like an idiot.

It is definitely our fault for not having any agreement. More my partner than me, but still I can't blame the in-laws completely. My parents were upset as they took my in-laws to dinner and my mum even cried thanking them for buying our house to save us money, they didn't say a word about it being rent and happily took all the adoration from my parents!

The houses in our area have gone up 30,000 since we moved in, I would say ours may have gone up more than the others becuase of the work we have done on it? We definitely couldn't live here but I think it's a good thing as we are going to move a bit further away into the countryside, I feel like our children would prefer a smaller house closer to nature than a town house so it's not all doom and gloom!

Just resent that I feel like they knew they were duping us. Also if we are getting all this in the inheritance what's the harm in it being in our name? They say we should trust them but they don't trust us to pay them if the house was in our name! It is such double standards!

I am sad the amount of money and time we have wasted but have written out a saving plan and it won't be long till we have our own home.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Thu 11-Apr-19 09:13:00

Who owns the house?

What the fuck was your partner thinking?
Also as he is “your partner” your position is even worse than his. (I’ll get flamed but I’ll say it anyway... You should consider marriage if you aren’t independently wealthy)

You need to get professional advice but I would think you would definitely have “an interest” in the property given the work /money you invested in improvements

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Thu 11-Apr-19 09:13:55

Also stop paying the fuckers “rent” immediately and save it towards a deposit

HotpotLawyer Thu 11-Apr-19 09:14:03

OP, but your DP knew.
He was majorly involved in this and didn’t tell you the truth: that the house is not yours.
Or did his parents tell him they had signed the house over to him?
At which point did he know the truth, in order to make the reply about water meters?

Blueberrysponge Thu 11-Apr-19 09:15:56

Wow. Never fail to be surprised at people's greed and deceit to make money these days. And their lack of remorse or guilt. As long as they aren't hurt, then it's not a problem. Shocking. Lying greedy pigs.

Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername Thu 11-Apr-19 09:17:00

Agree with everyone about it being my partner's fault. The fact he is saving too and saying we need to move I feel like shows he honestly didn't know the situation and wouldn't have gone along with it if he had known.

There was alot of screaming and me saying his parents were screwing us and lied but he just can't see past their point that it's his inheritance so we are not worse off.

I am trying to move past it and move on as it was as much my fault. We set up a direct debit and didn't talk about it.

Honestly it is weird looking back that we didn't discuss it in 10 years but we thought we were paying off to own a house, and it just didn't come up in conversation! They let us fix everything with the house which I said to my partner is bad as renters don't fix things. Just realised that all my paperworks say homeowner so I assume it's all invalid too! They knew this aswell as I once said how our insurance went down now we are homeowners and thanked them!!!

Now I know we are renting they are getting my 'to do' list of all the things wrong with the house to fix!

MumUndone Thu 11-Apr-19 09:17:10

Something smells fishy about this situation.

Piffle11 Thu 11-Apr-19 09:18:34

I don't want to cause trouble, but is there any chance your DP knew exactly what was happening? It just seems bizarre that they had all these meetings and seemingly he didn't know that they house wasn't his/yours. Have they told him that doing it 'their way' will protect his future inheritance, in case you got married and then divorced? So you had no claim on the house, I mean. It's because something similar happened to my DSis: ILs 'gave' £100k to her and her DH towards their new house: when DSis was getting a divorce it turned out it was only a loan, which needed to be paid back when the house was sold, before the remaining equity was split. Her exDH admitted that yes, he knew it had been a loan, not a gift: his parents had done it to stop her claiming half of it.

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