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How would I fit work into this

(9 Posts)
Mjlila Thu 11-Apr-19 07:09:50

I'm young and have a DD1 and DS5. DS is in school. Partner works full time, away, so pretty much everything to do with the kids im doing myself. I'm unemployed as such (quit my job whilst pregnant as the company was awful) but I'm a carer for my DM who is part paralysed, she has speech difficulties and mobility issues so I cook, clean, and help with hospital appointments as well as anything else she may need. I'm happy doing this, she did everything she could for me growing up. My Grandmother has also been needing me more for help with cooking, cleaning, shopping and appointments and now most days Im out early in the morning with DD, dropping DS off at school, caring for DM and my grandmother, picking DS up, then by the time the day is done I get very little time for myself.

Me and DP are happy to leave things like this, I dont know how I'd fit an "actual" job into my life or afford nursery fees for my DD. Family have recently been bombarding me with questions of when In going to return to work as I'm young and cant have a big gap in my employment history. It's getting me down and worrying me that I will struggle to find a job when the time comes (I was hoping to wait until DD qualifies for free hours) as my grandmother's health deteriorates she needs me more.

I was thinking of doing an evening college course but id struggle for childcare. I was just wondering if anyone else feels like they're looked down upon because they are caring for family, and not actually "working" as a carer iyswim. It's making me so paranoid that ill never get back into work.

Friedspamfritters Thu 11-Apr-19 07:13:25

Is it your family asking this? I'd follow up with questions about what help they're going to offer with your mum and grandma.

Sirzy Thu 11-Apr-19 07:13:54

Ignore them. Your doing what works.

Are you claiming carers allowance for your mum?

Any gap is very easily explained with your caring and family duties

Mjlila Thu 11-Apr-19 07:16:16

Yes i get carers allowance for DM. It's mainly my aunt's and uncles, who live far away so dont realise how much my grandmother is deteriorating (her memory and eyesight are rapidly)

azulmariposa Thu 11-Apr-19 07:17:57

Tell them that if you return to work then they will have to pay for carers for your grandma. That might shut them up!

Sirzy Thu 11-Apr-19 07:20:11

I would reply “it’s great that your offering to help out so I can get back to work at last, are you moving closer or will you just be arranging (and funding) full time carers?”

Dyrne Thu 11-Apr-19 07:24:26

Ignore them. The government pays carers allowance for a reason (pitiful as it is) - they recognise that caring for someone is a massive time commitment that makes it difficult to find paid employment.

Even if you weren’t caring for your mum - your youngest is only 1, it’s not exactly radical to still be at home with a baby that age!

DeadButDelicious Thu 11-Apr-19 07:25:13

I'd follow up with questions about what help they're going to offer with your mum and grandma.

^ That.

I was a family carer for 10 years. It is bloody hard work.

DonnaDarko Thu 11-Apr-19 07:27:07

I just wanted to step in to say you sound like an amazing person flowers

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