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Y12 AIBU type 1 diabetes

(20 Posts)
Maddiemoosmum0203 Wed 10-Apr-19 23:52:14

My son is 17 very sensible in his first year of A levels he’s asked me to pay for a holiday to Magaluf in August for him, I don’t mind paying for holidays for him paid over 1k to go to nyc in y10
He’s type one not looking after himself going low and high all the time I have had to “save” him from coma 3 times resulting in hospital admitance
Would I be okay saying in y 13 if he’s kept his diabetes in control obviously bar Ilines etc we will pay I feel so bad as his friends don’t have to worry about this but it’s part of his life
He got it at 11 in y6 and he’s been fantastic till this last year his levels are atrocious I just feel so lost I keep crying I feel I have failed him but it’s not his fault like he says “ I just want to be normal”
Doesn’t help I have a type one cousin who’s 22 and already had problems with his sights also got it at 11
Am I going over the top my DH thinks
I am I just feel lost

Takethebuscuitandthesink Wed 10-Apr-19 23:56:53

Tbh at 17 they are practically an adult and if worst came to worst someone on the plane/in a bar would know what to do. Having said that I would not be willing to pay it all to go I think you should ask for at least some to give him some motivation to earn and to show him the rewards that come from hard work.

SD1978 Thu 11-Apr-19 00:01:03

Not unreasonable at all. Lots of type 1's go through this. My opinion- it's not normal to pass out and almost die in front of your mates. Being 'normal' is you taking care and responsibility for this. You're letting your condition define you by having highs and lows, when you could take control and no one would know you had it, instead everyone knows and you are different when you're turning in into a medical emergency regularly. I would t let him go with poor control. Prove he can control it, understand how much to drink/ what to drink and ensure eating habits established with drinking behaviour and I'd let him go. As long as he chooses to let his illness define him, I wouldn't and I don't think you're unreasonable saying no this year. You can't have it both ways. He's not taking responsibility, so you can't give him independence and responsibility yet.

Maddiemoosmum0203 Thu 11-Apr-19 00:01:42

He does have a part time job but as he’s doing Maths, extended maths,English and history I don’t want hunt to do too many hours,
My aibu is should I pay this year or depending on his levels ((diabetes) pay next year
He’s a good kid but he needs a shock to look after himself I know he’s almost a adult but he’s my child seeing your child in a coma and in intensive support is traumatic

Halo1234 Thu 11-Apr-19 00:10:48

My son is also type 1. It's a lot they have to cope with. And at his age can u understand how it must be hard for both you and him. Have u herd of a dexcom? Google it. Its honestly a game changer. He could be on holidays with his mate and you could watch his levels from home. Send texts to remind him to take insulin/hypo treatments. Could he wear it whilst he is away as a compromise. I know not much u can do from home but could u trust him to make an agreement to follow advice u send to him. You know your son and his mates best. Type 1 shouldn't hold him back and it would be a hard lesson to not let him go because of it but on the other hand with his age and potentially alcohol involved I understand why u are reluctant to say yes. What are his friends like? Can u talk to them about what to do if he has a hypo or becomes ill.

lyralalala Thu 11-Apr-19 00:18:44

I think it’s so hard for them when they are different that they can easily get lost in wallowing in wanting to be normal.

I wouldn’t pay for a holiday until he was taking care of himself.

Different circumstances and different health condition but we went through a short spell with my DD2 when she was 14 where I threatened to stop paying for 2 activities if she didn’t stop doing things the ‘normal’ way and ignoring the things that had been put into place for her. Both groups backed that stance as they couldn’t have her endangering herself either. So I wouldn’t pay for a boozy holiday until he showed he was taking care of his levels in your shoes.

Maddiemoosmum0203 Thu 11-Apr-19 00:21:49

Halo sorry I don’t know how to quote
His friends are fantastic and pick up on hypos before him he’s new know to go as low as 0.6
I do think I need to trust him I do think a lot of it is is to his growth spurt 4 inches in 9 months so lots of basal and bolus he’s on a dexacom I’m constantly texting him
He’s honestly a great kid but he has to take this seriously we had a uncle who died from a sleeping hypo

t1mum3 Thu 11-Apr-19 17:51:55

My view - if he needs to ask you for money for something then it's to put conditions on giving that money. Is his issue not testing? Not wanting to inject in front of friends? If he is going low, is his dose of long acting too high? Or is it just after alcohol, in which case does he need some more support in how to handle his levels after drinking? Or is he "rage bolusing" to try to counteract the highs?

I'd use this as a lever to have that discussion with him. Explain to him that you are scared about what could happen to him, but that you want to support him so that he can have the same freedoms as his friends. Treat this as an opportunity to learn so that he can be safe if he goes off to university.

Ultimately you both want the same thing surely? That he has all the freedoms that his friends have without putting his life at risk.

Once you get to the bottom of what the issue is, then put in some baby steps over the next month. Have an agreement about how much input he wants from you - are you texting him too much?

My DS has grown the same amount (pre teen) and the changes are blinking challenging.

I think you need to try to delve a bit more into what is actually making his management so challenging and take it from there.

But no, if my DS had been hospitalised recently (where they highs or lows?), I would not be happy to fund him to put himself in a vulnerable position.

NoCleanClothes Thu 11-Apr-19 17:54:02

I think if he needs his mum to pay for his holiday then it's not like an adult going on holiday and it's fine to put restrictions on it.

Darkstar4855 Thu 11-Apr-19 18:12:25

I’d make the trip conditional on getting his sugars under control. It’s harsh and yes it’s unfair and not his fault but if he doesn’t sort it out he’s at risk of permanent damage to his health. He’ll thank you when he’s older and not blind or having his legs amputated.

ch3rrycola Thu 11-Apr-19 18:34:28

It's really not as simple as threatening us with blindness and leg amputations. We know the risks but it's hard esp as a teen. However going on holiday with dodgy sugar is scary if he drinks and goes hypo so I'd say he can't go unless he sorts it and proves he can. If he can to earn the holiday and carry on then great but sometimes it takes longer to give a shit and stop wanting to just be normal. Hope he can sort it for a bit. Does he actually want the Dexcom on? Is he on a pump? What's his hypo awareness like?

ScrewyMcScrewup Thu 11-Apr-19 19:17:07

I'm T1 diabetic.

I don't think you should try to control him this way. Most of us will go through a phase where we rebel against having the disease and just want to be normal. Our mums punishing us for being ill really doesn't help and isn't going to kick him into gear. Just be there for him and encourage him to test his levels and offer him fast-acting glucose every time he leaves the house so you know he has something on him for a hypo.

Even if he had wonderful control, it would go to pieces in Magaluf where, presumably, he'll be drinking like a basking shark. What I WOULD be doing is saying he has to take a medical bracelet/card stating he's diabetic, and making sure his friends know the symptoms of when he needs help.

Halo1234 Thu 11-Apr-19 20:53:28

I agree with screwymcscrewup. We are very new to the type 1 world. But think dangling a carrot of a holiday for good control (which as we all know is just sometime impossible no matter what u do) will lead to resentment and problems in the long run. Think to him at least treat the holiday and diabetes control as separate issues.....as much as u can. I know u are in a difficult position and the 2 go hand in hand. But if u were to not let him go I wouldnt sell it as u cant go because u cant control your diabetes. Just a generic u r too young maybe next year. Or our funds cant stretch this year. Hope he gets to go and has a safe lovely time. Sorry to hear about your uncle. So much interesting developments with the closed loop hopefully soon management gets easier for them all. Xx

paddyclampitt Thu 11-Apr-19 21:03:58

Another Type 1 here. Please let him go. I've been there, done that in terms of bad control in my teens. But one thing I will be forever grateful for is that I never once missed out due to my diabetes - even though my parents were worried sick! PS I have no complications!

Is he on the pump / CGM?

BottomleyPottsSpots2 Thu 11-Apr-19 21:12:07

Marking place and reading with interest (my T1 DD is 10). Also really valuable to hear from the adults with T1.

I hope you find a solution OP flowers. Would it be a good idea for him / you to speak to his diabetic care team about the difficulties with management this year? The psychologists can be very helpful.

BarbarianMum Thu 11-Apr-19 21:33:35

Before you pay anything out, check put travel insurance (health). What are the different bands for t1? Will they cover him if he's had recent hospitalizations?

Looks like the EHIC scheme will still be in place come August but it doesnt cover everything.

ScrewyMcScrewup Fri 12-Apr-19 22:33:56

Insurance isn't a problem. I think I pay about £20 normally to cover a fortnight abroad - not sure how that compares to people without diabetes, but it doesn't break the bank.

t1mum3 Sat 13-Apr-19 13:00:01

"Think to him at least treat the holiday and diabetes control as separate issues" - to be honest they aren't though are they? If he's been hospitalised with life threatening situations three times recently, it's really relevant. It would be different if he were an adult who was funding the holiday himself. But I do think it would be reasonable of the OP to ask her son to come up with a plan as to how he is going to look after himself, at least, before she funds his trip. That's not punishment for a medical condition. It's also not saying "you can only go if your HBA1C is 6.5%". I know lots of kids who have turned things around because they need to manage things better in order to get a driving licence and this could be the same sort of opportunity.

Maddiemoosmum0203 Sun 14-Apr-19 02:42:05

Thanks for the advice guys
We have had a long chat and he’s going but with some restrictions he’s still 17 a child in our house under our rules, He is going to let me see his levels on his dexacom he’s also on a omnipod for those who asked.
It’s going to be hard but he has to be treated like we will our other two not that I won’t be worried sick 🤕

Halo1234 Mon 15-Apr-19 00:39:15

Aww glad he is getting to go. Hope he has a lovely time. Totally agree. He has to be treated the same as his siblings.

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