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Mum said no to helping me with the kids

(164 Posts)
Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:09:27

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work sad

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

Cantstopeatingchocolate Sat 13-Apr-19 20:28:57

Ha
I’d also have words about your concern for your mum feeling too tired to look after a 4 year old for an hour.
My mum became full time carer to 2year old niece at 57 and is still looking after her now at 77, when I’m 53 MY youngest will be 10.
And my 77 yo mum will drive 90 miles to help us out if we are really stuck. We don’t ask unless we are really desperate though.
Different family dynamics though.

Poppy43 Sat 13-Apr-19 12:30:56

Good luck with the move flowers

Teddybear080818 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:03:25

Shaken, he started a new job about 4 weeks ago now, he doesn't want to let anybody down by taking days off as sometimes theres only him and 1 other person workinf

gamerchick Sat 13-Apr-19 09:26:40

Good luck OP. Nearly there. flowers

woollyheart Sat 13-Apr-19 09:17:45

It will be worth it in the long run! Good luck!

Bishbashthrash Sat 13-Apr-19 07:48:03

If you only got the 4 year old get him to help.

Mine would be happy to get a box and either scribble all over it and cover it in tape or pack his toys up.

I thought you meant you had to do it with all 3 DC.

I wouldn't be helping your mum anymore either.

didgeridoodle Sat 13-Apr-19 07:42:39

Good luck OP! You can do it! Flask of tea and packet of biscuits to keep you all going.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 13-Apr-19 07:39:54

Flipping heck! Your mother is acting worryingly old before her time. Does she work? I'm 56 and fully expect to be working for at least another 10 years. I don't feel too old to do anything whatsoever. Good luck for your move OP.

GertrudeCB Sat 13-Apr-19 07:31:51

Good luck op.

OwlinaTree Sat 13-Apr-19 07:29:13

Good luck op, enjoy your new place.

UnusualBluePenguin Sat 13-Apr-19 07:28:49

You can do it OP drink 1 million cups of coffee and plaster on a fake smile for the kids then do this fucker!

BarrenFieldofFucks Sat 13-Apr-19 07:25:36

Am utterly pissing myself at @Jessie94 who seems to genuinely think that moving with one baby of 14 months (slingable, has naps I assume) is anything like moving with three child including mobile ones 😂

Having one baby was the easiest time of my parenting life.

Frouby Sat 13-Apr-19 07:24:50

Good luck for today op.

Get beds up and made first, then at least you can all go to bed later without faffing.

Then unpack a tv for the kids, then your kitchen stuff so you can make snacks and drinks.

If it's dirty clean bathroom and kitchens first.

I moved 4 years ago and its really stressful. I only had 1 baby too, he was 11 months old. My mam did come on moving day for a couple of hours, then buggered off shopping. So I get your frustration.

But you have your new house and a lot more space and a garden if I remember rightly. That's got to be a good thing.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody Sat 13-Apr-19 07:10:59

Good luck today OP.

shakenfizzydrink Sat 13-Apr-19 07:00:05

It's your partner you should be pissed off at. Refusing to take time off and dropping you in the shit.

TheQueef Sat 13-Apr-19 06:52:09

Don't worry adrenaline will kick in and you will power through it grin

Teddybear080818 Sat 13-Apr-19 06:14:21

Thanks all I've had about 4 hrs sleep as the kids chose this night to act up!! I'm shattered, can barely keep my eyes open.
My partner will obviously be doing as much as possible but he only got home from work 5 hours ago so has had almost the same amount of sleep as me!!
I feel sick. The thought of moving just disgusts me lol

bananasandwicheseveryday Fri 12-Apr-19 19:34:50

I definitely do not think there is any obligation on a gp to look after dgc's - I agree it is their choice. However, I could not envisage refusing to help just 'because'. To me, part of being a decent human being is showing kindness to others and helping where possible.
My ds's and DIL are moving soon, and between us and DILs parents we will be helping out, either cleaning new place/old place or looking after the baby. I couldn't imagine refusing to help unless I was too unwell or was needed urgently for my elderly mother. And even then, Dh would help out.
Sorry your mum is not acting on a kind or helpful way OP. I'd definitely not be rushing to help her in future.

GreenTulips Fri 12-Apr-19 19:22:08

Last time I moved, the day before the neighbour popped over and asked if she could take the kids for a few hours. Very kind.

That’s all it needs

banana64 Fri 12-Apr-19 19:16:24

Never mind whether it's your mother or not or she's obligated or not.
Whatever happened to basic human kindness?? Someone is struggling. Someone is exhausted and under pressure and needs help. Why does not have to be an obligation. Why can't people just fucking help. I don't care whether my dd should be able to cope or not. Kindness and help. Ffs it's not rocket science. I'm sick of people being so bloody selfish.

goodwinter Fri 12-Apr-19 19:05:48

Your mum may have no "responsibility" to have your kids but to me, as a mum, she still has a responsibility to you, her daughter.

Bang on. If you choose to have children why would you want to essentially wash your hands of any obligations towards them just because they grew up into an adult? Surely you'd hope that your parents will be there for you in times of need, no matter how old you are? Well, this is a time of need for OP - trying to move house with 4 days notice, with 3 kids under 5 and working full time. It IS selfish not to help when your child's in that position.

woollyheart Fri 12-Apr-19 17:47:21

I would be pointing out that she is quite young and you help her with all sorts of things (routers, collecting stuff, booking garage etc etc). Just say that you find it disappointing that while she feels free to ask for help and you give it without complaining, she is grudging about helping you when you need it.

Tell her you are concerned that she is growing old well before her years and maybe she should check in with a doctor.

Asta19 Fri 12-Apr-19 17:41:14

See I take a different view to a lot on MN. I think if you have kids, you do so knowing that they will most likely one day have kids of their own. Therefore, they may need help. Your mum may have no "responsibility" to have your kids but to me, as a mum, she still has a responsibility to you, her daughter. Therefore, she should have helped. You weren't asking for the world. It was a couple of hours.

My GP used to have me and my sis for the 6 weeks summer holls every year (they lived abroad), they used to buy all our clothes and toys. My mum had huge amounts of help from them. They even bought her a house! But she's never been willing to do even one percent of that for her own grandchildren. That's selfish.

Sounds like you've done really well smile and the one positive of this is the satisfaction of knowing you did it all. Yeah, stick any last bits in bags. You can take your time over sorting your stuff in the new place. Can you get a takeaway tomorrow evening to make things easier? That's what I tend to do when I move. Good luck.

Scabetty Fri 12-Apr-19 17:34:03

Jeez I’m 53 and work with Primary kids including Nursery all week. I would be angry if anyone even insinuated I was old.

Teddybear080818 Fri 12-Apr-19 17:29:57

Yeah there was one time I asked her to have my youngest while I went to a hospital app(other two were out at FIL) and she actually said "oh I'll have to earn these little favours back!"

And then it was a week of me doing job after job after job for her just to 'make it up to her'
I know she isn't obliged to help and I'd never dare ask her to have the kids so I could have a night out but for a few hours for a genuine reason which is quite stressful in itself.. 🤷‍♀️

I am as packed as can be, I think that is good? grin a few niggly bits still but they'll just have to be shoved in bags

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