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Mum said no to helping me with the kids

(164 Posts)
Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:09:27

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work sad

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

AnemoneAnenome Wed 10-Apr-19 11:13:44

Whether YABU or not is beside the point, you just need to crack on. Having proper moving boxes, lots of newspaper and tape to seal the boxes helps loads. Do you have those, or can you buy them? Argos sells some or you can get better quality ones from self storage places,but they are not cheap. Or ask on FB if anyone can lend or give you any.

You need to not get bogged down organising anything, just mechanically pack everything round the room from one corner. How old are the DC?

Cattucino Wed 10-Apr-19 11:14:00

That's shit, did she say why?

Get LO to help do simple things eg put all the soft toys in a box.

downcasteyes Wed 10-Apr-19 11:14:23

I'm afraid you are going to have your ass handed to you for expecting any help whatsoever from family, friends etc. You're supposed to manage everything single-handedly on here. It's hard to square with the picture that emerges from threads on family help and inheritance, which reveal many middle class families receiving extensive financial support hmm.

My opinion: your DM is being a bit of a PITA not helping out, and you have every right to be a bit peeved. Next time she needs something, make sure you're not available. In the meantime, you need to work at it at a steady rate. Start at one end of the house, and work through and don't stop for much of a break. It will be knackering but you will get there. If you have friends you can rope in to help out in exchange for takeaway and beer, give them a ring!

Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:16:02

I got boxes from my work thankfully and plenty of tape!! But there just looks to be shit everywhere!
I have 3 DC. 4, 2 and 8 months

Suppose I will just have to crack on but any time I leave the room I get followed grin

ariana1 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:20:31

It’s hard but you’re best to forget your mum and get off the internet and throw all your energy into packing.
If you’ve no time to sort just put things in together to do later. Keep access to any kitchen items you need for now and for the first day.
Bedding can go in black bags / on the day of your move strip each bed into one bag so you can use them again. If beds or furniture need taking apart then start now - don’t leave it to the day.
Use the TV and bribery to keep children occupied / accept any help but just get on with it is my best advice.
Concentrate on what you really need to take with you. If you’ve time later you can try to get rid of other stuff - charity / Gumtree / dump but it’s possible you’ll have to take it with you to sort later. Good luck

Longdistance Wed 10-Apr-19 11:22:40

Those large striped/tartan laundry bags are great for packing clothes, shoes, bedding, pillows, cushions and soft toys.
Your dm sounds a pain. Hope the move goes ok flowers

Mapril Wed 10-Apr-19 11:23:13

Tape the kids into the boxes smile

GillianUsedToLiveHere Wed 10-Apr-19 11:23:43

Can anyone from your work help you out at all?

Could you offer a babysit swap if you can't afford to pay a babysitter for a few hours?

Are your children at nursery? Could you hire someone from there?

All I did (with just one toddler under my feet) was put everything into boxes and labelled it on 4 sides (so you can see when it is stacked) where it came from ie cupboard under the sink, or cupboard under the stairs. If you knew where to find it in your current house, label the box like that. Our move just happened fast and Dh was working in the new area we were relocating to. This method worked really well for me.

TV is your friend, you'll just have to crack on. It is sad when you can't rely on someone you thought you could. Just be unavailable for her if she ever needs anything.

AnemoneAnenome Wed 10-Apr-19 11:23:54

8 months crikey, you do have your work cut out. I would suggest their favourite TV programme on repeat, set yourself a timer and aim to fill a box every 10 mins. Maybe make the older ones a den from boxes (plus sheet, clothes horse whatever) and give them their lunch in it for interest. Maybe move the baby between box, highchair, mat etc at intervals. Could a neighbour or friend help?

And in all seriousness, get off MN. You do not have time to waste on it. Go and do a couple of boxes now!!

Also take them to the park later, good run around and lots of attention, then early to bed and you pack solidly from 7/8pm - midnight.

rabbitheadlights Wed 10-Apr-19 11:24:46

hi OP ... Not much help but i moved with 3 dc on my own back in 2015 ... i had 4 days so a bit more time but I literally had to do all packing once they were in bed ... i even put the oldest to bed at 7pm age 9 at the time

AWishForWingsThatWork Wed 10-Apr-19 11:30:44

Do a child's room first or the room where all the toys will be going and put them in there when you start the next room (kitchen so you can eat).

We have moved with a 9 month old and a 2 year old ... it can be done without others helping. Just have to be strategic in what you sort out first: their room(s) and stuff!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 10-Apr-19 11:31:56

That's very lousy and shitty of her, tbh.

buzzbobbly Wed 10-Apr-19 11:33:33

OT but I totally misread OP and thought she was asking the house swapping lady to babysit while she packed!! I was shock at the replies!

Get packing OP!

Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:39:21

Nobody is able to help no,
I am working 4-2am this evening.
But I have to take my middle child to her settling in session at nursery at 2, that's even less time in the house!

I stopped for a break and to come onto MN as my head is just throbbing with the stress!

I know it can be done without help but ideally I wanted the kids out the way on Saturday to make it as painless as possible. My FIL who has just had surgery is having the younger two but my mum said no to having the eldest, simply because she doesn't want to.
Fair enough but it does feel pretty shit! I'm run ragged
Will get off MN now grin

SkintAsASkintThing Wed 10-Apr-19 11:39:41

You drew the short straw with mum's..,..... remember this when she's old and feeble.

imamum21 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:47:17

give the kids a box to decorate and let them pack up toys/clothes it will keep them busy, give them paper and crayons and stickers to put on there boxes so they know when unpacking its there box

or give them a box to make a den with some crisps, popcorn etc and watch tv whilst you pack up a room

BlackCatSleeping Wed 10-Apr-19 11:56:44

I'm so pleased to hear you can do the swap, but it sounds a total nightmare. Just do your best! I have to admit, last time I moved I literally ended up shoving things in boxes as the movers arrived. I'm so crap at moving.

OhTheRoses Wed 10-Apr-19 11:58:02

Surely you have had more than this week to get all this organised. Why aren't you at least half packed already. Pay someone to deal with childcare?

ChampooPapi Wed 10-Apr-19 11:58:38

@Teddybear080818 I remember your thread and am really pleased you got it sorted and are moving in. All I can say is good luck, you've got this! you can do it and it'll all be over in 48 hours smile

Not that helpful but you can do it without her, it'll be a nightmare but at least a sort of fun nightmare and the new place is going to be great for you all

Asta19 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:03:08

I remember your last thread and I'm really glad the exchange worked out for you.

It is a bit shit that your mum isn't willing to help. Mine's the same so I know how you feel. Is there any way you can get Friday off work? Otherwise it seems tomorrow is your only "free" day. Park the kids in front of the TV, it won't hurt for one day. If they keep pestering, unless it's something important, just keep saying "mummy's busy today". Get started early and aim to have it all done before bed tomorrow.

Keep one box/bag aside for bedding, Kettle etc and a clean set of clothes for each of you. Maybe a small box of mixed toys. That way, if you're totally exhausted on Saturday, you can just make up the beds and have a cuppa. Then you can unpack the rest as and when.

Good luck, let us know how it goes! flowers

letsgohooray Wed 10-Apr-19 12:04:37

OP you have a weird and mean mother. It's just normal decent behaviour to help out people in need - even when they are not your family yet here she is refusing to help out her daughter with her grandchildren. SHe doesn't sound very nice at all. Was she always this ghastly?

category12 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:05:16

That's crap of your mum. I hope you manage OK on your own. I wouldn't be hurrying to do your mum any favours any time soon.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda Wed 10-Apr-19 12:05:50

Do you have any friends that could do a play date with the eldest?

Asta19 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:06:02

OhTheRoses

Council exchanges are not the same as buying a home. You get a weeks notice, if you're lucky! Sometimes it's only 3 or 4 days. As for "pay for childcare" I would imagine it wouldn't be easy for OP to find someone at this short notice and, with all the moving costs, not everyone can afford it!

ZeroFuchsGiven Wed 10-Apr-19 12:06:37

Do You not have a partner/husband?

outpinked Wed 10-Apr-19 12:10:07

That’s truly shit of her. I would be petty in return and make sure you’re never available to help her if she needs it.

You’re just going to have to crack on if no one else is available to help. It’s shit but you’ll do it.

alittlesnow Wed 10-Apr-19 12:13:11

@Mapril

Tape the kids into the boxes! smile

That made me laugh!!! grin

@Teddybear080818

Seriously though, YANBU to be pissed off. Of COURSE your mother should be helping you if she is able. For her to just say NO and NO again and again, like a bratty child is really poor form.

Just remember this when SHE needs help!

I would always be there for my kids, and they would for me.

if anyone in my life was this useless (friend, acquaintance, or even close relative like mother or sibling, I would be giving them a verrrrry wide berth!)

No more advice sorry (unless you know someone else who could have them... maybe a creche for a few hours?)

TheWernethWife Wed 10-Apr-19 12:13:51

Well you now know what to do when she's old and wants some help, just say NO

Mememeplease Wed 10-Apr-19 12:16:48

Give the kids some boxes to play with and some coloured pencils.

Good luck.

fluffiphlox Wed 10-Apr-19 12:17:12

IF you have a FIL, does that mean you have a husband/wife? Where are they in all of this?

LagunaBubbles Wed 10-Apr-19 12:20:43

I'm guessing there's more to regarding your relationship with your Mum, but if she won't help then she won't unfortunately. Good luck!

Hazeintheclouds Wed 10-Apr-19 12:22:13

Her choice. She has done her parenting, I guess.

KarmaStar Wed 10-Apr-19 12:26:48

brewcakeflowerswine for you op.
Can understand you being exhausted when you are on your own,shame we can't get up a team of mumsnetters to give you a hand😀
You will get there!!make sure you keep your energy levels up.
Good luck

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Wed 10-Apr-19 12:28:14

Have you tried asking on the QT at your daughter's nursery if any of the nursery nurses do babysitting on the side? A couple at my DS's nursery used to but I'm not sure if this was official iykwim 🤐

Good luck with the move though and bless your FIL for helping.

IJustLostTheGame Wed 10-Apr-19 12:28:42

Chuck everything into bin bags, wrap breakables in towels or clothes and check them into bin bags.
Throw as much away as humanly possible.
Its shit and exhausting and unfair that your mum won't help.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Wed 10-Apr-19 12:29:26

Her choice. She has done her parenting, I guess.

It's a one off favour not weekly childcare!

MatildaTheCat Wed 10-Apr-19 12:29:53

Her choice. She has done her parenting, I guess.

Parenting doesn’t stop just because your children are adults. You look after your family and help in a crisis. Unless there is a massive backstory that OP hasn’t mentioned then her mother is a miserable witch to refuse to help.

I would tell her to remember this and not expect any help when she herself needs it. Most mothers who are able bodied and available would be there with their sleeves rolled up doing whatever it took to help her family move to their new home.

YANBU.

TheGigglingGazelle Wed 10-Apr-19 12:34:49

I'm afraid you are going to have your ass handed to you for expecting any help whatsoever from family, friends etc. You're supposed to manage everything single-handedly on here.

I don't think that's very fair. Some people (myself included) just believe that people aren't automatically obligated to look after their grandchildren. Or, indeed, any children that aren't theirs.

ohtheholidays Wed 10-Apr-19 12:35:00

Like a PP said could you take a day of work OP?

At least that way you'd have an extra day to get it all done.

My Mum would have been the same as your Mum OP,I got hardly any help even when I became a single parent whilst pregnant with my 4TH DC yet I did loads for my parents,it really does suck and me and my DH would be there like a shot for any of our 5DC.

Is there anyone from work,a friend,cousin,auntie,uncle,neighbour that would help you park or watch your LO?

If someone asked me for help and they were in your position I'd help straight away.

There may be someone you haven't thought of,maybe not to look after your DC out of the house but could watch him in the house or could help pack stuff up whilst you watched him?

I hope you fnd some help and I agree with the PP who said it would be great if we could get groups of MM's together who would be happy to help people out in this kind of situation.

Nu2u Wed 10-Apr-19 12:37:48

If you live near me I would happily come and help with your little ones or packing. I don't see my own grandchildren often as they live abroad. I feel for you; my parents made it clear they would never offer or give help and having moved house I can understand how overwhelming it can be.

Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:40:23

My partner is working too so unfortunately he cant help.
I could take a day off but I only started on Sunday so don't really want to risk it, I only got notice yesterday that the exchange can go ahead. After two months!!!
It's my daughters first time at nursery so wouldn't feel comfortable asking for any help

I will soldier on and do it myself

TFBundy Wed 10-Apr-19 12:41:25

Tape the kids into the boxes

I gaffer taped my 2 year old to the wall while boxing up stuff with one of those industrial tape dispensers. It was easily the best moment of his life so far, he told his key worker at nursery and everything!

I had at least 10 minutes of peace while he wriggled free. Then he begged me to do it again!

Good luck OP.

colditz Wed 10-Apr-19 12:45:53

Ask on Gumtree for someone to help you with packing and cleaning. A couple of teenaged girls could do it a lot more easily than you could with 3 kids aorund your ankles, and it's easier to get help moving than it is to get help you trust to babysit.

You will have to pay but unless you're on the bones of your arse this is worth paying for.

your mum is being selfish. no, of course nobody is obligated to look after other people's children, but nobody is obligated to stop and help someone having a heart attack - that doesn't mean it's not shit to walk past with your nose in the air.

GottaGoGottaGo Wed 10-Apr-19 12:46:16

Why can't your partner help when he isn't working, why are you the only one that has to struggle? I assume he is looking after the kids whilst you work 4pm-2am? Why can't he do some packing once the kids are in bed and you are at work?

Notverygrownup Wed 10-Apr-19 12:52:27

Are there any bored teenagers near you, who might babysit/occupy your eldest?? It's the easter holidays. Mine would happily spend a morning and earn something (£15?) with you in the house too.

If you are near me, I could provide a teenager, or would happily help out.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks Wed 10-Apr-19 12:57:23

I’d help if you were by me too! No on what around you know at all? Ask on Facebook?

RainyAfternoon Wed 10-Apr-19 13:09:07

Good idea to get a teenager in. Possibly ask at the nursery when you do the settling in if one of the staff is interested in babysitting after work.
Also can put the baby in a box with some crayons to scribble on the inside (don’t tape it up though!)

FizzyGreenWater Wed 10-Apr-19 13:12:07

I'd ask on facebook! Differnet babysitting situation as you'll actually be there on hand, you're not leavign them with the responsibility so a willing teenager there to play and distract is all you need-?

pinkyredrose Wed 10-Apr-19 13:14:09

Why can't your partner take a day or two off? You know seeing as it's his kid's, his house and his stuff?

gamerchick Wed 10-Apr-19 13:16:24

You drew the short straw with mum's..,..... remember this when she's old and feeble

Damned right and I'd be telling her that as well when she asks for help in the future. 'i don't want to' got it.

Surely you have had more than this week to get all this organised. Why aren't you at least half packed already. Pay someone to deal with childcare?

Haven't had to do many council exchanges then obviously? hmm

OP you'll have to keep trucking sadly. It'll be over soon. flowers

Stinkycatbreath Wed 10-Apr-19 13:16:30

You know what if my friend needed childcare in these circumstances I would do my best to offer some help for a few hours. People don't want to become involved anymore until that is that need a return favour. I babysat friends kids most weekends weekends so they could spend time with their partner or have a break. Those same friends children are now older and don't need to same level of care. The moment I asked on a message to those friends if someone could help me out.......radio silence. Congratulations on your new home OP. I really hope you get the support you need.

SouthernComforts Wed 10-Apr-19 13:17:47

Your partner needs to take a day off!!

gamerchick Wed 10-Apr-19 13:21:47

I don't think that's very fair. Some people (myself included) just believe that people aren't automatically obligated to look after their grandchildren. Or, indeed, any children that aren't theirs

Under any circumstances? You wouldn't help one of your kids out with something as stressful as a house move? not even just sitting in the house and supervising while your daughter cracks on? hmm

People don't forget this shit and chickens come home to roost.

gamerchick Wed 10-Apr-19 13:23:14

I agree though OP, your partner needs to take a day off or he needs to get stuck into packing when he gets hike from work.

I hope he's around for the actual move or I'd be leaving him behind.

TheGigglingGazelle Wed 10-Apr-19 13:44:02

Under any circumstances? You wouldn't help one of your kids out with something as stressful as a house move? not even just sitting in the house and supervising while your daughter cracks on? hmm

Personally, I almost definitely would, if I was able to. I just feel it ranks under 'favour', not 'obligation'.

MollysLips Wed 10-Apr-19 13:46:34

OP, you can do this! Just take it one box at a time. Don't look up, don't look ahead at everything you've got to do, or you'll feel overwhelmed and panicky and you'll grind to a stressed-out halt.

Just look down and plod on like a robot whenever you have free time. Even 15 minutes is loads - you could do a whole corner of a room in that time.

Also do a huge clear-out as you go, and mercilessly ditch junk into bin bags as you pack.

You can do this. Your Mum is being a total pain but she'll get her punishment when you don't invite her over to see your new place, or chat to her, or fill her in on your news.

I packed a huge 3-bed house in under a week, alone, with a toddler and a 6-year old. Like everyone else says, I just put them to bed early and lowered my packing standards dramatically -- I remember hurling metal baking trays into the glasses box, giving not a shit. 😆

Di11y Wed 10-Apr-19 13:52:45

would you be able to sacrifice a box for playing in? crayons and stickers and maybe ribbons or something to keep him busy?

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 10-Apr-19 13:55:00

Is it only the 4 year old you will have on moving day? If so that’s not so bad as having all 3. You can give him little jobs to keep him busy and within your sight. Damp cloth to clean the doors and skirting boards. Broom to sweep the floors etc.

bibbitybobbityyhat Wed 10-Apr-19 13:56:15

This is quite confusing.

What time do you and your partner have when you aren't working or sleeping between now and the move? Divide the packing up tasks between you in that time. You must have friends? What about your partner's friends and family?

Your Mum doesn't sound very nice from the little you have said.

gairytoes Wed 10-Apr-19 13:57:18

FFS. I'd do this for a friend, never mind for someone I gave birth to. The mind boggles.

You'll do it OP. Good luck.

Isadora2007 Wed 10-Apr-19 13:57:59

Where do the kids go when you work? Can’t whoever has them then do it for you for moving?

LadyRannaldini Wed 10-Apr-19 14:14:59

That's shit, did she say why?

She doesn't have to explain her actions or decisions!

Acis Wed 10-Apr-19 14:20:49

My partner is working too so unfortunately he cant help

Why not? Can't he do some in the evenings, and indeed take time off?

RavenLG Wed 10-Apr-19 14:22:23

It's shit your mum can't help but it is what it is.

Being organised with the packing is the best thing.

Make an essentials box which you can unpack straight away, so a plate / cutlery / glass each, bin bags, dish washing stuff, toilet roll, tea towel etc. Each person to have a bag with a nights worth of clothes / toiletries etc (so pants, socks, shampoo, towel, medications etc). Keep these all handy with you so you know where they are.

Heavy stuff goes in suitcases with wheels if you have them. Books, kitchen stuff etc. It's a lifesaver when lifting. Clothes can just go in bin bags. Keep them on the hangars and lift the bin bags under them and tie over them if that makes sense?

Label boxes and place boxes straight into that room.

Once your bed is moved in, and the kids bed etc. Make them straight away. You'll be thankful when you come to bed and don't have to do it.

You've got this, just be methodical and you can always sort once you're moved in.

PlatypusPie Wed 10-Apr-19 14:23:20

Congratulations on the new property and good outcome re the doors, OP ! It’s going to be a tricky few days but just keep thinking about how it will be worth it all on the other side of the weekend. Even in the best planned and supported moves, things can end up in a muddle - it may all turn out better than you think. Just keep plodding on, eye on the prize, and eat and drink enough to keep up your strength .

If your mother won’t, she won’t - sad though that is, it’s not worth giving headspace to at the moment.

Holidayshopping Wed 10-Apr-19 14:26:26

I presume your mum’s behaviour here hasn’t come as a shock to you though? Or has she always been a loving, attentive parents happy to help out with you and the kids wherever possible?

MadameDD Wed 10-Apr-19 14:27:12

You could... make it into a sort of packing game with the 4 and 2 year olds and put baby in high chair or whatever, that's what a single mum friend of mine with two DC your elder ones ages did - she didn't have a baby. Worked for 2-3 hours and she told them why they were doing it - e.g. house move so excitement and also bribes of new toys/chocolate if they helped with the packing and didn't ruin it. Surprisingly it worked!

Otherwise beg, steal or borrow neighbours, friends etc to mind kids - offer to do reciprocal babysitting/playdates in return.

Don't you have other family, SO etc who could help? why is it all on you?

MadameDD Wed 10-Apr-19 14:28:25

Or do as MollysLips says bedtime earlier for kids and chuck stuff in any old how!

TheQueef Wed 10-Apr-19 14:28:49

I remember your thread.
I'm so pleased it panned out and you are getting the home you need.
No advice about Mum but I wanted to say I'm made up for you flowers

MadameDD Wed 10-Apr-19 14:30:44

Doesn't matter if it's your DD's first time at nursery - all you're asking is if the staff would do babysitting on quiet - assume you'd pay, they can either say no or not!

MamaDane Wed 10-Apr-19 14:32:02

Can't you find a nice babysitter to take care of the kids?

thecatsarecrazy Wed 10-Apr-19 14:32:37

I feel for you. When I moved house my mil said don't worry I can have all the kids for you when you move...
then she said I can only have them until 5 and I'm going out. I had my husband to help but we only had time to move the large items of furniture. I had to ask my brother if he could help. Then she had a go at my poor husband for taking to long to move. I was at home with 3 children so I couldn't do much.

mirime Wed 10-Apr-19 14:34:01

Not everyone has friends (I don't) and for those that do their friends might be doing crazy things like, I don't know, working perhaps? Or looking after their own children etc. Not everyone can take time off with short notice (DH can't), not everyone has family free to help close by (DH doesn't).

I'm sure if there were an easy solution OP wouldn't be posting.

lisamac28 Wed 10-Apr-19 14:34:12

I don't think that's very fair. Some people (myself included) just believe that people aren't automatically obligated to look after their grandchildren. Or, indeed, any children that aren't theirs

Well yes, no-one is 'obligated' to look after any children that aren't theirs but seriously, would you not help a close family member out when they're in need of help? You'd just let them struggle? That's harsh.

Charley50 Wed 10-Apr-19 14:40:49

Tbh your DP should take the day off. A lot of workplaces give a days time off for moving house (don't know if paid or unpaid). Where's he in all this stress?

rainbowunicorn Wed 10-Apr-19 14:43:08

All these people who are saying take a day off or get your partner to take a few days off, what kind of jobs do you have? I don't know anyone that could just rock up to work and say they needed a few days off with no notice. I have to give 2 weeks notice and my OH has to book all annual leave at the start of the holiday year. He actually has 2 weeks that are decided by the employer and can't book anything less than 1 week at a time for the remaining leave.
Many people work in zero hour contracts where telling work you were taking a few days off with no notice would result in very few shifts being offered.
This place is full of people with no clue about how a lot of people have to live. The OP never at any point said her partner was not helping to pack. She is looking for tips on how best to do the packing with the limited time that is available between now and Saturday.

Cafeculture Wed 10-Apr-19 14:49:13

Until the OP mentioned partner I assumed that she was a single parent.

It isn't clear if he lives with her or not, but she hasn't said he is doing any packing, just that he's working and can't help.

While her DM is behaving horribly, surely some of it should fall on the partner.

MadameDD Wed 10-Apr-19 15:01:25

rainbowunicorn - in some jobs but not OP's as hers is new I'd just throw a sickie for a day or two.

There are actually some quite good suggestions - on the last page there was getting local teenagers to help pack/babysit - there are a couple along my street that if they weren't busy would jump at the chance to earn some extra cash and could be trusted to do this. Out kids to bed early is another good idea.

gamerchick Wed 10-Apr-19 15:07:55

She doesn't have to explain her actions or decisions!

No she doesn't, just like her daughter doesn't have to explain herself when her mother needs her arse wiped later on in life. If you're a bellend then you reap what you sow. Why would anyone agree with a cunts trick is beyond me....

Theimpossiblegirl Wed 10-Apr-19 15:09:29

Congrats on getting the exchange. It's going to be a tough few days but totally worth it. I'd normally say to use the move as an excuse to have a really good clear out but in your case I would just get everything boxed and bagged then sort it out at the other end.
It's crap your mum won't help, remember this when she next wants a favour.
flowers gin

Lokidokiartichoki Wed 10-Apr-19 15:12:13

I’ve been there OP, it’s shit, but it is what it is. If you’re anywhere near Cardiff pm me I’d be happy to help out.

Babdoc Wed 10-Apr-19 15:19:05

Why not ask the congregation at your church to help? We all turned up to help clear the house for an elderly lady who was going into hospice care. It’s what your church is for, helping the local community.

AnnieMay100 Wed 10-Apr-19 15:34:05

Sorry to hear your mum is being selfish, mine is the same and when I had to move from a huge house as a single parent with my children after divorce she begrungingly came to ‘help pack’ but broke my tv from anger at being pressured to help and went home, we have an awful relationship and it was the first and last time I asked for help. As a different perspective that if she did agree to help she may make it difficult for you so it’s sometimes easier to get on with it alone.

I agree with comments about bribing kids with sweets and films while you pack. Make a list and what needs to go in what box etc then throw it all in with help when husband is home from work. I was up until 4am on move day still packing as we had so much and it was difficult to do alone. You can do it and it’ll be worth it. Good luck.

Omzlas Wed 10-Apr-19 16:54:53

Your mum is shit

I don't have any practical advice beyond what has already been offered but why can't your partner take any time off work? And I'd DEFINITELY be unavailable the next time She needs anything. Don't just forget this or you'll forever be a doormat

TheGigglingGazelle Wed 10-Apr-19 17:32:44

* Well yes, no-one is 'obligated' to look after any children that aren't theirs but seriously, would you not help a close family member out when they're in need of help? You'd just let them struggle? That's harsh.**

I already answered this question upthread.

GottaGoGottaGo Wed 10-Apr-19 19:27:32

OP's mum could just be a crap mum, but I think some posters should just reign in some of the nasty comments. We only know OP's side of the story on that one and whilst I'm not saying she is wrong to be upset that her mum won't help, we don't know the mum's reason. It may be a good one, there could be a backstory... Why can't the partner do some packing after / before work? Why is it all on the OP's shoulders to do it single handedly??

TanMateix Wed 10-Apr-19 19:49:26

Ok... sorry to say this but... you are not going to be able to pack tidily on two days with little people following you around so, my advice is:

-open box
- throw in it the contents of the cupboard
- tape
- write on it what cupboard it was and which room in the new house it is going to.
(You will have time to pack and bin the rubbish when you are there)

2) Pack when your children are asleep (yes, the whole night you will have time to sleep when your partner is at home in the weekend.

3) if he refuses to help because “oh my dear, he has a job!” (No bloody excuse, you do too, caring for active kids is far more tiring than working) Simply, don’t pack anything of his, you would see how good he is as packing when you are about to leave his stuff at home.

SoyDora Wed 10-Apr-19 19:59:41

Why not ask the congregation at your church to help?

Assuming the OP is a church goer? I personally would feel very uncomfortable rocking up at my local church (at which I’ve never attended a service) and asking loads of people I don’t know to help me out.

Charley50 Wed 10-Apr-19 20:07:04

Rainbowunicorn - I know some jobs have very little employment rights and fixed annual leave, but conversely in some jobs you are entitled to special leave to move house... but employers tend not to shout about it. So it's worth checking the Leave Policy if you have any type of regular job.

Charley50 Wed 10-Apr-19 20:12:06

And yes rainbow unicorn I had tips for the OP. Get her DP to check his work's special leave policy and ask him to help!

Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 22:39:04

Ok I'm trying to answer a few things.

My mum said no, no reason given. But she has told me before she finds my 4yr old tiring, right?! Try it 24/7! So I'm assuming it's something to do with that. If I ask her why she just wont reply so no point even going there.

My partner is helping, but with a baby that wakes about 6 times a night, a 2 yr old waking also it's not possible to do much through the night as he is just exhausted. I don't finish until 1 today, he gets up for work at 8 and is out the house by 9. It's like ships in the night!!

I did manage to get this done! It's just the annoying niggly bits like there's a weeks worth of laundry that needs folding and putting away then deciding what to actually wear from it and what to pack!

I/we will manage with no help but panic is creeping in. DP is also in a relatively new job and isn't keen to take time off work, I had to have a d&c and he refused to take time off (although on babycentre AIBU, he was told absolutely no time off work in the first 3 month otherwise he is being CF and U so grin )

Teddybear080818 Wed 10-Apr-19 22:44:58

My mum is usually pretty available and helpful so I'm a bit thrown tbh!

She definitely asks me for a lot of favours such as phoning the garage to book her car in, going to her house to sweep up or quickly having to drop everything to go and see why her broadband router isn't working. Pick up click and collect orders for her and so on so I definitely feel being less available for that is a good idea but isn't that just petty? grin

gamerchick Wed 10-Apr-19 23:37:39

So what if it's pretty. Tell her you don't want to.

Poppy43 Wed 10-Apr-19 23:57:20

So on top of looking after your very young children she expects you to run errands for her, and at a moments notice? Yet won't help you in your hour if need? Sounds exactly like my mum.
Good luck, power through x

GreenTulips Thu 11-Apr-19 00:04:35

We treat people how we expect to be treated. Your mum has shown you how she wants to be treated

Start saying no

livinglongerwithcalgon Thu 11-Apr-19 00:39:48

I’m sorry I know this isn’t the point of the thread but this made me smile:

Surely you have had more than this week to get all this organised. Why aren't you at least half packed already.

We viewed our council house along with a couple of other families at the scheduled visit at 11am. We had first refusal and were asked whilst in the property whether we were taking it (we most certainly were). At 1pm we were sat in the council offices, paid our first week’s rent and had the keys. So not much time there!

Some of the best money ever spent was on getting a removal company to do the packing. However failing that, when in a rush you can go a bit wild with it (have done this many times unfortunately!). Throw all clothes and anything soft, like linens, soft toys etc into bin bags (stick some masking tape on and label them). Pack your important things into a bag you can keep close (like a rucksack), things like valuable jewellery, sentimental items, passports, other important docs etc. Breakables take the longest, get the newspaper out and get everyone on wrapping up and into boxes. Pack everything by current room, just literally dump stuff into boxes or bags labelled by room. Sort it all out at the other end. However have your kettle, tea/coffee, mugs, milk/sugar easily available for when you arrive, and your cleaning equipment.

Good luck with your move!

Bemusedagain Thu 11-Apr-19 03:05:46

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woollyheart Thu 11-Apr-19 04:28:43

Hope the move goes well!

Although childcare isn't a right, family usually help out. There is usually give and take. However, maybe she's just not available this time, or is not feeling up to it.

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