Ok so, fair warning, this is about pooping and I've nc because it's embarrassing and I'm absolutely identifiable under my previous name.
I've been a SAHM for a very, very, very long time (pretty much my 30s) but have a new job starting soon. I'm extremely excited, job is perfect, hours are perfect, it's something I can happily see myself doing for the next 20+ years, etc. However, I'm getting increasingly worried about my toilet habits. Over the years of being at home most of the early mornings, I have become very, very regular. I get up in the morning, have breakfast and coffee and an hour or so later I poop. This was initially fine but as the years have gone on I've become less and less able to adapt to changes.
If I'm not home in the morning, I find it close to impossible to poop. I can't poop in public toilets, at someone else's house, if someone else is in my house, I have difficulty on group holidays, etc. Basically if anyone else is around. (Unless it's my child, I've long adapted to the moment I sit on the toilet being the exact moment I hear, "where are you mummy?") I also find that if I 'miss my window' and am not at home at the right time I just can't go later in the day, even if I'm all alone for hours. Instead I get a sore, bloated tummy, lose my appetite for the day and by late afternoon get horrible stinky gas. And it can take a few days to get back to normal. This can happen for days at a time when I'm on holiday and it's genuinely so awful that I never go on a trip anymore without Milk of Magnesia (which has it's own downsides).
I don't know how to deal with this and working. I can't honestly remember how I used to manage before, it was entirely unremarkable and not something that I have reason to remember. I've been getting up extra early in the mornings and managing to go before the school run but all this has done, is divide my need in two. I go in the morning, do the school run and need to dash back home to finish up. If I don't it's not as bad as when I don't go at all, but it's still not great. I'm out and about a lot at the minute, meeting friends for brunch, getting jobs done on the house, having doctors/dentists appointments, etc. All the things that I'll have less time to do once I start my job. And I'm not adapting. By bedtime I have a bloated tummy, my farts are rotten and when I am home alone in the mornings I need a lot of toilet time.
Has anyone else dealt with a similar issue. How long will it take for me to get over this stupid inability to poop in anything other than perfect conditions? Or even will I get over it? The nature of my new job is one where I'll have limited time and ability to go to the toilet. I'm having visions of spending the latter half of the week staying downwind of everyone I know, then downing half a bottle of Milk of Magnesia every Friday night and spending Saturdays clearing out a week's worth of back up instead of fun family time.
AIBU?
Back to work and bodily functions
alittleprivacy · 10/04/2019 10:51
I really think you just need to learn to shit at work. Literally everyone does it
But not at work apparently 
I know lots of women people who say they never poo at work. I go when I need to go, wherever I am. I couldn't hold it in if I wanted to.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
In what fucked up world is a person who shits so scandalous that they are 'talked about' 
.
We all do it. Every single one of us. Including the Queen etc.
I get up in the morning, have breakfast and coffee and an hour or so later I poop.
Well there you are then - you need to get up with enough time to do the above with the hour's break after breakfast and still get your kids to school and yourself to work. If that's your routine, then that's your routine. I'm not saying that it won't change or can't change, but since you're so anxious about it I suggest you plan your wake-up time accordingly. It's terribly British to be hung about one's bowels in mid-life 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.