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Lads holiday

(118 Posts)
Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 07:11:57

Hi my partner is going away with the lads in April, he told me they were going the Easter weekend, at first I wasn't to happy about this but come round to the idea. He's been working away the past few weeks so we have hardly seen each other. I decided to book a caravan for the Easter weekend as he would be away. Take my son (Not his) an my sister's 2 little ones. My partner informed me he got the dates wrong an goes the following weekend not Easter weekend. I told him to come caravan with us. He could still have a night out with the lads on the Friday follow us up on Saturday an spend Easter together. He said why would he want to spend Easter with a load of kids an it costs to much money to go. It's only a hours drive away. If already paid for caravan. We have been together 10 years I dnt really trust him wen he goes away every year with the lads. But I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He has cheated on me. I forgave him an we moved on, am starting to think he isn't interested in me no more. There is an age gap am 35 he's 56. I dent go on mad holidays every year with the girls. I go on 1 family holiday. Why am I feeling let down by this? Am I wrong to think he should come away easter?

Clutterbugsmum Wed 10-Apr-19 19:56:21

He said I can have a 2 week break! Wow, just WOW who the hell does he think he is to dictate what you can and can do.

Well done for leaving, take time to grieve and heal from your hurt. And be grateful you not be going to looking after him in another 10 years when he's old and infirm.

pilates Wed 10-Apr-19 19:23:51

I hope you heal and get stronger and find someone worthy of your love 💐

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 17:25:19

"Well done, don't go back to this old codger."

I was with you until you said "old codger" hmm
He is an arsehole yes, but not an old codger hmm

AhhhHereItGoes Wed 10-Apr-19 16:33:59

Everything you say indicates I wouldn't fancy being with him.

He cheats.
He gaslights.
He doesn't enjoy spending time with your children.
Isn't willing to compromise.
Has to spend the weekend with 'the lads' (I hate that phrase anyway but at 56 they are not lads and if he calls himself that he's a clueless prick).
He doesn't care about your feelings.

That's only from your initial post.
What should you do with a piece of tissue on your shoe?
Get rid of it.

Boysey45 Wed 10-Apr-19 16:30:24

Well done, don't go back to this old codger.
Look for someone around your own age who wants a proper partner.

nettie434 Wed 10-Apr-19 15:57:38

then I was accused of having an affair.

The right response to that is 'No, that's your speciality'. Stay brave! Admiration to you for being so decisive flowers

SnakeRattleRoll Wed 10-Apr-19 15:37:33

then I was accused of having an affair.

Classic gaslighting

thecatsthecats Wed 10-Apr-19 14:56:22

The thing is, both their ages are relevant when it comes to whther this is a worthwhile, longterm prospect for the OP, who is 35.

Would I get in a relationship with a man 21 years older than me, who I utterly loved, who adored and respected me, and for whom the benefit of the inevitable consequences of an age gap would be worth it? Yes.

Would I stay in a relationship with a man 10 years older than me, who didn't want kids, but I had teens/they'd be out of our home soon, and we'd be able to forge a good relationship all around once they were grown? Yes.

Would I get/stay in a relationship with a narky git who hadn't bothered to forge a family relationship with my child in ten years, who cheated on me, and who belittled me AND due to his age I could look forward to all the difficulties of age gap relationships? Throwing that one back in the pond, thanks very much.

pushingdaisies Wed 10-Apr-19 14:49:41

Well done! You really are well rid of him. He sounds absolutely awful. I don't know how you've managed to stick out a decade with him, but at least you don't have to waste any more time on him. The fact he's accusing you of having an affair when he's got the history of cheating speaks volumes, he's probably panicking you've left because he's the one having the affair and doesn't want to be found out. The fact that he thinks he is allowing you to have a break is unreal.
For what it's worth, I bloody love caravan holidays, me and DP are going to a caravan for our honeymoon grin which most people would hate.
I hope you have a lovely time with your son and sister's children x

Annasgirl Wed 10-Apr-19 14:41:40

Oh well done OP. He has shown his true colours. Please do not go back to him. You have so much to look forward to. Stay with your mum and dad, take time away from men, enjoy a lovely Easter with your DS and your niece and nephew and start your new life from to-day.
Yes it is hard, but looking back on my life to-day, I can honestly say that the hardest part comes, you get through it, and a new, happier life starts afresh. And you will start afresh.
Please stay true to you and do not let him talk you back. And I cannot believe he asked you to cook a curry. I am a SAHM and my DH has never asked me to "cook X as I am home tonight".

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 14:37:34

He's just informed me that he is home tomorrow an could I make a curry grin. I have told him av moved to my mum's an left my parts of the bills for past 3 days. Just accused me of being a spoilt brat saying I'm leaving cos he won't stay in a caravan. I told him iv left, cos I'm sick of being his maid an catering 4 his every whim.the fact he has no respect 4 me has broken me an iv decided to be by myself. then I was accused of having an affair. He said I can have a 2 week break! Very kind of him. I'm hurting an not very happy but that will pass. I want to curl up in a ball an cry but I cnt I have to work then. Play mum. X

notacooldad Wed 10-Apr-19 14:34:56

We go on holiday together, never been in your position the lad's holiday stopped when we moved in together, it's down to you what you should do but i know i wouldn't be staying with him
Bloody hell, that sounds smug! It is possible to do both!
The issue is that he has cheated and that he is not interested in the OP anymore. Going away with his mates is a bit of a red herring. Would that have been an issue if he wasn't a big fat cheat and treated her superbly and engaged with her kids?

happyhillock Wed 10-Apr-19 14:25:20

We go on holiday together, never been in your position the lad's holiday stopped when we moved in together, it's down to you what you should do but i know i wouldn't be staying with him

barryfromclareisfit Wed 10-Apr-19 14:23:18

He’s not your ‘partner’, he’s a single bloke you house-share with. If indeed you do house share. For the last few weeks you have hardly seen him.

He is 56? Younger than me, not ready for his bath chair. But he’s established a habit of doing his own thing, and you won’t change him now.

Take this opportunity to send him on his way. Have a lovely weekend away with the children.

notacooldad Wed 10-Apr-19 14:16:33

Lads holiday, more like a whist drive or luncheon club outing.Hes way too old for you OP bin him and meet someone else
I am two years younger than this 'near pensioner', as he has been referred to ,at 54. My last holiday without DP was spent mounteering in the Tatras and my next one is in the Atlas Mountains. Bloody Whist Drive and luncheon club my arse!

I'm not saying there isn't causes for concern here but the assumptions about people in their 50s is bonkers!

It would be a deal breaker for me to be with someone that age who still referred to a trip as a “lads holiday”. Cringe!

Good job you are not my mum. My dads trips are referred to as ' the lads holiday'. My dad is 78. However they go sea fishing in Portugal So there's not much to cringe about! I'm just glad he's fit and well and my mum goes away ' with her girls' to Benamedena' mum is 78 as well.

He’s not a lad though, he’s on the brink of being a pensioner
Never heard of a figure of speech? 'going out with the lads', 'meeting the girls'is a common expression, certainly in my area no matter how old you are. In fact if it was worded ' a gentlemans' holiday I would argue that sounds worse!

However that's by the by, Op I think you do have a partner problem!

BlackPrism Wed 10-Apr-19 13:49:19

*Want to add he's not a bastard because he's older than her he's a bastard because he is a twat - the phrasing was a joke, I know 56yos are not old

BlackPrism Wed 10-Apr-19 13:43:00

Why wouldn't he want to spend Easter with you? V odd, partners are supposed to enjoy spending time together. Chuck the old bastard and find someone who appreciates you.

Lifeonmars77 Wed 10-Apr-19 13:09:49

What @MaxNormal said. With big jingly jangly bells on.

Mummyshark2018 Wed 10-Apr-19 13:04:35

The cheating would have me running for the hills. He does not deserve you and seems to take you for granted. he wants a single life with a much younger partner at home. Cake and eat it.....
The thing Easter is a non issue though and I don't think you can be too upset about that. My dh would probably not want to go and stay in a caravan with a lot of kids (that aren't his) and a couple that he may not know very well. Plus he was never going to see you at Easter anyway. It seems that this was just the straw that broke the camels back. I hope it all works out for you xx

AuntMarch Wed 10-Apr-19 12:35:12

I know of a group of men that go on holidays together aged from about 45-65. None of them are still with the mother of their children - some are in relationships but are very clear that this time round they are keeping some time to themselves, which is exactly what I would do too!

I also highly doubt I'd want to spend a weekend with 2 young children that weren't my partner's offspring.

What I also wouldn't do though is repeatedly cheat on someone. So leave him anyway.

HBStowe Wed 10-Apr-19 12:27:17

Soooo he’s a cheat and you don’t trust him. There is no future in this relationship and if you stay in it you’re just condemning yourself to unhappiness.

goose1964 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:20:49

I think the term lads holiday raises a flag, it implies booze, drugs (if that's their thing) and sex if available, or a holiday with your mates, which would be a shared interest, sightseeing etc and some boozing and no sex

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 12:04:16

Stay strong flowers

HauntedPencil Wed 10-Apr-19 10:32:47

Well done OP you deserve a lot better than this.

We both go away on separate weekends etc here but he sounds like a total pipe.

I hope you have a lovely break, I love a caravan weekend I do.

Aquiline Wed 10-Apr-19 10:15:16

Wow, people are really judgmental about a man wanting to go on holiday with his friends.

People are judgemental because the man is clearly a total wanker.

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