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Lads holiday

(118 Posts)
Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 07:11:57

Hi my partner is going away with the lads in April, he told me they were going the Easter weekend, at first I wasn't to happy about this but come round to the idea. He's been working away the past few weeks so we have hardly seen each other. I decided to book a caravan for the Easter weekend as he would be away. Take my son (Not his) an my sister's 2 little ones. My partner informed me he got the dates wrong an goes the following weekend not Easter weekend. I told him to come caravan with us. He could still have a night out with the lads on the Friday follow us up on Saturday an spend Easter together. He said why would he want to spend Easter with a load of kids an it costs to much money to go. It's only a hours drive away. If already paid for caravan. We have been together 10 years I dnt really trust him wen he goes away every year with the lads. But I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He has cheated on me. I forgave him an we moved on, am starting to think he isn't interested in me no more. There is an age gap am 35 he's 56. I dent go on mad holidays every year with the girls. I go on 1 family holiday. Why am I feeling let down by this? Am I wrong to think he should come away easter?

SneakyGremlins Wed 10-Apr-19 07:14:34

With the greatest of respect, OP, what on earth are you doing?

Does he have any good points?

He's a cheat, not interested in your kids, he's rude to you...

FiveLittlePigs Wed 10-Apr-19 07:25:54

If your friend was telling you this, what would your reaction be?

user1493413286 Wed 10-Apr-19 07:32:46

A lads holiday at 56? Every year? Even though he’s cheated on you before? I wouldn’t be able to trust him.
If he’s going away the following weekend I wouldn’t expect he needs a night out with his other middle aged friends on the Easter weekend and would just expect him to come with me.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 07:33:19

He does have good points. His argument is y dent I just go an enjoy myself it's no big deal he will see me when I get bk.. He just doesn't want to be with a load of kids. Am confused to y this is. As there great kids well behaved. I think it's me he doesn't want to be with. He says am bullying him to go. Instead of just going an enjoying myself

fourcanaries Wed 10-Apr-19 07:34:29

Time to walk away. Sounds like you want different things.

Slicedpineapple Wed 10-Apr-19 07:35:25

How is he as a step father? He sounds quite disengaged if he really doesn't want to spend a few days with children, one of them being his DSS.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 07:36:00

My thoughts exactly. I wouldn't deny him a night out he works really hard. But I do expect some of his time considering he got the dates mixed up.

ThreeAnkleBiters Wed 10-Apr-19 07:37:27

He sounds like an overgrown 14 year old. Why do you stay with him?

Pa1oma Wed 10-Apr-19 07:38:04

“Lad’s holiday” at 56 years old? confused

Seriously OP, I’ve never heard such nonsense in my life.

Slicedpineapple Wed 10-Apr-19 07:38:37

To be honest from reading this he sounds like he just wants to have a bachelor lifestyle (aka lads holidays and not being around children). But probably enjoys being in a relationship too. Do you have a good relationship the rest of the time? I know you've said he has cheated on you so potentially an eyebrow raising question to some but I am assuming you have moved past it if you are still together.

pilates Wed 10-Apr-19 07:40:33

He doesn’t sound fully committed to you. I’m sure you could do better.

LordWheresMyShoes Wed 10-Apr-19 07:41:11

Oh he can F the F off.

10 years your partner and doesn't want to be involved or help with your son? Can't be arsed to see you in his free time because the children are too much like hard work? Going on lads holidays age 56?? Cheated??

Why the hell haven't you chucked him in the bin already??

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 07:45:04

We do have a good relationship, an we spend time together go on family holidays, I only booked this caravan as I didn't fancy spending Easter alone, one of my friends is going with her children so I will have sone1 to talk to, just thought Easter was a family time. I'm feeling let down. An he feels am bullying him to go. My head is mashed. Am going anyway. Might then just go stay with my parents till I find a new place

BlueSkiesLies Wed 10-Apr-19 07:46:20

Did you see the thread about how single mums are only good for a shag? His attitude seems like the guys in that thread!

HopefulAgain10 Wed 10-Apr-19 07:46:59

Sorry you have fool written all over you.
So hes cheated , you dont trust him, doesnt want to spend time with a load of kids including your own, and you still cant see it?
Why are you so desperate for this loser?

Ellabella989 Wed 10-Apr-19 07:47:49

It would be a deal breaker for me to be with someone that age who still referred to a trip as a “lads holiday”. Cringe!
His horrible behaviour and the fact he’s a cheat would be a 100% no brainier for me to sack him off though. He sounds vile!

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 07:49:32

He doesn't sound like much of a catch TBH, although I wouldn't want to spend a few nights in a caravan with 3 young children either - sorry.

Mygingercat Wed 10-Apr-19 07:50:53

Eh?! hmm

InMyCorner Wed 10-Apr-19 07:52:01

Oh god, he sounds like one of those cringe worthy men who refuse to grow up. A 'lads holiday' at 56??

It seriously sounds like you could do miles better OP.

Prinstress Wed 10-Apr-19 07:53:10

He’s not a lad though, he’s on the brink of being a pensioner confused

My love, you sound a wonderful mother and woman. You deserve to be with someone who actively wants to be a part of your life l.

InMyCorner Wed 10-Apr-19 07:54:13

Oh and you're 35 OP!!! Plenty of time to find someone who truly adores you. You don't have to waste more of your life with this loser.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 07:54:39

Tapas 4 two I booked the caravan as I cnt afford to go abroad for a few days, an it was better than being on my own all Easter. I do get lonely as my partner works long hours or is working away. I do work myself but when u get home do the tea an my son's in bed it's pretty isolating.

Icantthinkofasinglenamehelp Wed 10-Apr-19 07:55:41

So many things stand out here.

1) On the one hand, they're not his kids so why would he want to go on a caravan holiday with three children? I wouldn't want to go on a caravan holiday with someone else's kids - not exactly relaxing.
2) On the other hand, you have been together a long time so I'm shocked that he doesn't fulfil a stepparent role to your child (and therefore want to spend time together as a family). It implies he's not dedicated to either of you, especially considering he's cheated on you and booking holidays apart from you.
3) Do adult men still go on "lad's holidays"? None of the men I know do confused I thought it was more a late teenage boy/early twenties single guy thing?
4) Why are you with someone who doesn't sound very nice, committed, loyal... He sounds like he acts like a young single guy when he's supposedly in a relationship. I don't know either of you but it sounds like you deserve better.

MaxNormal Wed 10-Apr-19 07:57:05

Nearly 60 and going on "lad's holidays"? Cheated on you?
You can do so much better than this. Dump his almost pensionable arse.

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 07:57:20

Sorry Stressedmam, I wasn't criticising you, but I can see why he wouldn't want to stay in a caravan with 3 young children, two of whom he has no relationship with.

I hope you enjoy your Easter break. And I hope you meet someone who treats you with more respect than he does.

BlueMerchant Wed 10-Apr-19 08:00:36

He sounds like he's trying to re-live his youth and wants to be 'one of the lads' with his little holiday. He's obviously not a fan of 'family time' and he obviously doesn't care about hurting you.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 08:02:10

Am starting to feel a fool, he always makes me believe am being possessive, I challenged him this morning over this break. His reply is am bullying him to go an giving him grief he doesn't need when he's working away. I'm going to work myself now feeling pretty shit! Let him spend Easter with his mates. An then the following weekend with them to. What makes me laugh is we haven't even booked a family holiday yet an he's already talking about taking Benidorm for his friends birthday

Slicedpineapple Wed 10-Apr-19 08:03:06

The more I read the more I think his guy sounds like an ass longing to be in his 20s again.

Bungalowbeth Wed 10-Apr-19 08:06:59

Nice ageism in this thread. I’m not saying the guy isn’t a jerk but are 56 year old women looked down on for having a “weekend away with the girls”? I know I would like it at 56!

Nanny0gg Wed 10-Apr-19 08:08:30

What's your living situation? Do you own or rent? Who's name is it in?
It's time for some serious thinking

SnakeRattleRoll Wed 10-Apr-19 08:08:56

"Lads" holidays at 56?

NorthernKnickers Wed 10-Apr-19 08:09:09

I'm trying to look at this from both sides. You need to separate the 'lads holiday' and your caravan holiday to do this, as I think there is another whole thread to be made about him going away 'with the lads' every year at 56!

So:

He told you he was going away Easter weekend. Fair enough 🤷‍♀️

You booked a caravan away for yourself and your DS, and invited a friend with their DC. Again, fair enough 🤷‍♀️

He realised his date mix-up and you asked him to come to the caravan with you, your friend and several DC.

He said no, you think this is unreasonable.

Looking at JUST THIS issue, he isn't being unreasonable really I don't think. He's 56, probably working all week, and you've asked him to go away in a caravan with you, your friend and several young children, none of whom are his. Objectively, that would be my idea of hell on Earth! It's probably his too. It would be completely different if it were just you and your DS of course...but it isn't. There are other people in the mix.

Your disappointment is, of course, real and valid...because you know he's ALSO going away the following weekend. But that's a separate issue.

I'd be more concerned about his 'lads holidays' and his cheating if I were you. You say you don't really trust him. This is your AIBU, not the caravan holiday. Don't try to force or guilt him into going with you...it will sour your weekend away and you'll not enjoy it...and neither will your friend or the DC. Go, have fun, don't talk about him at all!

When you get back, that's time for you to sort out the real issue of trust (or lack of!)

💐💐

ArgyMargy Wed 10-Apr-19 08:09:23

Yes, his age is irrelevant - he's just an arse.

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 08:09:31

I'm 60 and have just been away on a weekend break with my female friends grin

It sounds like he is gaslighting you, and taking you for granted. Maybe being on your own in the evenings is better than being with this bellend.

HopefulAgain10 Wed 10-Apr-19 08:10:07

Hes sounds worse after your last 'talk'. But there you are still with him.
Sit down and ask yourself why are you so desperate for him?

Slicedpineapple Wed 10-Apr-19 08:15:29

Nice ageism in this thread.

I'm not sure anyone is being ageist, he just sounds quite immature for a man that is middle aged.
- cheating on his partner
- planning several holidays for the lads and not planning any family holidays (personally I would think you should do both, I know lots of people that do girly holidays in their 50s but also go on holiday with their partner or families)

I can see both sides with the step father thing as I know people that have made it clear they do not want to be a step father to a child when they are in the middle of their life but they do not live with their partners for that reason, or said they will wait until the child is a lot older before they move in together. But it sounds like they live together here.

I wouldn't say this is ageist.

Whatafustercluck Wed 10-Apr-19 08:18:38

You've been together 10 years. Has he shown any kind of commitment to you in that time? He's cheated on you, can't be arsed to spend Easter with you and seems to want to spend more time with his mates than you. What do you get out of this 'relationship'?

InMyCorner Wed 10-Apr-19 08:24:43

Bungalowbeth

I think planning multiple holidays with the 'lads' where you cheat on your partner and refuse to spend any time with them on a family holiday because 'ew kids' sounds incredibly immature for a 56 year old yes. Male or female.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 08:25:30

My friend has her own caravan. She is going with her partner an kids. I will be able to so I to them there not be with them. An the issue is he's away now b no the weekend same nxt week so he won't see me for 2 weeks an he's absolutely fine by this well am not. I got over him cheating. I cnt trust because of the way he is behaving.saying am bullying him.

claireblueskies Wed 10-Apr-19 08:28:26

You're a single parent and he doesn't like children? That seems like quite a massive obstacle.

Not to mention the cheating and always putting you last... and manipulating you so you think you're the one at fault...

How does this man make your life better?

ChipSandwich Wed 10-Apr-19 08:29:55

Do adult men still go on "lad's holidays"? None of the men I know do

Mine does, but golf is the primary reason for this. All day and every day. I had imagined some sort of hobby related trip re: OP. Maybe I'm wrong.

ChipSandwich Wed 10-Apr-19 08:37:50

I'm 60 and have just been away on a weekend break with my female friends

I'm older even than that and I've just done the same. Is that sad, or only if I was a man would it be sad?

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 08:39:43

Sorry last msg wasn't very clear. He is working away now an will be next week. So when I go to the caravan we won't of seen each other for a full week when I get bk he will b away with work again then fly to Spain the Thursday till Tuesday. We won't of seen each other nearly 3 weeks when he does get bk. He will b home 1 day. Then go to work. We live in the same house. My issue is why wouldn't u want to see me an spend time with me Easter? My friend will be in her own caravan with her partner an kids. I will see them on evenings, but am not with them. He nos my niece an nephew as they have a sleep over once a month. He normally goes out with the lads but he does no them. An my issue is he's I probably have had enough. Cos when I do go out with my friends (very rare occasion) I get grief for months. U didn't get in till 4am etc etc I dnt go out till 10.30pm as work commitments. I am being taking for granted. I think am just scared to be on my own fully. When I do go out I get a lot of attention of other men, i cnt engage in it at all, just glad to have some fun with the girls. He's not all bad he is nice to me, takes me 4 nice meals but I do the same in return. I keep are home immaculate. There's always a fresh home cooked meal on the table. I'm thinking I do to much an he now sees me more as a mother than a lover.

Boysey45 Wed 10-Apr-19 08:49:06

Lads holiday, more like a whist drive or luncheon club outing.Hes way too old for you OP bin him and meet someone else.

echt Wed 10-Apr-19 08:51:06

Ageism on this thread is sickening.

Take his age out of the equation and the advice would be the same.

LizB62A Wed 10-Apr-19 08:51:21

I've been with someone like this.
He's in "single man mode" most of the time and is only switching into "partner mode" when it suits him.

Honestly, I think you're wasting your time on him - I doubt he'll ever change.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 10-Apr-19 08:52:04

I think you have written in your message why you have stayed with him to date; this innate fear you have of being on your own. That has kept you with him at great cost in all sorts of ways to yourself. He is that crap as well that he himself gives you verbal when you go out with your own friends. That is emotional abuse from him, not just to say double standards.

Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied. He sees you as some sort of maid/housekeeper there to service his needs. Your needs to him do not matter and are immaterial.

You have ended up being cheated on and otherwise used by him for his own ends, he has no respect for you at all and considers you to be a right mug. He likely targeted you as well all those years ago also because of your single parent status. Your relationship bar is so very low here that you cite him taking you for nice meals as a plus point re him. This is really the barest of bare minimums and he knows it too.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. You have learnt some stuff here that badly needs unlearning.

Give this pensionable old goat the boot now (your child likely wonders too why you are with this man at all) and please consider seeking counselling re raising your own relationship bar, lack of self worth and fear of being on your own.

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 08:52:30

You're his housekeeper not his partner.

Hollowvictory Wed 10-Apr-19 08:52:52

He doesn't want to come. On the caravan trip that's fair enough. It does not make sense to stay in a relationship where you don't trust the person though.

IncrediblySadToo Wed 10-Apr-19 08:54:23

Can one of you tell me why someone is being referred to as a pensioner or near pensioner? He’s 56. At least 11 years away from retiring, probably more. Would you say he was almost 30 if they are 19?

I’m in my 40’s. I have friends in their 50’s...should I not invite them on a girls holiday? At what age do you think girls/lads holidays are no longer ok?

It’s not a ‘family’ holiday. It’s 2 women and at least 5 kids (only one of which is his step child/partners child)...I can think of plenty of men who would say ‘Yeah, no thanks, you go and have fun’. (Drip feed of friends DP & separate caravan somewhat convenient).

I’m not saying whether this guy is a twat or not, but he probably is. I just can’t believe some of the comments.

Springwalk Wed 10-Apr-19 08:54:48

Dump his almost pensionable arse

grin

I second the pp.

What the hell are you doing with an old man soon to be pensioner who cheats on you, and would rather go on a lads holiday than be with you?

You are still young, move on quickly (to someone that can give you company, kindness and respect) whilst you still have the energy to start again.

Springwalk Wed 10-Apr-19 08:55:54

Lots of people retire at sixty, so yes he is nearly there, less than four years to go in fact....assuming he even works that is.

Springwalk Wed 10-Apr-19 08:56:15

And isn't leading a double life somewhere. Once a liar always a liar.

oldmum22 Wed 10-Apr-19 08:58:23

Forget anything to do with age.
Forget the caravan holiday

Focus on the unwillingness to put you first ,spend time with you and your child and behave as a family.

He needs to face reality ,dump him and find someone whatever age, who sees you as their world. He doesn't !
Make sure his belongings are all packed (unwashed and unironed) ready for his next adventure with the lads to Benidorm, Magaluf etc etc

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 08:59:07

Lots of people don't retire at 60 hmm

Nanny0gg Wed 10-Apr-19 08:59:25

If it's described as a 'Lads Holiday' I think it's a safe bet he's not going for the culture and cuisine.

I'd be interested to know the destination...

IncrediblySadToo Wed 10-Apr-19 09:00:38

You're a single parent and he doesn't like children? That seems like quite a massive obstacle

Plenty of women with their own kids ‘don’t like children’ & don’t want to go away with (at least) 4 other kids that aren’t their own.

Lads holiday, more like a whist drive or luncheon club outing.Hes way too old for you OP bin him and meet someone else

These comments are just so ridiculous. He’s 56, not 96. Luncheon club. How fucking offensive. I have friends in their 50’s doing marathons and climbing mountains.

Bluewall Wed 10-Apr-19 09:01:01

You get your bus pass at 60 ......

woollyheart Wed 10-Apr-19 09:02:21

It sounds like he does what he pleases - night's out with the lads and lads holidays. But gives you grief when you go out!

He doesn't sound very committed to you. I would use the long period of not seeing him as a chance of getting used to being on your own.

outpinked Wed 10-Apr-19 09:04:23

He’s not a lad though, he’s on the brink of being a pensioner

grin grin grin

This is ridiculous. He’s basically used you for a decade, you can do better. Find someone who doesn’t think they’re a ‘lad’ in their late fifties and doesn’t cheat on you.

woollyheart Wed 10-Apr-19 09:05:44

If you are in England, you don't get a bus pass at 60. Bus passes are only given once you reach your official state pension retirement age. Which seems to move into the far off distance regularly....

SallyWD Wed 10-Apr-19 09:05:47

It does seem a bit odd that a 56 year old goes on lads holidays and frequent nights out with the lads. Nothing wrong with him seeing his friends but as its described as "lads nights out" it makes me think of drunken behaviour and eyeing up women. In a way though I CAN understand his reluctance to go away on this weekend simply because I wouldn't enjoy going away with my husband's family and kids in a caravan. I need lots of space and privacy and I think I'd feel a little claustrophobic with lots of people on a caravan. If in general you feel he's committed to you and your child and spends lots of time with you then I wouldn't worry so much. If you feel he often can't be bothered to be with you then that's a different matter...

nooddsocksforme Wed 10-Apr-19 09:06:53

Wow ECHT. I am 57 and could have a great weekend away with my girlfriends with not a whist drive in sight. My dh has holidays with his friends - usually in Germany where they go to football. Your comment is very insulting and if it were racist or sexist in the same way there would be an outcry. God forbid you ever get “old”. Yourself.

Op he is totally selfish and taking you for granted . It may not be unreasonable for him not to want to go to the caravan but the rest of his behaviour shows little respect for you

Ledkr Wed 10-Apr-19 09:13:43

Is be completely turned off by a 56 year old having a "lads holiday" at least be with a guy your age who has some of the benefits as well as still having Kada holidays and I say that as a 52 year old who still loves to party .

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 09:14:34

Not where I live Bluewall. I will get mine when I am 66. I do have a senior railcard though grin

InMyCorner Wed 10-Apr-19 09:16:49

I think it is the fact it's referred to as 'lads night' or 'lads holiday' that makes me think it's more likely some pissed up Ibiza type do (especially considering he's a known cheat).

Where is he going OP?

InMyCorner Wed 10-Apr-19 09:18:09

Cos when I do go out with my friends (very rare occasion) I get grief for months

Urghhh get rid. Honestly.

echt Wed 10-Apr-19 09:23:35

Wow ECHT. I am 57 and could have a great weekend away with my girlfriends with not a whist drive in sight. My dh has holidays with his friends - usually in Germany where they go to football. Your comment is very insulting and if it were racist or sexist in the same way there would be an outcry. God forbid you ever get “old”. Yourself

Possibly I didn't to explain myself clearly enough. I'll break it down:

Ageism on this thread is sickening I think there's a lot of nauseating ageism on this thread

Take his age out of the equation and the advice would be the same

What this means is that had the OP not mentioned his age, she would have still been told to bin him off, so his age is irrelevant, it's his behaviour that's the issue.

MyNewBearTotoro Wed 10-Apr-19 09:24:19

How old is your son and the other kids going? Does he get on well with your friend and her partner? Does he have his own kids?

I can sort of see his point about not wanting to go on a caravan holiday with your friend and their kids if it’s going to be a very child-centred thing. Some people just find children annoying; I have child-free friends who would not find a holiday relaxing if they had to spend it with children so I don’t think he’s unreasonable to say no to joining you for the weekend.

That said, it sounds like you have bigger issues in this relationship if he has a history of cheating, putting holidays with ‘the lads’ before you and if you don’t trust him. That would be telling me this relationship isn’t sustainable.

MatchSetPoint Wed 10-Apr-19 09:30:07

I’m all for keeping family’s together and trying to work through problems but in your case I make an exception.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 09:31:24

I'm such an idiot, I feel really low right now! Luckily I have my own office, an no one can see my tears. I have allowed myself to be treated this way. Luckily he's not back till Friday so I have time to move out. It's his house if always paid rent an my half towards bills. So I should be able to afford a rented flat. In the mean time I could stay with my parents. An if am honest he has cheated more than 3x I just couldn't bear to admit that he was doing it to me. Having a child with asd an a full time job I was just happy to have some1 to talk to in the evenings. I decided to go for an older gentleman cos I thought I would never have to deal with a cheat. As my son's dad cheated with a work colleague. It's probably just me.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully Wed 10-Apr-19 09:31:49

Sounds like my arse of an exH.

Nowt to do with age. He was just a selfish cock wanting to stay forever young and free.

You've been with him 10 yrs and he doesn't want to spend Easter with you and DS, his DSS.
And seems happy to not see you both for weeks?

Get rid. Use the time he's away to get some legal advice. You're still young. Live your life.

TheDarkPassenger Wed 10-Apr-19 09:34:07

My dads 65 and still goes on lads holidays. Dunno why everyone’s being so weird about it on here my mum goes on girls holidays too and she’s the same age. They’re not fucking decrepit!

The other things are huge issues though, I would hate it if my partner had no interest in seeing his step son!

Aquiline Wed 10-Apr-19 09:37:50

His age is irrelevant as far as I'm concerned (though I agree some comments are extremely ageist) -- what shocks me is that you have been this man's partner for ten years, he lives with you and your children, and he appears uncommitted, unfaithful, uninterested in your happiness, in your son and in no way fulfilling a step parent role.

You keep mentioning 'family time' -- Easter is 'family time' -- but this man doesn't think he's part of a family, he sees himself as a semi-single man with a back up woman at home doing the housework on the rare occasions he's there.

Theres's nothing for you in this excuse for a relationship, OP -- you and your son deserve more.

Aquiline Wed 10-Apr-19 09:38:23

Sorry -- child, not children.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 09:43:12

I dnt need legal advice. We're not married. He owned his house b4 he met me I can just move on, I dnt care to much for material possessions. I have enough money to start again, an I can slowly build a home. My son is 14 My niece an nephew are 5 an 6. We will have a lovely time. Thank you so much for advice. The reason I mentioned the age gap as it could be a factor why he is behaving this way mid life crisis etc. Iv had enough. An will look forward to spending time with the kids. We have always had are own money I just paid half rent an bills. Even tho the mortgage was paid, so I no I can live by ourselves. X

chickenalapesh Wed 10-Apr-19 09:47:28

Huge hugs 💐

He sounds like an absolutely sorry excuse for a partner. Your strength will pull you through. Remember. You are better than this, it's all his fault.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 10-Apr-19 09:52:42

Love your own self for a change OP and give yourself a chance to heal properly. His age is irrelevant but you chose a man badly and perhaps also out of some fear of being on your own.

And as for this idea of he having a midlife crisis, rubbish. He cheated because he felt entitled to do so and actually wanted to, it was and remains no reflection on you as a person. That is all on him and his overt sense of entitlement.

Your 14 year old probably does not like this man either because of how you are treated by him. He needs to be taught good and affirming relationships lessons, not this example of a relationship where he sees his mother in pieces.

Please consider counselling for your own self because this will also help rebuild your life too. Never pay into a property that you have no rights over.

Loyaultemelie Wed 10-Apr-19 09:54:40

I'm glad you are able to start again op thanks it's not his age or the age gap (I'm 36 Dh 55) and he would never treat me or dds like that but that's because he's made a commitment and isn't a
complete arsehole. Just remember you and ds deserve better

Aquiline Wed 10-Apr-19 09:55:04

Exactly what Attila said. Good luck, OP.

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 09:59:11

Thank you I have allowed him to treat me like this
I have allowed him to cheat an blame me
Now I will allow myself to walk out, an try an find who I really am. Yes I feel really lost an vulnerable right now, but i reckon this time next year I will look back an laugh at how stupid he was to loose me, not how stupid I was to let him destroy my confidence an self worth. Xxxx

Drum2018 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:00:08

Well I'm glad you saw the light in the space of a couple of hours on MN. Despite him cheating on you at least 3 times (that you know of), having little interest in your child, it takes a few strangers on the internet to open your eyes? While he sounds like a complete prick, I have to say I don't blame him for not going to the caravan for Easter. It's enough to hole up in a caravan with your own teen, but adding your sisters much younger kids was hardly going to appeal to him. You are best off leaving him to his bachelor lifestyle while you concentrate on building a better life for yourself and your child.

nettie434 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:03:46

this time next year I will look back an laugh at how stupid he was to loose me, not how stupid I was to let him destroy my confidence an self worth

Yes! Really hope it works out for you and that your holiday is the start of something much better.

SnakeRattleRoll Wed 10-Apr-19 10:04:19

@Drum2018 I know if I hardly ever saw my partner, who I apparently loved, and worked away lots, then I would put up with 10 screaming kids if it meant I got to spend some time with them.

No, it might not sound like an ideal weekend, but when you are a grown up, you make sacrifices. This man is unfortunately not a "grown up".

Stressedmam Wed 10-Apr-19 10:05:41

Drum I have seen what's going on for a while just didn't want to believe it. I keep my problems to myself an never burden my family or friends so for me to seek advice means I was going anyway just looking for that bit of courage. The caravan is beautiful and on a lovely site with great ammenities. I mean could be worse sharing a room with 2 other men sticking of ale. The kids are brilliant kids with fabulous manners. An I will love every second. But I appreciate that caravans are not 4 u.

BillyGoatGruff007 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:06:55

Lovey, you're only 35; you have a lot of (much better) life ahead of you so please do yourself and your child a favour and walk away.

NotStayingIn Wed 10-Apr-19 10:06:57

Good luck OP! The next few months will no doubt be hard but it will be worth it. You deserve a great life and relationship, and your son a good step dad. I’m so glad you are no longer going to settle for this. X

HopefulAgain10 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:08:09

Well done op!. Glad you decided you and your ds are worth more than this.
You are still young enough to start again and turn it all around. Your ds will be doing his own thing soon so spend your precious time on him.

Good luck to him trying to find someone else who will put up with that load of nonsense.

Butterflyone1 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:09:19

Are you delusional?? You say you have a 'good relationship' and he's cheated on you before. What planet are you on?? Is your self respect that low that you'll stay with a man child instead of being a strong independent women. What on earth is he teaching your son? It's acceptable to never spend time with someone you supposedly love.

Have some strength and walk the hell away.

Butterflyone1 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:11:18

Sorry I've just seen that you have actually walked away. That's amazing well done. It certainly sounds like you've done the right thing for you and your son. It takes so much courage to walk away so well done again.

optimisticpessimist01 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:12:03

Wow, people are really judgmental about a man wanting to go on holiday with his friends. My dad is 50 and goes on a long weekend away with his mates most years, its really not a problem.

The problem is that he has cheated before and therefore you cannot trust him on these holidays. If you don' trust your husband you shouldn't be with him full stop. Nobody should stay with someone they don't trust

I think it's strange that he doesn't want to come to the caravan with you. Is your sister going too or just you and the kids? I can kinda see his point of view that he doesn't want to spend a weekend with a bunch of loud, energetic kids but I think he should do it regardless. What else will he do instead just sit at home on his own?

optimisticpessimist01 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:12:47

Well done OP, your a really strong woman and this is what is best for you and your family.

Best of luck for the future x

Aquiline Wed 10-Apr-19 10:15:16

Wow, people are really judgmental about a man wanting to go on holiday with his friends.

People are judgemental because the man is clearly a total wanker.

HauntedPencil Wed 10-Apr-19 10:32:47

Well done OP you deserve a lot better than this.

We both go away on separate weekends etc here but he sounds like a total pipe.

I hope you have a lovely break, I love a caravan weekend I do.

TapasForTwo Wed 10-Apr-19 12:04:16

Stay strong flowers

goose1964 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:20:49

I think the term lads holiday raises a flag, it implies booze, drugs (if that's their thing) and sex if available, or a holiday with your mates, which would be a shared interest, sightseeing etc and some boozing and no sex

HBStowe Wed 10-Apr-19 12:27:17

Soooo he’s a cheat and you don’t trust him. There is no future in this relationship and if you stay in it you’re just condemning yourself to unhappiness.

AuntMarch Wed 10-Apr-19 12:35:12

I know of a group of men that go on holidays together aged from about 45-65. None of them are still with the mother of their children - some are in relationships but are very clear that this time round they are keeping some time to themselves, which is exactly what I would do too!

I also highly doubt I'd want to spend a weekend with 2 young children that weren't my partner's offspring.

What I also wouldn't do though is repeatedly cheat on someone. So leave him anyway.

Mummyshark2018 Wed 10-Apr-19 13:04:35

The cheating would have me running for the hills. He does not deserve you and seems to take you for granted. he wants a single life with a much younger partner at home. Cake and eat it.....
The thing Easter is a non issue though and I don't think you can be too upset about that. My dh would probably not want to go and stay in a caravan with a lot of kids (that aren't his) and a couple that he may not know very well. Plus he was never going to see you at Easter anyway. It seems that this was just the straw that broke the camels back. I hope it all works out for you xx

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