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Mum has no time for my Kids

(91 Posts)
FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 00:16:30

Need some opinions.

We live over 4 hours from my mum. We are going down there this weekend to pick children up as they have stayed few days at MIL's. My mum has no room to have them. Anyway said I would meet her Saturday with kids and go to tbe park if weather nice. She said that would be lovely and reminded me she would be going out at 5pm for evening. That was fine but then she messsged to say "probably be best to leave Saturday as im out most days this week and will be too tired if i see you and kids for Saturday evening. I said " what about for an hour then" and she replied: best to leave it till another time". So hurt. She has just had her birthday and we have her present. Kids love seeing her. She isnt bothered. She sees my niece regular now and seems like she's lost interest in my 6 and 8 year old. Just a rant,sorry!!

ALannisterInDebt Wed 10-Apr-19 08:30:00

She says your stepdad is controlling and yet she is out with friends every night this week?

I'd be leaving her present in her doorstep and then letting her know how hurt and disappointed you are.

Then leave the ball on her court.

MissCharleyP Wed 10-Apr-19 08:28:52

babyspider I also had a friend who paid her mum to look after her child so my friend could return to work. Her mum worked p/t and she offered her mum the same money per week to look after the child as she needed to return to work and her mum couldn’t afford to give up her income either. I actually thought it was a nice, kind thing to do.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:28:21

Yes im upset. they will wonder why they arent goimg to see her

Sarahandco Wed 10-Apr-19 08:27:12

Sorry missed the update about stepfather. There might be some jealousy and if that is the case I would say don't fall out with your mum, she may be under pressure from a jealous partner. I would just drop in for a short visit to give her your present.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:26:54

My children would love to stay with her bit she would never have them
Always says she had no room.

lablablab Wed 10-Apr-19 08:25:09

Be honest. You have nothing to lose.

Call her. Say you're upset and disappointed and wondered if you'd done anything to offend her. Ask her if she's ok, is there anything else going on.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:25:03

Last time i was down ahe opened up to me and said if she could leave she would. Then it all seemed ok. I said their is always a room here for her

zen1 Wed 10-Apr-19 08:24:21

I also wondered if the step-dad has something to do with it, particularly as she was so keen to meet up initially. He could have had a go at her because he didn’t want meeting up with you to affect their evening plans.

FookMeFookYou Wed 10-Apr-19 08:24:12

I'd just turn up to be fair... if DH can go somewhere with the kids for an hour? If it is the stepdad and he is around let's see if he is so controlling to your face. Obvs if the situation could become volatile or he is violent/abusive then don't but otherwise I'd have it out

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:23:12

We try to come down every couple of months.

BummyKnocker Wed 10-Apr-19 08:22:55

Feel for you all...

BummyKnocker Wed 10-Apr-19 08:22:25

Controlling step dad - there is your answer. I really feel did you all.

Sarahandco Wed 10-Apr-19 08:21:08

Is she upset that you have moved away? (presuming you have moved from home town)

I am not saying she should behave like that of course! but is she trying to be awkward because you do not live around the corner?

Definitely very selfish behaviour in any case. I would be tempted to tell her to get in touch when she can find the time and that you will wait for her to contact you.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:21:03

Yes. Not sure what to do now. Thanks for reading

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:20:14

MIL is about an hour from my Mum. They dont drive.

cheeserolls Wed 10-Apr-19 08:19:09

I suspect the step dad is behind this behaviour....

As per your latest post.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:19:07

Few days. I asked if she was free. It was all ok and she was looking forward to it

NoSauce Wed 10-Apr-19 08:18:42

Ask her what’s going on.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:18:13

Yes it is very sad. Strange thing is during the same day she text to say she couldnt wait to see us all. Then few hours later putting it off. My kids adore her. Its so important to have that relationship for both her and the children.

havingtochangeusernameagain Wed 10-Apr-19 08:17:24

I'd pop by anyway, you've got the present. You don't need to stay, just say "here is your present, sorry not to see more of you this time, but will be in touch again next time".

havingtochangeusernameagain Wed 10-Apr-19 08:16:36

It does sound a bit like she's hiding something. Have you spoken to your sister about it?

I am usually first to say that grandparents have no obligation to take an interest in their grandchildren as they didn't choose to have them. But even then surely you can put yourself out for an hour.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:15:52

No! I will be going right by her house and she will be in. I know the last time I saw her she expressed how inhappy she was with my step dad as he is quite controlling.

Hoppinggreen Wed 10-Apr-19 08:15:33

Has she got the huff because they’ve been with the mil and you are calling in at hers on the way home?
Not saying there’s anythywrong with what you are doing but my Mum would be at least making pointed remarks if we did that

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:13:08

Usually we would meet for coffee or something. Never outstay my welcome.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:11:28

Yes she spending regular time with my sisters two year old. I just dont get it either. The distance means we dont get down as very often.

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