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Mum has no time for my Kids

(91 Posts)
FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 00:16:30

Need some opinions.

We live over 4 hours from my mum. We are going down there this weekend to pick children up as they have stayed few days at MIL's. My mum has no room to have them. Anyway said I would meet her Saturday with kids and go to tbe park if weather nice. She said that would be lovely and reminded me she would be going out at 5pm for evening. That was fine but then she messsged to say "probably be best to leave Saturday as im out most days this week and will be too tired if i see you and kids for Saturday evening. I said " what about for an hour then" and she replied: best to leave it till another time". So hurt. She has just had her birthday and we have her present. Kids love seeing her. She isnt bothered. She sees my niece regular now and seems like she's lost interest in my 6 and 8 year old. Just a rant,sorry!!

kaytee87 Wed 10-Apr-19 07:06:55

How much notice did you give?

Dana28 Wed 10-Apr-19 07:07:11

She has told you she has a busy week and will be too tired.why not just take that at face value and arrange another time,

adaline Wed 10-Apr-19 07:10:41

Is she annoyed the DC stayed with your in-laws and not with her?

ImTheCaddy Wed 10-Apr-19 07:11:39

I'd be very hurt. My mum has a busy social life (retired and widowed and making the most of it), but would never pass up an opportunity to see her grand kids.


BlueSuffragette Wed 10-Apr-19 07:11:49

She sounds jealous that they spent time staying with MIL. Sad she is making herself too busy to see them for an hour.

DointItForTheKids Wed 10-Apr-19 07:13:33

But Dana the OPs mum knew her DD and GCs were coming in advance. If the GC meant anything to her she'd have, to some reasonable extent, prioritised seeing them, not prioritised her own individual pursuits that she can do any time when her daughter hasn't driven two kids four hours there to see her!

My mum was the same, was only saying this on a thread the other day. We'd get there then she'd proceed to totally ignore both children. Bizarre. I eventually stopped trying because it was pointless, utterly pointless, she just simply didn't have the interest.

DointItForTheKids Wed 10-Apr-19 07:16:18

There you go ITheCaddy, your Mum's busy but she prioritises her GCs - that's how it should be done!

I very much believe in the very simple saying "Where there's a will there's a way". If she actually wanted to have a relationship with those GC she'd do whatever it took to see them. Clearly, she doesn't (which is incredibly sad, I can't imagine not wanting to see my GC if I ever get to have any, I love kids (!!)).

ifonly4 Wed 10-Apr-19 07:47:35

Just wondering if there is something else behind this. Is something bothering her about our relationship, so she doesn't really want to see you. Don't know how old she is but perhaps she's got to the age where she doesn't want to be hanging around in the park while the kids run around and play (thinking back my MIL and DM would come to park but you could tell wasn't for them, in fact, MIL would usually take herself off somewhere).

Maybe phone her today, saying you appreciate she's had a busy week but all of you would still love to see her offering another suggestion, ie coffee in a cafe.

ThreeAnkleBiters Wed 10-Apr-19 07:51:34

YANBU it's disappointing. My mum doesn't seem to enjoy time with us either although she'd probably at least find an hour if we were in the area.

Loopytiles Wed 10-Apr-19 07:51:42

On the face of it, yes, it’s hurtful. Is there a back story here?

Do MiL and your DM live near each other? If so, could the mothers have arranged a meet up themselves so that your DM could see the GC during their visit to MiL? My parents and sibling’s in laws do that sometimes.

Loopytiles Wed 10-Apr-19 07:53:03

Does she not even invite you and DC over for a cup of tea?

I personally hate the park! Cold, and for me very anxiety-inducing!

WitsEnding Wed 10-Apr-19 07:57:59

I would be worried that my Mum was hiding something, whether a health problem or something else that would be noticeable if you visited.

NoSauce Wed 10-Apr-19 07:59:02

Sounds like there’s something else going on with her OP?

Do you know what it is or could be? Has she always not been bothered or is this a new thing?

JenniferJareau Wed 10-Apr-19 08:02:03

Maybe she has a new man in her life?

MsTSwift Wed 10-Apr-19 08:04:05

I think the adoring grandparents is a stereotype. For every involved one there are just as many that aren’t really interested. My in laws are like this too. They emigrated because “there’s nothing to keep us in England” overlooking 2 sons and 3 grandchildren here.

wtfhaveIdonewithmykeys Wed 10-Apr-19 08:06:12

If I was your mum I’d dread going to the park but I’d have suggested meeting up in a cafe or I’d have invited you all to my house.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:11:28

Yes she spending regular time with my sisters two year old. I just dont get it either. The distance means we dont get down as very often.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:13:08

Usually we would meet for coffee or something. Never outstay my welcome.

Hoppinggreen Wed 10-Apr-19 08:15:33

Has she got the huff because they’ve been with the mil and you are calling in at hers on the way home?
Not saying there’s anythywrong with what you are doing but my Mum would be at least making pointed remarks if we did that

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:15:52

No! I will be going right by her house and she will be in. I know the last time I saw her she expressed how inhappy she was with my step dad as he is quite controlling.

havingtochangeusernameagain Wed 10-Apr-19 08:16:36

It does sound a bit like she's hiding something. Have you spoken to your sister about it?

I am usually first to say that grandparents have no obligation to take an interest in their grandchildren as they didn't choose to have them. But even then surely you can put yourself out for an hour.

havingtochangeusernameagain Wed 10-Apr-19 08:17:24

I'd pop by anyway, you've got the present. You don't need to stay, just say "here is your present, sorry not to see more of you this time, but will be in touch again next time".

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:18:13

Yes it is very sad. Strange thing is during the same day she text to say she couldnt wait to see us all. Then few hours later putting it off. My kids adore her. Its so important to have that relationship for both her and the children.

NoSauce Wed 10-Apr-19 08:18:42

Ask her what’s going on.

FLOandOLLIE Wed 10-Apr-19 08:19:07

Few days. I asked if she was free. It was all ok and she was looking forward to it

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