Advanced search

Partner walked out

(48 Posts)
DeltaDawn13 Tue 09-Apr-19 21:53:27


I don’t even know where to start if I am honest.
My partner has again decided to walk out in my today over me asking him to tidy the house with me but if I am honest I think that this has just been the perfect excuse that he has needed to start an argument and well I fell for it hook line and sinker.
He has only been back 2 weeks after the last time that he walked out because he was not getting his own way and well before this he has left numerous times.
Last year was a crazy year for us both with his mum getting diagnosed with cancer and mine having a heart attack it all just built up and well he chose the wrong road as he fell back in with a crowd that he used to be friends with but hadn’t been since we got together and then he ended up taking drugs (cocaine) and eventually falling off the wagon after 14 years sober.
So when he was taking drugs I was oblivious to this for a few months and then when he ran up a debt this is when he told me and well promised that it would not happen again and he would not touch it but well he did and ran up more debt to the point that Christmas was cancelled as we couldn’t afford to do it as he was paying drugs off at £200 a fortnight.
He then blamed me because I was getting stressed out about Christmas and well I wanted to get our mums something at least after the year they had but no he has to pay debt and it got to the point that he left a couple off days before Christmas and I didn’t hear from him until the 27th as he told me he was ill and had been in bed and well I believed him.
I then took him back and because some things that he was slipping up about I went through his phone and well nope he had not been in bed he had been out putting goodness knows how much up his nose.
He again promised that it would not happen again and well I believed him and we were getting along until he was getting angry about nothing and everything and we argued and he left again.
I didn’t hear from him for over a week and I was round the bend and then he phoned and told me that he had started drinking and as soon as he said it I went and got him brought him home and he went through detox with me taking time off work and making sure that he was ok.
I felt that this brought us closer and well maybe just me kidding myself but he was so convincing that it had and that nothing would ever break us again and he blamed the stress off his mum and watching what she was going through and this was the final result but that this was all in the past and that was it we were going to have the life that we set out to.
For 3 weeks it was great and we were getting in better than we had ever and then arguing started and he throw a miscarriage in my face that I had to him last year and he was shouting that he didn’t believe me because there was no proof.
What I called him from the hospital at the time he told me that he would be there and hope he went with his friends to get drugs and I didn’t hear from him for days.
He hurt me the one way that I never thought he would and I asked him to leave because he had sickened me with what he said and he did.
He then phoned and messaged me a couple off days later saying how sorry blah blah blah and well yeah I took him back.
He has then left today over me asking him to help me in the house because it needs a deep clean as he does nothing all day and I am just as bad in the house atm but I do work full time I do clean but not a proper clean and I cook the meals.
He told me he was tired and that it can get done another day and if I believed that it could then I wouldn’t have minded but this is what I hear all the time.
He then went crazy and started name calling and well left again.
I called his family home because he has left all his items and well I know that he will start kicking off when he wants them and I wanted to get it arranged for him to get them and avoid this and his dad told me he was out so this is the final straw because the only place that he will be will be with his druggie friends again and well he owes £1500 that I know about but well this will double probably.
I just needed to get this all out because I feel like I am going mad and have no one that I can turn to.

HopefulAgain10 Thu 11-Apr-19 11:03:21

Op now that you have come to your senses, it only one way from here and that's forwards. Can you get a friend of yours to drop all his stuff at his parents place? That way you dont have to deal with him and rid off his presence in your home.

C0untDucku1a Thu 11-Apr-19 10:44:09

The dog will be fine. He will adapt.

billybagpuss Thu 11-Apr-19 10:00:19

I think a dog walker once a day will cost you much less than keeping an addict in his addiction. Dog will be fine.

flowers for you and you know you are doing the right thing. Unless he is prepared to help himself and be an adult, get some help, get a job, there is nothing more you can do for him.

All the best

IJustLostTheGame Thu 11-Apr-19 09:51:39

If you're struggling to find a dog Walker it might be an idea to join borrow my doggy in the meantime.
I look after and walk a few dogs from time to time on there as I'd love a dog of my own but due to circumstances I can't have one.
I wouldn't try to contact his family again, they will be entirely on his side. Gather his stuff together and take it to theirs.
He has done you a favour by leaving.
You can find yourself again and meet someone worthy of you in the future.

DeltaDawn13 Thu 11-Apr-19 09:41:48

He hasn’t got a key thank goodness I made sure that I got it from him before he walked out and I took the phone from him also before he left.
I feel so god damn stupid as I am worried about him and I am having that battle in my head with myself why should I be because he does not give a hoot about me in the slightest.
As I said he is paid today so he will be happy with his JSA and well he will be like a man with no arms for a couple off days and be spending it in well drugs I am presuming at this stage even though he knows that at the start off the month I bought him new clothes and well our food shopping was over £200 that’s before any bills were paid mortgage etc but he does not act like an adult so me being tight in cash this month will not even enter his mind and he will make sure he is ok with what he needs and screw me.
I just feel so so sorry for my dog and I know that this may sound silly but they both have some bond and well he was when he is here so good with him and they were together all the time while I was at work and now I am stressing about this and who I can get to look after him while I am working but again that is something that does not cross his mind he just does what he wants and I am left to pick up all the rest.
Break down day today I think as I need to get the dog sorted and well no one to help I am going to try and ring round places that come and walk him while I am out but he gets anxious if he is left himself offft just wish I had stayed strong the first time and by now I would have had a routine off me and my boy (dog) and he would have been a distant nightmare thought to me.

Scrumptiousbears Thu 11-Apr-19 08:19:30

Have you changed the locks OP? If not do it now and block his number.

Monty27 Thu 11-Apr-19 07:49:30

OP that's really sad you've wasted your love, time and energy on this person. You deserve better. Don't down yourself any further and get him out of your life before he completely wrecks YOU.

Yougotdis Thu 11-Apr-19 07:43:31

Change the locks. Pack his stuff. Put it in a taxi and dump it on his parents door. If he has ever had access to your bank accounts change the details. If your paying anything for him like his phone cance1 the contract. Anything like Netflix etc then change the password

C0untDucku1a Thu 11-Apr-19 07:35:01

Block. His. Numbers.

DeltaDawn13 Wed 10-Apr-19 19:37:36

So have found his mobile he has left this in my home and everything has been deleted on it he has no messages on it from anyone strange.
I have tried to contact him through his parents phone to be told that he has went out again and they do not know where he is.. yeah I am not going to lie I was just about to tell them that he was probably out getting full of drugs but they would just turn that round on me and say that I was lying so I am not trying to contact him again he gets paid tomorrow his JSA so I am sure that he will be having a good weekend and then it will be the come down and the poor me phase that he goes through and this will be when I will get the phone call because I normally give him sympathy and build him back up but well he is a grown man and his choices will have to have consequences and maybe one day he will realise that its time to grow up.

TheChiefBMS Wed 10-Apr-19 17:58:57

You are well out of it OP.

DeltaDawn13 Wed 10-Apr-19 15:34:09

I think that’s what it has been I think that I have been focusing on him for so long that I have forgotten about me and well my own well being.
After I had the miscarriage it was all just swept under the carpet and he didn’t want to talk about it because it was to hard for him well what about me and what I needed I went through it myself I couldn’t get out my bed for over a week totally drained mentally and physically but well he was no where to be seen and I am still physically getting over it and this is me just realising that mentally I haven’t dealt with it either because I was so busy dealing with him and his issues.
I keep reading over what I have wrote and I am like wtf why have I allowed myself to be treated like this with someone who was supposed to love me and think that I am the most important thing in the world but no I was just a bank and maid to him.

GreenTulips Wed 10-Apr-19 13:29:08

OP you need to set your bar higher

You can be chossy!!

Look for someone who is fun to be with and can pay their own way!

DeltaDawn13 Wed 10-Apr-19 13:26:13

I know I just feel so stupid that I have wasted time.. love.. just me overall on him.
He was shouting when he was leaving you keep everything I want none off it but then I have just noticed that he has took a brand new jacket that I had just got him and other stuff with him but leaves his papas bible that should mean the world to him just need to stay strong this time and keep him away from me so I am off work today all his things are getting packed and he is getting told to collect them or I will phone and get the council to take them to the dump.

Littleraindrop15 Wed 10-Apr-19 12:01:57

He sounds mentally draining and needy with no care in the world for you. You've put up with utter crap I couldn't do what you have done for so long. It will be hard for the first few weeks without him and your emotions will be all over the place and be doubting yourself but every time you feel like running back to him read your post to yourself. Remember there are so many decent blokes that would treat you so much better that you don't need to settle for this looser. You are strong and independent and you will be so much better off without him.

I would text him to tell him to pick up his stuff once you've put them in bin bags and don't fall for the sob story when he professes his undying love and how great life will be for you as he gives you the I will change give me a chance blurgh blurgh more vomit inducing stuff that will make you doubt your decision...he isn't Roméo he will just watch you wither away and continue being a class À prick.

Good luck x

greeneyedlulu Wed 10-Apr-19 11:59:22

Wow! He's done you a favour by leaving please realise you deserve better than him! Change the locks, pack his stuff up and take it to his family and never let him back in to your life!
It will be hard for a bit but once the dust settles you will definitely feel better and like a load has been lifted from you!
Chin up girl xx

letsdolunch321 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:45:48

Excellent that you own the house.

Onwards and upwards

Drum2018 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:29:15

Delighted to hear that it's your house. Change the locks and don't look back!

DeltaDawn13 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:27:38

I own the home and thank goodness for that he has ever worked since we have been together leaving it to me to pay everything and well I have been so I will be financially better off without him and his needs.

Purpletigers Wed 10-Apr-19 11:07:42

Tell him to keep walking . He’s taking the piss and you’re enabling him .

letsdolunch321 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:06:16

Have to agree, get your keys back dump his clothes behind your outside bin for him/parents to collect.

Let him become someone else's problem.

Concentrate on yourself, get your life back on track.

💐 Good luck

TheChiefBMS Wed 10-Apr-19 11:05:31

It's hard to see someone you love self destruct. You cannot stop it, though. By taking him back you may even be enabling him. Cut him loose, it's in the interests of you both.

Do all you can to sever financial ties as a matter of urgency and concentrate on mending the damage that has been done to you. It's the only possibly productive use of your time, money and efforts.

If he's to get better, he has to do it alone. You simply cannot help and trying will break you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 10-Apr-19 10:57:09

Christ, you're so much better off without this loser!

Stop punishing yourself for taking him back. Just don't do it again!

He's an addict and it's up to him to sort himself out - not you. You can't 'fix' him. Impossible.

Change the locks. Plan a break. Stuff his belongings up into bin liners and stick them in one room so you don't have to look at them.

Go and spend some quality time with your Mum. This is the beginning of the rest of your life and you're going to soar without him dragging you down. You've got this. flowers

user1471590586 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:55:48

I agree with the above comments including the one telling you to change the locks. I'm unclear as to whether you rent or own your home but I'm wondering whether you are likely to have his suppliers coming to your door looking for him. Will you need to move away? Also do you have any joint finances at all in case he runs up debts?

Drum2018 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:51:18

Well you know what you have to do this time - let him keep walking. Don't be a doormat. Do you both own the house. That will pose issues as you can't force him out if you do. If you rent jointly could you look for somewhere else?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »