Baby in cafe(659 Posts)
Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?
I think I didn't go to cafes much on my own when I had two kids that age. If there was no highchair I would have gone elsewhere. You are a bit unreasonable sorry
You were not BU. The couple were being horrible. If they hate children that much they could have gone elsewhere themselves.
See both sides here. It is hard with two but all my friends with two dont go out to a cafe now for that reason. On the fence but thinking mostly yabu as sounds like he was worse than you saying.
Yanbu. If they don’t like kids they could leave. I would have stayed longer and ordered dessert.
Depends how much noise he was actually making. I wouldn't have let him walk around when people are carrying hot food around though.
Not unreasonable at all. My DD was a very loud chatty baby and I wasn’t going to shush her when I was trying to encourage interaction. They shouldn’t have sat near you if they don’t like children.
You shouldn’t have to avoid cafes just because you have young children; on that theory should you only go to parks and soft play on your own with children? That’d be a fairly miserable time
A baby babbling and occasionally even crying is just general noise that you have to put up with in public. Obviously if the baby can't be comforted you then have to leave. It only annoys me when parents don't bother even trying and just blithely carry on with their meal while the whole restaurant suffers. A bit of babbling is something you have to deal with.
I was kinda stuck as we had already ordered when they came back to inform me that there was no high chair. What should I have done? I was in the city and hour bus ride from home and it was lunchtime. I honestly don't know where I'm meant to feed my children. None of the other tables complained in fact the people on the other side had been talking to me the entire time. I honestly don't k ow how I'm meant to take my dd out if I cant risk my ds making noise. They had an extensive childrens menu so I presumed it was children friendly.
I think it depends on the venue a bit.
Kid-friendly cafe - fine.
Really noisy, busy lunchtime cafe - fine (no chance of anyone getting any peace and quiet anyway)
Quiet, intimate, adult-centred place - not fine.
But difficult to get up and leave if the food had arrived. It sounds like your baby was not really that loud, so my money is on the couple being miserable sods.
Oh my word!!! YANBU at all.
Your baby has just as much right to be there, even if he was babbling loudly or crying. (Even though you said he wasn’t - just for talks sake)
It’s a public place , you’re eating & it’s just one of those things. Like babies on planes or people moving really slowly in front of you or someone talking loudly .
They were rude & you take your baby wherever you like to eat .
You are customers and have as much right as anyone else to be there. You can't stop a baby from acting like a baby nor should you. You were there first. If they didn't like it they should go.
I went to cafes with my two from being babies.
The cafe definitely should think about having even one more highchair.
Sound like arseholes to me. You had already ordered. They could have left.
You weren't unreasonable at all! What are you supposed to do? Confine yourself to the house until they're ready to leave home? Because 9m, 9y, or 29y, you'll never be able to control your children - they're individuals. Neither child was using their table as a climbing frame. I would suggest if they don't like children, they should stay at home, I don't like pigeons and I don't frequent places where they're likely to be!!!
Give yourself a break, and fair play for getting out of the house with 2, I still struggle with one!!!
From what you’ve said yanbu but perhaps he was louder than you perceived...or the other couple are a pair of twats and shouldn’t go to public places where there are also children around.
Yanbu. Unless it is a child free venue (clearly not) then it is unreachable to be intolerant of children.
People are so mean even when they can see you are doing your best. I am sick to death of this culture that children should be seen and not heard and that mothers shouldn’t be able to go out for food or coffee.
We took our two boys to a restaurant in central London a while ago, they were 3 and 1. We sat down and nobody had made a peep and the couple on the table next to us very unsubtly rolled their eyes, whispered while gesturing at us and asked loudly to be moved. It really really upset me because we hadn’t done anything wrong and I felt judged for wanting to treat ourselves for bloody once.
If anybody disagrees with me, let me know, seriously because I find it pathetic
From what you've said, no I dont think you were being unreasonable. But I might ask for a bit more clarification which might explain why they had such a rude reaction - was the cafe quite small or cramped? Sometimes that can make a difference, just being crammed in close to people can make it seem louder. Did any of the food he threw hit any of their bags, shoes or encroach on what might be reasonably called their 'area' (eg under their seat?)
For what it's worth I do think the couple sound rude and precious and you sound like a responsible parent who was working hard to keep your son entertained. Also, if it's a normal family friendly cafe then you have just as much right to eat your lunch there as this couple as long as you are keeping your child under control, which it sounds like you were if he was just babbling, so ignore them saying you should have left.
He wasnt at risk in regards to jot food. I had his hands and our table was in a corner so not in the way or anything. He really wasnt screaming or crying. Just shouting like 'ah ah ah' when I gave him food. Hes not a screamy baby tbh.
Nobody wants to listen to other people’s loud children.
DH and I went for a coffee recently in a local cafe full of mums and their toddlers/babies, we literally couldn’t hear each other across the table, so in the end we sat there and read the paper. Every child trying to out do the next one. Horrendous. Their mums totally oblivious.
Fine for the couple to move but not fine to snipe at you.
And to those posters saying if you’ve two kids you don’t out....
You were fine, the couple were idiots! Children are like dogs, some people just don't like them. I love dogs, children, cats, all of them.....I hate mardy people who expect the world to revolve around them....I hate people who don't like children or animals. Forget and move on xx
You ANBU some people love to be miserable and spread the misery.
A venue with children’s menus and a high chair is totally fine. It’s not your fault they only had one ❤️
YANBU and they need to get a grip. It's a cafe at lunch time ffs not the library.
Please don't let it stop you getting out and about with the children. Babies shouldn't be shushed and people that don't want to hear kids/children shouldn't eat at places with kids menus.
Most people don't want a toddler running around and shouting when they're trying to eat.
It wasnt a small cafe the pram was in the corner so the food mainly went under the table. It was definitely marketed as family friendly, had huge kids menu and colouring books etc. There were other kids but my ds was the youngest.
We had gone to spend my dd birthday money and it's not somewhere I go often so i chose what looked like the best place in the area.
I don't think you were being wholly unreasonable, he was babbling not screaming and racing round, are babies supposed to be silent at all times in public?
I'd have sat down again when someone sat on the table next to me, so maybe you were a little u there.
If you left the food he threw and ignored him while eating so he got louder then you were being U imo.
Did the waitress seat them or did they sit themselves there? If they sat next to a table with 2 young children themselves then it's a bit baffling, you see small children and expect some level of noise, babies make noise and it's not always possible to shush them because they're babies and they don't understand. You can distract, which you said you did, but ultimately if you choose to sit next to small children, you expect some noise.
Hes 9 months he wasnt running around he can barely walk. I had hold of his hands the entire time and he went nowhere near other people. He literally walked from one side of the table to the other.
I’ve 4 kids under 6. I take them to cages alone sometimes. We pay like everyone else. They have a right to eat out like everyone else.
I don't mind babbling babies and obviously babies often throw things, however, I might find it irritating if you were stood up and walking around the next table with your little one. It might be just me but I think I would be thinking 'for goodness sake, sit down woman'. Even if somebody isn't right in your face, someone standing up near to where I am sitting down can feel a bit overpowering.
It sounds like the cafe owner needs to provide more high chairs though.
If I sat down he would of started making more noise cause he hates been say on my knee. Hes ok in a high chair but very difficult to get him to sit still on your knee
I think that when you have small children you need to choose your cafe a bit more carefully if you don’t want people to get annoyed with you.
There are lots of cafes that are suitable for small children and some that really are not. People without children, who don’t want to be bothered by them are well advised to find these typically smaller cafes.
I can understand their frustration to then find themselves sitting by some babies/children.
I’m sure they’re both lovely, but they and you are still making a noise and being distracting & to some people that’s really annoying.
IF there was another, more child friendly, cafe near by then you were BU to go there really.
Personally I wouldn’t have minded at all, as long as you managed to not to performance parent, loudly. I wanted to kidnap one small boy recently. HE was incredibly well behaved, his mother was absolutely sodding barking.
I think this probably falls into a six of one half a dozen of the other thing.
Them asking to move was fine. Their comment wasn’t.
But a cafe isn’t a place for a baby to practise walking and often parents misjudge quite how loud their child is being.
A cafe with one high chair isn't very child friendly and is a place to avoid.
* I’ve 4 kids under 6. I take them to cages alone sometimes.*
Part of me hopes that's not a typo
I'm kidding. There was no need for them to make snide comments.
I did complain about the fact they marketed it outside as been child friendly with kids menu signs etc but no highchairs. They even had a sign welcoming breastfeeding mothers in the window. I didn't expect there to be no highchairs when we went in.
If the chose to sit there then they are clearly the unreasonable ones!
Much like PP who chose to sit in a cafe full of children and then complain it was full of children
In fact, if it was really as described they were unreasonable even if they didn't choose the specific table, although I do agree people walking around near where in seated makes me uncomfortable, you'd have been bent almost double and moving slowly so not so bad!
Ignore all the miserable gits op you did nothing wrong
Makes me want to go to the least child friendly cafe I can find and unleash the kids
Lighthearted for those who want to comment and say I’m proving their point...
YANBU. I would much rather be next to you and your children than someone who believes that everybody within a 50 yard radius is desperate to hear their very important telephone conversation. I had this is a cafe today and then also in the library.
Of course you have as much right as anyone to eat. Somewhere family friendly should have more than one high chair.
this wouldn't have bothered me one iota. in fact I like to see little ones as mine are long past that stage. you did nothing wrong.
I’m assuming if they only had one high chair they were not aiming at kids! I would have left and gone elsewhere.
Well if they chose to sit there then it's on them. You sit next to a baby then you accept you may hear them make a noise. It's not about 'controlling your children' babies make noises sometimes, not necessarily screaming and crying but babbling and laughing.
And yes, take your point about sitting down.
God, it annoys me when adults can sit and converse and laugh in public, but children must stay totally silent at all times - even when they're still learning to use and control their voice!
They chose a table next to two small children, one a baby in a pram, there's an expectation of some noise. I sometimes don't want to hear children, but if I was feeling that way out I wouldn't go and sit myself next to some and expect complete silence!
I'm glad that I wasnt been completely unreasonable. I'll try not to walk around with him in future. He just likes moving around, has always liked to be walked around when he is grumpy. I don't want to stop going places as that seems very unfair on my dd. She doesn't really enjoy soft play so I thin she would get bored quite quickly.
DH and I went for a coffee recently in a local cafe full of mums and their toddlers/babies
Then more fool you for not turning around & leaving, they were there first 🤷🏻♀️
Your update changes things a bit. Not a small care, an extensive children’s menu, other small
children & colouring things... expecting peace & quiet was their mistake! You were fine.
Your walking about was probably a bit annoying, but as there was only one high chair then 🤷🏻♀️ You did your best to stop him screaming the place down.
Can you asked to be moved in a cafe?! I thought you just up and moved!
I just don’t understand why people are so intolerant nowadays. He wasn’t screaming down the place. Why can’t we just help each other out and be nice to each other
Sometimes it's not easy to judge how loud our DC are being. We sort of get used to it & tune out.
I think the couple were quite rude as well though. So both of you were a little U.
people without kids or older people with adults kids really notice when its the school holidays and there are a lot more kids about in the daytime. I know yours aren't school age but I think its group effect.
I didn't find being in a cafe when my children were that small relaxing and enjoyable so I wouldn't have been surprised if others didn't either!
I don't think you were being totally unreasonable, you were perfectly entitled to be there but I understand why somebody wandering around by your table with a baby would be annoying.
I think the cafe is most at fault for only having one highchair.
He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible.
So don't go to cafes?
I remember that stage, utter chaos. A café is the last place I'd have gone.
As long as you only did as you said they were BU.
Also I'd recommend you get a travel high chair booster seat for this situation as you can strap them to a normal chair. Mine was so handy.
Fuck. Ing. Hell.
OP you are not being unreasonable.
Your children are human beings- members of society- with as much right to be out, eating in a cafe and socialised as anyone else.
The noise of a baby is normal life noise.
we talk about snowflake Gen Y.... I say the snowflakes are the neurotypical people who can’t handle normal noises like children crying, shouting, laughing and talking in public.
And if anyone should stay at home it’s those joyless antisocial fuckers.
Because there is nothing more antisocial than making a mother and young children feel unwelcome in normal society.
My travel high chair easily stowed in my prom/pushchair basket.
OP I totally sympathise. I have 3 children and 1 of mine at this age was very energetic and didn't like to be constrained either. I don't see anything wrong with what you did based on what you described. The couple were fine to move if they wanted quiet but were very rude to make that comment and make you feel that way.
Please don't let it deter you in future
I get annoyed at babies/toddlers screaming, because I suffer from tinnitus. If the parent is trying to calm them down, then I usually feel sorry for them, as my problem isn’t their fault. I would get pissed off if they were ignoring the noise and not attempting to calm the child, because that’s just bloody selfish. In either case I would just get up and move, without the need to make a parent feel shit.
It sounds like you were trying your best OP and they were just being dicks. I guarantee if your partner/husband was with you, they wouldn’t have opened their mouths.
I don't often go into cafes with them maybe once a month at the most. I had promised we would go and spend the money dd had, and it was further than we normally go in regards to distance from home but she wanted to go to the big toyshop. My dh works 6 days a week so sometimes I have no choice but to take them places by myself.
You were not BU!!! I can't stand people like this. Why did they sit on the table next to you in the first place or why did they make such a fuss about moving!! You have as much right to be there as anyone else and shouldn't be made to feel like you're not. It's their problem not yours
I don't think a 9 month old could have really made much noise at all. Hardly going through the terrible twos and having a screaming 20 minute tantrum in the middle of the cafe.
I think they WBU, its just something you accept when you go out in public. I recently sat near an annoying twat banging on loudly about his business, political views, bringing the stench of cigarettes in as he kept popping out to smoke several times. Much more annoying imo, but I didn't say anything because the whole world doesn't revolve around me.
I got used to stares and "tuts" from miserable gits when my 3 were small. It was a complete revelation when DH was at a conference in Ireland (Cork) and I had to ask passersby if they knew of a nice child friendly cafe for lunch. Everyone looked at me like I was mad and said that I'd be welcome in any cafe
In the end I was directed to a beautiful art gallery place that was full of suits at lunchtime.
Mine were wearing wellies but we were made so welcome and fussed over.
This kind of thing did put me off going out when I had 2 young kids.
But, strictly speaking, they can't expect you to up and leave when food is coming. Htf are you supposed to explain that to a hungry older child?
I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?
Did they never fancy a quiet coffee and did other people's children not irk them even slightly?
Are they so blinded by the fabulousness of their children that they are unable to put themselves in other people's shoes?
Or has the world got to change now that their children are here?
I ask this particularly to the charmless poster upthread who, not content with knowing she was ruining someone's lunch as it was, decided - hilariously I imagine she thought - to prolong the agony for everyone and order dessert. How do people get so self-centered?
News flash children make noise! Are you meant to be keep them cooped up?? Seen and not heard?
Unless it was an adult centred cafe I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. The couple sound miserable and precious.
I was in costa today and their was a child there who kept jumping in it’s seat and was kicking mine. I was with DH. Did I kick up a fuss no tbh I just ignored it. Did it stop me enjoying my food. No it did not.
YANBU. You did nothing wrong but you clearly missed the memo that said once you have children they are under no circumstances allowed out in public. God forbid someone should have to sit near them.
Ignore people like this. You were perfectly within your rights to stay and eat.
They were really rude but I can see how in a small cafe a noisy baby could ruin it. It’s just one of those things you have to accept tho imo. Especially as you’re a single parent, if you’re on your own there’s not much you can do.
The first year of my dds life I LIVED in cafes.
I think you are not BU. I hate noisy kids and I absolutely detest them in pubs etc after 5.00pm. However this was daytime and in a cafe. It's hard to keep two quiet but sounds like you were doing ok. They were harsh.
In our area Id just say you’re in the wrong part of town, central London is that way. And ignore them.
I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?
It’s not about feeling our offspring are ‘precious’ it’s about wanting the right to go to a bloody cafe and not be treated like a piece of shit when we are doing our best.
And of course I’m pro-children who the hell is anti-children??
Op don’t feel you have to justify why you went to the cafe. You had every right to be there whatever your reasons.
Yes, he may have been louder than you thought, you are used to hearing him. I'm highly not a fan of noisy kids, babbling babies, anything screaming or banging cutlery or whatever. So it would have been hard for me. But I also have sensory needs. Maybe the couple did.
A cafe with a kids menu and highchair (they need a back up chair) is perfectly fine to take a baby into. Noisy or not. The couple could have gone somewhere less kid friendly.
Don't let this put you off.
It's always kind of hard to tell with threads like this, because we're on;y getting one side of the story. If you really weren't that loud, OP, then of course YWNBU and the other couple were dicks for being so openly passive aggressive when they asked to move.
Having said that, it feels unlikely that they would be so rude if you really were as quiet as you say you were, so maybe we're just hearing your version?
Either way I think people who moan about kids making noise in public are stupid tbh. If you want a coffee in silence just go home.
“DH and I went for a coffee recently in a local cafe full of mums and their toddlers/babies, we literally couldn’t hear each other across the table”
Why on earth did you even go in?!
OP they were really rude. But I have to say I never went to cafes with my small children. It was too stressful. Now they’re older it’s fun but when you’re just putting out fires all the time it’s exhausting and stressful.
YANBU at all. If the couple were so bothered by the possibility of being seated next to children, they could have checked the menu and checked who else was eating there.
I can see both sides of this. If you knew your son didn't settle without a high chair, I'd have cancelled the order and moved on myself.
Kids do make noise yes, but I'm going to guess they were louder than you thought, and with you walking around and him chucking food probably a bit disruptive. Personally I don't think they should have said anything though. But as said, I also think you should have cancelled the order and moved on when you knew there was no high chair available and also knew he needed one and wouldn't settle without it.
You were not!!! Your children and you have the absolute right to be in a public space. This is also a feminist issue. Confining women to their houses, scaring them with paternalistic rules about noise... this is bullshit.
Enjoy your lunchtime cafes and happy kids
* I ask this particularly to the charmless poster upthread who, not content with knowing she was ruining someone's lunch as it was, decided - hilariously I imagine she thought - to prolong the agony for everyone and order dessert.*
No, she didn't. She made a hypothetical statement that that's what she might do.
You were there first OP. Unless these people were blind then you're not being unreasonable.
You did nothing wrong OP and nor did your baby.
Why are children thought to be more annoying than everyone else? OP's DC was a baby, acting like a baby. He's allowed to be in a public place, same as everyone else!
I find lots of people annoying,
-people on phones
-people who smell
I could go on... they're still allowed to be in cafés and other public places. Don't like it? Stay at home, but don't make other people feel uncomfortable.
I honestly can't believe people think they have the right to complain about a baby babbling, in a café, in the middle of the day!
yanbu as i would have actively avoided sitting next to you to begin with so they should have done the same.
I really dont know what kind of miserable shit you have to be, to get annoyed by a baby babbling away in a cafe! (not a quiet, intimate restaurant) and it sounds like you did all you could to keep the noise down.
You were a paying customer like the rest and i wouldn't give it a second thought, people like that can really knock the confidence out of you. Don't let it OP.
Extremely annoying of you to walk him round the cafe. And I’ll bet he sounded far louder to everyone else than he did to you.
I'm usually the first to be pissed off when kids are let loose in cafes and shops but from what you describe OP YANBU and they sound like twats. Ignore them and don't worry about it. The fact that you are even worrying about it shows that you are not one of those parents who let kids run riot in cafes/shops.
The chucking food thing I in no way avoidable tbh. I figure all babies throw their food on the floor. I picked it up straight away. It was only a couple of bits of toast so not messy.
Ok for them to move, not ok to be ‘performance whingers’ about it. You did fine. How did the single high chair establishment staff deal with him ?
They were BU and are a pair of twats. The high chair thing makes not difference. Babies make noise and you are entitled to be in there just like they were. I think people forget what it was like - or maybe they didn't have any kids.
I never had the energy for this when mine were babies. Far better to pop into Greggs or even better a Sainsbury’s Local and grab something from the fruit and bakery sections. You'll save a fortune too.
I was thinking about going to Gregg's etc but the town/ city is near the sea and I don't like fending off the seagulls that surround you when you eat outside. I figured a cafe was the best bet.
I wasnt walking around the cafe. Our table was in a corner, I walked him from the pram at one side round the table to my dd sat at the other side and back.
Serin we found the same in Ireland my god people were so much nicer than in England. We took our kids out to eat in the local rural pub and were an hour late due to us forgetting clock change entirely our fault and they reopened the kitchen just for us because “you’ve children” That would never happen here!
She didn’t ‘walk him round the cafe’ she walked him round her table ffs.
Before I had kids I thought it was adorable when people walked them round cafes. Obviously I was wrong! But then I never realised how much people hate mothers until I became one.
I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?
Yep, love them. Borrowed them for the weekend, expect them at weddings, gave my seat for them on buses...
YANBU. What they said was really nasty and unnecessary. I’m always ‘that’ mum. Boisterous, high needs 18 month old here and tbh a comment like that would have made me cry. Or stomp over and swear at them but i’m sleep deprived and thus very unreasonable.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and it sounds like your baby and daughter were behaving well. I'd have given them a speech about not wanting your children exposed to their appalling rudeness, intolerance and condescension!! I'd be tempted to tell them to fuck right off, but that would of course be sinking to their level.
Yanbu. Some people are just so fucking rude and intolerant. You were keeping your baby entertained so their passive aggressive comment about “parents not controlling their children” does not apply to you! Plus you apologised (you didn’t need to), and they told you you should have left the cafe. For what reason exactly? Your baby made a babbling noise . Maybe they should have left instead.
Really shocked by some of the responses here, and the behaviour of the couple. Have people forgotten what it was like to have small children? I think you were fine & I thought these "children should be seen & not heard" attitudes had gone with the dinosaurs!
Do people just expect mums to stay at home where they couldn't possibly bother the public? These sort of attitudes damage women IMO.
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