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Is she being a CF or just not thinking?

(52 Posts)
Moaningmertyl Tue 09-Apr-19 18:25:22

I'm due to give birth in just over two weeks, it's been a complicated pregnancy and I've had some health problems.

A member of the family keeps asking me to do things for them. They are seemingly oblivious to the fact I'm about to have a baby, am somewhat immobile plus have other DC at home to look after.

She has no children, no physical disabilities, is fit and well but does have mental health problems.

All within the last month or so shes asked me to go and clean her flat, paint her feature wall, run around collecting her photos from boots and now she wants me to go round tomorrow for a few hours to go through a load of paperwork for her and discuss her medical history (its all something to do with her wanting to apply for a higher rate of PIP)

The requests go back for months and there's always something she wants me to do for her.

She has offered money which I don't want, but it's not the point.

I dont know anything about the benefits system and have suggested she talk to somebody from her support team. She has a support network and doesn't need me to do these things for her, least of all the manual things at her home.

I'm ashamed to say I'm getting a bit annoyed with the requests and think she's being extremely cheeky putting things on me at this point.

Aibu? Prepared to be told I am.

Sexnotgender Tue 09-Apr-19 18:26:33


You certainly shouldn’t be bloody painting.

Lwmommy Tue 09-Apr-19 18:26:44

Why do you keep saying yes?

pessimisticstateofperception Tue 09-Apr-19 18:27:21

Do you do everything she asks?

If you keep saying yes, she will keep asking. Just tell her you can't and won't be able to help her again for the foreseeable future.

mbosnz Tue 09-Apr-19 18:27:37

Why are you ashamed you're getting annoyed with the requests? In what way do you think you're being unreasonable?

Are there other members of the family who are not due to give birth in two weeks, with dc to look after, that you can point her at and shoot her in their direction?

LetsGroove2nite Tue 09-Apr-19 18:27:47

Stop... saying... yes...

Marmalady75 Tue 09-Apr-19 18:28:08

Just tell her you are too knackered growing a baby and that you won’t be able to help.

cranstonmanor Tue 09-Apr-19 18:30:09

"I'm sorry, you'll have to ask someone else. The midwife told me to take more rest".

NeutralJanet Tue 09-Apr-19 18:31:51

She's a CF. Direct her to Citizens Advice for help with her benefits claim. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Foodylicious Tue 09-Apr-19 18:33:59

She may well just genuinely be really self centred and self absorbed and does not see the impact she has on others.

If this is the case, then you just need to tell her clearly that you eont be able to help do much now.
That you need rest, and that she will definitely need help from someone else when baby arrives.

Moaningmertyl Tue 09-Apr-19 18:37:16

I don't say yes, I've told her 'sorry no' each time she has asked me to do something.

Unfortunately it does little to deter her from asking for something else the following week.

I feel as though she uses her MH as an excuse to be lazy and dependent on people.

Coincidentally she managed just fine doing everything for herself before I lived locally.

HollowTalk Tue 09-Apr-19 18:38:30

Don't do anything for her at all. You have enough to do now - she should be helping you out.

AdamAntsCrackpotHistory Tue 09-Apr-19 18:42:50

Oh please don't. I was in a similar position, someone kept asking me the same, 5and as bad as I felt I literally just said no... Especially as I knew she was more than capable. Cheeky fuckwittery at its best. YANBU at all. Look after YOU.

Moaningmertyl Tue 09-Apr-19 18:42:56

I don't feel as though I'm being unreasonable per say, but did wonder if perhaps I was being somewhat insensitive by getting annoyed with somebody who does have significant mental health problems.

I'm of the opinion that she's extremely self centred by nature, then I feel guilty for feeling that way and wonder whether it's the mental health diagnosis that makes her this way

adulthumanwolf Tue 09-Apr-19 18:59:30

Wtf. Here you go:

"I'm very heavily pregnant and exhausted. I'm not able to help with anything else for the next few months at least. I'm going to be resting and staying off my phone from tomorrow. Take care."

InACheeseAndPickle Tue 09-Apr-19 19:02:40

What are her mental health problems? It sounds as if she's just completely clueless - she has other people who can help her yet is asking someone totally inappropriate. You need to be very explicit. You're pregnant and can't help for anything for the forseeable future.

Moaningmertyl Tue 09-Apr-19 19:07:07

She has schizoaffective disorder, which I think is schizophrenia with bipolar symptoms?

She's got a great support network in mental health, and friends.

She's not physically disabled and is generally active (always out and about)

I struggle to understand what parts of her personality are just lazy and cheeky and what degree of it is a result of her mental health.

Heatherjayne1972 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:10:43

It’s not about her tho op
It’s about you being pregnant and therefore unavailable to help at all - ever
It makes no difference whether it’s cheekiness or mh
You can’t help her because you are pregnant

Say no to everything. Put your phone on silent and ignore her

Drum2018 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:12:23

You need to say a firm no - without reason and excuses - or just ignore any messages.

InACheeseAndPickle Tue 09-Apr-19 19:15:09

She has schizoaffective disorder, which I think is schizophrenia with bipolar symptoms?

I would imagine this, in combination with the medication she is probably on is massively affecting her reasoning and social skills. I don't think you will be able to rely on her common sense and social etiquette to not ask a heavily pregnant woman with help for manual labour. I would be kind but firm - you're pregnant and busy with your children you can't help but you can ask XYZ on your team for help.

jay55 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:19:25

Does she ever talk to you just because or is it always when she wants something?

redannie118 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:26:19

My DH has bipolar and im his main carer. Although ihandle all admin/ finance stuff( he finds it very stressfull)He does all " manual" stuff round the house, so painting, decorating, diy, gardening etc. Not only is he perfectly capabable but at times its good for his MH- ie spending time thinking about something else, getting dirty, feeling usefull and getting worn out. At times he will actively seek out tasks to do to make him feel better. I know MH is not one size fits all, but there is nothing stopping her doing these jobs herself and this sounds very much like CF behaviour !

Moaningmertyl Tue 09-Apr-19 19:33:25

It has certainly become the case that every time she sees me she has something she wants me to do for her, she can be sly about it such as inviting me for coffee then springing a load of technical jobs on me when I get there. Looking at the printer, setting up her devices or whatever.

I've definitely made it clear that I'm not the person to be asking as I'm very pregnant and have alot on, but she doesn't seem to grasp this for very long.

Although I know her diagnosis is a severe one she's perfectly capable of doing all of these things for herself, particularly the manual ones.

It's frustrating.

Moaningmertyl Tue 09-Apr-19 19:37:49

For context she goes on several holidays abroad per year so she's very self sufficient, but chooses what she can and can't do.

Flying to Greece is apparently no bother but setting up her own printer/phone/collecting her photographs from boots/painting her front room wall is.

Bookworm4 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:41:54

Utter CF, asking someone who is ready to pop to run errands and paint walls is beyond cunty. Tell her to away to fuck 😡

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