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To refuse to lend my friend money?

(283 Posts)
Jenasaurus Tue 09-Apr-19 15:31:13

I met my friend a year ago, we worked together and clicked, she is in her late 30s and I’m in my early 50s, she lives with her DH and DS many miles from both their families and I got the feeling she say me as a sort of fill in mum. I babysat for her DS, who even called me Nannyjenasauraus. We spent most lunch times together at work and confided in each other about lots of things. Things however have changed since my DM died last year.
I have inherited a large sum of money and this seems to have caused an issue between my friend and I. My friend has just purchased a brand new 4 bedroomed detached house in a nice area, her DS goes to an expensive nursery and her DH earns over 50K a year but she has recently started asking to borrow money from me.
She has left the place we both worked at and now has a well-paid job close to where she lives. We met a couple of months ago for a meal and she brought up that it was my pay day the following day, she asked if she could borrow £100 as she was going away at the weekend and hadn’t budgeted correctly, she promised to pay me back when she got paid 4 days later…but her pay day came and went and no money arrived.
I wrote this off, but then she asked me for £13,000 and said she would pay me back. She had a loan and was paying a lot of interest on it, so she wanted me to pay it off and instead she would pay me a monthly amount. I said I wasn’t sure as I have most of my money tied up and have 3 grown up children who I wanted to be able to help financially with house moves etc. She then asked for a lesser amount of £3500 and would repay me at £20 a month.
I kept avoiding the subject and in the end blocked her number and on social media as it was awkward and embarrassing. I did/do like her and before I had this inheritance our relationship was lovely. Anyway she managed to contact me by work email and said she hoped she hadn’t upset me and that she missed me. So I started chatting to her again and unblocked her number etc…now today, she has said “I hate to ask but you have always been so good to me before, I am unable to extend my overdraft and I desperately need some money”…I was amazed, 1 couple of days in and she is back to asking for money again! Should I just walk away or tell her in plain terms that I am unable to lend her any money. She did repay £25 of the £100 I lent her in the end but I wouldn’t have minded her keeping that to help her out, but it was a red flag if she can’t repay a £100 how could she repay £3000+?
Despite the inheritance I only early £20k a year and live alone, so really can’t give away the money my mum left me, I really believe my mum would want this to benefit her grandchildren and be upset if I lent it like this.
So as not to drip feed, my friend told me a lot of information about her life, including the fact her DH smokes a packet of cigarettes a day and a bottle of wine a night, in addition when the purchased their home my friend immediately paid out to get all the hallway retiled despite it being brand new and freshly decorated, this is one of the reasons I was hesitant to lend the money, if it was for her or her family to keep a roof over their heads or eat, then yes I would but this is different, so why do I feel guilty?

Jenasaurus Tue 09-Apr-19 15:34:11

sorry for all the spelling and grammar errors

Numptysod Tue 09-Apr-19 15:34:34

No more...... say NO

FriarTuck Tue 09-Apr-19 15:35:05

You'd be an absolute fool to lend her money!!!! You wouldn't see a penny of it back. Don't you dare give her a penny. Your mum would be livid. Your so-called friend is a massive CF who's taking advantage of your thoroughly decent nature. Just block her again.

HarrysOwl Tue 09-Apr-19 15:35:09

She is NOT a friend.

Say no, tell her you won't ever lend her money again as it makes you uncomfortable.

Trust me, you won't hear from her again.

Guardsman18 Tue 09-Apr-19 15:35:19

You shouldn't feel guilty!

Don't lend it to her. Really. If she can't pay back £100 ...

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Tue 09-Apr-19 15:35:33

Run don't walk

This woman is not your friend

AryaStarkWolf Tue 09-Apr-19 15:35:51

Cut her out of your life, she's a leech, you owe her nothing cheeky fucker

mbosnz Tue 09-Apr-19 15:36:00

You would be very unreasonable (and a few other things) if you DID lend this friend money. You feel guilty because she's working hard to make you feel so.

Personally, I'd be saying 'I lent you money once in the past, much against my personal creed which is never to lend money to family or friends. I've written off the majority of that loan which was not repaid, but obviously I'm not going to do that again. Please don't ask again, because I'm finding the constant requests upsetting and annoying. I don't want to lose this friendship over money'.

Confusedbeetle Tue 09-Apr-19 15:36:15

Absolutely dont lend this woman a penny and ask her to pay back what she has borrowed. Do not feel guilty. I would be furios, how dare she ask? Does she think you are a soft touch. Just say No You never paid back the last loan

Nicknacky Tue 09-Apr-19 15:37:03

You wouldn’t be lending her this money. You would be giving it to her as she has no intention of paying it back.

INoahGuy Tue 09-Apr-19 15:37:38

Don’t feel guilty. She doesn’t seem to feel guilty about the £75 she still owes you.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 09-Apr-19 15:37:43

Also, it's kind of odd she got her Ds to start calling you Nanny, don't you think?

NoFancyUserName Tue 09-Apr-19 15:37:46

Should I just walk away YES!!!
If she and her DH are earning good money, have a nice house, put kids in private education etc etc but STILL need to borrow money from someone less wealthy than they are, then they're clearly terrible with money. As you've already found out - several months to get £25 back from a £100 loan is ridiculous

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 09-Apr-19 15:37:57

No- you dont lend friends money!
Just tell her your money is tied up and whilst you would love to continue being her friend if money keeps getting brought up you worry it will become too awkward

MummyStruggles Tue 09-Apr-19 15:38:07

She's manipulating you to feel guilty and using you for her own personal gains.

I can't believe she asked for £3500 and to pay it back at £20 a month!? Did I read that right? That's 175 months to pay it back!

She's a CF and NOT a friend.

Februaryblooms Tue 09-Apr-19 15:38:16

Absolutely don't lend her your mum's money. She's hugely cheeky to suggest that you do.

Defender90 Tue 09-Apr-19 15:38:57

Not a chance, I loaned money to a friend, took her ages to pay back and although we are still friends it's nowhere near like it used to be.

Geminijes Tue 09-Apr-19 15:39:11

Do not lend her any more money.

She has taken advantage of your generosity once and will continue to do so if you lend her more.

She has to learn to budget her own money and not rely on you lending giving her some.

EssentialHummus Tue 09-Apr-19 15:39:15

No no no... your whole post is one red flag after another. Don’t do it!

Excited101 Tue 09-Apr-19 15:39:16

Do NOT lend her anything! She shouldn’t have asked in the first place!!

SnapesGreasyHair Tue 09-Apr-19 15:39:26

You'd be an absolute fool if you gave her another penny.

Ferfeckssake Tue 09-Apr-19 15:40:26

Oh gosh , no way. She will never pay it back. A real friend would not dream of asking for such an amount with those terms of payment back. She is not a true friend , time to distance yourself.
If you feel yourself wavering , tell one of your adult children - they will soon put her right!!

Raspberrytruffle Tue 09-Apr-19 15:40:27

Do not lend her a penny, that women is a sponge, block and ignore

PutyourtoponTrevor Tue 09-Apr-19 15:41:29

Tell her to fuck right off and you want your £75 back too - you'll never hear from her again I bet. Cheeky bitch offering £20/month on a £3.5k loan!!!!

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