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Aibu - to want to get to 8 stone

(86 Posts)
user1471514421 Tue 09-Apr-19 14:38:48

Hi all

Hi everyone

I have recently joined mumsnet, received great advice on another thread, so thought I would get your thoughts on something else that is bothering me.

Before I had my children I embarked on a healthy eating regime, eating well and exercise to prepare my body as such.i was 10st 3lbs. My weight was approx 9st 3lbs when I fell pregnant, I am 5ft 4. I had 2babies 14months apart, the eldest just turned 3.

Following each birth i was, looking back, probably obsessed with getting my weight down and back to 'normal'. I am now 8st 6lbs, am still not happy and feel now my ideal weight would be 8st, this is the target.

However, I am not sure if I am on a route to something else here. I find I think frequently about my weight and am prone, to what I have now discovered is body checking, particularly my hip bones, throughout the day.

Am I headed in the wrong direction or is this a normal weight loss goal?

user1471514421 Wed 10-Apr-19 18:19:12

TheDarkPassenger when you say it comes and goes, what do you mean?

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Wed 10-Apr-19 17:31:23

User I know it seems scary to get advice because then you think you'll have to give up the very thing that is (to you) helping you but it isn't, it's the early stages of becoming possibly very ill and out of control which if it comes to that makes all the positive elements vanish only to be replaced with horrible darkness, it then similarly to addiction becomes a war with yourself that you can never win.

All I'm suggesting is to contact a professional for a chat for now, just so you can talk to someone who you can share the whole story with and get a true answer from someone who's job it is to advise on exactly this (because obviously you can't on a public forum) then you can decide from there.

Either way I'm glad you started this thread and I hope it's being useful to you.

TheDarkPassenger Wed 10-Apr-19 09:46:40

Op I haven’t read all the replies cps I’m off out and wanted to tell you, I have an Ed that comes and goes and this sounds like me when I’m poorly. Exactly like me!

InkyToesies Wed 10-Apr-19 08:58:09

Go for it. The BMI chart is flawed, so use your common sense instead.

user1471514421 Tue 09-Apr-19 23:03:29

Thank you all so much for your advice

Handletree Tue 09-Apr-19 22:37:30

Well I think you know the answer really, don’t you. I know you said you are anxious about giving this up, but I’m afraid that you never ‘win’, the goal just becomes more and more extreme. There is never a point at which you feel happy that you’ve reached the end point. It became so much about control and consumed my thoughts a lot. Perhaps a good first step would be to speak to your husband/partner and let them know what’s going on. They will be able to keep an eye on you and it’s less scary than initially speaking to a doctor.

user1471514421 Tue 09-Apr-19 21:47:57

Handletree I'm sorry you had a difficult time and glad you are on the other side.

I am very ashamed to say that I do have those thoughts, so awful

Handletree Tue 09-Apr-19 21:25:06

It does sound worrying to me. I spent a few years like this. Never got any official help with it so I can’t give advice on that, I just gradually became more healthy in my thinking. I HAD to be below 8 stone at all times and I am fairly tall so it was probably easier for people around me to spot. Your mom has obviously spotted something which is worrying her. She wouldn’t be likely to say it for no reason would she, it’s not like she’d try to sabotage your healthy weight loss! I would exercise until I passed out and attempt to outdo previous lengths of time without food. I also secretly felt that I was in competition with other people and that I was somehow better than them for being able to resist the allure of food while they didn’t. Do you ever have thoughts like that? I was deeply unhappy at the time and it gave me a warped sense of pride. The way you have plucked the number 8 seemingly out of thin air is similar to what I did. The number just got lower and lower. Listen to your mom! And get some help sad focus less on weight and more on how you’re feeling.

Chesneyhawkes1 Tue 09-Apr-19 21:10:03

I'm pretty obsessed with my weight. 5ft 3" very small build. I've been anything from 7 stone to 9 stone. I'm happiest at 7st 10 my DH prefers me at 8st plus.

I used to weigh myself every day. I think it all started when I was competing in long distance running. I was so slight but the coach used to mock me for having a big bum 😬

I'm better now although I rarely look at myself and think I look slim enough.

My DH took a photo of me in my bikini last year and for the first time ever I thought I looked too skinny.

Triskaidekaphilia Tue 09-Apr-19 21:06:31

I noticed similar patterns when I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. The weight I got to was not unhealthy at all, but my eating patterns and the way I thought about myself were. I have no idea how I snapped out of it but I slowly did and regained some weight, then lost some again but with a very different mindset. But the extreme dieting previously had already taken its toll on my fertility, it took me 18 months to concieve with irregular periods throughout. I'm now pregnant and although I feel over the moon looking down at and feeling my bump, when I look in the mirror some of those unhealthy thoughts return, and I wonder if I'll ever be free.

Topttumps Tue 09-Apr-19 20:49:41

chow the range for 5ft 4 is 7 stone 10 to 10 stone 6 so even 8 stone 6 is nearer the lower end than centre.

mynameiscalypso Tue 09-Apr-19 20:47:02

Your comment about feeling anxious about giving it up rings real alarm bells for me. This is a shitty shitty slope and it doesn't lead anywhere good at all.

interestingname Tue 09-Apr-19 20:43:24

I lost 5 stone and was 8 stone 4 pounds at 5'5''.

I still wanted to lose more weight and truth be told, looking back now it really didn't suit me. I looked tired and gaunt and I was obsessive and hangry a lot!

I've put on quite a bit of weight since and I'm in the process of getting it off again - but this time I'm trying to be more realistic about it. I definitely think I had an eating disorder at the time, I was so fixated on the scales and what I was and wasn't eating that I was unhappy (something I didn't realise until I put on a few pounds and was much happier, although a little pudgier).

Well done on eating well and doing exercise - just make sure you're happy smile I just know for me that I was so focused on the scales that I actually wasn't enjoying my life! When I finally realised my partner still loved me with a couple of pounds on and I was able to share a takeaway or a pizza with him and not obsess, I was a lot happier smile

vegpatch Tue 09-Apr-19 20:31:40

* some help

vegpatch Tue 09-Apr-19 20:31:24

Home77, I totally agree with you. When my ED is at its worst a comment like 'I'm your height and weigh 8 stone' would push me over the edge. The last thing OP needs is to start comparing weight with other people. I have had periods of hyper focussing on celeb weights/ weight of people I know and those become my new goal.
OP, I'm not saying you definitely have an ED, but I recognise the way you are talking about yourself and feeling that you will be happy at a certain weight.
I have spent most of my adult life as a 'work in progress', feeling like I will be happy and my real life will start when I hit xxx weight. It's utter bullshit. There is no weight that will make me happy, because weight is not the issue.
You have spotted that this is problematic, and I think You are right...get done help and support now lovely, because EDs rob you of so much in life. Xx

user1471514421 Tue 09-Apr-19 20:29:14

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom you are right about the BMI, I do rationalise to say I am a healthy weight so no issue.

To seek support, I would be reluctant, if I am being honest, the thought of giving this up makes me anxious

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Tue 09-Apr-19 20:24:49

User the number isn't important at the moment. If anything it's confusing the situation because if your in your bmi you can magic away any doubts around your thoughts and behaviours!

You are developing unhealthy obsessive thoughts (just a bit more, or X weight and then il be happy) and rituals (like the hipbone touching) which are a massive red flag that your weight loss is tipping into something else and that needs looking at.

The great thing is you have recognised that and also that you are listening to the fact that they are in fact possibly warning signs which means you can address this early before it gets completely out of control.

Have you got anyone in rl you can get support from? Have you thought about going to the gp or contacting an organisation for a chat or some advice?

Home77 Tue 09-Apr-19 20:18:04

Sorry not you, veg I meant the others.

Home77 Tue 09-Apr-19 20:17:27

I have tried signposting the OP to a eating disorder helping and telling them it isn't right but others keep comparing and saying things like above which isn't very helpful.

OP the checking etc is signs of anorexia, please can you get help elsewhere.

vegpatch Tue 09-Apr-19 20:17:17

I'm 5'4, have suffered with eating disorders, and at 8 stone 3 my periods stopped and my hair fell out sad
I do the hip checking thing too, and think about my weight constantly. For me, these things are definitely symptoms of ED.

Quartz2208 Tue 09-Apr-19 20:13:09

I see so juggling it all is busy and stressful and can make you feel out of control - your weight is something that you can and you hold onto as a beacon that if you weigh a certain amount and look a certain way you will be happy

user1471514421 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:55:34

bibbitybobbityyhat not sure what you mean?

Dishwashersaurous, this is ridiculous as I type it buy feeling my hip bone, it is prominent

Dishwashersaurous Tue 09-Apr-19 19:28:14

What do you mean checking your hip bones? What exactly are you doing?

But seriously with small children and a job you shouldn’t really have time or headspace to be obsessing about your weight.

Irrespective of what you weigh giving this so much mental energy and time is not healthy

bibbitybobbityyhat Tue 09-Apr-19 19:08:10

FFS at people not being able to read the nuances in a post.

UnusualBluePenguin Tue 09-Apr-19 19:06:28

You sound obsessed with your weight in an unhealthy way. I would throw out the scales right now and aim to end this destructive thought pattern.

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