Aibu - to want to get to 8 stone(86 Posts)
I have recently joined mumsnet, received great advice on another thread, so thought I would get your thoughts on something else that is bothering me.
Before I had my children I embarked on a healthy eating regime, eating well and exercise to prepare my body as such.i was 10st 3lbs. My weight was approx 9st 3lbs when I fell pregnant, I am 5ft 4. I had 2babies 14months apart, the eldest just turned 3.
Following each birth i was, looking back, probably obsessed with getting my weight down and back to 'normal'. I am now 8st 6lbs, am still not happy and feel now my ideal weight would be 8st, this is the target.
However, I am not sure if I am on a route to something else here. I find I think frequently about my weight and am prone, to what I have now discovered is body checking, particularly my hip bones, throughout the day.
Am I headed in the wrong direction or is this a normal weight loss goal?
Use the nhs bmi calculator, put in the stats and see what it comes up with?
Yes I think you know you have a problem here. Weight loss can be very intoxicating. 9stone at 5ft 4 sounds a healthy weight. It is what is going on in your mind that is less healthy
I think you know the answer already OP and you have already identified it’s not a healthy place to be in.
The fact you have identified it shows I think you want help with these thoughts.
Weight loss can be healthy however the traits you are talking about are more obsessive behaviour... have you thought about going to your GPs?
You definitely sound overly concerned and conscious about your weight. If you were my friend I would be worrying about your obsession, and would encourage you to talk to someone.
It’s hard to be sure without knowing you. I’m the same height as you and that would be skeletal (and impossible) for me. But if you’re fine boned or less muscular it could be right for you.
I don’t know if checking your hip bones sounds healthy. I do think about my weight but it wouldn’t occur to me to want to be bony. Is that your gauge?
If you use a rough guide like the NHS BMI calculator, that will tell you that 8st is within the healthy range but at the lower end. But that’s only a rough guide - it depends on other things like your ethnicity and your build.
But the fact that you are asking here indicates to me that you suspect you have a problem. Is that right ?
You have used the word “ obsessed “ , say that you are not happy And that you are body checking . Do you want to say more about that ?
AIBU Possibly not the best place to post this. Having said that, 8st 6 probably puts you slap bang in the centre of a healthy weight range. 8st takes you much closer to the low end. You were not even close to 8st before having children, so it's not even a case of regaining your former "figure".
I think you know the answer, you are heading into dangerous waters.
I have an EA and this sounds a lot like me when I'm not in a great place. It is SO addictive.
Also remember that although you may be in the healthy BMI range, that doesn't mean you don't have an EA. I have been on the high end of normal BMI (as well as underweight) and really unwell mentally.
8st 6 at your height is pretty slim, depending on how petite you are buildwise. 8st could be very slim indeed.
Obsessing over your hip bones doesn't sound like a healthy mindset.
8 stone is within the healthy range for 5 foot 4. I can see that if your Wright is something you’re thinking about a lot then that could be an issue. And if you got to 8 stone, would you want to lose more do you think?
There was a thread recently about weight and a lot of us said our weight and height and what weight personally works best for us and it's amazing how different it is for several people of the same reported height. I am 5' 4" and my ideal weight is 11st because I look absolutely ridiculous under that, my shape just doesn't work. But I would be considered half a stone overweight!
My thought is that you shouldn't be under the weight you already are. 8 1/2 sounds reasonable but less sounds obsessive and wrong.
You might be slim built, slight etc. So you may genuinely look 'right' at 8st. We can't really advise without scrutinising your body past a point most of us, and you, would be comfortable with.
If you see your GP, they can weigh you and look at you and advise you if it's appropriate for you to lose more.
I am 5'2" and my happy weight is 8st 6. My body refuses to go beneath that for more than a day or two. I do not think 5'4 " and 8 stone is sustainable over the age of 21.
Be very careful with this route OP, you know you are on a slippery slope and having seen my daughter friend almost kill herself when it became bigger than her I beg you to step away while you still can.
I am 5ft almost exactly. I weigh 8st 10 and am constantly being told I shouldn't loose anymore weight. In reality I think I could get down to 8.5 stone. 8 stone would not be good for me and I suspect not for you either.
I am the same height and did a very similar health kick from a very similar starting point before pregnancy! I was just over 9 stone when I fell pregnant the first time and have only got back to that weight a couple of times over the last 10 years!
I’d be happy at 9, ecstatic at 8stone 7 but a bit concerned at anything below that. I think I’d look very ropey indeed at 8.
So I think you do need to take care and try to obsess a bit less
I don't think other people sharing their weight/height is necessarily helpful - this isn't about the number per se but what it represents. The vast majority of people with eating disorders are not underweight in any event.
I am the same height as you OP and am currently the same weight, I am happiest at 8st but in the forties struggle to stay at that weight. But I have spent most of my adult life around that weight and when I am half a stone over I really don't think too much about it.
I don't think it is the weight which is an issue so much as the obsessing over it. Obsessing over weight isn't emotionally healthy. I would go an talk to your GP and perhaps consider counselling.
I am 5'4 8 stone but that's typically where my body naturally goes. If I'm stressed I'm a few pounds lighter but that's not a healthy weight loss. It sounds like you know you have an unhealthy obsession which is the bigger issue. You can weigh 8 stone an be healthy, but it doesn't sound like your physical health is the issue here.
It is the checking of my hip that is stark for me, I dont even know when I started it, but if I can feel it I feel ok, which typing that I know seems a bit mad. My mam has expressed some concern and that has prompted me to have a think about it
The 8st is just a number. 8st 6 sounds a nice slim healthy weight and you are probably just right where you are.
Forget the number - you are slim, you have a healthy body and two beautiful children.
I was always under 8 stone at 5"5 and trying to get up to 8 stone
I fell back to this after having babies. But, I always put on another half stone or so after bf. More each time. When I see the photos, it was not a good look. It was fine when I was very young, as that was the way I was, but it just looks very delicate and lightweight and flimsy.
Nine stone is a really nice weight (I am 10 atm ) If you can do plenty of exercise to keep it toned, good posture, and you can do the things you want to do, it will look good.
Hi OP. You sound like me a while ago. I was forever dieting and losing weight but I was never happy and would describe how I was as "skinny fat". Would you consider taking up some weight training? I know women think they are going to get huge from doing so, but honestly we are not designed to put on large amounts of muscle (unless you are taking supplements). I know at my lowest weight of 9st and a bit (I'm 5"7) I looked dreadful and my belly still looked saggy. I took up weight training, went up to 10st and a bit and looked 100 times better. I felt amazing too (must get back there, having a baby is a good way to knock yourself off track!)
Throw out the scales and start keeping photos of yourself instead. It is the best thing I ever did.
Your weight, and peoples opinion on your weight here is definitely not what your question is. I am sure you know you are slim. However if it is becoming very consuming and as you say, checking to see hip bones a few times daily then I think you are going into a more mental that physical territory. You seem to recognise that which is a good thing.
Please see your Gp or practice nurse and have a chat with them.
I'm 5'4 and weight 8 stone. My heaviest has been 9 stone and anywhere from 8 and a half to 9 I look chubby, but am VERY VERY VERY fine boned.
Yeah this is very recognisably the road to an eating disorder - i know, been there. Had disordered eating and an exercise addiction for a few years before DC.
I’d recommend you take steps now to address- either a therapist or a really good personal trainer who specialises in EDs would be a good first step.
Much depends on your frame size. I'm 5ft 2 a largish frame and 8st would be much too low for me. I went down to 8.5 st 5 years or so ago and it didn't really look good.
I think you need to ask yourself “why” you want to get to 8 stone, if it’s just because you like the challenge I’d be careful.
It should be because you feel better and healthier at a lower weight. The time it becomes all about the weight rather than being happy with body is when you shouldn’t lose more.
MikeUniformMike yes so thankful my body has given me two beautiful healthy children
Your weight is fine for your height, if not underweight.
I'm aiming for 8st, it's within my healthy range but I'm only 4ft 11.
You really don't want to lose anymore.
Why do you need to be 8 stone, if you were 10 st 3 before having kids?
I am the same height as you, and thought the same was - it was an ED. I ended up sinking below 7 stone and looking and feeling awful. There was one day in particular when I swear I could actually feel my organs struggling inside me. I really felt bad and it scared me into starting to eat a bit more.
Try to be happy with where you are, which is great. There is such a thing as too thin, both in health and in visual terms. And speak to your GP.
OP, you sound around the same height as me. I would consider exercise as it will give you body confidence. I look best around the 8 and a half stone, unless I am working out a lot in which case 9 or so is great. The number on the scales is just a number. I am currently just below 8st, and can't exercise because of an injury and I look scraggy.
You should be feeling your hips and feeling wow - my lovely body has pushed two new lives into the world, thank you body.
I think you have identified that it isn't about the numbers - it is about the mindset that is becoming intrusive in your life.
The fact that you have never been 8st before suggests to me that it is a random number you have chosen to aim for. The fact that you are giving a lot of your attention to this "goal" and to checking your body do seem "headed in the wrong direction".
If you can't switch it off and you feel that it is taking more space in yuor life than it should, I would get some help. Maybe counselling would help you understand why you are thinking the way that you are?
I'm sorry but at your height 8 stone is too light in my opinion. You sound perfectly all right as you are.
I'm the same height as you and when I got below 9.5 stone people were worried about me and I felt boney. IIRC just under 9.5 was bang in the middle of the healthy range for my height.
I get it OP. After I had my son I was around 8st9. So then wanted to get to 8st and I did. I then wanted to get to 7.5st and I did. Then to 7st and I have. And now I'm not going to step on the scales again as I know if I've put on even a pound I will want to get back to exactly 7st or worse under. I'm 5ft2 btw.
When you fell preg at 9.3 were you happy with your weight then? What is it you’re unhappy with? If it’s shape or flab then exercise would be better. Plus it does good things for your mind.
If you are 5/4, you would not be allowed below 8st 4lb at Slimming World, I think.
I'm the same height as you and my lowest ever weight was 55kg and that was doing 10h of sport a week pre kids. I also had a 19 inch waist if I remember correctly . You're looking at 50kg so nearly a stone less, you'd need to be very petite and fine boned for that to be healthy.
It basically sounds like the dieting after having kids has prompting an eating disorder, as you were Ok before that. there is a site online called Beat with a helping on there if that helps any. Well done for recognising it isn't right, some people can be in denial with eating disorders- we have this with a family member, and getting help sooner rather than later seems to have the best outcomes.
Depends what build you.
I'm 5'4 and around 9.5 stone, if I was 8 stone I'd look very skinny.
Exercise is a good point. I suppose the lower I get the more I want, 8st seems like a nice even figure.
Yes I was happy at 9st 3, I was a regular at the gym and felt my best ever. I do seem to be focused on the number rather than having a particular issue with my stomach or arms etc
"Yes I was happy at 9st 3, I was a regular at the gym and felt my best ever."
Maybe that tells you something, then, maybe better to focus on feeling your best and stop the weighing / checking etc...before it develops into something more.
Not sure all the comparing / weighing etc on this thread is all that helpful either.
I’m 5’7 and 8.5 stone. I carry weight in my midsection, boobs and face. So at this weight I’m still a 32D and don’t look gaunt.
At 9 stone I start to look really out of shape and have a significant belly. It honestly depends on your build.
Home77 it want my intention to start comparison, just trying to see where I'm at and if this is a normal goal
How is build determined? I have an hourglass shape
I thought the same thing, and 8stone is healthy for our height. The problem is if you will be able to stop at8st. I developed bulimia and am just about recovered 5 years later... I'm 9stone again now but at least I have all my teeth still.
It's not your build that is risky, it's whether your mind will accept stopping at 8st. When you get there you might think 'oh I'll lose 2 more pounds so that if I fluctuate I'm always 8 or under.' Then it could be 'but if I was 7stone 7 then I could really relax about it' and then '7stone seems OK, I'm not THAT thin' and infinitum.
Going for 8st is fine, if you know you will retain a healthy mindset.
Sorry i know know it wasn't your intention to start any comparison, Op..I was meaning the other posters...to do that when someone is obviously showing signs of an ED...it's not very helpful.
e.g. "I’m 5’7 and 8.5 stone. I carry weight in my midsection, boobs and face. So at this weight I’m still a 32D and don’t look gaunt."
Does not sound healthy to me.
Problem is may be others with eating disorders on here too.
BMI is outdated, it's a healthy body fat percentage we should be aiming for, but as a starting point it can be useful for setting an initial target. I'd go for half way between the middle and lower end of the "normal" bracket- and be happy to fluctuate between the two, while I worked on the body fat %.
Someone at 8st can have a higher BF% than someone at 9st.
If the number on the scale is more important than health, then you are on a dangerous slope and I would recommend talking to a health and fitness professional - doctors aren't great with nutrition and fitness!
BlackPrism, I understand what you are saying, that's what I have been doing so far. How do you over come that drive to want that?
I'm 5 foot 4, 8 stone is underweight!
I think you are focusing on tbe scales rather than your body shape. You can be 8 stone with a wobbly tum (but gaunt everywhere else), or 8.5 stone but toned and slim.
This is not a reasonable goal, especially as it is not a weight you have recently been, more an arbitrary "round number", and sounds like eating disorder territory.
what are you still not happy with = it seems that you have focused on a weight as if being that weight will make you happy. Whereas that is often not the case - you reach that weight still realise you arent happy and so the cycle continues.
Because the weight is something you can control - something you have power over to achieve so you think if you do that you will be happy.
Quartz2208 yes there is elements of that thinking I will be happy. I think if I can get to this weight by such and such time, might be an event or going somewhere, I will be content.
To a certain extent, I am like this as a person, always striving for something, moving from one project to another
I remember from a previous thread that there was a real range of weights for a specific height and I really think it depends on your build. I'm 5,3 and at 9 stone am overweight and uncomfortable (think two significant spare tyres). My ideal but not underweight is 8 to 8.2 but I'm very short in the body so it all piles on there. The divorce diet took me down to 7,8 and I looked awful. The concern for me is that you are thinking about it a lot though and may have become fixated on a specific weight rather than how you look and feel ?
So what it is about being that weight that you think will make you happy - because Im afraid OP its rarely true that getting to the weight IS what makes you happy
So what are you striving for - what are you wanting to do outside of this?
Are you working at the moment for example or is this your project
Quartz2208 yes I work full time, have 2 small babies, busy
You've said it all in your op. You are heading into very dangerous waters. Please don't ask posters on Mumsnet to say 8 stone at 5'4" is fine (because many of the most dedicated dieters and exercisers will do that as well as lecturing us all on losing sight of what normal looks like) - you know you are being irrational. Please don't go another step down this road. Your family want you to be happy and healthy because they adore you.
You sound obsessed with your weight in an unhealthy way. I would throw out the scales right now and aim to end this destructive thought pattern.
FFS at people not being able to read the nuances in a post.
What do you mean checking your hip bones? What exactly are you doing?
But seriously with small children and a job you shouldn’t really have time or headspace to be obsessing about your weight.
Irrespective of what you weigh giving this so much mental energy and time is not healthy
bibbitybobbityyhat not sure what you mean?
Dishwashersaurous, this is ridiculous as I type it buy feeling my hip bone, it is prominent
I see so juggling it all is busy and stressful and can make you feel out of control - your weight is something that you can and you hold onto as a beacon that if you weigh a certain amount and look a certain way you will be happy
I'm 5'4, have suffered with eating disorders, and at 8 stone 3 my periods stopped and my hair fell out
I do the hip checking thing too, and think about my weight constantly. For me, these things are definitely symptoms of ED.
I have tried signposting the OP to a eating disorder helping and telling them it isn't right but others keep comparing and saying things like above which isn't very helpful.
OP the checking etc is signs of anorexia, please can you get help elsewhere.
User the number isn't important at the moment. If anything it's confusing the situation because if your in your bmi you can magic away any doubts around your thoughts and behaviours!
You are developing unhealthy obsessive thoughts (just a bit more, or X weight and then il be happy) and rituals (like the hipbone touching) which are a massive red flag that your weight loss is tipping into something else and that needs looking at.
The great thing is you have recognised that and also that you are listening to the fact that they are in fact possibly warning signs which means you can address this early before it gets completely out of control.
Have you got anyone in rl you can get support from? Have you thought about going to the gp or contacting an organisation for a chat or some advice?
To seek support, I would be reluctant, if I am being honest, the thought of giving this up makes me anxious
Home77, I totally agree with you. When my ED is at its worst a comment like 'I'm your height and weigh 8 stone' would push me over the edge. The last thing OP needs is to start comparing weight with other people. I have had periods of hyper focussing on celeb weights/ weight of people I know and those become my new goal.
OP, I'm not saying you definitely have an ED, but I recognise the way you are talking about yourself and feeling that you will be happy at a certain weight.
I have spent most of my adult life as a 'work in progress', feeling like I will be happy and my real life will start when I hit xxx weight. It's utter bullshit. There is no weight that will make me happy, because weight is not the issue.
You have spotted that this is problematic, and I think You are right...get done help and support now lovely, because EDs rob you of so much in life. Xx
I lost 5 stone and was 8 stone 4 pounds at 5'5''.
I still wanted to lose more weight and truth be told, looking back now it really didn't suit me. I looked tired and gaunt and I was obsessive and hangry a lot!
I've put on quite a bit of weight since and I'm in the process of getting it off again - but this time I'm trying to be more realistic about it. I definitely think I had an eating disorder at the time, I was so fixated on the scales and what I was and wasn't eating that I was unhappy (something I didn't realise until I put on a few pounds and was much happier, although a little pudgier).
Well done on eating well and doing exercise - just make sure you're happy I just know for me that I was so focused on the scales that I actually wasn't enjoying my life! When I finally realised my partner still loved me with a couple of pounds on and I was able to share a takeaway or a pizza with him and not obsess, I was a lot happier
Your comment about feeling anxious about giving it up rings real alarm bells for me. This is a shitty shitty slope and it doesn't lead anywhere good at all.
chow the range for 5ft 4 is 7 stone 10 to 10 stone 6 so even 8 stone 6 is nearer the lower end than centre.
I noticed similar patterns when I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. The weight I got to was not unhealthy at all, but my eating patterns and the way I thought about myself were. I have no idea how I snapped out of it but I slowly did and regained some weight, then lost some again but with a very different mindset. But the extreme dieting previously had already taken its toll on my fertility, it took me 18 months to concieve with irregular periods throughout. I'm now pregnant and although I feel over the moon looking down at and feeling my bump, when I look in the mirror some of those unhealthy thoughts return, and I wonder if I'll ever be free.
I'm pretty obsessed with my weight. 5ft 3" very small build. I've been anything from 7 stone to 9 stone. I'm happiest at 7st 10 my DH prefers me at 8st plus.
I used to weigh myself every day. I think it all started when I was competing in long distance running. I was so slight but the coach used to mock me for having a big bum 😬
I'm better now although I rarely look at myself and think I look slim enough.
My DH took a photo of me in my bikini last year and for the first time ever I thought I looked too skinny.
It does sound worrying to me. I spent a few years like this. Never got any official help with it so I can’t give advice on that, I just gradually became more healthy in my thinking. I HAD to be below 8 stone at all times and I am fairly tall so it was probably easier for people around me to spot. Your mom has obviously spotted something which is worrying her. She wouldn’t be likely to say it for no reason would she, it’s not like she’d try to sabotage your healthy weight loss! I would exercise until I passed out and attempt to outdo previous lengths of time without food. I also secretly felt that I was in competition with other people and that I was somehow better than them for being able to resist the allure of food while they didn’t. Do you ever have thoughts like that? I was deeply unhappy at the time and it gave me a warped sense of pride. The way you have plucked the number 8 seemingly out of thin air is similar to what I did. The number just got lower and lower. Listen to your mom! And get some help focus less on weight and more on how you’re feeling.
Handletree I'm sorry you had a difficult time and glad you are on the other side.
I am very ashamed to say that I do have those thoughts, so awful
Well I think you know the answer really, don’t you. I know you said you are anxious about giving this up, but I’m afraid that you never ‘win’, the goal just becomes more and more extreme. There is never a point at which you feel happy that you’ve reached the end point. It became so much about control and consumed my thoughts a lot. Perhaps a good first step would be to speak to your husband/partner and let them know what’s going on. They will be able to keep an eye on you and it’s less scary than initially speaking to a doctor.
Go for it. The BMI chart is flawed, so use your common sense instead.
Op I haven’t read all the replies cps I’m off out and wanted to tell you, I have an Ed that comes and goes and this sounds like me when I’m poorly. Exactly like me!
User I know it seems scary to get advice because then you think you'll have to give up the very thing that is (to you) helping you but it isn't, it's the early stages of becoming possibly very ill and out of control which if it comes to that makes all the positive elements vanish only to be replaced with horrible darkness, it then similarly to addiction becomes a war with yourself that you can never win.
All I'm suggesting is to contact a professional for a chat for now, just so you can talk to someone who you can share the whole story with and get a true answer from someone who's job it is to advise on exactly this (because obviously you can't on a public forum) then you can decide from there.
Either way I'm glad you started this thread and I hope it's being useful to you.
TheDarkPassenger when you say it comes and goes, what do you mean?
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