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AIBU To think I have completely fudged my chances of a decent career?

(18 Posts)
CareerCrash Tue 09-Apr-19 13:57:06

I have NC as I do not really want anyone in real life to start throwing coins at me...

I have chopped and changed careers a few times trying to find a good fit either career or family wise. I've held some decent jobs but I'm now 36, currently a SAHM parent. I can work evenings, weekends or part time but I'm still not in a position to throw myself 100% into a full time career.

I feel that at my age, with a splattered CV and still some family commitments I am completely screwed to ever achieve a decent career. On the scrap heap sums it up.

Any retraining/business start up success stories/words of wisdom/advice would be appreciated.

GoingRetroMN Tue 09-Apr-19 15:08:50

How old are your dc?

MikeUniformMike Tue 09-Apr-19 15:19:05

Of course you haven't. You have another 30 years of working life ahead of you. Have a think about what you would like to do, what type of environment you'd like to work in. Get a book like 'What color is your parachute?' from the library and work through it. Have a look at local evening or day courses.
You could retrain or set up your own business. Find out what you could do and you might be doing it by the time you're 40.

ladymarian Tue 09-Apr-19 15:23:04

No advice unfortunately but just wanted to say you're not alone feeling like this. I'm older than you, have 2 DC and can add mental health problems as a result of having children to my list of woes 🙄. I have worked for the same company for years. PT and in a lower grade job now. Feel totally stuck

harrietpn Tue 09-Apr-19 15:34:22

It depends on what you want. I'm a SAHM and I'd love to have a part-time career but as far as I can see opportunities are hard to come by unless you have specialist training or experience (sorry!). In terms of starting a new career, go for it, but I haven't found anything yet which would give me the time with DS I want. I'm considering using the rest of my time as a SAHM to retrain. You could use these years to do voluntary work in a field you are interested in (ie counselling charity) so you have a ton of experience when you are ready to throw yourself into retraining or work.

CareerCrash Tue 09-Apr-19 15:39:20

Thanks for the hand hold guys. I am waiting to hear about a part time job (crap pay, little prospects but fits family life)

My youngest is in primary and has after school clubs etc so no issues. The difficulty being my eldest is 13 and currently being home schooled (complex but not likely to change any time soon) I have to prioritise his education hence the hours. However, that will leave me at 40 and no further forward unless I can think of a plan.

I will check out that book MikeU, thank you!

I feel you LadyMarian, as Mums we do what we can but as people we lose ourselves in home life sometimes. What a mess.

TeaAddict235 Tue 09-Apr-19 15:39:30

I understand you OP. I have had a similar 'busy' CV and was a SAHM after a professional job, but due to circumstances I became a SAHM. I would suggest not to take your eye off 2 things:

1) jobs that you like or would like to do (go to job fairs, watch webinars, read into the field)

2) keep up what you are good at (e.g. if you taught, you could tutor; if you worked with animals, you could volunteer/ pet sit ; if you did marketing , use every opportunity (like social media/ library notice boards/ gumtree) to network like crazy)

If that makes sense, so you keep up your strengths and interests so if an opportunity arises you can jump for it.

Be honest and frank to those in your preferred field, that you need something part time or flexible (less than 30 hours / from home etc), because as long as the primary carer stays silent, those in the industry will ignore our wishes to re- enter. I am very direct to recruitment companies that roles they send have to be less than 30hours and offer flexible working.

Recruitment companies and HR need to quickly adjust to the fact that very few people stay in one job for life, and that being a SAHP is common and not detrimental.

Cantthinkofausername1990 Tue 09-Apr-19 15:57:05

So you have from now until you're 40 to re train in something you want to work in... that's 4 years to get a good qualification via evening/weekend course if you wanted to.. and if you gained some work experience during this time also, then by the time you have finished home schooling you could have a new qualification and experience on your cv..
You absolutely have not fudged your chances of a decent career.

pocketcucco Tue 09-Apr-19 16:02:58

If you are undecided on what you would like to do eventually then there are lots of free courses you can do via Open Uni and Future Learn to get a taster of what it is you might like to do!

dirtystinkyrats Tue 09-Apr-19 16:04:29

Im 36 and a SAHM. I'm currently volunteering and studying in the aim of going back into work in 1-2 years time. For me its a process, I need to build confidence and get decent references as I've been out of work for 5 years. I also need to decide if I want to go back into previous job or not. I'm keeping an eye on current vacancies to see what is about as I know I will struggle to get anything flexible enough - its difficult to get wrap around care for the children where I am. I don't think many people just walk back into a job after a career break.

However I agree with poster above who pointed out realistically you have 30 years of working life ahead - if the best option now is not to work, then that's fine. You (and I) have a lot of years ahead to have several 'careers' later.

Supergrassyknoll Tue 09-Apr-19 16:07:39

Oh god I'm here for replies as am 41 and in such a similar predicament x

CareerCrash Tue 09-Apr-19 16:41:05

I am going to spend a little bit of time soul searching, get an idea on what I would like to do and figure out how to get there. At this point, it is as much lack of confidence as anything else. It's really hard to stay motivated when you are at home (with money worries thrown into the mix) The part time job I applied for said they would get back to me at the beginning of this week. I suspect I didn't get it! This could be a good opportunity to figure out what I want to do rather than just grab a job in panic.

I'm degree educated, have a decent skill set (admittedly in completely random areas) and fairly intelligent. Perhaps I need to address my standards and self confidence issues.

CareerCrash Tue 09-Apr-19 16:43:21

I do feel that women have more of a 'sell by' date on their head than men if they haven't established a career fairly early in life. That might be my bitterness speaking though 😉

Holidaycountdown Tue 09-Apr-19 19:06:59

How do you feel about studying now? As you already have a degree a masters could be an option for you if you were able to study whilst your eldest does and could open doors in your chosen industry, think funding has been changed in recent years to make it easier.

MikeUniformMike Tue 09-Apr-19 19:26:07

Is your degree something that could point you towards a career? For example, psychology degree might look good if you wanted to train as a counsellor ... You home school, could you do tutoring?
Would something like IT be of interest?

You could probably get the book online. I worked my way through it years ago and it worked for me.

CareerCrash Wed 10-Apr-19 13:50:09

I am just having a look into areas I could study. After having a bit of a teary night, I think it all just came to a head (not getting the job really didn't help confidence wise) I'm feeling a bit better. Sometimes a good cry and a glass of wine is the answer!

I'm going to look into ways I can contribute to family finances in the short term whilst trying to secure a better position for the future.

Am also tempted to leave the company that didn't bother getting back to me a bad review on Google but that would be bad karma so I won't 😁

Holidaycountdown Thu 11-Apr-19 01:09:32
If you wanted to study the post grad loans are not dependant on family income though you obviously have to repay them once you’re earning enough, so assuming you were able to study and support your son at the same time you’d also be topping up your family income at the same time. Good luck whatever you decide to do next!

MRSMARMITE3 Thu 11-Apr-19 07:37:01

Ugh I know what you mean. I spent age 16-24 just doing random jobs. Then went to uni and did a degree. Left and got a unrelated job as a carer (why didn't I use my degree!!) Then had a child and now pregnant with the next. I'm 38 and work in a shop. Feel like I'll never have a career!

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