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To expect them still to pay?

(87 Posts)
BananaLeaf Tue 09-Apr-19 11:27:28

Last year we emigrated to another country. It was always the plan to sell our 12 year old car when we left. A while before we left SILs car was written off and she asked about buying ours as they are maxed out doing a huge renovation on their house and couldn’t afford to borrow any more for the sort of car they would want.

I told her the price I wanted and didn’t hear back. I had a bad feeling about dealing with family anyway so I messaged and said I think I’ll just get rid of it as I would hate anything to go wrong with it after we left.

She said she please don’t get rid of it could she please have it...but couldn't pay for it right now. I said no problem take your time to pay for it, trusting that would happen regardless.

Anyway 6 months later she messages DH and says it’s failed MOT and will cost almost the agreed cost of the car to fix it. Long story short she has now sold it on and made an executive decision to pay us about 60% of the original amount, justifying it by saying in her opinion we never would have got original amount anyway.

It’s not just the money, I feel completely let down and taken advantage of. I would never do that to someone. If I agreed to pay for something I would pay it no matter what, especially if it was family. If I had known we would still be held responsible for the state of the car after they took possession I never would have sold it to them!

I could have sold it to someone else and got the full cash amount straight away. I knew it was a mistake but felt under pressure to go ahead with it as they had limited options and I was happy to do her a favour, but now we are out of pocket.

Obviously it is bad that the car didn’t pass mot but I had raised that as a concern and it was their decision to proceed so the assumption was that they would take on the risk. Tbh I would have said to pay a reduced amount anyway after hearing about the MOT, but the unilateral decision not pay the loan in full is really disappointing.

AIBU to think they should still pay the agreed price or at least offer?

HermioneKipper Tue 09-Apr-19 11:31:33

Yes they should pay up. But can you leave your DH to sort as it’s his family?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 09-Apr-19 11:34:51

Let your DH deal with it.

TBH if its going to cost as much to fix as the car is worth, its not a top end motor is it, it's an old banger and not worth faling out over. tho' I would be hard pressed to do her any favours again.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 09-Apr-19 11:38:47

Did she make any money off the sale? Did she give you the chance to take the car back and sell it yourself?

BananaLeaf Tue 09-Apr-19 11:40:58

Yes DH is dealing with it. I was willing to let it slide so as not to fall out, but she now has the hump with him after he pointed out our position on it.

Jessgalinda Tue 09-Apr-19 11:41:32

Did she have the work done?

BananaLeaf Tue 09-Apr-19 11:42:44

No she didn’t make money. She only told us she sold it after the fact.

Serenity45 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:43:22

YANBU at all - it sounds like you were clear that you'd prefer not to sell it to family because of the complications it may cause...and you've been proved right.

JustAWaferThinMint Tue 09-Apr-19 11:46:53

How much are we talking about here for a 12 year old car? What is the difference between her proposed 60% and your preferred total? I totally agree that morally she should pay up, but also wonder if it is a sum that is worth a family fall out over.

BananaLeaf Tue 09-Apr-19 11:49:11

I agree and was willing to let it slide but it’s her that is not speaking to us.

onlyk Tue 09-Apr-19 11:59:01

The fact she sold it and told you after the fact and that she was reducing the price you had agreed between you means she is very firmly in the wrong.

However if the difference in price was a couple of hundred max then I wouldn’t pursue the matter with her but I’d never do a favour or have a lot to do with her going forward plus the quality of Christmas and birthday presents would be massively reduced.

FizzyGreenWater Tue 09-Apr-19 12:04:29

Bloody hell I'd go bananas.

It's always worth going absolutely batshit at moments like this, by the way - if they're family, they're always going to be there, and if you let them get away with cheeky shit, they WILL file you as a pushover and they will do it again. It changes the relationship and they will stop respecting you. The fact she's done this at all speaks VOLUMES about how she regards and respects you and her brother.

howabout Tue 09-Apr-19 12:08:18

"No she didn't make money".

So you dumped your 12 year old banger on her which she sold on your behalf and then offered to return "60% of the agreed amount" which I presume equates to the sale proceeds. You think she should honour the original agreement to pay you a price which the market has proved was over the odds.

YABmassivelyU in seeking to profit out of a relative given your laziness re disposing of your car before relocation. (we gifted our banger to SiL when we moved overseas. she later traded it in. never even occurred to me to wonder if she made money)

HollowTalk Tue 09-Apr-19 12:15:43

So you dumped your 12 year old banger on her

Did you read the opening thread, where the OP says, "*She said she please don’t get rid of it could she please have it*"?

BananaLeaf Tue 09-Apr-19 12:15:49

No we didn’t dump it on her, she asked if she could buy it and I agreed against my better judgment. I was never seeking to profit from a relative, we gave them an interest free loan which was already less than the amount I would have advertised it for privately. I was perfectly willing and would have preferred to sell it privately.
If we could have afforded to gift it to her we would have, but we couldn’t.

StoppinBy Tue 09-Apr-19 12:16:35

If she sold it at a reasonable market price and gave you the money that they got for it then YABU to expect more just because you wanted a different price.

If it was worth more than they sold it for or if they sold it and kept part of the money then YANBU to expect the full market value for it.

Puzzledandpissedoff Tue 09-Apr-19 12:18:37

If the cost of repairs is the same as the car's listed value, how did she sell it at all, never mind getting enough for it to return 60% of what you wanted?

Some things don't sound right here, and telling you she'd "sold it" only after the fact is just one of them

Billben Tue 09-Apr-19 12:20:14


Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?

Jaxhog Tue 09-Apr-19 12:20:42

Wow! @howabout Did you even read the OP? She didn't 'dump' or 'gift' her car on her SiL! Of course SiL should honour the original agreement. Not for the money, but as a matter of principle.

MaybeitsMaybelline Tue 09-Apr-19 12:22:32

Just because it failed its MOT doesn’t make it a write off! DD’s eight year old car has failed a few and then subsequently passed them with minimum expense, things like certain bulbs being blown or corroded brakes pipes.

She could have been screwing it for six months anyway. She agreed a price when you left, as far as i am concerned that stands and she still owes you that.

StealthPolarBear Tue 09-Apr-19 12:22:46

But the op didn't have a say in the matter. At the point at which the car was transferred to the sil, the sil owed the op £1000, for the sake of argument. That figure was agreed between the two of them. Nothing has changed but the sil is saying she will only give the op £600 of the £1000 she owes her, and is pissed off with the op!

MaybeitsMaybelline Tue 09-Apr-19 12:24:03

PS i dont believe her that the cost to fix it is the value of the car.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Tue 09-Apr-19 12:26:11

I don't think a 12 year old car is worth falling out over. She was foolish to take it on, and personally I would not sell a car that age to a friend or relative, because it is bound to turn into a money pit the second you do.

I wouldn't be rushing to do her favours in the future, but I don't believe you can really have lost out by much here.

howabout Tue 09-Apr-19 12:28:31

Banana in that case you should have sold it privately but given the subsequent actual as opposed to hoped for sale value it seems unlikely you would have actually sold it and got your money.

One thing to gift to a relative or sell and get the money from a relative BUT quite another to pick a price out the air and "lend" it to the relative when neither of you can actually afford it.

And yes I did read the Op. Lots suggesting the SiL got higher price than she is saying from other posters but none from Op or her subsequent comments. If SiL did profit at Op's expense that would be different but there is no indication of this. Even keeping a banger taxed and insured on your drive costs a fortune relative to its "value".

downcasteyes Tue 09-Apr-19 12:28:47

Wow, she is a cheeky fucker! And you are totally in the right.

I'm guessing that this isn't a very valuable 12 year old car, though? In which case it can only be worth a few hundred quid? If so, and its a question of a really small amount of money, I'd suck up the 60% but make a mental note never ever to sell or lend her anything again!

Sometimes it's worth losing money to learn a life lesson and to be able to say "I trusted that person, and now I'm totally 100% justified in shifting my relationship with them".

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