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AIBU about second hand wedding dress

(56 Posts)
mrsapril Tue 09-Apr-19 10:11:58

I have listed my wedding dress on an online auction for a second hand sale. The price is decent I think (35% of original price) and in any case lower offers will be accepted. It's been dry cleaned etc. The dress is from a famous brand and is a standard UK size. I have also provided measurements as well as lots of detailed photos on the auction listing.

AIBU to not be comfortable with buyers asking if they can come to my home and try the dress on?

GregoryPeckingDuck Tue 09-Apr-19 13:56:06

I think it depends on how much you are asking for it. If it under £100 it’s not unreasonable to expect them to buy it without trying it on and examining it closely but over £100 I would expect to be able to see it at least so I can see it hasn’t been altered/damaged in some way.

EmeraldShamrock Tue 09-Apr-19 13:54:29

It is 2nd hand, less 35% retail price, probably 1 year old.
Was there any alterations on the dress for your shape? It doesn't sound like a bargain to me.
Why would anyone risk buying it, if it did not fit.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 13:52:37

I myself WOULD buy a second hand wedding dress without trying on, yes
But you tried on the dress so you knew what it would look like on you and what size you needed.

Most brides are not looking for that 1 specific dress, if they were they wouldn't ask to try it on. Plus there is no guarantee that even if they had tried on the same dress in a shop that yours had not been altered.

This is a dress they will wear on their wedding day, it would be a very daft bride who would part with their cash for a dress they had not tried on or seen in person. If someone came onto AIBU asking if they should buy your dress, unless it was and a huge bargain, they would quite rightly be told not to without seeing if it fit or looked good on.

Crunchymum Tue 09-Apr-19 13:49:05

So all these second hand wedding sites are full of sellers having people visit their house to try on dresses and brides trudging off to strange peoples houses to try on prospective dresses?

Sounds like a lot of hard work. Surely the point of second hand dresses (and the sites that facilitate this) is that for a bargain price the bride does her research and makes sure she buys a dress that suits and fits.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 09-Apr-19 13:47:22

I don't think the potential buyers are unreasonable to ask*

AryaStarkWolf Tue 09-Apr-19 13:46:41

I mean personally I wouldn't buy my wedding dress without trying it on first. I don't think the potential buyers aren't unreasonable to ask for that reason. It's totally your choice though to say no to them aswell, you just might find it harder to make the sale

Justmuddlingalong Tue 09-Apr-19 13:40:48

I think because it's a dress you're happy to sell on, you're missing the point that prospective buyers are looking for the dress to wear on their wedding day. It's no longer a big deal for you but will be for them.

mrsapril Tue 09-Apr-19 13:35:31

Thanks for your replies! A bit of a split of opinion it seems.

To answer some questions / add more detail:

The auction website is a dedicated site for second hand wedding dresses.
I myself WOULD buy a second hand wedding dress without trying on, yes. I actually attempted to do just that. I found the exact dress I wanted, and went and tried it on in a boutique to check the sizing, and I then hunted auction sites to try and find a second hand one for a better price. Unfortunately for me, at the time there were none available in my size, and I ended up making the choice to buy it new from the boutique.
So I suppose I am thinking there may be other brides in my position, who have done just that, and know they are looking for this exact dress and size but at a cheaper price than brand new. (It is in great condition as my wedding was indoors and I only wore it a few hours, plus dry cleaned).
I agree, I would NOT have bought a second hand dress without trying on in a boutique first (unless very cheap indeed).

My concerns about offering trying on have been raised by posters above- namely the chance of make up smudges, damage, perfume / smoke, and having a potential stream of strangers through my home. I'm not a boutique so I will politely reject the suggestion that I invite them to make themselves at home or offer them Prosecco!

Excited101 Tue 09-Apr-19 12:45:39

How much are you selling it for op?

HBStowe Tue 09-Apr-19 12:41:24

I don’t think you need to agree, it’s up to you how you feel about your own house! I think you are unlikely to sell is as easily though.

I would be wary about accepting returns - what if it got lost or damaged?

Snog Tue 09-Apr-19 12:34:13

If it's eBay they will probably return it if it's not right anyway regardless of whether you say you accept returns.

Eustasiavye Tue 09-Apr-19 12:24:20

I didn't think trying on was possible tbh.
I thought that was the risk you took.
That's why I bought dds prom dress from a bridal shop at huge expensive. We could try on lots of dresses, get the exact colour which suited her etc etc.

Triskaidekaphilia Tue 09-Apr-19 12:18:36

You have every right not to want people coming into your home to try it on, but you have to accept that you may not sell it. There were a few dresses I considered on ebay but they were around £30-40.

blueskiesovertheforest Tue 09-Apr-19 12:18:36

Yabu to be uncomfortable with them asking - you can just say no and not give out your address!

Obviously YANBU to be uncomfortable with actually letting them - it'd be sensible not to without back up of a confident adult there with you in case the bring their own backup and y try to bully you into letting them have it immediately and much cheaper, or damage the dress and refuse to pay, or any other unpleasant scenario.

Whether they're unreasonable to ask depends what the 35% is 35% of IMO. If it works out at under £100 you might expect them to take a risk, but if you paid stupid money for your dress you might still be after £1750 or something insane.

Anyone PayPal ing away over £1000 for a dress they haven't seen with no change of taking it back if it doesn't fit is taking a huge risk, and would be unreasonable.

If it's really expensive you might need to find a way to let people try it on, with someone there to back you up. Probably only people who have good reviews as buyers.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 12:16:03

- no they dont! Buying secondhand has even less legal protection.

If the OP is selling on Ebay then the buyer will be able to return the dress if they receive it and it does not fit. The buyer would probably have to pay for postage but of course they can return it if it doesn't fit. If the buyer collects then the OP should be fine but I cannot see the buyer travelling to collect and not asking to try it on before paying for it.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 09-Apr-19 12:08:47

But it isn't 'seen' if listed online. All that's 'seen' is a picture on a screen.

No shit sherlock !

No but they do have the right to return it if it does not fit. - no they dont! no shop has to take backsomething because 'it doesnt fit' - it has to be damaged of not fit for purpose, that fact it doesnt fit doesnt make it fall into those categories., Buying secondhand has even less legal protection.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace Tue 09-Apr-19 12:01:09

If someone buys it with the understanding that if it doesn't fit/doesn't look good on them they can return it then it is ok to not let them try it on beforehand, but you would be taking the risk of it getting damaged/dirty/used for a wedding then returned etc and you having to sort it out. If someone tore the lining/something underneath you might not notice it straight away when refunding so you'd be risking letting someone have the dress and damaging it before return.

If you don't allow returns and don't allow it to be tried on before buying there is little chance of selling it unless it is an absolute bargain. A price which can be recouped selling it on again third hand if it isn't suitable for the new owner.

I wouldn't have bought a second hand wedding dress without knowing it fit beforehand/was close to fitting so it could be altered or it being a bargain I could recoup the cost of if I ended up not being able to wear it.

Ce7913 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:44:22

Caveat: I would only consider long-standing site members with really solid feedback.

Ce7913 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:42:39

Eh... I don't think I'd want some stranger coming into my house, either.

...Nor would I be thrilled about the risk of them getting perfume, moisturiser, sunscreen, makeup, fake tan or cigarette smoke all over a newly dry-cleaned wedding dress.

But I'd expect to be waiting much longer and for a less advantageous sale price if I didn't.

The fact is, certain styles of dress, you'd have to be straight up bonkers to buy without trying on.

onalongsabbatical Tue 09-Apr-19 11:32:25

They don't have the right to try it on for sure. But I can't see you selling it, and that's what you want to do, right?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:30:01

If people buy online then no, they don't have the right to try it on.

No but they do have the right to return it if it does not fit. Why not cut out the middle man and let them see if it fits before they agree to purchase it?

DrinkSangriaInThePark Tue 09-Apr-19 11:29:58

Yes you're being unreasonable, for all the reasons others have posted above.

LazyLizzy Tue 09-Apr-19 11:27:51

YANBU, it doesn't matter how expensive the item is.

If people buy online then no, they don't have the right to try it on.

They can ask for precise measurements and make their decision once they have enough info.

I wouldn't want anybody just turning up, possible unhygienic, leaving BO smells on a dress I have just cleaned.

oh4forkssake Tue 09-Apr-19 11:18:09

How ridiculous! They're buying a secondhand dress online! Are you accepting returns? If you are then you are DNBU, if you're not then I guess they could sell it on again if they didn't like it. You're not a boutique - they can't expect the same service.

Livingoncake Tue 09-Apr-19 11:10:29

Of course you can refuse, but you’ll have to accept that you probably won’t sell it if you do.

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