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AIBU about second hand wedding dress

(56 Posts)
mrsapril Tue 09-Apr-19 10:11:58

I have listed my wedding dress on an online auction for a second hand sale. The price is decent I think (35% of original price) and in any case lower offers will be accepted. It's been dry cleaned etc. The dress is from a famous brand and is a standard UK size. I have also provided measurements as well as lots of detailed photos on the auction listing.

AIBU to not be comfortable with buyers asking if they can come to my home and try the dress on?

Doidontimmm Tue 09-Apr-19 10:18:36

I think kindly you are. A wedding dress is the one item of clothing you want to try on before buying!

BlackSatinDancer Tue 09-Apr-19 10:19:04

It is a pretty individual item. I wouldn't want to buy it unless I knew either:
i) It fits
ii) I could slim down into it
iii) It could be altered to fit me.

How do you know without trying it on?

It might be a standard UK size but lots of brides-to-be aren't. Why don't you want them to try it on in your home?

Gatehouse77 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:20:23

Would you have bought a wedding dress, second hand or otherwise, without trying it on?

I wouldn't so it doesn't seem unreasonable.

BelulahBlanca Tue 09-Apr-19 10:21:38

It still a lot of money to put into something that might not fit. Would you refund if they tried it on at home and it didn’t fit?

TheHodgeoftheHedge Tue 09-Apr-19 10:22:47

Seeing as you are probably still charging several hundred for the dress, it’s not an unreasonable request. You have every right to refuse though, but you might not sell the dress.

Shoxfordian Tue 09-Apr-19 10:23:53

It's not unreasonable that they'd want to try the dress on before buying it. Different styles suit different people so even if it was the right size, someone could try it on and not like it

ColdFrame Tue 09-Apr-19 10:24:17

Surely you thought this through before you advertised? Would you spend several hundred pounds on a dress that might not fit, or look awful on you?

hipslikecinderella Tue 09-Apr-19 10:24:48

Its actually better than the pita if they try to claim it doesn't fit etc after they get it. If you use Ebay or PayPal then you would have to refund.

onalongsabbatical Tue 09-Apr-19 10:24:58

Sorry, but you're offering a hugely significant and expensive item of clothing for sale but not the facilities for trying it on first? Yes, YABU!

ItStartedWithAKiss241 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:25:03

When I bought a second hand prom dress (admittedly a very long time ago) I did try the dress on in the women’s bedroom. Felt a bit weird but why would we buy a dress that didn’t fit? X

LetsGroove2nite Tue 09-Apr-19 10:26:53

I'm with you OP! I definitely would not want people coming to my house to try it on! For me, that's the just the way it is if you wanna buy second hand off the internet - you run that risk. Otherwise go buy it from a shop!

EgremontRusset Tue 09-Apr-19 10:27:41

I bought mine 2nd hand without trying on. But it was 10% of the original price, had a laced back so I knew it would fit, and I still spent another £150 having it altered for length / train.

LagunaBubbles Tue 09-Apr-19 10:28:43

Of course yabu, I wouldn't have an issue buying a second hand wedding dress at all but no way would I buy it without trying it on.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 09-Apr-19 10:29:41

I think it's weird if the dress is still available in shops, a friend bought her dress second hand (new wth tags , wedding cancelled, she's not superstitious), but had already tried it on in a shop before looking to see if she could find it cheaper. If it's an older design not in store anymore I think they'll want to try it on

ColdFrame Tue 09-Apr-19 10:32:22

I'm with you OP! I definitely would not want people coming to my house to try it on!

Which is fine, but presumably you'd post excellent photographs and specifically state in the ad that no tryings on were possible.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 10:32:44

How is it unreasonable to know it fits before committing to spending a significant amount of money on it?

Would you have brought the dress without trying it on even if the shop had reduced it to the price you are selling it for?

Snog Tue 09-Apr-19 10:34:55

I think if the price is £50 or less YANBU

livefornaps Tue 09-Apr-19 10:37:33

To be fair, I'd probably invite the lady round, have a bottle of prosecco waiting, have a "bonding experience" as she pirouetted around the room admiring herself, end up a shoe-in maid of honour, marry her brother and then write a smash rom-com based on my experiences

brodybear Tue 09-Apr-19 10:39:23

Tricky one. I wouldn't buy something as important as a wedding dress without knowing it fits perfectly. But I wouldn't want to risk it getting dirty or torn with people trying on. Especially those who leave a trail of foundation on everything!

Aridane Tue 09-Apr-19 10:40:57

I don’t think YABU. You have given full measurements and the brand is known. Their choice whether to bid

HolyForkingShirt Tue 09-Apr-19 10:45:58

I think you are being unreasonable. I actually went to someone's house to try on a dress (didn't buy it) and it was fine.

I would never spend over £50 on clothes online without trying it on, unless it was guaranteed I could return it with free postage if it didn't fit. Let alone a wedding dress!

Bluetrews25 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:46:03

The alternative would be you sell it through a dress agency where people try on at the shop (and the shop takes a percentage of the cost, obviously)

winbinin Tue 09-Apr-19 10:53:35

It is a big purchase and if it doesn’t fit or suit the bride then her money is wasted regardless of how much cheaper it was than buying new so it is quite reasonable of them to want to try it on. If you really don’t want them in your home a dress agency would be a good idea.

alittlesnow Tue 09-Apr-19 10:54:09


To be fair, I'd probably invite the lady round, have a bottle of prosecco waiting, have a "bonding experience" as she pirouetted around the room admiring herself, end up a shoe-in maid of honour, marry her brother and then write a smash rom-com based on my experiences!

Do it!

alittlesnow Tue 09-Apr-19 10:54:21

I think it's a bit weird to expect people to buy it without trying it on! This isn't a skirt someone is buying (for a tenner,) for a meal out with friends. This is a costly (wedding) dress for their WEDDING DAY which is a big important day for people. Imagine spend multiple 100s on a dress and it doesn't fit?! And even worse, it's your wedding dress! confused



Why did you not mention the price you are selling the dress for by the way? It would have made it easier to form a view/opinion. Most wedding dresses are the mid to high 3 figures £350-£400,) or more though, so I can only surmise yours is in that price range too.

WeeDangerousSpike Tue 09-Apr-19 10:58:31


Sounds like a plan grin

See, I'd end up liking the woman, giving her the dress for nothing, delivering it and arranging for all the flowers as well.

DanielRicciardosSmile Tue 09-Apr-19 10:58:31

The alternative would be you sell it through a dress agency where people try on at the shop (and the shop takes a percentage of the cost, obviously)

I was also going to suggest this. I understand you not wanting people to come into your home, but I think it's definitely unreasonable to expect someone to pay what is potentially a large chunk of their wedding budget on a dress without being allowed to try it on I'm afraid.

QueenOfTheAndals Tue 09-Apr-19 11:01:49

Is this via eBay? I'm pretty sure it isn't common for people to come around and try on clothes before they buy them then, even if it is a wedding dress!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 09-Apr-19 11:02:58

With you OP - its bought as seen

BillyGoatGruff007 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:08:08

its bought as seen
But it isn't 'seen' if listed online. All that's 'seen' is a picture on a screen.

Livingoncake Tue 09-Apr-19 11:10:29

Of course you can refuse, but you’ll have to accept that you probably won’t sell it if you do.

oh4forkssake Tue 09-Apr-19 11:18:09

How ridiculous! They're buying a secondhand dress online! Are you accepting returns? If you are then you are DNBU, if you're not then I guess they could sell it on again if they didn't like it. You're not a boutique - they can't expect the same service.

LazyLizzy Tue 09-Apr-19 11:27:51

YANBU, it doesn't matter how expensive the item is.

If people buy online then no, they don't have the right to try it on.

They can ask for precise measurements and make their decision once they have enough info.

I wouldn't want anybody just turning up, possible unhygienic, leaving BO smells on a dress I have just cleaned.

DrinkSangriaInThePark Tue 09-Apr-19 11:29:58

Yes you're being unreasonable, for all the reasons others have posted above.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:30:01

If people buy online then no, they don't have the right to try it on.

No but they do have the right to return it if it does not fit. Why not cut out the middle man and let them see if it fits before they agree to purchase it?

onalongsabbatical Tue 09-Apr-19 11:32:25

They don't have the right to try it on for sure. But I can't see you selling it, and that's what you want to do, right?

Ce7913 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:42:39

Eh... I don't think I'd want some stranger coming into my house, either.

...Nor would I be thrilled about the risk of them getting perfume, moisturiser, sunscreen, makeup, fake tan or cigarette smoke all over a newly dry-cleaned wedding dress.

But I'd expect to be waiting much longer and for a less advantageous sale price if I didn't.

The fact is, certain styles of dress, you'd have to be straight up bonkers to buy without trying on.

Ce7913 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:44:22

Caveat: I would only consider long-standing site members with really solid feedback.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace Tue 09-Apr-19 12:01:09

If someone buys it with the understanding that if it doesn't fit/doesn't look good on them they can return it then it is ok to not let them try it on beforehand, but you would be taking the risk of it getting damaged/dirty/used for a wedding then returned etc and you having to sort it out. If someone tore the lining/something underneath you might not notice it straight away when refunding so you'd be risking letting someone have the dress and damaging it before return.

If you don't allow returns and don't allow it to be tried on before buying there is little chance of selling it unless it is an absolute bargain. A price which can be recouped selling it on again third hand if it isn't suitable for the new owner.

I wouldn't have bought a second hand wedding dress without knowing it fit beforehand/was close to fitting so it could be altered or it being a bargain I could recoup the cost of if I ended up not being able to wear it.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 09-Apr-19 12:08:47

But it isn't 'seen' if listed online. All that's 'seen' is a picture on a screen.

No shit sherlock !

No but they do have the right to return it if it does not fit. - no they dont! no shop has to take backsomething because 'it doesnt fit' - it has to be damaged of not fit for purpose, that fact it doesnt fit doesnt make it fall into those categories., Buying secondhand has even less legal protection.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 12:16:03

- no they dont! Buying secondhand has even less legal protection.

If the OP is selling on Ebay then the buyer will be able to return the dress if they receive it and it does not fit. The buyer would probably have to pay for postage but of course they can return it if it doesn't fit. If the buyer collects then the OP should be fine but I cannot see the buyer travelling to collect and not asking to try it on before paying for it.

blueskiesovertheforest Tue 09-Apr-19 12:18:36

Yabu to be uncomfortable with them asking - you can just say no and not give out your address!

Obviously YANBU to be uncomfortable with actually letting them - it'd be sensible not to without back up of a confident adult there with you in case the bring their own backup and y try to bully you into letting them have it immediately and much cheaper, or damage the dress and refuse to pay, or any other unpleasant scenario.

Whether they're unreasonable to ask depends what the 35% is 35% of IMO. If it works out at under £100 you might expect them to take a risk, but if you paid stupid money for your dress you might still be after £1750 or something insane.

Anyone PayPal ing away over £1000 for a dress they haven't seen with no change of taking it back if it doesn't fit is taking a huge risk, and would be unreasonable.

If it's really expensive you might need to find a way to let people try it on, with someone there to back you up. Probably only people who have good reviews as buyers.

Triskaidekaphilia Tue 09-Apr-19 12:18:36

You have every right not to want people coming into your home to try it on, but you have to accept that you may not sell it. There were a few dresses I considered on ebay but they were around £30-40.

Eustasiavye Tue 09-Apr-19 12:24:20

I didn't think trying on was possible tbh.
I thought that was the risk you took.
That's why I bought dds prom dress from a bridal shop at huge expensive. We could try on lots of dresses, get the exact colour which suited her etc etc.

Snog Tue 09-Apr-19 12:34:13

If it's eBay they will probably return it if it's not right anyway regardless of whether you say you accept returns.

HBStowe Tue 09-Apr-19 12:41:24

I don’t think you need to agree, it’s up to you how you feel about your own house! I think you are unlikely to sell is as easily though.

I would be wary about accepting returns - what if it got lost or damaged?

Excited101 Tue 09-Apr-19 12:45:39

How much are you selling it for op?

mrsapril Tue 09-Apr-19 13:35:31

Thanks for your replies! A bit of a split of opinion it seems.

To answer some questions / add more detail:

The auction website is a dedicated site for second hand wedding dresses.
I myself WOULD buy a second hand wedding dress without trying on, yes. I actually attempted to do just that. I found the exact dress I wanted, and went and tried it on in a boutique to check the sizing, and I then hunted auction sites to try and find a second hand one for a better price. Unfortunately for me, at the time there were none available in my size, and I ended up making the choice to buy it new from the boutique.
So I suppose I am thinking there may be other brides in my position, who have done just that, and know they are looking for this exact dress and size but at a cheaper price than brand new. (It is in great condition as my wedding was indoors and I only wore it a few hours, plus dry cleaned).
I agree, I would NOT have bought a second hand dress without trying on in a boutique first (unless very cheap indeed).

My concerns about offering trying on have been raised by posters above- namely the chance of make up smudges, damage, perfume / smoke, and having a potential stream of strangers through my home. I'm not a boutique so I will politely reject the suggestion that I invite them to make themselves at home or offer them Prosecco!

Justmuddlingalong Tue 09-Apr-19 13:40:48

I think because it's a dress you're happy to sell on, you're missing the point that prospective buyers are looking for the dress to wear on their wedding day. It's no longer a big deal for you but will be for them.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 09-Apr-19 13:46:41

I mean personally I wouldn't buy my wedding dress without trying it on first. I don't think the potential buyers aren't unreasonable to ask for that reason. It's totally your choice though to say no to them aswell, you just might find it harder to make the sale

AryaStarkWolf Tue 09-Apr-19 13:47:22

I don't think the potential buyers are unreasonable to ask*

Crunchymum Tue 09-Apr-19 13:49:05

So all these second hand wedding sites are full of sellers having people visit their house to try on dresses and brides trudging off to strange peoples houses to try on prospective dresses?

Sounds like a lot of hard work. Surely the point of second hand dresses (and the sites that facilitate this) is that for a bargain price the bride does her research and makes sure she buys a dress that suits and fits.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Tue 09-Apr-19 13:52:37

I myself WOULD buy a second hand wedding dress without trying on, yes
But you tried on the dress so you knew what it would look like on you and what size you needed.

Most brides are not looking for that 1 specific dress, if they were they wouldn't ask to try it on. Plus there is no guarantee that even if they had tried on the same dress in a shop that yours had not been altered.

This is a dress they will wear on their wedding day, it would be a very daft bride who would part with their cash for a dress they had not tried on or seen in person. If someone came onto AIBU asking if they should buy your dress, unless it was and a huge bargain, they would quite rightly be told not to without seeing if it fit or looked good on.

EmeraldShamrock Tue 09-Apr-19 13:54:29

It is 2nd hand, less 35% retail price, probably 1 year old.
Was there any alterations on the dress for your shape? It doesn't sound like a bargain to me.
Why would anyone risk buying it, if it did not fit.

GregoryPeckingDuck Tue 09-Apr-19 13:56:06

I think it depends on how much you are asking for it. If it under £100 it’s not unreasonable to expect them to buy it without trying it on and examining it closely but over £100 I would expect to be able to see it at least so I can see it hasn’t been altered/damaged in some way.

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