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4 children with 4 different mothers

(136 Posts)
MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 09:07:54

Hi,
I have been married for just over a year and have known my dh for just over two years
When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6. He is close to his eldest who now has kids of his own, his middle girl does not like him and his youngest calls him for money and when she needs help. He told me about another child that was born with another women that he was present for the birth for but the relationship did not last and he was told that the child was not his.
Fast forward 15 years and the mother of this child contacted my th to say that her daughter wanted to speak to him. He immediately messages her and she replied saying she wanted to meet her biological dad. He is now v excited about this and has barely told me about the co conversations they have had. Apparently the man who was living with them both as family believing he was the dad left when the mum said the girl w as not his.
M y relationship with my husband is already at a low as he has taken offence to me being friends with my ex during the beginning of our relationship. He believes that I must have cheated on him. I did not. Live has been pretty bad due to this.
I have two children both have the same dad from a 15 year relationship. Their dad is ok and we get on fine.
I don't know if this can now work, with the pressure he has put me under about my ex, and now how excited he is to have 4 children with four women. I am scared to not be with him as I waited 40 years to get married and feel that I should make it work.
Is it unreasonable to be upset aboutthis?
Any advice would be greatly received
Thank you for reading this

edgeofheaven Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:09

Is he Mick Jagger? What is appealing about this man given he has such a long history of abandoning his children?!

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:11

@Namestheyareachangin Your 'D'H has more alarm bells on him than Rudolph the Red Flagged Reindeer.

This is s little piece of MN poetry! Couldn't agree more

ChicCroissant Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:14

Seems a little hasty to get married after knowing him for only a year with the amount of red flags flying there, OP. So you thought that he only picked women who were liars and concealed their pregnancies before you? You knew about this child beforehand anyway.

Also wondering how coincidental this thread is after the one yesterday about poster asking people 'why did you have children with this man' so a bit hmm about the whole thing tbh.

BarbarianMum Tue 09-Apr-19 09:49:58

Chic I hope you're right.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 09-Apr-19 09:53:22

Is he Mick Jagger

grin grin

If it were just the children issue, I’d be suspicious enough. But when you add in the accusations of cheating, what on earth are you still doing there, OP? He sounds bloody vile!

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 09-Apr-19 09:56:37

He has 4 children to 4 different women. He hasnt paid for them as allegedly he didnt know about them. What is he, a Jeremy Kyle guest waiting to happen? Seriously, Run. For. The. Hills

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 09:58:12

@MrsA111alone
I'm confused. Can you explain?

You said the child (4th) was not his.

He told me about another child that was born with another women that he was present for the birth for but the relationship did not last and he was told that the child was not his

Now it appears he IS the biological father.

And the man who thought he was the bio father has done a runner.

which is it?

Why does he believe this woman now?.

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 09:59:05

Unless he's provided DNA how can anyone say the child is his? You DO mean the 4th child and not the 3rd?

TangyToms Tue 09-Apr-19 10:01:59

Is he Mick Jagger grin
I'd be out of there post haste...

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 10:07:21

OP unless your DH has provided DNA this woman cannot prove his the father of her daughter..

she sounds utterly unreliable; first she says he was not the father then forward 15 years and she says he is.

it's a nonsense.

why is he so quick to believe her?

And you as well???

And although he's been careless with birth control, so were the other 4 women!!!!

MidniteScribbler Tue 09-Apr-19 10:15:57

So he's an absentee father who hasn't paid towards his children for years.

Why do women get together with princes like this?

DrinkSangriaInThePark Tue 09-Apr-19 10:28:10

* When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6 *

No way.

That did not happen.

winbinin Tue 09-Apr-19 10:28:13

I agree he doesn’t sound like much of a catch. He is dishonest, irresponsible, secretive and shows strong signs of being controlling. Are these really qualities you want in your husband and life partner?

Namestheyareachangin Tue 09-Apr-19 10:29:43

@jinglinghellsbells

Why were the women necessarily careless of contraception? By all accounts they have raised these children so it's completely possible they were wanted. The op's SH (Shit Husband) shouldn't have shagged if he didn't want to raise a child!

supersop60 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:30:43

jingling you have misunderstood. The man that the 4th woman was living with left when he found he was not the father. This is not the OP's DH.
OP - please do not waste any more of your life 'making this work'. He is already bringing you unhappiness and you've only been married a year. Tell everybody IRL. They'll tell you the same as us.
Get out now.

cuppycakey Tue 09-Apr-19 10:35:44

When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6.

And you believed this and married him? confused

Why?

BestestBrownies Tue 09-Apr-19 10:38:26

OP, he's full of shit and you know it.

Why on earth have you settled for this loser?

qazxc Tue 09-Apr-19 10:39:54

4 women have either (at least initially) kept the existence of their child a secret or lied about paternity. Why would they do that unless they had serious concerns about him?
Has he had contact and paid maintenance for the first 3 children from ages 6+?
Why do 2 of these children, who have presumably known him since they were 6, not want contact or limited contact?
Why does he assume you have cheated?
Why should you not be friendly with ex, I'm assuming itis the ex you co-parent with?
What is the atmosphere in the house and how does it affect your children?

BlueSkiesLies Tue 09-Apr-19 10:52:14

When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6

LOL - don't be a mug! He is a liar.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 10:52:17

Thank you for your messages.
In answer to your questions, yes he has been married before, twice. He did not have children with either. His first marriage lasted less than a year and the second ended very badly, she did manage to take his business and all of his money though, I thought she sounded like an awful person but I am now starting to wonder why she felt that she needed to do that.
He did pay for the children when he was told about them, his oldest did live with him half of the week too until he was 14, he is still in awe of his dad.
He has the complete gift of the gab and has hundreds of friends and everyone always turns to him. When we first met I felt he was used by these people and suggested he didn't spend time with them as he was always lending people money.
I was in a very good position when we met with good job, own house, some savings. But I was not happy. I still have my house but moved my relative in there as my husband brought a house which we moved in to. I have changed jobs and earn a lot less. My friends were not sure about my husband when we got engaged and actively said so, apparently at my wedding they were questioning why I would be with him. I was not happy about that as I would have hoped they may have supported me. They then stopped talking to me and now I have literally only one friend.

My husbands friends have all said that he should get rid of me and go have sex with loads of other people due to me being in contact with my ex (the ex is not my kids dad). They say I am a 'wrong un' and he deserves better.

Sorry for the long posts, I literally have noone to talk to about this and feel utterly lost.
Thank you for everyone who replied.

Illberidingshotgun Tue 09-Apr-19 10:53:33

I agree with the PP - there must be a very good reason why all those exes didn't want him to have contact with his children for years. If there were no issues, most women would want the father to at least provide CM and support their child, and also to be a parent to them, see them and spend time with them.

Scared not to be with him? i would honestly be scared TO be with this man. You're already not happy in the relationship, marriage to this man is just going to be years of the same, and probably worse. Getting those rings on your fingers does not provide a magic wand that miraculously wipes away all your existing problems.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:02:17

Forgot to mention my children and I are currently not living at his house, I keep my children out of the whole mess. They are unaware of the whole situation.

Bookworm4 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:03:45

He has 4 kids by 4 women
2 ex wives
His friends think you're a wrong 'un
You have known him 2 years
Your friends warned you off
He's jealous
He's a liar
More than likely a fantasist

Is there any positives?

SnuggyBuggy Tue 09-Apr-19 11:04:44

I'd run like the wind but if you don't at least don't get pregnant. This sounds like a horrible mess.

Springwalk Tue 09-Apr-19 11:08:51

You have lost all of your friends
You have lost your self respect
How many more children will come out of the woodwork?

Op your children are and will be affected by this, even if they lived on the moon, because you are their mother and they love you, they will not want to see you carried out by this man (and you are on borrowed time already I suggest)

He has made up lies about you telling his friends you have had an affair with your ex dp. What more does he need to do to convince you he is a complete and utter loser? Perhaps he could move in three new wives or start orgy night on Sunday nights.

You have set your standards so low that they appear to be invisible.

This man neither loves or respects you, and he may have the gift of the gab but that is hardly a quality we would look for in a husband. A car salesman yes, husband no.

He sounds like a randy old dog with some very dodgy friends.

Get out before he ruins your life as well.

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