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4 children with 4 different mothers

(136 Posts)
MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 09:07:54

Hi,
I have been married for just over a year and have known my dh for just over two years
When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6. He is close to his eldest who now has kids of his own, his middle girl does not like him and his youngest calls him for money and when she needs help. He told me about another child that was born with another women that he was present for the birth for but the relationship did not last and he was told that the child was not his.
Fast forward 15 years and the mother of this child contacted my th to say that her daughter wanted to speak to him. He immediately messages her and she replied saying she wanted to meet her biological dad. He is now v excited about this and has barely told me about the co conversations they have had. Apparently the man who was living with them both as family believing he was the dad left when the mum said the girl w as not his.
M y relationship with my husband is already at a low as he has taken offence to me being friends with my ex during the beginning of our relationship. He believes that I must have cheated on him. I did not. Live has been pretty bad due to this.
I have two children both have the same dad from a 15 year relationship. Their dad is ok and we get on fine.
I don't know if this can now work, with the pressure he has put me under about my ex, and now how excited he is to have 4 children with four women. I am scared to not be with him as I waited 40 years to get married and feel that I should make it work.
Is it unreasonable to be upset aboutthis?
Any advice would be greatly received
Thank you for reading this

BadLad Tue 09-Apr-19 09:12:35

I am scared to not be with him as I waited 40 years to get married and feel that I should make it work.

That's a terrible reason to stay in a relationship.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 09-Apr-19 09:13:01

He must have some positive points - forget his 4x4 children, I've homed in on the jealously of you being friends with a male. He believes that I must have cheated on him. I did not. Live has been pretty bad due to this. Sorry, but for me, the relationship would have been binned at that point.

He has 4 children he hasnt bothered with - I assume he hasn't paid maintenence either. I'm just not seeing whats attractive about him TBH.

I'm going to be brutal - sorry - I waited 40 years to get married and feel that I should make it work. - you married him thinking he's the last chance.

outpinked Tue 09-Apr-19 09:13:09

You married him knowing he had four children to four women so why is it suddenly an issue now? He wants a relationship with one of his adult DC, I don’t really see how that affects you at all.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen Tue 09-Apr-19 09:15:01

I think it sounds like the children are the least of your worries.

Walkaround Tue 09-Apr-19 09:17:42

Not seeing what you would see in someone who assumes infidelity in others and apparently didn't bother with birth control with numerous partners who appear to have meant nothing to him. He sounds like an arsehole.

Pianobook Tue 09-Apr-19 09:18:07

Make sure you’re not the 5th woman with a 5th child I would say.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Tue 09-Apr-19 09:19:19

Agree, the children are the least of your worries..

EmeraldShamrock Tue 09-Apr-19 09:19:21

He is jealous, controlling, paranoid abusive and a liar, he knew bloody well the 4th child was his.
This man has no respect for the women or children in his life.
What qualities has he got. My advice LTB.

Namestheyareachangin Tue 09-Apr-19 09:20:27

Honest to God I cannot imagine what you're thinking. As Lady Bracknell might say, to have one child deliberately concealed from you might be considered a misfortune; two looks like carelessness. And FOUR?? That is FOUR SEPARATE WOMEN who have decided upon becoming pregnant by your DH that both they and their child are better off having nothing whatsoever to do with him, and remaining of that mind until after they were at school.

He wanted to marry you after knowing you a year or less, whilst simultaneously being suspicious that you have cheated on him. THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

Your 'D'H has more alarm bells on him than Rudolph the Red Flagged Reindeer. What on earth possessed you?

I think you're right, this can't work, but it has nothing to do with recent events - it has been clear from the outset there is something very, very off about this man.

Wallsbangers Tue 09-Apr-19 09:21:30

Sounds like a catch. I'd get out now while you still can.

Coronapop Tue 09-Apr-19 09:22:24

Time for a vasectomy maybe? Anyone who takes on a man with 3 children by 3 different women must surely realise they are taking on someone who cannot be relied upon to behave sensibly. LTB.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 09:23:32

Wow what a catch he is. Do not have kids with this man think long and about a future with this man.

formerbabe Tue 09-Apr-19 09:25:41

all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6

Really?! So three different mothers all of whom kept the children's existence secret from him for six years? How likely is that?

Rumbletum2 Tue 09-Apr-19 09:27:32

What a prize 😏

theweeenglishfella Tue 09-Apr-19 09:29:33

I'm sorry but there were major red flags from the start, I'm amazed you thought this guy was ever a good bet.

EncroachingLoaf Tue 09-Apr-19 09:32:48

When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6.

Sorry but I really don't believe this bit. What are the chances of that confused

More likely that he has fucked off each time abandoning his children/pregnant partner or has behaved in a way that led each mother to leave him and cut contact.

He hardly sounds like a catch. A shit man isn't better than no man you know.

Springwalk Tue 09-Apr-19 09:34:14

Op what does this man bring to your life op? I would be less worried about 'making it work' and more inclined to run for the hills before you are number five.

He has no sense of responsibility whatsoever to have fathered four separate children not supported a single one. This must surely be the biggest red flag of all time no?

You are literally going to be hung out to dry with this man at some point, left holding the baby whether thats bills, children.

Why on earth did you marry him in the first place? Are you likely to lose assets?

megrichardson Tue 09-Apr-19 09:35:07

marriage is fine if it works out but it is not the only way to have a meaningful and happy life. Somewhere along the line you have bought into the idea that the only way to be validated is to be married and this is a very wrong way of thinking.
This guy is no good, as others have said. You can get your plans together and leave.

Thunderspuds Tue 09-Apr-19 09:35:17

Honestly, what were you expecting from a man who has had unprotected sex with all those women, produced children with them all and yet STILL not learned that he might want to think about using contraception? He's completely reckless and selfish.

Not buying that he didn't know about any of the children until they were 6 either. All those women kept those pregnancies secret? Really?

Pianobook Tue 09-Apr-19 09:35:38

Has he been married before op?

PinkHeart5914 Tue 09-Apr-19 09:36:25

He does know he doesn’t have to impregnate every woman he shags? Condoms are available for a reason....

You struck gold many him didn’t you, all I can say is don’t be number 5 useyour brain and get your contraception sorted out.

CanuckBC Tue 09-Apr-19 09:37:42

Run! As far and as fast as you can. There is a reason these woman kept these children out of his life and they are not good ones! If what he is saying is even true... Has he paid maintenance since he found out about the three? Did the 4th not tell him when she knew?

He sounds like a controlling asshole and that you settled as you felt he was your last chance... Somwhat! You have kids with your ex, you are going to be talking to him. Even if it was a different ex, you were just getting to know each other and you are allowed to talk to whine you want. As long as you were not talking to fuck or the like while dating your “h” he has no say.

Please, get your kids away from this as soon as you can. You are 40, it’s still possible to meet someone. Just not him.

Pianobook Tue 09-Apr-19 09:38:07

If he didn’t know they were pregnant he must have shagged and disappeared.

Tinkobell Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:00

He has sooo much baggage he needs a mega trolley to drag it all around, and yet he expects you to be disconnected from your one-ex (who sounds like a decent bloke). What a hypocrite!
You seem to have a fixed idea or expectation or hope in your mind about being married - no matter what. Well, yes. You are indeed married but to who or what? I'd try and step back from this a little and the relationship; take stock of your kids needs and your own true happiness and think what YOU (not him) needs to move forward. The idea someone had upthread of a vasectomy isn't a bad one either.

edgeofheaven Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:09

Is he Mick Jagger? What is appealing about this man given he has such a long history of abandoning his children?!

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:11

@Namestheyareachangin Your 'D'H has more alarm bells on him than Rudolph the Red Flagged Reindeer.

This is s little piece of MN poetry! Couldn't agree more

ChicCroissant Tue 09-Apr-19 09:42:14

Seems a little hasty to get married after knowing him for only a year with the amount of red flags flying there, OP. So you thought that he only picked women who were liars and concealed their pregnancies before you? You knew about this child beforehand anyway.

Also wondering how coincidental this thread is after the one yesterday about poster asking people 'why did you have children with this man' so a bit hmm about the whole thing tbh.

BarbarianMum Tue 09-Apr-19 09:49:58

Chic I hope you're right.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 09-Apr-19 09:53:22

Is he Mick Jagger

grin grin

If it were just the children issue, I’d be suspicious enough. But when you add in the accusations of cheating, what on earth are you still doing there, OP? He sounds bloody vile!

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 09-Apr-19 09:56:37

He has 4 children to 4 different women. He hasnt paid for them as allegedly he didnt know about them. What is he, a Jeremy Kyle guest waiting to happen? Seriously, Run. For. The. Hills

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 09:58:12

@MrsA111alone
I'm confused. Can you explain?

You said the child (4th) was not his.

He told me about another child that was born with another women that he was present for the birth for but the relationship did not last and he was told that the child was not his

Now it appears he IS the biological father.

And the man who thought he was the bio father has done a runner.

which is it?

Why does he believe this woman now?.

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 09:59:05

Unless he's provided DNA how can anyone say the child is his? You DO mean the 4th child and not the 3rd?

TangyToms Tue 09-Apr-19 10:01:59

Is he Mick Jagger grin
I'd be out of there post haste...

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 10:07:21

OP unless your DH has provided DNA this woman cannot prove his the father of her daughter..

she sounds utterly unreliable; first she says he was not the father then forward 15 years and she says he is.

it's a nonsense.

why is he so quick to believe her?

And you as well???

And although he's been careless with birth control, so were the other 4 women!!!!

MidniteScribbler Tue 09-Apr-19 10:15:57

So he's an absentee father who hasn't paid towards his children for years.

Why do women get together with princes like this?

DrinkSangriaInThePark Tue 09-Apr-19 10:28:10

* When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6 *

No way.

That did not happen.

winbinin Tue 09-Apr-19 10:28:13

I agree he doesn’t sound like much of a catch. He is dishonest, irresponsible, secretive and shows strong signs of being controlling. Are these really qualities you want in your husband and life partner?

Namestheyareachangin Tue 09-Apr-19 10:29:43

@jinglinghellsbells

Why were the women necessarily careless of contraception? By all accounts they have raised these children so it's completely possible they were wanted. The op's SH (Shit Husband) shouldn't have shagged if he didn't want to raise a child!

supersop60 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:30:43

jingling you have misunderstood. The man that the 4th woman was living with left when he found he was not the father. This is not the OP's DH.
OP - please do not waste any more of your life 'making this work'. He is already bringing you unhappiness and you've only been married a year. Tell everybody IRL. They'll tell you the same as us.
Get out now.

cuppycakey Tue 09-Apr-19 10:35:44

When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6.

And you believed this and married him? confused

Why?

BestestBrownies Tue 09-Apr-19 10:38:26

OP, he's full of shit and you know it.

Why on earth have you settled for this loser?

qazxc Tue 09-Apr-19 10:39:54

4 women have either (at least initially) kept the existence of their child a secret or lied about paternity. Why would they do that unless they had serious concerns about him?
Has he had contact and paid maintenance for the first 3 children from ages 6+?
Why do 2 of these children, who have presumably known him since they were 6, not want contact or limited contact?
Why does he assume you have cheated?
Why should you not be friendly with ex, I'm assuming itis the ex you co-parent with?
What is the atmosphere in the house and how does it affect your children?

BlueSkiesLies Tue 09-Apr-19 10:52:14

When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6

LOL - don't be a mug! He is a liar.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 10:52:17

Thank you for your messages.
In answer to your questions, yes he has been married before, twice. He did not have children with either. His first marriage lasted less than a year and the second ended very badly, she did manage to take his business and all of his money though, I thought she sounded like an awful person but I am now starting to wonder why she felt that she needed to do that.
He did pay for the children when he was told about them, his oldest did live with him half of the week too until he was 14, he is still in awe of his dad.
He has the complete gift of the gab and has hundreds of friends and everyone always turns to him. When we first met I felt he was used by these people and suggested he didn't spend time with them as he was always lending people money.
I was in a very good position when we met with good job, own house, some savings. But I was not happy. I still have my house but moved my relative in there as my husband brought a house which we moved in to. I have changed jobs and earn a lot less. My friends were not sure about my husband when we got engaged and actively said so, apparently at my wedding they were questioning why I would be with him. I was not happy about that as I would have hoped they may have supported me. They then stopped talking to me and now I have literally only one friend.

My husbands friends have all said that he should get rid of me and go have sex with loads of other people due to me being in contact with my ex (the ex is not my kids dad). They say I am a 'wrong un' and he deserves better.

Sorry for the long posts, I literally have noone to talk to about this and feel utterly lost.
Thank you for everyone who replied.

Illberidingshotgun Tue 09-Apr-19 10:53:33

I agree with the PP - there must be a very good reason why all those exes didn't want him to have contact with his children for years. If there were no issues, most women would want the father to at least provide CM and support their child, and also to be a parent to them, see them and spend time with them.

Scared not to be with him? i would honestly be scared TO be with this man. You're already not happy in the relationship, marriage to this man is just going to be years of the same, and probably worse. Getting those rings on your fingers does not provide a magic wand that miraculously wipes away all your existing problems.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:02:17

Forgot to mention my children and I are currently not living at his house, I keep my children out of the whole mess. They are unaware of the whole situation.

Bookworm4 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:03:45

He has 4 kids by 4 women
2 ex wives
His friends think you're a wrong 'un
You have known him 2 years
Your friends warned you off
He's jealous
He's a liar
More than likely a fantasist

Is there any positives?

SnuggyBuggy Tue 09-Apr-19 11:04:44

I'd run like the wind but if you don't at least don't get pregnant. This sounds like a horrible mess.

Springwalk Tue 09-Apr-19 11:08:51

You have lost all of your friends
You have lost your self respect
How many more children will come out of the woodwork?

Op your children are and will be affected by this, even if they lived on the moon, because you are their mother and they love you, they will not want to see you carried out by this man (and you are on borrowed time already I suggest)

He has made up lies about you telling his friends you have had an affair with your ex dp. What more does he need to do to convince you he is a complete and utter loser? Perhaps he could move in three new wives or start orgy night on Sunday nights.

You have set your standards so low that they appear to be invisible.

This man neither loves or respects you, and he may have the gift of the gab but that is hardly a quality we would look for in a husband. A car salesman yes, husband no.

He sounds like a randy old dog with some very dodgy friends.

Get out before he ruins your life as well.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 09-Apr-19 11:13:40

Crikey

Safeguard your personal assets and get hte hell out of this relationship now.

My friends were not sure about my husband when we got engaged and actively said so, apparently at my wedding they were questioning why I would be with him. I was not happy about that as I would have hoped they may have supported me. They then stopped talking to me and now I have literally only one friend.

Call your old friends NOW - you are going to need them - he has isolated you way from them

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Tue 09-Apr-19 11:17:27

His ex didn’t take his business and money.

His friends haven’t told him to leave you and have sex with loads of people.

He doesn’t lend them all money (the opposite is true).

You are a target because of your house and savings. I also think he doesn’t own the house he has ‘bought’.

Everything he says is a provable lie. If you need to, start digging, but honestly I would just leave and not bother.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:24:41

With regard to the 4th child I have suggested a DNA test. As he already knows the family it turns out he has been speaking to them too and the main concern is the 15 year old who is having major issues due to recently not knowing who she is. He has been messaging her a lot and he is going to go meet her as he feels that he should help any child who is struggling and will do the DNA test later (This is a good thing to help the girl, I think he wants to be the dad) I am not sure why the family blame him for this when her mother should have been honest about who her parents were, but I feel I have no place to say anything.

Re-reading my posts it does make me sound ridiculous and an utter fool to marry him, maybe in a way I hope he decides he can't be with me due to his jealousy over me talking to my ex and assuming I had some huge affair before our wedding. Unfortunately I love my husband and see all of the good things he does, I feel totally lost.

DrinkSangriaInThePark Tue 09-Apr-19 11:28:03

maybe in a way I hope he decides he can't be with me due to his jealousy over me talking to my ex and assuming I had some huge affair before our wedding

Is this a wind-up? Are you actually serious?
Are you seriously hoping HE dumps YOU?
Why the hell don't you dump him?

TallulahBetty Tue 09-Apr-19 11:28:19

He didn't know about any of then until they were 16? That is quite the coincidence...

TallulahBetty Tue 09-Apr-19 11:28:49

Them* obvs

notacooldad Tue 09-Apr-19 11:28:55

What a fucked up mess.
But you love him eh? Yo see the good in him (eh?)
So nothing will change and you will carry on believing his nonsense.

Mari50 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:31:18

4 women have either (at least initially) kept the existence of their child a secret or lied about paternity. Why would they do that unless they had serious concerns about him?
I don’t understand this way of thinking, why would they fall pregnant with someone they had such serious concerns about. The MN bias is very telling. This man has hardly covered himself in glory but it seems lots of women were happy enough to find themselves pregnant by him and continue with the pregnancy. And if he was such a bastard that they felt the need to hide from him I doubt they would have reappeared when their children got older...
I just wonder what makes a woman think a twice married man with 3 children by different women (none of them his wives) seem like a good prospect but OP proves that it obviously happens...
I’m just agog at where he found the time....

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:33:17

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets
He does own the house and his ex did take his business, I have been told this by many people.
He did not need me for money, he did say to me that it was a huge attraction that I was so independent and had done everything for myself. I have been told by others that his ex's used him for money (he has a v good job and has always been able to spin a coin) and he would do anything for anyone.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:40:46

@ChicCroissant
I only joined today so do not know what you are referring to about yesterdays post - I am now going to go read it!!

snowbear66 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:43:00

It's obvious he can't commit to anything long term isn't it?
You are just one in a long line of failed relationships because he is not able to commit to anyone long term, he's looking for any excuse to head for the door now the honeymoon period is over.
You stood no chance, he's unable to maintain a long term relationship.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:43:05

You all sound like really strong people, I am jealous of that. Thanks everyone for your advice,

Namestheyareachangin Tue 09-Apr-19 11:43:24

Christ give me strength. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. You are telling the story he likes to tell people about himself. "Lots of people told me this"? Who, all the friends of his who also believe without question you are fucking your ex because he tells them so with his 'gift of the gab'?

Ask to see the deeds to the house or any paperwork related to the sale. Hell look it up on Rightmove and see if it sold when he said he 'bought' it. Question him or ask him to substantiate what he's saying IN ANY WAY. Watch his tower of bullshit fall apart.

But you won't do that will you. Because you wuuuuuuv him.

What is the situation with your kids then? If you're not living in his house, or your house, where are the three of you living?

Divgirl2 Tue 09-Apr-19 11:44:28

I doubt his ex "took the house and the business" for any reason other than that she was entitled to them.

You need to leave this man, and I actually think you already know that. The 4x4 kids is a red herring, I mean it definitely speaks to the kind of person he is, but there are bigger issues in your relationship.

Out of interest why are your kids not living with you?

notacooldad Tue 09-Apr-19 11:47:26

He does own the house and his ex did take his business, I have been told this by many people
Probably the same people that he has told his side of the story to first and put his slant on.
Come on don't carry on being a fool.
If she'took' the buisness it was either hers, or there was a legal agreement.
Don't you think there is a bit more to this story?

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 11:49:46

supersop60

I've not misunderstood at all.

I know the man who left is not the OP's DH.

I thought my post was clear. the DH of the OP supposedly fathered this 4th child. But he was told 15 years ago it wasn't his. (I know he is not with that woman now.)

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 11:53:41

o and the main concern is the 15 year old who is having major issues due to recently not knowing who she is. He has been messaging her a lot and he is going to go meet her as he feels that he should help any child who is struggling and will do the DNA test later (This is a good thing to help the girl, I think he wants to be the dad)

This is all a terrible mess.

Why did her mother not know who the father was? Obviously as she was having sex with more than one man we assume. But she told your DH, OP, he was not the father, 15 years ago. What on earth makes her think now that he is?

Why has this all come to light now?
Why did this poor girl's mother tell her the man she thought was her dad, isn't and that your DH is?

They all sound bonkers.

Poor girl. I think the last thing she needs in her life now is your husband appearing and trying to be her dad, having had no contact for 15 years.

ineedaholidaynow Tue 09-Apr-19 11:53:47

Are these 4 children all of a similar age?

dronesdroppingzopiclone Tue 09-Apr-19 12:00:55

You waited 40 years for a complete and utter arsewipe.

MadameDD Tue 09-Apr-19 12:04:14

This is a mess! He has a very good job, knows how spin a coin and also other people yet has god knows how many other children out there etc.

If he's any sort of man he'll be paying backdated maintenance or something towards his DC.

I personally wouldn't have stayed with him, let alone 40 years to marry him especially after his friends and your friends differing views of both of you.

and I'd be onto a divorce lawyer, pronto.

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 12:12:05

How old are you OP?

You say you waited 40 years to get married.

Does this mean you were waiting from the minute you were born? or do you mean you are 56 and waited from age 16- the earliest anyone can marry.

In either case it's an odd thing to say especially as you have two children of your own, so presumably their father didn't want to marry you ?

Have you clutched at the first man who came along so you could get married ?

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 09-Apr-19 12:18:28

You are an independent woman. I think it’s time to use your assertiveness to show how independent you can be.Even if he hadn’t sired a bunch of children, he still not sounding like a good man and great role model to your children. His mates are also misogynists to say he should dump you because you’re talking to your ex. It all sounds very unstable.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Tue 09-Apr-19 12:26:40

There’s a weird amount of hearsay in your relationship.

‘People’ really do say a lot of things about you and him. Step back and look at it critically.

SirVixofVixHall Tue 09-Apr-19 12:34:47

Why does he think that suddenly fathering this teenager will be any help to her at all if he doesn’t yet know if he is the actual father ? That all sounds so strange that I wonder what is being covered up ? She has a Dad who brought her up, but has suddenly been told, without any proof, that your DH is her Dad ? Really ?
I also think the “all my friends say I should sleep with lots of other women because you are friendly with an ex” is bizarre and a lie, unless his friends are all still at school..

JeezOhGeeWhizz Tue 09-Apr-19 12:35:53

I'd rather be single forever than be stuck with that sexually incontinent bellend.

Good luck. You'll need a truck load of it.

Fresta Tue 09-Apr-19 12:42:18

What do you mean, you waited 40 years to get married? Do you mean you were 40 when you got married or you were together 40 years before you married him? It makes no sense. I was 31 when I got married but I don't think of myself waiting 31 years to get married and if my DH had turned out to be a shit- I would leave him regardless of the age I was when I got married.

nrpmum Tue 09-Apr-19 12:45:50

My ex-husband's friends tell everyone that'll listen I had 8 affairs, and that is what ended our marriage. I did not have 1 affair. He, on the other hand, was soliciting gay sex on hookup sites and swinging sites and was having sex with his male childhood friend. So what you hear from others may be a product of his lies to them.

Get a solicitor, get back to your home, and get rid. He is playing you, and if you hang around too long he will be entitled to your money too.

Nearlythere1 Tue 09-Apr-19 12:49:55

So he was at the birth of this fourth child, then left and another man brought her up and walked out when he eventually learned she wasn't his, and now your husband is surprised she is his, when he was at her birth? This is all sorts of weird.

teletubbies123 Tue 09-Apr-19 12:52:29

The only good thing that has come out of this is that you have kept the children out of it. If you are not living together then he is obviously playing away. He doesn't sound like a loyal person and eventually you may catch something from him.

You are at the wrong time of your life to be fucking about like this and I am not surprised that your friends fucked you off. People don't have time to watch you ruin your life.

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 12:55:33

If you are not living together then he is obviously playing away

@teletubbies123

have you read any of this? AFAK they are living together. The are married.

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 12:58:19

OP Where are you living? You say your kids are not living with him, you are not in his house, but your house is rented/ loaned to your family.

So are you renting? Have you split up from him? Or are your kids with your ex?

teletubbies123 Tue 09-Apr-19 13:04:21

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:02:17

Forgot to mention my children and I are currently not living at his house, I keep my children out of the whole mess. They are unaware of the whole situation.

RTFT

MitziK Tue 09-Apr-19 13:08:00

The one reason I could think of that four successive women would tell the same man that a child wasn't his or 'not tell him' at all was that he had become violent.

His anger at you being friends with your ex and the subsequent loss of friends, taking a lower paid job and the 'everybody loves him/he would do anything for anybody/he was used by women', plus two marriages ending in about a year and marrying you within such a very short time adds further weight to the idea that you've actually been used by a very adept abuser, especially as your friends seem to be as one very against the idea of you marrying him - so not everybody loves him, he eliminates those who see through his persona.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 09-Apr-19 13:17:30

You and your DCs are not living with this man? Good, that's the hard part done then. Now all that's left is to see a solicitor and get this mess straightened out legally.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

poorbuthappy Tue 09-Apr-19 13:20:40

@MrsA111alone - this sounds like my ex, right down to the business / money etc.
Has he spent a lot of time abroad?

JinglingHellsBells Tue 09-Apr-19 13:35:08

Yes @teletubbies123 I did amend my post so you too RTFT!

So, OP where are you living?

You are separated, right? If you are not living with him and neither are your children, you are separated?

AyeitstheCaddy Tue 09-Apr-19 13:39:31

He might have provided the genetic material for 4 kids but it doesn’t sound as if he’s been a proper father to them.

By the way is it his friends telling you that he should shag someone else or your “H” reporting this to you?

Good luck OP, I think you’re going to need it.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 13:41:39

@poorbuthappy
Before I met him he did. But mainly was in the UK.
I am not sure if I would be surprised if it was the same person!!

Myheartbelongsto Tue 09-Apr-19 13:42:55

Plenty of women have two, three, four kids to different men!

scarbados Tue 09-Apr-19 13:44:11

I am scared to not be with him as I waited 40 years to get married

Please read this back to yourself several times. Nothing more to say.

lifebegins50 Tue 09-Apr-19 13:46:00

Hooking up with this man has made your life drama filled..it will drain you and deplete all the energy you would normally have to go towards your children and work.

Past behaviour is an indicator for future behaviour.
I assume that you don't live together with your children because you don't feel "safe" with him. Why did you get married?

Cherrysoup Tue 09-Apr-19 13:46:06

Jeremy Kyle, chavtastic.

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 13:46:25

I do not live with him at the moment, I live with my children in our house where my relative also lives.
I still see my husband, although he is very busy. Now of course he spends a lot of time on his phone.

SleepingStandingUp Tue 09-Apr-19 13:48:54

So you and the kids have never lived with him as a family? So why did you marry him? How old are you children? I don't understand how you can have a relationship serious enough to marry someone but your kids not be involved unless they're living elsewhere all the time

SleepingStandingUp Tue 09-Apr-19 13:49:29

he has taken offence to me being friends with my ex during the beginning of our relationship. He believes that I must have cheated on him. I did not. Live has been pretty bad due to this
Tbh this is reason enough to ltb

Zuma76 Tue 09-Apr-19 13:55:16

I’m really sorry you have found yourself in this pickle OP. He obviously has the gift of the gab as he has persuaded 4 women into relationships long enough to have children plus two ex wives plus you. Despite everything you already knew about him, you fell for him. I agree with pp though who say that his back story sounds fishy and the fact he married you after such a short period of time and is now too busy to be worried that you don’t live with him. He sounds abusive. Please pick up the phone to your friends and ask them for support. You need to speak to someone you know and who knows this man and get some perspective. A lot of MNettters will make assumptions about him and you from what you have posted but we have no idea. Speak to someone who does. Your friends will help you if you give them a chance.

Pianobook Tue 09-Apr-19 14:10:17

I don’t think you can trust a word he says.

I dont think everyone loves him if your friends saw through him and now don’t have anything to do with you.

And I don’t think you can trust what his ‘hundreds of friends’ say.

Why do you think all these women didn’t tell him or lied about the babies he was producing? It’s not adding up.

teletubbies123 Tue 09-Apr-19 14:16:37

Do you think he is being faithful to you?

poorbuthappy Tue 09-Apr-19 14:32:32

@MrsA111alone - let me know if you want to continue this conversation privately.

blackteasplease Tue 09-Apr-19 14:47:04

Plenty of women have two, three, four kids to different men!

^^
They usually bring them up though!

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