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AIBU?

Secret phone calls

74 replies

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 22:49

Asking for a friend.

Would you think anything untoward was going on if a married man befriended a married woman. They got on extremely well. He phoned her weekly for friendly chats and didn’t mention these conversations to his wife.

Would you think that they just have a nice friendship or would you be suspicious?

If you overheard their conversation and it truly was just a friendly chat for half an hour, nothing inappropriate, but nonetheless secret, would you still be suspicious?

OP posts:

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Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 22:53

They could just be friends.
He might want to be more than friends.
She might want to be more than friends.
Regardless of the type of friendship, his wife may very well be suspicious when she finds out.

Mixedbags · 08/04/2019 22:54

If it’s innocent, it should not be a secret

NotFatTransslender · 08/04/2019 22:58

The phone call is not a problem. The secret is.

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:10

Interesting. So it’s the secret aspect that’s the most worrying part?

If it’s innocent, why is it secret?

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Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:14

Is the married woman's husband aware of the friendship, or is it a secret from him too?

BucketfannywhoreIstinksofshit · 08/04/2019 23:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:17

My understanding is that she’s aware of the friendship but not the level of (secret) contact.

He never calls his friend in his wife’s presence.

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PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:18

I’m not sure about the married woman’s husband. I will text my friend and get back to you.

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Squigglesworth · 08/04/2019 23:18

The fact that it's secret means it isn't completely innocent, imho, unless the fact that it's "secret" is purely unplanned/coincidental and not intentional (which seems unlikely).

hammeringinmyhead · 08/04/2019 23:18

9/10 times it's secret because there are feelings involved but occasionally it's because someone's spouse is controlling.

RLABC · 08/04/2019 23:19

Wrong, so wrong.

Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:20

Is her husband aware of the secret phonecalls?

IchibanLipstickForMen · 08/04/2019 23:21

It's inappropriate!

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:22

My friend is the wife. She doesn’t know about the married woman’s husband.

She has overheard two conversations. Both were completely innocent but nonetheless secret. She has checked her husband’s phone bill and sees he’s calling her every 5-7 days. Anything from 20-40 minutes at a time.

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Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:26

Sounds like it could be the beginning of an emotional affair.
Does he have previous? Are there any other reasons for her to question his honesty?

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:29

No he seems like an ideal husband.

Not sure if it’s relevant but he’s had several women crushing on him in the past. She says he did nothing to encourage them.

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RLABC · 08/04/2019 23:32

She says he did nothing to encourage them Became hours of secret phone calls isn't encouraging at all......

Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:33

Then she should ask him. Why the long phone calls, why he keeps it from her and let him know she's uncomfortable with the secrecy. She deserves to be comfortable within her marriage. If it's upsetting her, he should know that. His response will be telling.

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:33

I am presuming that this is the first friend he’s having secret phone calls with!

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PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:35

She feels uncomfortable for snooping at his bill so won’t confront him.

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onlyk · 08/04/2019 23:35

It’s not the phone calls or at this point the content of. It’s the fact he feels the need to conceal them. If it was totally innocent then talking to a friend on the phone in front of his wife wouldn’t be an issue.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 08/04/2019 23:36

I don’t think so, unless it is that the man has past form for cheating but even still I would be inclined to give it the benefit of the doubt.

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Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:38

She doesn't need to confront him. Just ask. It would be a pity if their marriage went tits up because he seized an opportunity. She had a hunch and checked his phone. If he's nothing to hide why would her checking his phone be an issue.

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:38

So I’m thinking that either:

He’s attracted to her and wants to interact with her.
She’s attracted to him, he’s flattered and wants to prolong the ego boost.
They’re attracted to each other but are keeping it ‘clean’.
They’re just good friends but he thinks his wife wouldn’t approve of their friendship so he’s hiding it.

What do you think?

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greenlynx · 08/04/2019 23:39

I would be very suspicious. I wouldn’t like it even without being a secret but secret part makes it much worse for me.

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