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To say no to anymore vistors for newborn

(28 Posts)
icecreamsun Mon 08-Apr-19 21:47:11

I had DD a week ago, we've been home for 5 days and since then everyone wants to visit. I don't mind our closest family and friends visiting but I have relatives messaging me that I rarely see and have never made the effort and old friends I barely hear from asking if they can visit. I don't want to seem rude but I honestly don't feel like chatting with them for hours when they said it would only be a quick visit. WIBU to have a week or two to myself with DD and DH? And how can I let people down gently?

Redglitter Mon 08-Apr-19 21:49:12

Just be polite but firm. Tell them your love them to meet baby things are really hectic just now & you'll give them a shout once things have settled down.

Don't be railroaded into seeing people you don't want to

waterrat Mon 08-Apr-19 21:50:49

Op say how lovely to hear from you I'm afraid the baby is up all night at the moment so we are having to leave days for sleep ...anyone sane will understand.

It's really important you focus on sleeping whenever you can and resting so you can look after your baby.

People are being kind but they don't matter as much as your mental well-being does.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 08-Apr-19 21:51:51

We can only be thankful the Virgin Mary didn't issue such diktats or we wouldn't have rattling round in the tea towel draw for the nativity wink

Owwlie Mon 08-Apr-19 21:51:56

YANBU. Just say that you aren't up to it yet, but you'll get back to them in a couple of weeks. Anyone who tries to railroad a woman who's recently given birth into letting them visit isn't the kind of visitor you want anyway!

megletthesecond Mon 08-Apr-19 21:53:26

Yanbu.
You, your newborn and DH come first.

As someone said on here a while ago, babies don't have an expiry date.

Snowpaw Mon 08-Apr-19 21:54:23

I’d just be honest - “thank you v much for your well wishes, I’m so exhausted with being up all night at the moment (etc) - I’ll let you know when I’m up for visitors” - schedule something in for a few weeks time - they will understand. Or just turn off your phone for a while and enjoy your newborn cuddles smile

Samind Mon 08-Apr-19 21:56:06

Congrats on your new baby! Agree with previous posters and their ways of putting it. Even offer to go and see them when you're feeling up to it whichmaybenever wink

Doorway Mon 08-Apr-19 21:59:39

Be thankful you have friends and family who want to visit. Some people would give anything for that. Before you know it your DD will be old news (sorry, I don’t mean that as bad as it sounds). The shine doesn’t last for long with people.

MumOfOne92 Mon 08-Apr-19 22:01:05

Absolutely not unreasonable for you to want some peace and quiet with a newborn!

People who haven't taken a blind bit of notice you for however long now suddenly want to visit and coo over your newborn. Erm no.

mondaylisasmile Mon 08-Apr-19 22:10:14

What planet are these people on?!

Yanbu.

You need time, space and to regain energy. Unless they're very close and come bearing batch cooked food, laundry detergent and/or bread/milk/cleaning kits, you simply don't need to host guests at this time. Focus on healing, bonding with new arrival, learning the ropes / sleeping! You will likely regret it if not. This is too precious a time to put distant relatives / friends desire to see the new "doll" before your needs.

Just text back with a blanket reply:. "Glad you're thinking of us! Just getting settled back in with our new arrival, we'll let everyone know when we might be up for a short visit". Then turn off the damn phone or mute them.

Seriously, who expects to be hosted 5 days after you get home from hospital with a newborn?!

mondaylisasmile Mon 08-Apr-19 22:12:42

Be thankful you have friends and family who want to visit.

Oh do bugger off with that nonsense. Op is meant to feel grateful they're suddenly popping up to take turns visiting/being hosted despite offering no practical help or showing no interest before?

Stop emotionally guilt tripping the op - she needs protection from these idiots expectations , not "you should be grateful" BS.

elephantoverthehill Mon 08-Apr-19 22:16:15

I'd reply 'Do come 'round, bring some dinner, make me a cup of tea and be prepared to hoover, by the way we might be asleep'.

MidwifeFox Mon 08-Apr-19 22:20:58

I'm an independent midwife and I will always advise my clients not to have visitors for at least a couple of weeks. It's so important for the bonding process to be left alone. 2 people have become 3, emotions are all over the place. If you are breastfeeding, you wont want to feel awkward or embarrassed to feed because you have visitors.

Please don't feel bad asking people not to visit for a while.

UserFriendly14 Mon 08-Apr-19 22:39:56

Congratulations on your newborn! flowers

I can only reiterate what others have posted and add that it is my biggest post baby regret, to let all and sundry in when we really could have used the time for bonding and sleep. Do not feel guilty in the slightest.

NoSauce Mon 08-Apr-19 22:44:40

Congratulations OP!

A quick text mentioning your baby and how you’ll love to see them in the next 2/3 weeks will be fine. Don’t worry about it OP.
It’s really tiring having loads of visitors in the early days, you need your rest flowers

Doorway Mon 08-Apr-19 22:56:53

@mondaylisasmile isn’t it lucky we are all entitled to our own opinions and thoughts hmm

How rude

mondaylisasmile Tue 09-Apr-19 09:21:17

You are entitled to share, of course Doorway but I'm entitled to think it's spectacularly bad advice for a new mum, and the emotional manipulation you threw in was a cherry on top. [Hmm]

Likethebattle Tue 09-Apr-19 09:32:54

Close family are all you should really see, you are recovering from a birth. People seem to forget that a new mother has to heal and recover from turning her bits inside out. Congratulations, I wish your baby a long and happy life.

werideatdawn Tue 09-Apr-19 09:45:50

Doorway you are the rude one. She doesn't need to be entertaining all and sundry just after having a baby. I suppose you'd be like one of these rude family members insisting on turning up unwanted.

MsSquiz Tue 09-Apr-19 09:50:49

I would just reply to say "thanks for your message, we are all doing well. I'm sure you can imagine things are quite hectic at the moment/unfortunately we are busy on that day/we will be in touch when it's convenient for us"

You can be "busy" spending time with your DH and baby, without visitors - it's not a lie

Babdoc Tue 09-Apr-19 09:53:04

People should only be visiting with permission, and only if they can be helpful.
My PILs arrived ten hours after DD1 was born and stayed for a week.
MIL did all the cooking, chores and shopping, to let me concentrate on the baby, and also gave me hands on tutorials on bathing and nappy changing. She was a huge help, especially as DH slipped on a plastic bag on the supermarket floor and sprained his arm too badly to drive or lift the baby - he was in a sling for the whole week!
You certainly shouldn’t be “entertaining” visitors, OP - they should be entertaining you.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Tue 09-Apr-19 09:53:07

I think YANBU, that does all sound a bit much. I would get your DH and parents to gatekeep for you and block everyone except those you actually want to have around.

Chinks123 Tue 09-Apr-19 09:57:39

Before you know it your DD will be old news (sorry, I don’t mean that as bad as it sounds). The shine doesn’t last for long with people.

Very true in my case. Every man and his dog came to see newborn dd. She’s now 6 and hasn’t seen most of them since. I’m now pregnant again and I’ve already told dp that I only want visitors who we actually are close with, not just people who love newborn cuddles and then disappear. You’re not rude at all, and if they wanted to make effort they should have done it before baby arrived. Congratulations!

lynseyjh123 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:23:40

One my first night home with my first child I had 8 of DH's family members arrive together. Overwhelming to say the least. For child no. 2 he acted as my PA and kept a strict schedule of who was coming and when. I wonder if something similar could work for you?

Gatehouse77 Tue 09-Apr-19 10:26:32

When ours were about 3 weeks old we did a very informal welcome party over an afternoon. Tea and little sandwiches/cakes for around 3 hours. All done in one fell swoop - much easier!

icecreamsun Tue 09-Apr-19 10:42:48

@Doorway I am somewhat thankful but if she's going to be old news soon and they won't bother coming to visit her when she's older and maintaining a relationship with her then visiting her as a newborn doesn't really mean anything

Owwlie Tue 09-Apr-19 18:14:28

if she's going to be old news soon and they won't bother coming to visit her when she's older and maintaining a relationship with her then visiting her as a newborn doesn't really mean anything

This is so true OP. I didn't want some extended family to visit when I had DD, but gave in due to my DM pressuring me. They've never asked to visit since (she's nearly 2 now), they just wanted photos to put on Facebook!

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