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To be irritated with friend about meeting up

(13 Posts)
Schoolchoicesucks Mon 08-Apr-19 18:46:53

A longstanding friend, who I do see less often than I used to, has suggested meeting up with our dc to celebrate an anniversary. I've suggested some dates - a mix of weekends and school holidays.
She's replied that she can't do any of the Saturdays because her dd does abc activity, she can't do any Sundays because her dd does xyz activity. Oh and she can't do school holidays because that's when they go on holiday as a family.
That's fine, I get the message that while she thinks it might be nice to meet, she can't be bothered to rearrange her life to do so. We can stay in touch virtually and incredibly rarely. But then she keeps messaging to say that she really does want to meet up, it's such a shame we can't find a date to meet, our dc used to be so close and now don't see one another. She's acting as though if we both just tried a bit harder, we could make something work and it's important to her. Surely if it was important, she'd make the time? How can she not realise that if she's genuinely busy every Saturday, Sunday and school holiday then she's not going to be able to meet up?

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire Mon 08-Apr-19 18:48:12


TheRealHousewifeofCheshire Mon 08-Apr-19 18:48:38

Some people are ignorant. I was in a very similar boat yesterday x

HarrysOwl Mon 08-Apr-19 18:49:46

If she wanted to see you, she'd find a way.

Put your effort elsewhere!

Schoolchoicesucks Mon 08-Apr-19 18:51:44

Yes, I think you're right. And I do try to, then get sucked back in as she sounds as though she genuinely wants to see me.
Actions speak louder than words though.

Schoolchoicesucks Mon 08-Apr-19 18:53:20

Same friend also backed away from me right when I needed her too. I think I've been a bit of a fool.

Auramigraine Mon 08-Apr-19 18:53:29

I had a friend like that, and when I suggested a date it was ‘oh I’m busy then but we will arrange something soon!’ Then I wouldn’t mention it but just keep in touch then I would get a msg when are u free we should have a catch up?! Sooooo irritating!!

Schoolchoicesucks Mon 08-Apr-19 18:55:24

It's like that (dreadful) film - "He's just not that into you" (or something like that). Why do I get sucked in?!

Mommaof2x Mon 08-Apr-19 18:55:59

I think you should say ‘yeh i remember you saying you are going away and have classes on sat and suns, let me know if you can skip a class or make some time then’

elessar Mon 08-Apr-19 19:10:03

I have a friend like that and it's very irritating.

I would probably just say something flippant like 'haha well I guess as you're busy every weekend and school holidays it's not looking likely, but let me know if you manage to find a free date'

Then it puts the ball in her court and makes it clear that she's the problem. If she keeps messaging you can pretty much just keep saying the same thing 'yes it would be great to meet, let me know if you have any free dates' etc etc

I wouldn't put yourself out to suggest options, she's the one being difficult so if she wants to meet then she can make the effort.

RockinHippy Mon 08-Apr-19 19:13:10

Just be blunt & honest. N cat time she goes on about wanting to meet up, just say

"oh really, I'm surprised by that as I've made plenty of effort to offer dates & you've made no efforts all, how on earth is it going to happen when you clearly can't be bothered" 🤷🏽‍♀️

I get it's annoying though, we've a friend like that though dhs more than mine & I'm not that fussed due to questionable behaviour I often bump into her in town & she gushes about how we must meet up, been too long etc etc. I mentioned it to DH & he texts about a Sunday lunch meet up or whatever & she doesn't even replyhmm

Last time I saw her & she gushed again about missing us all & how we "must meet soon darling". I found myself replying "what a load of bollocks, you say that every time I see you, when it's clearly not true or you'd have got your shit together by now 🤷🏽‍♀️

Do not waste time in people who don't prioritise you thanks

Leeds2 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:18:32

She surely can't be away for every day of every school holiday. Even if they have a caravan, and holiday in that, I really can't believe she doesn't have any free time at all in the holidays.
Be that as it may, and if you want to meet her, ask her to suggest some dates? And wait to see what she comes up with.

Schoolchoicesucks Mon 08-Apr-19 20:10:36

She's probably not away every single day of the school holidays. But I've offered every day of Easter and May holidays that I'm not working and she can't make them.
We had similar with SIL. She and BIL are teachers so can't meet up during term time. Then go away every holiday. They'll suggest 1 date every 6 months as a possible meet up and if we can't make it, we're made to feel as though we're being akward!

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